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[Mista]

Posted on behalf of S Slings and Arrows

Hello fellow social outcasts, nerdlingers and bronze Adonises that enjoy gaming.

In this thread we offer advice or sources of learning materials where we can help each other improve in our personal, social and professional lives.

I started a journey 12 months ago to become less of a social outcast and more of a life-of-the-party kind of guy. I've never fully understood how and why society works, why people talk at length about pointless inane shit. Now though, I have figured it out.

Imagine playing Dark Souls for the first time, struggling through, trying to make sense of the world. You did well and managed to get pretty far, stumbling and fumbling your way through. Maybe you even succeeded in completing the game, through some miracle. Then, somebody drops a manual in your palms and says "this will answer everything".

That manual, is this thread.

So come one, come all. Share your trade secrets of how you came out of the shadows and in to the light, from being a wierdo in the corner hiding behind a cape to Bruce Wayne nailing women and partying like it's 1999

 

[Slings and Arrows]

You da man.

I'll start off with some must read material IMO. These are in book form or audiobook form on Audible:

The Game - Neil Strauss
What Everybody is saying - Joe Navarro (Book form is best)
The art of cold reading - Ian Rowland (Book form is best)
Art of seduction, 48 laws of power, 33 strategies of war - Robert Greene
Influence - Robert Cialdini
Tranceformations, Frogs into Princes - Bandler and Grinder
Sapiens - Yuval Noah Harari (Possibly the best researched and mind-blowing book I have ever read)

They should get you going.

 

[Tesseract]

just be you, trying to game your way into a new personality is gonna look fake as fuck, i see through that shit a mile away

 

[Slings and Arrows]

just be you, trying to game your way into a new personality is gonna look fake as fuck, i see through that shit a mile away

It's not about gaming into a new personality. Its how to level up, basically. We can always be better people and learn more about the system/game (in this case the social system and game) but seems as it doesn't come with a user guide it's hard to learn new shit.

I'm always myself and always will be who i am. What's wrong with being a better version of who we are?

 

[Tesseract]

It's not about gaming into a new personality. Its how to level up, basically. We can always be better people and learn more about the system/game (in this case the social system and game) but seems as it doesn't come with a user guide it's hard to learn new shit.

I'm always myself and always will be who i am. What's wrong with being a better version of who we are?

if your goal is to become a better social engineer, that's fine

 

[Vicetrailia]

In general:
- Entertain people.
- Have courage
- Don't be afraid to stand out

More Business specific:
- Actually seek to help others. Become a servant leader (buzzword alarm).
- Become knowledgeble about your job and industry, and share it.

 

[MetalAlien]

Crush your enemies.
See them driven before you.
Hear the lamentation of their women.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

In general:
- Entertain people.
- Have courage
- Don't be afraid to stand out

More Business specific:
- Actually seek to help others. Become a servant leader (buzzword alarm).
- Become knowledgeble about your job and industry, and share it.

What's the best form of entertainment and how can one tell that the act is entertaining?

 

[triplestation]

In my experience, dressing nice and being fit. Without a doubt, this is it.

I'll go up and down from being fit to being a fat fucking lard station. Not to brag but when your interactions with multiple new ladies (at the same time) consist of them sticking to you like a magnet all the while smiling and having guys instinctively invite you to parties, when you look good that shit speaks FOR you. THEY start the conversation and all you need to do then is smile back and the rest comes naturally. You feel high. But that's what the trade off is, do you wanna eat delicious food all the time or do you want a life consisting of the things I previously just mentioned?

 

[Vicetrailia]

What's the best form of entertainment and how can one tell that the act is entertaining?

It's just about making people be at ease, smile or laugh by letting your personality shine. Some people tell interesting stories, some people impart knowledge, some people are witty, others tell humorous jokes.

The most important attribute is developing courage. That means not being afraid to share your opinion, and not being afraid to be yourself. That's the biggest hurdle, not squelching your own voice.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

In my experience, dressing nice and being fit. Without a doubt, this is it.

I'll go up and down from being fit to being a fat fucking lard station. Not to brag but when your interactions with multiple new ladies (at the same time) consist of them sticking to you like a magnet all the while smiling and having guys instinctively invite you to parties, when you look good that shit speaks FOR you. THEY start the conversation and all you need to do then is smile back and the rest comes naturally. You feel high. But that's what the trade off is, do you wanna eat delicious food all the time or do you want a life consisting of the things I previously just mentioned?

Sound advice for anybody. Get your arse to the gym.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

It's just about making people be at ease, smile or laugh by letting your personality shine. Some people tell interesting stories, some people impart knowledge, some people are witty, others tell humorous jokes.

The most important attribute is developing courage. That means not being afraid to share your opinion, and not being afraid to be yourself. That's the biggest hurdle, not squelching your own voice.

How would one entertain somebody if they are a natural listener, rather than a speaker? How do you engage in a conversation when all you want to do is listen?

 

[Vicetrailia]

How would one entertain somebody if they are a natural listener, rather than a speaker? How do you engage in a conversation when all you want to do is listen?

Why do you just listen in the first place?

Is it because you are just shy?

Or do you actually process what other people say, and then follow up by saying something after you gain a deep understanding?

 

[triplestation]

Sound advice for anybody. Get your arse to the gym.

Another thing, I did not go to the gym. Free weights and calisthenics. Not even a lot, either. My shit was 90% diet.

 

[Vicetrailia]

Another thing, I did not go to the gym. Free weights and calisthenics. Not even a lot, either. My shit was 90% diet.

Yeah diet is the most important.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

Why do you just listen in the first place?

Is it because you are just shy?

Or do you actually process what other people say, and then follow up by saying something after you gain a deep understanding?

Not shy, I just don't have anything to say/prefer to analyse and observe. People say a lot of shit even when they're just waffling. Guys are always swinging their dicks around and trying to prove themselves and women always seem to be bragging or trying to prove themselves.

It's a mix of not knowing what to say in response to their waffle and mustering up the interest to even carry on the conversation.

Business situations are easier, I just focus on what can I do or say to help the company/person be better.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

Another thing, I did not go to the gym. Free weights and calisthenics. Not even a lot, either. My shit was 90% diet.

Without going into too much detail, what foods would you say made the biggest impact to weight loss after you cut them out of your diet?

 

[AaronB]

The Art of Manliness is a great website for many topics, including how to become more social.

For people who tend to be introverted and/or shy, it can definitely feel like everyone else is playing a game whose rules you never picked up. I think the helpful way to approach it is to view socializing as a set of skills that you can improve at. You're still yourself; you're just developing yourself in particular ways.

You da man.

I'll start off with some must read material IMO. These are in book form or audiobook form on Audible:

The Game - Neil Strauss
What Everybody is saying - Joe Navarro (Book form is best)
The art of cold reading - Ian Rowland (Book form is best)
Art of seduction, 48 laws of power, 33 strategies of war - Robert Greene
Influence - Robert Cialdini
Tranceformations, Frogs into Princes - Bandler and Grinder
Sapiens - Yuval Noah Harari (Possibly the best researched and mind-blowing book I have ever read)

They should get you going.

Once I'm done with the classes I'm taking, I plan to read some Robert Greene and Cialdini.

 

[Vicetrailia]

Not shy, I just don't have anything to say/prefer to analyse and observe. People say a lot of shit even when they're just waffling. Guys are always swinging their dicks around and trying to prove themselves and women always seem to be bragging or trying to prove themselves.

It's a mix of not knowing what to say in response to their waffle and mustering up the interest to even carry on the conversation.

It sounds like these people aren't in your social group, so I get that. If you don't identify with them, then you'll be more reluctant to share. Some people are versatile enough to adapt to that, but no one needs to.

Business situations are easier, I just focus on what can I do or say to help the company/person be better.

Yeah exactly. Helping others is good, but so is standing out and not being afraid to speak up.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

The Art of Manliness is a great website for many topics, including how to become more social.

For people who tend to be introverted and/or shy, it can definitely feel like everyone else is playing a game whose rules you never picked up. I think the helpful way to approach it is to view socializing as a set of skills that you can improve at. You're still yourself; you're just developing yourself in particular ways.



Once I'm done with the classes I'm taking, I plan to read some Robert Greene and Cialdini.

The 'Influence' audiobook on audible is narrated perfectly and is a joy to listen to and genuinely funny.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

Thanks for all the great tips from people in the thread so far, this isn't just focused on me though.

I would like to see a thread full of great knowledge that lurkers and members can use to help them in their day to day lives.

Another feather in the GAF bow.

 

[triplestation]

Without going into too much detail, what foods would you say made the biggest impact to weight loss after you cut them out of your diet?

Grains (except oats), added sugars and starches.

 

[Shifty]

The Game - Neil Strauss

I read this one back in my teens. Dunno that it helped much, but it was an interesting study of a man's journey from joe schmoe to unsatisfied PUA to eventual happy stable relationship.

 

[Red Crayon Aristocrat]

The only advice I can give is to just do it, don't worry about coming off "awkward" if you're thinking about that, you're going to be awkward, the point is to just not care, then you will feel free enough and confident enough to be social.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

I read this one back in my teens. Dunno that it helped much, but it was an interesting study of a man's journey from joe schmoe to unsatisfied PUA to eventual happy stable relationship.

I recommended The Game, not so much for the story, but for the information outside of the story. Neil talks about getting buff, buying new threads, reading up on certain materials. The guy nerded the fuck out of being a PUA/Jock and came out on top. If that isn't a lesson for the masses, I don't know what is lol

 

[EverydayBeast]

Being social can be so good, I’ve had my moments and confidence can be the key.

 

[GnomeChimpsky]

Here's a few tips that helped me (mostly) overcome my social anxiety etc. Maybe obvious to some but whatever.

• Get a nice haircut, a hairblower and some hair products. The idea is to make you look like someone who gives a shit, even if you're ugly. Also, trim your sloppy beard to a stubble or shave it.
• Get some decent clothes. See above. You don't need to look like Bond but you shouldn't look like a bum loser either.
• Stop analyzing things. You spend 100x the amount of time analyzing embarrassing things you supposedly did than other people do thinking about them. People don't give a shit and neither should you. When negative thoughts pop up think about them as black clouds filling up your headspace. Grab them in your mind and literally (not literally but you get the idea) push them away. It works.
• Don't stall. Those social things you know you should do, but you always come up with an excuse not to do? Try doing one of those things. That embarrassing phone call you've been postpoing for three days? Call right now. Think about what you're gonna say for 30 seconds and then call it. Stop dragging out the pain you idiot! Then when you tried a few of those, try saying yes to everything no matter what it is. Make it a game.
• Get a job with coworkers. All the rest comes naturally if you just get off your ass.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

Here's a few tips that helped me (mostly) overcome my social anxiety etc. Maybe obvious to some but whatever.

• Get a nice haircut, a hairblower and some hair products. The idea is to make you look like someone who gives a shit, even if you're ugly. Also, trim your sloppy beard to a stubble or shave it.
• Get some decent clothes. See above. You don't need to look like Bond but you shouldn't look like a bum loser either.
• Stop analyzing things. You spend 100x the amount of time analyzing embarrassing things you supposedly did than other people do thinking about them. People don't give a shit and neither should you. When negative thoughts pop up think about them as black clouds filling up your headspace. Grab them in your mind and literally (not literally but you get the idea) push them away. It works.
• Don't stall. Those social things you know you should do, but you always come up with an excuse not to do? Try doing one of those things. That embarrassing phone call you've been postpoing for three days? Call right now. Think about what you're gonna say for 30 seconds and then call it. Stop dragging out the pain you idiot! Then when you tried a few of those, try saying yes to everything no matter what it is. Make it a game.
• Get a job with coworkers. All the rest comes naturally if you just get off your ass.

All good advice.

Any tips for guys who don't know what hair style suits them? (other than asking the barber, because sometimes they don't speak English)

 

[captainraincoat]

What's the best form of entertainment and how can one tell that the act is entertaining?

Make fun of yourself is the best advice I can give here

That way you not only provide some laughs but you also break down a wall for the other person to see it’s ok to have a joke

 

[entremet]

Honestly, just read How To Win Friends and Influence People and put it into practice. The audiobook is on YT somewhere if you're mega cheap. Or get it from your local library. I recommend the book as you can highlight, easily reread and take notes.

It's old, but that's a good thing. It has stood the test of time.

The title is hokey, but that's because of the age.

Also, play to your strengths. If you're an introvert, learn how to ask questions without interrogating folks. Watch or listen to great interviewers--Larry King, Terry Gross, and so on.

But it's just practice. Don't worry about being good. Just do it. Online forum types analyze stuff to death. Just do it.

Another protip: Get a service job or sales job. Even if you get fired, you'll be at a net positive for social skills.

You'll start learning how to read non-verbal cues and vocal tone with expert precision. 80 percent of communication is non-verbal. That's why you need to prioritize IRL stuff. The internet is a fun place, but it sucks for developing social graces and skills. Clearly!

And finally, be a fun person. Have interests that you're passionate about. The issue with nerdy hobbies is that they are just not that common. Nerds also tend to get into hyper detail of things with these hobbies. That just bores most people.

You should not be ashamed of them, but they're horrible rapport builders. Movies, travel, mainstream TV, sports (especially with men) tend to be better picks for conversational fodder.

 

[captainraincoat]

Some good advice here...my 2 cents is that if you think of everyone as a story and they have their own narrative and goals

You have to put yourself in a position where you can let other people read your narrative as that is what sticks in their minds

Be open and honest and don’t try and be someone else...the best narrative comes naturally and you should not have to struggle to talk about yourself

 

[Cunth]

I’m a social mr freeze. With the bad puns and everything

 

[HarryKS]

Be good-looking and tall if you're a man. It works.

 

[Barsinister]

Find a local theater group and audition. Take any part offered. Understudy and learn.

 

[GnomeChimpsky]

All good advice.

Any tips for guys who don't know what hair style suits them? (other than asking the barber, because sometimes they don't speak English)

It doesn't need to be a perfect fit because you'll never find one. I thought mine looked ridiculous at first and wasn't "me" but now I'd never go back. If unsure ask a woman, mom, sister, friend or whatever. If you don't have one just get a haircut that's trendy. One of those that's cropped on the sides and longer on the top probably works. Bring a picture to the barber.

 

[Chairman Tickles]

It's so simple it needs no book or walls of text.

To become more social and approachable, to learn how to conduct yourself in social situations....put yourself into social situations. Force yourself in there. Be that awkward weirdo that shows up and hangs around being awkward, being too silent and then saying things off queue. Even 10 scuffed practice sessions teach you more than 100 books or self help gurus ever could.

You can catch up within 2-3 months with ease. As others suggest, join social groups and clubs. Even if you despise it, even if it terrifies you, just stop thinking and do it. Everything you need is built into your brain, you just need to activate those regions. Even severe autistics can pass off as sociable with nothing more than...practice.

Once you reach a threshold, it becomes enjoyable.

 

[Sqorin Hammerfarf]

The most important thing to realize is that they are laughing behind your back and they only let you stick around because someone has to be a designated driver. So what you do is, one night when they are stone dead drunk and you are driving them home, take them out to a field, strip them down, and take photographs of their posed bodies touching each other’s pee-pees. Then tell them that you’ll release the photos unless they each give you $50 a month. Because you’ll never be a social butterfree, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make bank.

 

[eddie4]

"How to be a social Superman!" The Guide to being awesome, get it now for a sale price of $79.99!
And if you purchase before midnight PST, you will also get my "How to be a social Superman - Part 2" guide, on how to be even more social. Worth at a crazy $149.99, yours FREE with this offer.
But that's not all, you also get our mini pocket book edition of "How to be a social Superman!," so if you're ever stuck in a rut, you can quickly refer to this guide while you're taking a piss!
BONUS: If you act within the next 30 minutes, we will also throw in our iOS app, FREE!

ACT NOW, DO NOT MISS THIS OFFER.

 

[Slings and Arrows]

"How to be a social Superman!" The Guide to being awesome, get it now for a sale price of $79.99!
And if you purchase before midnight PST, you will also get my "How to be a social Superman - Part 2" guide, on how to be even more social. Worth at a crazy $149.99, yours FREE with this offer.
But that's not all, you also get our mini pocket book edition of "How to be a social Superman!," so if you're ever stuck in a rut, you can quickly refer to this guide while you're taking a piss!
BONUS: If you act within the next 30 minutes, we will also throw in our iOS app, FREE!

ACT NOW, DO NOT MISS THIS OFFER.

You're right, I do like the pitch. But I thought we agreed to post this on Reddit first?