valkillmore
Member
No. The 'right now,' to them, means 'Try again later.'
'I'm sorry, I am not interested in a relationship with you.'
Direct.
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How to politely reject someone.
- Thread starter Kieli
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No. The 'right now,' to them, means 'Try again later.'
'I'm sorry, I am not interested in a relationship with you.'
Direct.
Messofanego
Banned
Haha
Miles Quaritch
Member
Be direct. You're not doing anyone any favours by sending mixed signals.
Nine of this I'm not looking for a relationship right now. No, you want to say I don't want a relationship with you, we're not compatible. Saying the former gives the person hope that they can try again later.
Make sure they understand it's not going to go anywhere and to do that, you have to be mean.
Nine of this I'm not looking for a relationship right now. No, you want to say I don't want a relationship with you, we're not compatible. Saying the former gives the person hope that they can try again later.
Make sure they understand it's not going to go anywhere and to do that, you have to be mean.
no this is a horrible way to treat people. Treat people with respect and be straight with them
"you aren't my type" is a totally legitimate response.
CrimsonSquall
Member
You don't have to be mean, you just have to be direct.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Being direct will often come across as mean. You have to accept that some things in life require you to be mean.
You can't always coddle people.
unless we are talking about a direct, straight to the face question like "I am into you, I like you and I want to know if you like me and whether I have a chance with you, could you please say yes or no?" I don't see how saying "hey sorry I am not into you" could possibly be the right thing to say.
if the person taking steps isn't clear (for example, by inviting to dinner, giving presents, winking, etc, etc but never clearly stating their intentions ) then the person they are interested in can't be clear either.
Just be direct.
"Sorry, I'm not into you that way"
"I'm not interested in dating you"
You gotta learn something: the rejection will happen. A wound will be opened, and that's a fact and you can not avoid it but the wound will heal sooner if you just reject the other person directly and clearly, plain and simple. Ghosting them will just make the pain last more and saying false nice words will make it feel dishonest which can lead to resentment. Just reject them, don't waste your or the other's time, let them be able to move on asap.
"Sorry, I'm not into you that way"
"I'm not interested in dating you"
You gotta learn something: the rejection will happen. A wound will be opened, and that's a fact and you can not avoid it but the wound will heal sooner if you just reject the other person directly and clearly, plain and simple. Ghosting them will just make the pain last more and saying false nice words will make it feel dishonest which can lead to resentment. Just reject them, don't waste your or the other's time, let them be able to move on asap.
Imp the Dimp
Member
Yeah, this one's the best. Some of the suggestions in this thread are hilariously offensive. You guys better ignore everything that's not in the vein of ^ that up there. Literally no good reason to make people feel worse than necessary. Rejection feels bad and many of us should be well aware of that. No harm in softening the impact a little. There is no gain in being honest or direct whatsoever.
^Disagree, giving a polite excuse will just give people FALSE HOPE and room to argue or try again. Rejection is never easy, but there are definitely ways to soften the blow. Like "I think you're a great person but I didn't feel any attraction/don't think we're compatible because of X reason."
QuantumSquid
Member
You're ugly
Dash_Riprock
Member
Problem is a lot of people can't take the hint and hear "I'm not looking for a relationship RIGHT NOW" as code for "Try again later."
Chuckie
Member
Yeah 99 out of 100 times it isn't the truth.
Funny thing is I have heard that line said to me (and thought...yeah right...liar) and then later when I started dating another girl, the previous one I liked said: "I am very happy for you, but to be honest I am also a bit jealous right now. I wish I had been in the right mindset for a relationship when you fancied me"
John Kowalski
Banned
Please don't touch me
Glass Rebel
Member
Just laugh in their face and walk away laughing hysterically.
Imp the Dimp
Member
OP asks for a polite way of rejecting someone so we should offer him advice that is in fact polite. Being frank certainly does the job of rejecting someone effectively, but it hurts and it's not nice. If OP doesn't want to hurt the feelings of the other more than necessary, he should go about it with care.
Quoting this because an honest discussion about why someone turned me down (turns out she was just nervous) has led to her feeling a bit more comfortable and asking me to meet for a coffee a few weeks later (just received a text from her). I haven't responded yet and I don't know her intentions, but honesty can lead to good things.
To be fair, there are situations where a polite lie is warranted. Like if you're a girl and some strange guy asks you for your number on the street, most would just go along, give him the number and block him later. Sometimes it can be for safety or other practical concerns.
I view polite lies as just one option depending on the situation - if there's no reason not to be honest, I just wouldn't feel comfortable lying.
I view polite lies as just one option depending on the situation - if there's no reason not to be honest, I just wouldn't feel comfortable lying.
4 is a cutie
Banned
My rule is that when asked straight up if im interested Id tell them in not interested
However, if they are being ambiguous about it then I don't feel guilt about not responding. If they wanted clarification then they'd be clear themselves
AngryPuppyEsq
Member
"I made a promise to myself a long time ago. First marriage for money, second marriage for love. So I am sorry but I can't proceed with this"
I had a dream once where I said this to someone. Seems to fit your question.
Of course, ignore if they are rich.
I had a dream once where I said this to someone. Seems to fit your question.
Of course, ignore if they are rich.
Ambiguity hurts. You're not doing anyone any favours by maintaining it.
eternalcircle
Member
In my opinion, straight up and honest is the way to go. Leave no room for doubt or interpretation. Sorry, I am not interested. Sorry, I don't see you that way.
If you say I'm not looking for a relationship right now or I'm not ready for a relationship, that'll give them a sliver of hope to desperately hang onto, especially if they're really invested in you. In my opinion, false hope is one of the worst things you can have. There are a lot of people who will think maybe I have a chance someday down the line because they said "right now".
Really, I think the merciful thing to do is completely eliminate future possibilities.
If you say I'm not looking for a relationship right now or I'm not ready for a relationship, that'll give them a sliver of hope to desperately hang onto, especially if they're really invested in you. In my opinion, false hope is one of the worst things you can have. There are a lot of people who will think maybe I have a chance someday down the line because they said "right now".
Really, I think the merciful thing to do is completely eliminate future possibilities.
outunderthestars
Banned
Second one makes you out to be a liar if you met someone the next week, also gives asker hope that it just a timing issue.
"I'm sorry but I am not interested in dating you."
Clean cut, heals easier.
Imp the Dimp
Member
It depends. I assume OP possesses the cognitive capabilities to tell someone "I don't share your feelings" bluntly but why come here then? Clearly, he is set on not hurting the other's feeling more than necessary which, by the way, is probably the most common scenario when these things come up.
Some of the answers in this thread actually made me wonder whether the people who hand out advice have ever been in said situation. I'm sure some of the advice here would work in Anime but you better adapt to real life dynamics when you are about to disappoint someone. Gambling on the other's feelings to subside with time when you tell them you are not up for a relationship at the moment is not an outrageous thing to do. May or may not work out, but such is life.
How is "Sorry, I'm not interested in you like that" not polite or nice?
You know what hurts feelings more than necessary? Him telling her he's not looking for a relationship, and then two months later she finds out he's in a relationship with someone else.
Edit: Ah and now you're basically calling us anime dorks who don't know how to talk to people. Get fucking real, dude.
DragonSworne
Banned
F**** off. Why be nice?
"I'm sorry but I'm just not interested in you that way." Be direct. Any other method just has the potential for more suffering.
("I am not ready for a relationship right now" especially hurts if you're in regular contact with the person and they hook up with someone shortly after.)
("I am not ready for a relationship right now" especially hurts if you're in regular contact with the person and they hook up with someone shortly after.)
sixteen-bit
Member
I got 99 problem but u ain't one
Ban Puncher
Member
gutter_trash
Banned
I don't feel it in my heart.
Zelenogorsk
Banned
To quote the coworker i asked out the other day: "Please don't do this."
I got the message.
I got the message.
Glendemonium
Member
This^
Had to turn someone down last year because I just wasn't attracted to her physically, and this person is a fresh angry divorcee with kids to boot (it was a known situation at work, real ugly fallout), but you can't flat out say it for obvious reasons because it's just mean.
If they can't get past "no", (insert Monopoly joke here) that's on them. If they lash out, then the ball is in your court... just don't go full ham.
EDIT: TL
R Didn't want to be the rebound in a workplace relationship.supermarioworldE
Banned
Just because OP's friend wants to take the path of least resistance/least responsibility(because yes, being direct with someone about not being interested is responsible) doesn't mean that people shouldn't give OP better advice.
Getting rejected is always gonna hurt, and being direct is less hurtful than giving someone false hope with a wishy-washy lie about not being ready to date (which will still hurt to hear). Be an adult and shut it down.
Lmao at the anime and "real life" comment just tossed in there. There's a nice sense of irony there.
hydrophilic attack
Member
if you feel embarrassed about telling them face to face just get a restraining order
I'm singing this perfectly in my head along with the voice, but can't remember what it's from! Save my sanity!
[E]Just seen the video link above! Phew! I was swaying towards it being Bring it On!
Glass Rebel
Member
I once asked a coworker if she wanted to do something together (it sounds better in German).
She told me that we could work together.
Goro Majima
Kitty Genovese Member
"No, I just want to be friends" or something
If they ask "why?" then you can ghost them or not respond. That's just a deep dark hole.
If they ask "why?" then you can ghost them or not respond. That's just a deep dark hole.
Patrick S.
Banned
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