• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

I got caught in a really childish situation

Status
Not open for further replies.
Oxn said:
Some of you people man.

So just because the friend change her mind at the last minute when s/he is already there he should just take the hint and say, oh let me just head home now and be all beta?
Click to expand...

wanna spend the night being miserable with a bunch of people who dislike you and don't want you to be there instead? OP should have done his own thing, go to bar or club, meet new people and have an enjoyable time

btw OP you probably shouldn't have done the whole "blocking her on social media" thing, now you come across as hurt and spiteful and you made the whole thing just a little more awkward
 
What a shitty "friend".I have to say it was partially your fault for not picking up earlier on the signs,but it's mostly her fault for inviting you even though she didn't want you there.
 
I think a decent friend would've told you straight up what was going on and then plan to have drinks with you another night or something.
 
OP
1. Find better friends.
2. You should of left after the first confrontation if it was clear that the majority of people there didn't want you there.
This part really struck me:
During the bus travel, my friend said "yeah you were not invited, but you could come it's ok"
Click to expand...
.

I would of noped out of there so fast.
So either your "friend" invited you, found out you were not wanted and didn't have the spine to tell you, or your "friend" actually didn't invite you and there was a misunderstanding yet still lacked the spine to tell you straight. So either way find a better friend.
 
My read:

You were invited on Wednesday. Between then and Saturday your female friend either met, invited, or planned to meet up with someone else. At this point she planned on leaving for the night out without you. When you sent the message on Saturday, she tried to leave you a hint that she didn't want you to come. When you still decided to go, she mentioned it to PoG. PoG took the first opportunity to try and get you to leave, then tried to justify it saying you were being rude.

The lesson here is that you need to get better and picking up on social cues.

Also, have to ask: do you have feelings for this friend?
 
Even if the signs were clear (they weren't) the friend of his friend shouldn't treat the OP like he was a piece of shit. How old are they anyway? I can't believe an adult would behave like that.
 
The Last One said:
Even if the signs were clear (they weren't) .
Click to expand...

They were tho. He even knew that he was being asked not to come and instead of bowing out decide to counter by reminding that he had been invited, as if the friend didn't already know that. OP knew what was happening and chose to blow past it. Not defending the terrible behavior afterwards by pog but it was definitely clear.
 
I can't believe some of you are essentially guilt tripping and almost victim blaming the OP for not "picking up the cues".

She invited him at Wednesday, they were going out on Saturday...
She had three days to go back on her first invitation (with whatever excuse she would deem fit).
So she didn't have the spine to do that but instead started lying about him not really being invited. And had probably talked shit about him to PoG (during these three days) so she would take responsibility and freeze him out of the group instead (with further lying).
The onus is not on OP to understand when she didn't want him to tag along if she never was clear about it in the first place.. Well, not until he was actually there.
If that were me, i'd stay just to fuck with them (because they were already being assholes to me, so why not get a little fun out of it?)
But that's obviously not everyone's idea of fun, but i digress..
Either way, she should have told him ahead of time so he could make other plans or whatever. Not act like an asshole when he's already there.

OP: You're absolutely in the right to cut ties with this asshole and doing so by blocking them from social media is not childish. It's how you cut ties with people these days.
If you'd been stirring up shit and telling them "i'm blocking you from everything!!" that would've been childish... Just doing it marks "you treated me like shit and i don't want that kind of people in my life because i got other shit to focus on, like people that matters."
 
VanMardigan said:
They were tho. He even knew that he was being asked not to come and instead of bowing out decide to counter by reminding that he had been invited, as if the friend didn't already know that. OP knew what was happening and chose to blow past it. Not defending the terrible behavior afterwards by pog but it was definitely clear.
Click to expand...

The signs were clear during the bus travel. His friend could have told him that sooner.
 
Pretty clear the answer is to just stop talking to your "friend", even if she didn't have the guts to tell you directly that, actually it's going to be a smaller meet up and you could do something else another time they should have just made the best out of it instead of acting the way they did. If it happened the way you said it did then most normal people would just get on with it and enjoy themselves regardless, going on a bar crawl is hardly such a special occasion that an extra person would make them massively uncomfortable.
 
The Last One said:
The signs were clear during the bus travel. His friend could have told him that sooner.
Click to expand...

Thank you!

blazeuk said:
Pretty clear the answer is to just stop talking to your "friend", even if she didn't have the guts to tell you directly that, actually it's going to be a smaller meet up and you could do something else another time they should have just made the best out of it instead of acting the way they did. If it happened the way you said it did then most normal people would just get on with it and enjoy themselves regardless, going on a bar crawl is hardly such a special occasion that an extra person would make them massively uncomfortable.
Click to expand...

Thank you!!
 
What I don't understand, whether the OP was right or wrong to accept this half-hearted invitation, is that there is all of this fallout/anger/"lies" about somebody going along to a party. It's not like this was an intimate dinner between two close friends, and then you barged in. It was a typical college get together. There seems to have been a whole bunch of other folks there. You guys went to some bars, got some burgers or whatever, and hung around. It's the kind of thing that happens 99% of the time when college students are free. The typical response to you showing up would just be, "Oh, you're so and so's friend? Cool, let's go get drinks." In what world, especially the world of college kids who are constantly meeting people, does having someone new come along lead to humiliating and insulting them? I can't count the number of times that I was out with my school friends and someone brought along a friend. Sometimes you like the friend, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you might feel a little annoyed because you thought that the hang-out would just be you and your closest buds, but sometimes you appreciate the new blood and have a better time than ever. Whatever the reaction or your personal feelings, no one would ever think to start cussing this friend out just because they showed up.

So, I really think that there's something else here. You may not realize it OP, and you may not be in a position to fully judge, but it's not as easy as you coming to a party where you weren't quite invited. You mentioned that there was some rumor that you were a sexist or had been looking at girls like a stick of meat or something like that. I haven't seen that part elaborated on, maybe I missed it. It seems like you made some social faux pas somewhere along the way, maybe accidentally, maybe something that was misconstrued. As someone else mentioned, maybe this PoG (lol) thought that you were angling to date your friend, and she was being overly protective. I'm not excusing any of these folks for making you feel terrible, but something here just isn't adding up.
 
Can we get the receipts, because as of now it seems your "friend" never really wanted you there.

Need more information. Something is not adding up.

Show us the transcripts.
 
Blackquill said:
Tbh honest Silvard I don't understand your point, I should leave directly when I totally understand that I was not welcome ? That's straight up weird and back then I didn't know that I would be treated like that, and you talk like I stayed here for hours, I left one hour and half after we meet up so chill up man.

Well I think that everything was said, maybe there was some huge misunderstanding, but the fact that PoG straight up lied to her friend really makes it clear, she was really a Piece of Garbage.

PS : I noticed randomly on Facebook, that my "friend" deleted a "love" reaction on one of my post, that's a new level of childish, maybe the next step is suppressing me lol
Click to expand...


Bruh...
 
When there are 20 likes on your publication and only one "love" that disappears, you don't need to be a creep to see that thing disappear for absolutely no reason.

And do I really need to screen everything to prove myself trustworthy ? I could, but not in the mood to unblock this girl
 
You might not think this way but I felt like you care a tad too much on something this trivial. Your emotions are shown in your words.

Cutting ties for people like them don't have to be a result of blocking or deleting them from your social media contacts. Just ignore because actions like this don't look good on you, it shows you're taking this way too seriously.

Practice not giving a fuck on people who don't deserve your time but at the same time strive to be the ideal version of yourself along with reading social cues better. You're still relatively young, every experience you had will just make you a better person if you're willing to learn from it.
 
Blackquill said:
When there are 20 likes on your publication and only one "love" that disappears, you don't need to be a creep to see that thing disappear for absolutely no reason.

And do I really need to screen everything to prove myself trustworthy ? I could, but not in the mood to unblock this girl
Click to expand...

I have had someone who I never met before flip out on me, like curse at me because I wanted to renew some books I had checked out from school. It was a gf of a friend who we were crashing at, as soon as she did that my other friend (they were brothers) got on the phone and found a hotel for us to stay at instead, actions speak louder than words is what I am saying.
 
digdug2k said:
This is kinda dumb advice. Just because someone doesn't call or doesn't scream "OMG PLEASE COME YO MY PARTY!" doesn't mean you're not welcome. Fuck even if you weren't wanted most normal people would smile and make the most of an evening with you. Make small talk. Tell some jokes. Usually it turns out that you find something in common and friendships grow in those situations. OP met some assholes. It happens. You did nothing wrong (unless you pulled your dick out, then this entire story makes more sense).
Click to expand...

I'm not particularly sure I agree that my advice was 'dumb'.

Sure you can wind up having a good time and meeting cool people at an event you weren't actually invited to... But if you're going somewhere to hang out with your friend, and your friend doesn't bother to contact you about said event, and then you contact your friend and they pull the 'if you wanna come you can come' line, you're probably not too welcome to that event.

Again, I'm sure you can still go to that event and have a good time, but going to that event to hang out with your friend would be ill-advised considering all the context clues you've been given up until that point.
 
The asshole here is your friend. I don't believe for a second that she forgot that she invited you. PoG got wind of it and probably bitched about it to her.
 
I don't think you did anything wrong. It's easy to say OP got lots of clues, but that's in hindsight. It only became clear when they'd already met up. At that point, I'd probably try to make the best out of the situation as well. Just leaving would be too awkward . Besides, you'd never expect people to act that way to you for seemingly no reason. It's such an absurd situation, I'd be taken aback too.

You tried OP, but it didn't work out. Not your fault. Just forget about this. Seems you've already made up your mind about this friend too.
 
The whole situation sucks. These girls sound immature and rude. I would never speak to that girl again if that happened to me. Life is too short to be around shitty people.

But you definitely didn't notice some obvious tells, or failed to realize the consequences of ignoring them. The entire thing was screaming "we don't want you here". Like someone else said, you aren't going to win friends by making them feel obligated to be around you by catching them on technicalities.

Especially when meeting new people! If your only social link to these people doesn't want you there... you probably shouldn't go.

People will be assholes and shit can be unfair. Your only option is to successfully navigate dealing with shitty people and situations when they happen.
 
'Friend' said you could come.
She spoke to PoG, who was line "Nahhhh, I don't want him there".

Friend tried to drop you hints, because she would feel like shit to tell you directly not to come after initially inviting you. She should have told you.

99% sure it went down like this.

I've had things a couple of times before where people have invited me to a party or something, down the line I ask about details then I get some bullshite excuse about it being cancelled (or radio silence).
Whatever, I don't really care, but it is aggravating as they were the ones to bring it up in the first place!

Girls are like that.
 
The OP guy was treated unfairly. Fuck those people. Cut contacts or plot sweet revenge if you have the means imo.
 
Absolutely cut all contact with them. If you have classes with her then start sitting in a separate area of the classroom. Hopefully you don't have anything like lab with them.
 
If a "friend" did this to me, I'd just go radio silent for a while and not bother responding to any of their texts and what not, go about my business.

Don't have time for folks like that anymore.
 
Dude, I don't know how you kept your mouth shut after the first time that girl told you to shut up.

As for the second time I would have called her a bitch and told her to fuck off and left.
 
Just cut ties and if they never talk with you anymore they are fake friends anyway. Not worth putting energy in them, put that in your best and closest friend group. Those are more important then al those fake school/work friends we all lose in someway.
 
accx said:
I can't believe some of you are essentially guilt tripping and almost victim blaming the OP for not "picking up the cues".

She invited him at Wednesday, they were going out on Saturday...
She had three days to go back on her first invitation (with whatever excuse she would deem fit).
So she didn't have the spine to do that but instead started lying about him not really being invited. And had probably talked shit about him to PoG (during these three days) so she would take responsibility and freeze him out of the group instead (with further lying).
The onus is not on OP to understand when she didn't want him to tag along if she never was clear about it in the first place.. Well, not until he was actually there.
If that were me, i'd stay just to fuck with them (because they were already being assholes to me, so why not get a little fun out of it?)
But that's obviously not everyone's idea of fun, but i digress..
Either way, she should have told him ahead of time so he could make other plans or whatever. Not act like an asshole when he's already there.

OP: You're absolutely in the right to cut ties with this asshole and doing so by blocking them from social media is not childish. It's how you cut ties with people these days.
If you'd been stirring up shit and telling them "i'm blocking you from everything!!" that would've been childish... Just doing it marks "you treated me like shit and i don't want that kind of people in my life because i got other shit to focus on, like people that matters."
Click to expand...
Thank you! The responses in this thread was not at all what I was expecting. Some are openly hostile to OP and I don't get it at all. Yikes.

OP you did nothing wrong. Now people seem to bash you because you "care too much" but feck them, you just lost what you thought was a friend and it happened in a really shitty way. Of course that makes you feel something! It's okay to blow off steam and block them and talk shit about them a bit, because they were really shitty to you.

People talking about burning bridges and "making things more awkward" by blocking and whatever doesn't seem to get that there was nothing to make worse. The group of friends blew up the bridge already.
 
Blackquill said:
Tbh honest Silvard I don't understand your point, I should leave directly when I totally understand that I was not welcome ? That's straight up weird and back then I didn't know that I would be treated like that, and you talk like I stayed here for hours, I left one hour and half after we meet up so chill up man.

Well I think that everything was said, maybe there was some huge misunderstanding, but the fact that PoG straight up lied to her friend really makes it clear, she was really a Piece of Garbage.

PS : I noticed randomly on Facebook, that my "friend" deleted a "love" reaction on one of my post, that's a new level of childish, maybe the next step is suppressing me lol
Click to expand...

To be honest it sounds like you are a little bit overly attached to someone who is just a friend, and maybe the girl you are calling PoG was really just looking out for her actual friend by keeping you from hanging out with them.
 
If someone brings a friend along un-invited, then blame that person, no the one he/she brought. Like, who the hell says "you're not invited" when someone you know brought them?!
 
clay_ghost said:
I wonder who is the real childish one haha .
Click to expand...

I don't think thats childish at all.

His """friend""" acted like a total twat fullstop.

If you invite someone to your get together with your friends (someone who literally doesn't know anybody else there), imo you responsible for your "guest" to be treated properly, introduce them, talk with them, try to integrate them in the conversation etc.

What kind of arsehole lets their friend loose on someone who just so happaned to be invited to a get together. OP is right to cut her out of his life.
accx said:
I can't believe some of you are essentially guilt tripping and almost victim blaming the OP for not "picking up the cues".


OP: You're absolutely in the right to cut ties with this asshole and doing so by blocking them from social media is not childish. It's how you cut ties with people these days.
If you'd been stirring up shit and telling them "i'm blocking you from everything!!" that would've been childish... Just doing it marks "you treated me like shit and i don't want that kind of people in my life because i got other shit to focus on, like people that matters."
Click to expand...

Seriously, all of this is true. These "you should have picked up on it"-posts grind my gears.

For shame, ultra-high-social-skill-Gaf.
 
My instinct tells me there's more to this.

But if there's not... Time to find new friends. Don't waste time trying to hang with people who don't want to hang with you.
 
Your friend should have been straight up with you if she changed her mind instead of dancing around it. "Hey, it's pretty much just people you don't know and I don't want it to be awkward, so could you sit this one out" is at least one way I can think of to communicate that the invitation no longer applies without trying to assign blame or sound harsh or whatever.

At the same time, when she started sounding hesitant I would have gotten the hint and bailed. Then again I'm a homebody who agrees to gatherings and then gets anxious and starts looking for reasons to back out as the date draws near, lol. If someone else provides a reason for me to skip, all the better.

Either way, I'm taking you at your word that the other girl made up that stuff about you leering and making inappropriate comments, in that case it was shitty of her to lie and bad that your friend didn't back you up (and that no one else in the group did as well?). It sounds like she's not trying to be a very good friend, so I'd be cautious about hanging out with her and accepting invitations from her in the future.
 
My guess would be that it was PoG's party and your friend invited you without consulting PoG. PoG nixed you going but your friend didn't have the heart or the balls to tell you that you had been disinvited and instead tried to persuade you not to go.
 
Grizzlyjin said:
Your "friend" didn't want you there. First indication is the "you can come if you want." That's basically the nicest way someone can try to distance themselves from having another person come. People generally don't like direct confrontation. Second indication is "..but you can come. its ok" Passive aggressive as fuck way of pushing you out.

The issue isn't PoG, it's your friend. Most likely scenario is that your "friend" indicated her displeasure with you not taking the hints earlier to PoG, and PoG took it upon herself to bully you. Basically, they're asshole.

Find a better social circle. You deserve better.
Click to expand...

This post from early in the thread is probably 100% correct. Forget these people. It can be hard to drop friends, especially if you don't have many, but friends should never make you feel like you don't belong -- ever.
 
Blackquill said:
So, wesdneday, a friend invited to go party after the finals (so saturday night) with her friends, I was looking forward to this because finals take so long and never got invited often at parties so I was fired up ! Then on saturday after the final, I asked when should we meet and then she was like "oh you can come if you want but you'll know nobody", felt like that was strange but whatever.
Click to expand...
This was code for "I am a shitty coward and a backpeddler fairweather person" - You learned a lesson the hard way, but now you know.

Ignore these people from now on and be happy.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

  • Locked
Monitoring the situation in Iran
206 207 208 209 210
10K
11K
Gp1 replied
I really miss Brent Hinds
5
196
RavenSan replied
Canadian Olympic Men’s Curling team caught cheating. Then lied about it.
News Drama  2 3 4
174
1K
user friendly replied
GAF should really implement an AI assistant
23
523
Malak replied
  • Locked
I'm never really one to cheer on someone getting fired, but..
2
86
1K
Esca replied
Top Bottom