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[NamelessMonk]

Hey Neogaf. What's up? Long time no post I guess. Tl;dr I've had emotional problems since I was a kid and my counseling sessions on campus aren't helping, it seems.

I was just wondering if anyone could help me out with a situation that I'm having. I've always been a really shy girl and everything, and I've always had a problem with socializing with groups of people. I liked things that nobody really cared for (Anime, History, Left-winged politics, Obsession with building computers, like any genre of music), I'm Black and sort of tall. So people have always made fun of me, and it's always been really hard for me to make friends. As I got older, I started to get upset when other people treated me really badly, and eventually I'd "snap" and yell at them/cuss them out, or hit things. Either way causing a scene. In High school I got bullied pretty badly for it, and my home life wasn't good at all, which made my previous few years really, really hard. I tried to commit suicide over it a few times but I kept failing. My marks were absolute trash until the last semester of Grade 12 (I'm Canadian) where I was able to isolate myself enough to do well in humanities, and my marks got me into a Campus at the Best University in Ontario (province) in a Paid Co-Op program. I was really excited for this, so I sort of just looked forwards to going to University and getting past high school.

Sigh, well that didn't work.

First off, I lived 2 hours by transit from the campus at the beginning of my first semester, and by the beginning of the first semester my relationship with my parents (esp. my father) broke down, and we were living in a hotel room. I frequently was hungry and depressed while at school, and I found that I hated a lot of the courses I was talking (I'm an English Major), despite liking writing/essays. Eventually, things got so bad at home that I had to tap into my school's emergency funds and apply for a bursary so I could live on campus, but I still had to find work (which was really hard to do at first) and I was living with very rude roommates. Then there was still a lot of stress from my family and parents to keep in touch with them (it helped that they have all of my things, still). I ended that semester with a low GPA (2.29) and a lot of heartache.

So i tried something new for second semester.

First of all, I reported my roommate to my residence helper, and I was able to move into a different room/house on res. I found a better job that was on campus, it still paid minimum wage but I felt much better at work. I began to take different courses, and i took less courses than last semester. And then I signed up for counseling on campus and I've been doing that since January. My marks dramatically improved throughout the semester, and my school's given me my sequence for Co-Op. Another awesome bonus is that I landed a full-time job downtown (at this point I think everyone can guess my University/campus) for the Summer, and my on-campus job will hire me again in September. And throughout both semesters, I've been volunteering with disadvantaged kids, and I performed so well that they've confirmed that they're bringing me back for the Fall Semester.

So what's wrong? Well, my behavior still is.

One of my roommates was really, really rude to me throughout the entire semester. I lived in all female housing on campus at that time, and from the first day I met her she was condescending. towarsd me, and ordering me around. She was always really loud, and with everything going on, and the fact that I was at school and had a lot of classes, I had to keep asking her to be quiet and respect me and the other roommates we've had (I've had no problem with my other roommates). She also kept bringing over her boyfriend, and she'd accuse me of things that he did/messes that he made. Finally, she'd expect me to do things, but when I asked her to do things she wouldn't do them. Multiple times throughout the semester I reported her to my residence helper, and we kept trying to organize a meeting to speak about our problems, but she kept pushing things off and telling us that we didn't need any outside help. Then, last friday, I bought some food, put it into my part of the kitchen, and when I returned the food was gone.

AKA Theft.

So I kept asking all of my roommates about it. They kept saying they didn't see anything. She in particular was laughing at me. In the morning, I told everyone on our group chat that whoever had stolen my food was a thief.

Then she went off on me for some reason?

Like she typed a bunch of stuff about how I Was being threatening towards her and harassing her, and I explained that theft was pretty damn serious and no laughing matter. She still laughed at me in the dumbass message and I just brought up all of her hypocrisies towards me. She still laughed. I got angry, and things escalated within the house that when I heard her coming, I began to blast Metallica and sing very loudly along. When she left her room, I "ambushed" her and told her that i had reported her to the Residence authorities. Then she began to get very rude towards me, and I literally snapped. Her boyfriend was there too and gradually got into the conversation, and eventually there was a point where he came VERY close to me as if he was going to hit me or something. She announced that she had been recording me the entire time and that she'd report me as well. She then called me a racial slur (Not sure if she got THAT on camera, of course).

Eventually she left the home whilst I called her the B word (can we swear?) over and over again. I realized that I was going to blow if i saw her again, so I quickly called my future landlord and asked if i could move in early. my new landlord (off campus, thank God) agreed. On the day after, I called Campus police to report her boyfriend for threatening me (He's not even a student on campus) and then I just reported the entire situation to the proper authorities on residence. I called a mental health helpline, did their techniques, and nothing really worked.

Yesterday I moved off campus. Campus Police just told me to call them next time something like that happened, and when i moved out the head of residence just told me that the girl and her boyfriend weren't allowed to contact me anymore, and vice versa. Then she tried to get me to talk to my therapist on campus, but I just declined.

Right now I'm in a very pissy position. So much is going on in my life and I'm seriously wondering if I should return to University in the Fall. I'm broke, I almost have a maxed out credit card, the only thing i have in terms of money is enough savings to last me until August in Rent, (I should be able to make back the money in a few months at my new job though) I'm stressed out, I feel the solution that residence gave me won't fix anything, I'm pretty damn lonely, I don't even know why I'm still taking my stupid program at University, Broke, and I honestly can't with most other people because the pattern of them belittling me, me not being able to find help, me blowing up and it somehow being blamed on me. That and I'm upset that even with an entire damn semester's worth of counseling nothing's changed with me or how I'm feeling, and I'm feeling like everyone I meet just pegs me as an "angry black woman" and doesn't really want to get to know me/help me at all. The only thing i feel I have going for me is that I built my first gaming pc in January and I love it, and I have a few friends scattered across the city, but that's it.

So I dunno. I guess i'm looking for advice? Should I even still go to that school? Should I even still go to counseling? I honestly don't know.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

Buy a mini fridge, keep your shit in your room.

Roommates that you don't get to pick are the worst.

 

[M52B28]

Yes, keep going to school. I don't see how dropping out will benefit you.

I've been going through tough tjmes, but I realized things can only be worse. It seems like you have a pretty supportive administrative group. If you feel inclined, I would probably join some sort of club or support group with people that have a similar issue so they​ would at least have sympathy.

Other than that, as helpful as the school has been, try and work out your relationships with the staff. If you show them that you really want to be there and learn, they will turn the other cheek and likely help you out with applying for grants, scholarships (not sure if available in Canadian schools)

Also, you mentioned how the counseling hasn't changed you since you've gone to the sessions, but the sessions aren't supposed to change your attitude for you. Counseling sessions are generally used for self reflection and realizing your behaviors and how you feel you could change them, along with advice from the counselor. Keep going to the sessions, but you're going to have to think of ways that you can change, not ways the counselor thinks you can change.

At the end of the day, it's you that is going to change, not the counselor.

 

[yanipheonu]

A good piece of advice is that I've met very few people who have got the whole post-secondary thing down perfectly. It's genuinely hard and there's no shame in finding genuine difficulty in it.

Honestly, it may just be that the program isn't for you. Don't be afraid to take some time off, maybe take a job for a bit until you find what you want. There's no sense hurrying it if you aren't finding school very helpful.

Make sure you aren't doing your program "just because". Really look into why you're doing what you are. Changing your program up or lowering your course load are possibilities.

And check with your school. They almost certainly have something set up to help struggling students. There's no shame in getting some help.

 

[Chorazin]

Ok, so i read all that and what I got was "my situation sucked but now I have moved into a place by myself" is that about right?

Because it sounds like living alone will basically solve all your problems. Take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy being along in your new place and then get back to school knowing when class is over you'll be back home and able to chill.

 

[Farooq]

Are you registered at your University with a mental health disability? Because if you are, you can take a reduced course load and not be penalized by OSAP (you would still be considered a full time student) and receive up to $2000 in a disability grant. A reduced course load will help with your stress. Try to to see if you can get access to mental health services off-campus (university counseling services are typically not equipped to deal with long term care).

Maybe switch into a program you are more passionate about?

 

[DeaconKnowledge]

I know its hard hun but you're doing a great job so far. Just keep perservering and continue to cut the detractors from your life and you'll be fine.

 

[NandoGip]

It's hard but you have to learn how to go numb to this shit. From what you wrote, your experience isn't that different than many. I experienced a lot of the same shit you did when I was your age living with roommates. I've literally been in fist fights with friends I had for years over shit like dishes, noise, and food. Granted, we were all drunk assholes so it came with the situation.

Back to you, my tip would be to just avoid confrontation. It's not helpful. Trying to discuss things with people who don't really care to have a positive relationship is a waste of time. You have to learn that some people are just shitty, and your best bet is to ignore their existence. It's not a switch you can just flip, so you're going to have to practice. If someone is being a shithead, you're only validating their existence by getting riled up.

Like another poster said, store your food in your room, get a lock, and try to spend more time out of the house, away from people who will only feed negative energy into your life.

 

[Rembrandt]

I explained that theft was pretty damn serious and no laughing matter.

Well...

 

[dluu13]

If you want to talk to some local people, you can come over to Toronto-GAF. We're all old men there compared to you, but they sure helped me out when I first came around here.

As for dropping out, plenty of people do that just to come back in a year or two. The difference now is that after some reflection, they have a clearer perspective of their life goals and what they are passionate about.

 

[LordKasual]

Bully stories...disclaimer, terrible advice incoming

Hey Neogaf. What's up? Long time no post I guess. Tl;dr I've had emotional problems since I was a kid and my counseling sessions on campus aren't helping, it seems.

I was just wondering if anyone could help me out with a situation that I'm having. I've always been a really shy girl and everything, and I've always had a problem with socializing with groups of people. I liked things that nobody really cared for (Anime, History, Left-winged politics, Obsession with building computers, like any genre of music), I'm Black and sort of tall. So people have always made fun of me, and it's always been really hard for me to make friends.

Learn to exist among the people you share no interest with, but find people you can connect with. Preferably people in real life, not on the internet. It's not easy, but if you're mobile, it shouldn't be hard to find communities where like-minded people group up. And this is only because I hear this alot from other women who had it similar to you -- avoid petty, pissy, attention-driven chicks. The moment they find a problem with you (and it doesn't always require a trigger from you), they'll make life extremely complicated, especially if you're the newcomer in a group.

....AKA Theft.

So I kept asking all of my roommates about it. They kept saying they didn't see anything. She in particular was laughing at me. In the morning, I told everyone on our group chat that whoever had stolen my food was a thief.

And this is the extent of my halfway decent advice, because my only advice would have been to fuck her up.

Eventually she left the home whilst I called her the B word (can we swear?) over and over again. I realized that I was going to blow if i saw her again, so I quickly called my future landlord and asked if i could move in early. my new landlord (off campus, thank God) agreed. On the day after, I called Campus police to report her boyfriend for threatening me (He's not even a student on campus) and then I just reported the entire situation to the proper authorities on residence. I called a mental health helpline, did their techniques, and nothing really worked.

The bolded is the reason I condone boppin that noggin. The problem is that she has absolutely no respect for you, your space, or your emotions. But the fact that shes comfortable enough to laugh in your face afterwards is unacceptable. It sounds to me like she enjoys setting you off.

You are doing the correct, mature, adult thing. But at the same time...in a way, you're kind of just running from your issues. In my opinion...it sounds like your past has damaged your sense of self-respect. In your situation, i would have gladly taken an L with the campus authorities as long as I was absolutely sure she was knew what the score is. And more importantly...the alternative -- blaming yourself, seething about unresolved issues, having to bottle up your rage -- is a slow burning disease on your mental state. Some people can successfully bottle it up, and there are ways to safely and maturely let it go...but every person has a breaking point, and at some point it literally becomes unhealthy. (you mentioned suicide attempts). I am not saying you should swing on everyone who offends you, or even that violence is the answer. In some cases, it just escalates the issues and makes them worse...but you should always have a line that you don't allow to be crossed. Especially for people who actively work towards finding your breaking point.

TL;DR: sometimes, if you're going to take the L anyway, you might as well just take a W for yourself. It helps in the longrun. If you don't learn to directly address the things that wrong you, you eventually just learn to lash out at things that are unrelated.

/badarmchairtherapist

So I dunno. I guess i'm looking for advice? Should I even still go to that school? Should I even still go to counseling? I honestly don't know.

Go to school if you think it'll help you progress. Otherwise, take a break (if you can) and just focus on yourself, then return. There is no expiration date on post-secondary education.

Continue counselling (if it makes you feel better, otherwise find a new counselor or therapist). I'd personally recommend trying meditation? Sounds silly, but it's basically a brain hack that helps you become conscious of your thinking patterns. Find a youtube video or a good therapist or something.

The most important thing is controlling your mental state..Avoid things that enrage or depress you. Seek out things that lift you. Drop relationships that feel like a net strain on your psyche....and stop allowing other people to puppet string your mental state. You can react, or don't, but what's important is to never let it feed negatively into your self image or overall perspective. Nobody can make you angry without your permission.

 

[NamelessMonk]

Thanks for all the replies guys. I'm not too sure about how to multi-quote but I'll try my best:

Snip!

Ironically, we weren't allowed to have Mini-Fridges in Residence. And yeah, I've come to learn that. Maybe I'm just not someone who's suited for living with roommates?

SNIP!

I volunteer on campus a lot, and that's really helped me become more positive. It's been hard to find groups to join lately, but I'll try a bit harder next year.

I never thought about that in regards to counseling. I always viewed it as something that changes you for good, but I guess i just have to approach it in a different way. I'll try that next time.

Snip!

My program is weird tbh. I've always loved writing (right now I'm writing my own story, for example) and English is one of the subjects that I've always been good at. But in University I find a lot of English classes to be boring, and I'm finding that I like Anthropology more. But I'm also scared that I wont be able to find a job with either subjects. My dream i guess is to just be able to write for the rest of my life and make money that way, but I don't know how realistic it is.

Snip!

I think that might be what happened to me. I might just be not cut out for residence and roommates. I just seem to have a completely different mentality when it comes to school.

Snip!

I'm not registered with a Mental Health Disability, and I'm not sure if I have one, or how I'd find out if I had one. One of my mental health helpers recommended that I get a new family doctor (I haven't seen my official one in years), so maybe that's a way? And I'm not sure where to even begin looking for long-term mental health help.

And I am passionate about English... just not many of the English Classes at my university.

Snip!

Thank you so much!

Snip!

Thanks for all the advice. mini fridges weren't allowed in residence, but I hear what you were saying about becoming Numb. I guess I just went off because she came to me directly like that. And I didn't know that a lot of other people went through the same mess in University.

I've been trying to avoid them via staying out of the house and ignoring them, but I guess It's jsut better for me to also be physically away from people like that as well. At least for now, like you said I have to practice too.

Well...

Like? I wonder how she would've felt if I hijacked her pots and pans? Would that have been a laughing matter too?

Snip!

Thanks! I didn't know that there was a Toronto Gaf. I don't think the age difference should be that bad neither, help is help you know?

I have a summer off (Where I'm working), so I'll think about my future over it. Thanks.



And thanks for all of your help guys! I'm going to try and take it easy, and probably continue with the help on campus for now until I can find someplace off-campus.

 

[Wolfgunblood Garopa]

I went to college right after high school, lived in a dorm, and I could not adjust. Similar to you, I had various sources of frustration and anxiety. On top of that, I hadn't yet learned how to cope with my social anxiety. I stopped going after a few semesters, but I went back years later when I was better equipped to handle it. Maybe I could have turned the corner if I stuck with it, I don't know.

 

[sojour]

In many situations, things/actions piss me off as well in addition to my impatience. Though I don't behave similarly as you do. What helps me in more severe situations is to ask myself is it worth it to be this upset over the situation and what I would gain. (I hate thieves!!!!) It definitely hard, especially in the heat of the situation. Good luck! I'm sure you'll find something that works out! Having people that just hears you rant (even if they don't care) is really helpful too!

 

[Griss]

I had all your issues at your point in life. And therapy never worked for me either.

But here's the good news: For me, college was the worst of it by far. Get through college and everything becomes so much better. There is no point of your life where having 'good social skills' and fitting in is more important than college, so if that's your weak point you're almost through it. I was properly depressed in college, now I quite enjoy my life.

Do what I did, push through the anxiety and anger, get your degree, then go do whatever you want. A decade from now you'll be glad you did. Number 1 thing to remember is never to cause a scene in public. I had that under control by the time I was 14, pretty much, so thankfully that wasn't an issue for me.

 

[Seirith]

If you really feel like you have a mental health issue or anger issue, find a doctor off campus and get yourself some help.

Most of your issues in your post seem to stem from your roommates. I went to college close to my parents so that I could live at home and not in a dorm. Random roommate(s) in a tiny space does not appeal to me. Since you are now living off campus and in your own apartment you may start to feel better and less stressed.

College/university is only a few years of your life, focus on classes, grades and deciding what you want to do when you graduate and then you will never see the people you go to school with again.

 

[oreomunsta]

Financially speaking, OP, take a look at your expense versus income spread. If it looks like you'll be in the red, seek some monetary assistance, reduce your costs, or (as a last resort) decrease the amount of classes you have.

Finances can be really stressful and weigh down on the mind, but they're not too hard to figure out, especially with a FT job in the near future

Sorry I can't help out with more sensitive topics, but it shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out your finances, get back in the black, and start repaying your credit debt. Heck, maybe you can even get a loan at a lower rate than your credit card rate.

 

[NamelessMonk]

Snip!

Thanks a lot for the advice.

TBH I wanted to beat her up, and then her freaking boyfriend too, but race has a factor here (They were white and I'm Black) so I didn't risk it. I just called the authorities and left it like that. It makes me upset that they got away like that, but whatever. In the future I'll probably be a better person than her anyways.

 

[thesaucetastic]

TBH I wanted to beat her up, and then her freaking boyfriend too, but race has a factor here (They were white and I'm Black) so I didn't risk it. I just called the authorities and left it like that. It makes me upset that they got away like that, but whatever. In the future I'll probably be a better person than her anyways.

As a minority, I feel this too dude. Keep on going with school. I know it's so damn tough to keep yourself motivated, but it'll pay off once you get the degree. I'm sorry you got stuck with a sack of shit of a roommate.

I'm rooting for you to get through this. You can do it.

 

[SwipeLeftHoney]

You gotta trek through this OP. This would be the worst time to quit. Use your job and school as a means of distraction to cope with these issues. You'll thank yourself later once you've completed your program. I would also look for a spot to let you clear your head and get away from it all multiple times a week. It'll help mellow things out for you and help you stay focused on your goals without being sidetracked by all your current stressors. You can't let this stuff get the better of you. Be strong hun, you can do it..

 

[thequickandthedead]

How were you able to fit a gaming PC in your expenses?

 

[NamelessMonk]

Snip!

Thanks for the help. I'm going to try and do that, but since I have new credit (I'm only 18) I'm not sure if I'll be eligible for a loan.

Snip!

I already feel 90% better being off of campus. Dorms were just trash, and not worth the money. I don't think I'll ever move back to having roommates unless I absolutely have to.

And I'm finding that that might be what I have to do. I'm just a bit frazzled by it though. People act as if University is supposed to be the best time of your life.

Snip!

Snip!

Snip!

Thank you all for your replies. I didn't know that there were a lot of other people out there who went through the same stuff as me. I'm going to take the Summer off and then try to re-evaluate things, but I'm never going back to res.

 

[SIRF]

Thank you all for your replies. I didn't know that there were a lot of other people out there who went through the same stuff as me. I'm going to take the Summer off and then try to re-evaluate things, but I'm never going back to res.

I knew several people that went through similar things in college so you are definitely not alone.

Also, regarding the counseling and feeling different, I don’t know how the counselors operate there but generally with mental health treatment, it’s not really about feeling better or feeling different but really being able to experience difficult content, step back so it doesn’t just keep you stuck and than choose to move in a valued direction in life.

You seem to be already on the right track in terms of re-evaluate. I would recommend the book linked below “Get out of your mind and into your life”. It has a lot of exercises (including meditation related ones as others mentioned) but also very importantly, it asks you what you want out of your life and where do you want to go? and of course how to get there.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572244259/?tag=neogaf0e-20

 

[NamelessMonk]

How were you able to fit a gaming PC in your expenses?

This is going to sound bad, but I saved some money by taking less courses this semester, and saved some money from my bursary (the other 3/4ths of my bursary I've saved up for rent money to last me the Summer).

I'm not sure if it was a good idea, but gaming rn has helped me a lot with escapism I guess? And it's not the reason why I'm that much in debt; I've had to buy clothes, shoes, and I've had to pay money to take care of my sisters and Mom too.

 

[NamelessMonk]

I knew several people that went through similar things in college so you are definitely not alone.

Also, regarding the counseling and feeling different, I don’t know how the counselors operate there but generally with mental health treatment, it’s not really about feeling better or feeling different but really being able to experience difficult content, step back so it doesn’t just keep you stuck and than choose to move in a valued direction in life.

You seem to be already on the right track in terms of re-evaluate. I would recommend the book linked below “Get out of your mind and into your life”. It has a lot of exercises (including meditation related ones as others mentioned) but also very importantly, it asks you what you want out of your life and where do you want to go? and of course how to get there.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572244259/?tag=neogaf0e-20

Thank you, I'll look into it

 

[Karsticles]

It sounds to me like all of this is still very fresh. If you are easily upset, you likely continue to have prolonged high anxiety afterward as well. I recommend giving yourself a few days to relax and then reapproach your situation. You won't make healthy decisions in your current mental state.

You sound like someone who has succeeded despite coming from a rough background, and that is great - I have a feeling of pride for you. Don't get off this path because of bad people. Your financial situation is disconcerting, though - talk with a college financial adviser.

 

[SwipeLeftHoney]

It sounds to me like all of this is still very fresh. If you are easily upset, you likely continue to have prolonged high anxiety afterward as well. I recommend giving yourself a few days to relax and then reapproach your situation. You won't make healthy decisions in your current mental state.

You sound like someone who has succeeded despite coming from a rough background, and that is great - I have a feeling of pride for you. Don't get off this path because of bad people. Your financial situation is disconcerting, though - talk with a college financial adviser.

She seems so close to turning things around and on to better things... I hope she takes this advice and keeps trekking through.

 

[NamelessMonk]

It sounds to me like all of this is still very fresh. If you are easily upset, you likely continue to have prolonged high anxiety afterward as well. I recommend giving yourself a few days to relax and then reapproach your situation. You won't make healthy decisions in your current mental state.

You sound like someone who has succeeded despite coming from a rough background, and that is great - I have a feeling of pride for you. Don't get off this path because of bad people. Your financial situation is disconcerting, though - talk with a college financial adviser.

Thanks (I promise i'll eventually stop responding to every comment on my thread. I just want you all to know that you're helping mt out alot).

Tbh, I'm not sure if my finances are horribly bad, but it's like this. I owe about 800$ on my credit card rn, and my full time job doesn't start until the end of April (after exams). But I also have about 1900$ remaining for a bursary, but I wanted to save that money for rent/emergencies. As of right now, my minimum payments on my credit card are like $10, and the annual interest rate is 19.99%.

So I was hoping to just pay off the credit card with my job over the Summer, and then I'd still be able to save up money to last me another year in rent (hopefully with some more help from OSAP).

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

This is actually the most normal thread I've read about college roommate drama.

You're all kids with crazy hormones, completely incompatible schedules, dissimilar interests & styles, and bad living habits. Most of you won't get along living side by side even if you're otherwise friendly. Not to be sexist, but girls especially seem to have quite a bit of difficulty adjusting to living with strangers at the college level.

Once you get further in your studies, meet a few people, and get a more stable living situation with people you enjoy spending time with, most of the first-year housing drama will be a distant memory.

 

[IlGialloMondadori]

Don't quit. You gotta chill, though - just focus on what's important to you, and stay calm.

I always bring this up, but here we go again: try meditation. I use Headspace, but there's other apps or ways to do it. It genuinely helps with focus and mental health.

 

[TalonJH]

So given everything you are up aginst, I would say you are handling it pretty well. Stay in school til you finish or literally can't continue(but plan to finish later). It sounds like a bad idea but pull back a little and bubble your social group for now. Surround yourself with people you care about and are low drama. There is nothing wrong with peeking out of that bubble ever so often but always have a mental safe place that you can go to calm/cheer yourself up. You sound a lot like myself years ago. You'll be alright, don't give up.

Also, GAF is here to help.

 

[geomon]

I know that rage all too well. I'm always open to talk to if you need a friendly ear. It's important to have an outlet for the stressful moments in your life.

As for the school situation, I think a lot of that will ease up once the stress and anger is dealt with.

 

[Glass Shark]

You say therapy isn't working, but you didn't really talk about therapy at all in your post other than to say someone suggested you go and you refused. A "mental helpline" isn't enough. It's a good resource but I think you have deeper things going on that will need long-term professional help.

I don't want to be rude here, but since you posted this I'm assuming you want some feedback or advice. I really hate the idea of "diagnosing" someone you haven't met based on an internet post or whatever, but all I can say is that there are elements in you post that really remind me of things I have been through personally in my life.

All that being said, it sounds like you have serious anger issues that need to be addressed. I realize it completely and utterly sucks to be labeled as "angry black woman" as you mentioned. That's so shitty and I apologize for the shade you're getting from your roommates and classmates. But it does sound like there is some legitimacy to your anger.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you some trite bullshit like, "don't get so mad" or "just let it roll off your back." That's not really helpful to anyone and I know better than most that being in those situations, it doesn't just feel like you can let it go. And you're stuck in a bad spot with being assigned roommates you didn't choose without an easy way out. Don't let anyone in this thread give you shit for being in a bad situation. Some people don't understand how tough it is to get out from under bad circumstances that are beyond your control.

And anyway, it's okay to be angry! You just need to make sure you are angry at the right things and work to uncover the feelings behind your anger. There was a period in my life when I would get irrationally angry about literally everything that happened to me and I would feel like everything was out to get me. It was not healthy and it led to some really dark times that I regret. But I eventually started seeing a great counselor who helped me uncover some deep things in my past and I have never been the same – in a good way.

Please seek a professional counselor that is not affiliated with your university. Find someone independent who has your best interests in mind. You may not like the first one you find. That's cool. Not all counselors are good and even good ones are not one-size-fits-all. Find one that you like where you feel like progress is happening. If it takes searching around, it's not a problem with you. Different strokes and all that.

Hope that helps. If you need a lifeline, PM me. I'm happy to help in any way I can.

 

[EverythingShiny]

OP, I'm so sorry. College was really hard for me, too, and I almost dropped out my sophomore year after getting myself into a shitty social situation (I'm a total introvert and I stupidly thought joining a sorority and then living in sorority housing was a good idea, boy was I wrong), dealing with terrible family stuff and struggling with major depressive disorder. I ended up taking a few months off and transferred to a university in a big city where I could live by myself off campus. Sounds like you're already taking some of those steps so that's huge.

Good luck and I hope you're able to make things work for you. For what it's worth, I didn't have a lot of luck in therapy until I found the right therapist and medication. If you have any questions or want to talk feel free to PM me!

 

[shandy706]

Keep trucking OP, know that all the difficulties will pass in time. It's probably really good you'll have a new place to live and start from.

Let those people go, and don't associate with any of them if you can help it. Focus on you and your classes.

Keep going to therapy. If your current therapy doesn't feel like it's helping in like 3 months, try another therapist...but don't just drop what you have and go with nothing .

I know you probably want some friends, and people to associate with...but don't make it a priority for your happiness. Keep it about you and becoming a better person (education and mentally).

GAF is a great place to talk to people often too .

Do you have Steam? You can add me (check my profile)....I'm not a talker, and I'm not on there much...but hey, maybe my screen name can give you a "There's someone that backed me up" moment, haha. Don't feel bad that you spent money on that PC, you need some kind of entertainment and distraction in your life.