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Is Anyone Actually Single?

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dity said:
The fuck? Of course there's people who've wilfully deceived others with photos before. Is that every overweight woman on dating sites? No.

The thing about the photos in the example (the top example having a full photo that has been cropped (not shown in the article weirdly) and is usually passed around the net as an "example" when it's really just shaming overweight women).

And two women in your household actively take pictures for the purpose of deceiving others? You sure you're not just looking at it in a negative lens buddy?

Also, I think everyone else has abandoned thread now. So it's probably just us two. PM me if you want to continue, whether I respond or not? Who knows.
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Nobody ever said it was. Are you just being intentionally dense, or just really bad at reading comprehension?

All people (myself included) are saying is don't intentionally misrepresent your weight by not posting pictures that actually look like you on a dating website profile. This happens. People do this. Men and women. And it's commonly referred to as the "myspace angle", because photos are framed in a way to hide unflattering features, usually extra weight.

If you do this to hide the fact that you are overweight, it will only lead to deception once you meet up with the person. Just post a picture that shows what you really look like, even if that means extra weight, and you will meet people that are attracted to you just the way you are instead of people who are expecting to meet someone who doesn't actually look like you.
 
For what it's worth, a fair number of people have experienced the whole "myspace angle" first-hand. The reason there aren't pictures to your liking would be more of a "very few people are dickish enough to take a picture of their date and post it on the internet" sorta thing.
 
victor.m said:
Nobody ever said it was. Are you just being intentionally dense, or just really bad at reading comprehension?

All people (myself included) are saying is don't intentionally misrepresent your weight by not posting pictures that actually look like you on a dating website profile. This happens. People do this. Men and women. And it's commonly referred to as the "myspace angle", because photos are framed in a way to hide unflattering features, usually extra weight.

If you do this to hide the fact that you are overweight, it will only lead to deception once you meet up with the person. Just post a picture that shows what you really look like, even if that means extra weight, and you will meet people that are attracted to you just the way you are instead of people who are expecting to meet someone who doesn't actually look like you.
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And all people are saying that any photo that doesn't have a woman's overweight areas up front and centre is a deceptive photo by women intentionally trying to trick men. And in the context of this thread, this seems to be most overweight women on dating sites.

These women aren't doing to it to be intentionally deceptive. They're doing it because they think whatever photo they chose looks nice. And in most cases, that's it. I think the problem more so lies with the absolutely shallow nature of dating sites. A woman can't take a photo of herself that she happens to think looks nice without a man coming along and being all "oh that doesn't 100% represent you all the time", acting like they're a freaking retail product they're picking up at the shops.

I mean people here say that initial attraction is super important while simultaneously shoving everything else under the carpet. It can go both ways, initial attraction also isn't that important considering there's more to someone than just that. And if a woman takes a photo that seems deceptive and you go on a date but bloody ditch the instant they don't look 100% the same, really I think it's that man's fault they're not dating and getting laid more so than the woman.

This thread peeves me. Gone for real this time.
 
dity said:
And all people are saying that any photo that doesn't have a woman's overweight areas up front and centre is a deceptive photo by women intentionally trying to trick men. And in the context of this thread, this seems to be most overweight women on dating sites.

These women aren't doing to it to be intentionally deceptive. They're doing it because they think whatever photo they chose looks nice. And in most cases, that's it.
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Not "up front and centre." Just an honest photo that depicts what they will look like when meeting in real life.

And let me guess why these flattering angles look nice. Is it because they're slimming? You are taking the argument to extremes over and over again and denying that people do this on purpose based on what, exactly?
 
I'm 25, I've been single all my life and I'm pretty sure the situation isn't going to change anytime soon. That has caused me a lot of suffering years ago, but I'm pretty happy with my current situation once I came to terms with it.

I don't think I'd adapt well to a relationship since I'm too independent and love to do whatever I want whenever I feel like, but I'd like to give it a chance some day...
 
dity said:
And all people are saying that any photo that doesn't have a woman's overweight areas up front and centre is a deceptive photo by women intentionally trying to trick men. And in the context of this thread, this seems to be most overweight women on dating sites.

These women aren't doing to it to be intentionally deceptive. They're doing it because they think whatever photo they chose looks nice. And in most cases, that's it. I think the problem more so lies with the absolutely shallow nature of dating sites. A woman can't take a photo of herself that she happens to think looks nice without a man coming along and being all "oh that doesn't 100% represent you all the time", acting like they're a freaking retail product they're picking up at the shops.

I mean people here say that initial attraction is super important while simultaneously shoving everything else under the carpet. It can go both ways, initial attraction also isn't that important considering there's more to someone than just that. And if a woman takes a photo that seems deceptive and you go on a date but bloody ditch the instant they don't look 100% the same, really I think it's that man's fault they're not dating and getting laid more so than the woman.

This thread peeves me. Gone for real this time.
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Cool it on the absolutes. You're just being naive if you don't think people, including overweight women, intentionally take pictures intended to be publicly viewed in a way that hides their flaws, like being overweight. Obviously not everybody does it intentionally, but intent is common.
 
ZackieChan said:
Are you intentionally not getting it? The point is misrepresenting what you look like in real life. If you are overweight or obese, but your pictures are intentionally staged or cropped to avoid revealing that, it's lying. And you'd have to be unbelievably un-self aware to put photos up that don't look like you.

And the text of the source is irrelevant. You asked for examples, you were given them. The whole conversation is about weight, so why is it a problem that the examples given are mostly about weight?

I could post a recent example I encountered, but I'm not going to put a real person on blast. Sorry? A quick Google search will reveal a ton of them, I'm sure.
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while true, i'd be somewhat irritated if i found out i was sharing the same rhethorics / arguments / vocabulary as some seriously creepy pickup-artist sites.

XezXE0j.png
is among the first 10 search results for "myspace angle".

i, for my part, wouldn't wanna be associated with that kind of way of talking about people, really. But this thread is going back and forth, back and forth. Right now we're at the more hostile, less 'productive' (lol) end of the spectrum, where people do drive-by posts filled with strawmen "LOL FAT DEFENSE FORCE LOL SO YOURE A BAD PERSON IF YOU ARENT ATTRACTED TO FATTIES LOL SAYING THE MYSPACE ANGLE DOESNT EXIST", which is not at all what anyone is saying.
 
Is half this thread really people trying to make OP feel guilty for caring about appearance?
Cause i call bullshit on anyone who acts like it doesn't matter to them.
 
Einchy said:
Are you telling me there's no distinction between the two? That no person has ever chosen a pic they know will make them seem completely different than what they actually look like in real life?

Because I know for a fact that people do this. Two women have been in my house today that do this on a daily basis on Facebook.
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I don't think there is any real difference. Read any site that gives advice about online dating (including GAF) and in all of those places you will see people saying that you need to pick the best pictures of yourself. Not only the ones where you look your best but also the ones where you appear to be having a good time.

In the case of these women using 'myspace angles' they are picking the picture where they look best. Online dating is based almost entirely around looks so obviously they try and make themselves look as good as possible.

If this thread was someone asking for advice about their profile they would be told to pick the best photo possible. Here though in the case of overweight women apparently the advice is 'pick a photo that is slightly less flattering than your best so as not to be misleading'.

It's total bullshit. Both sides are doing the same thing some are just better than others at it.

On your profile do you list all the negative about your personality? Fuck no because you only put your positives on there to attract more attention. Why wouldn't you do that? I don't want to get to a date and realise you're not very smart, have horrible political views, are racist or any other manner of things. I don't expect you to put all of those things up on your profile though.

Essentially Internet dating profiles are what people use to sell themelves. None of them are actually totally accurate of the person, it's essentially a glorified version of yourself. I just don't see why in the specific case of MySpace angles suddenly the line had been crossed.
 
Fliesen said:
i think the issue is more that some seem to consider it a fat person's duty to visually disclose their fatness. front and center.
If they fail to do so, it's wilful deception.

I'm not asking / forcing anyone to find overweight or even obese people sexually desirable, but i don't think it's their right to villainize them for not "disclosing" that fact on their dating profile.
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Yeah I kind of think this, too. They're not obligated to post a photo of their body for anyone. I would feel uncomfortable posting a photo of my body *fully clothed* on the internet for strangers...but that's just me.

I do think it's deceptive if you purposefully photoshop yourself to look drastically different then how you do in reality.

Also, I don't find it creepy for people to google the person or look them up on the internet. Or maybe it is creepy, but I'm completely okay with it. If they put this information out there for people to look up..then that's on them I guess. If you don't want people seeing photos of you on your facebook or other social media then you need to up your privacy settings.
 
Assanova said:
If I am going to be spending $40-$60 on a date, then I want to know what you really look like. There is absolutely nothing creepy about wanting to see real pictures of a person before going out with them.
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This is why I hate the "man pays on dates". It gives one party the power dynamic and it has always always made me bloody uncomfortable.

Went a saw a movie together? You bought me a drink? A burger? Fucking wonderful. But I'll pay for my own share if it means I don't have to listen to what I "owe".
 
thebaroness said:
This is why I hate the "man pays on dates". It gives one party the power dynamic and it has always always made me bloody uncomfortable.

Went a saw a movie together? You bought me a drink? A burger? Fucking wonderful. But I'll pay for my own share if it means I don't have to listen to what I "owe".
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Fucking word. I'd rather have everyone paying their own share be a well known rule. It would take off pressure from both sides. Men wouldn't have to debate in their minds if they should offer to pay or not and if not offering makes them a cheapskate and if offering makes them seem conservative etc. Also women wouldn't have to worry about the bullshit power dynamic of owing "favourites" for a fucking meal. It's also a relic from the past which doesn't really go well with the feminist ideology where women are as independent as men, which is true. Both parties automatically paying their own share keeps the situation equal and for me, easier.
 
Ha! As an aside to the whole deceptive pictures thing (because that was a flippant comment in the OP that seems to have been focussed on), I was reading a profile today that said:

"Passionate about PR and marketing"
Oh, internet dating. I think I'm done with it.
 
thebaroness said:
This is why I hate the "man pays on dates". It gives one party the power dynamic and it has always always made me bloody uncomfortable.
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Yeah. Never understood why that's expected of the man. I get a few odd looks from a few of my friends when I mention I pay for my own stuff on dates. I'd feel dirty if I allowed that shit to happen, after all, dating's a two-way street, and why should my date spend all of his money on a night out that may not have a chance of furthuring a relationship? Preach!
 
you guys first mistake was assuming that photos can be true, when most especially those of people are rarely shot to be truthful

all photos are lies by themselves
 
dity said:
Anyway- my partner is a little overweight and she said that when she shares photos of herself online unless it's a desperately horny dude they always feel the need to point out that her belly juts out a bit or something stupid like that. She'll take a photo of herself that she feels looks nice in a typical selfie fashion and those same dudes will be wanting her to get her tits out or something, but then when she just takes a casual photo while out they might call her a "fat cow" or something similar. To me it just seems like dudes sometimes think with their dick too much.

The "fat girl pose" is probably really any pose an overweight girl pulls that they personally think looks cute that's not the classic bathroom mirror shot.



Yeah, and I'd wager that that "so an overweight person doesn't look overweight" is the observation from the viewer and not necessarily the intent, likely born out of being confusedly turned on by a photo of an overweight girl or something. "How can this be?"



It's not semantics. Not every overweight person is obese. That's, like, a fact.
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And there we have it. His girlfriend takes "MySpace angle" pics, so he is going to defend it to his death. It all makes sense now.

thebaroness said:
This is why I hate the "man pays on dates". It gives one party the power dynamic and it has always always made me bloody uncomfortable.

Went a saw a movie together? You bought me a drink? A burger? Fucking wonderful. But I'll pay for my own share if it means I don't have to listen to what I "owe".
Click to expand...

Power dynamics? What the hell are you talking about? No one "owes" me anything and I never, ever, imply that when I am with a woman. Expecting someone to be honest about who they are and what they look like is not unusual in the slightest bit, regardless of who pays.
 
Juke Joint Jezebel said:
Yeah. Never understood why that's expected of the man. I get a few odd looks from a few of my friends when I mention I pay for my own stuff on dates. I'd feel dirty if I allowed that shit to happen, after all, dating's a two-way street, and why should my date spend all of his money on a night out that may not have a chance of furthuring a relationship? Preach!
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Pretty much a relic from older times when women didn't work (well, didn't do paid work).

I wish more women were like you, when I suggest going Dutch during a date, I only ever get angry looks and "Well you asked me out..."
 
damisa said:
I don't see how this matters. People have the right to be attracted to whoever they want, even if it's only to people "out of their league".

Nobody is owed attraction. Otherwise you sound like those bitter "Nice Guys"
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Since we are judging people on how they look these men should be rocking six pack abs and be very attractive. not one has posted a photo in This thread I wonder why ?

I would say all the dudes in this thread talking about fat girls deceiving them sound like "bitter nice guys" . They think they deserve a girl with that perfect ten model body that doesn't actually exist in real life and how dare a larger girl post a flattering pic of herself.

It's also comical reading about straight people having trouble dating or having to use online dating. I can't imagine how much these dudes would be crying if they turned out gay and 90% of the dating pool isn't interested.

After years of online dating it's pretty easy to tell who has misleading photos. They will usually have a headshot or two and if they won't send any more photos it's a good sign to keep away. It's not that people don't find big girls attractive it's more the terminology and how disrespectful they sound in this thread.

I'm willing to bet most of these dudes are not attractive enough to be that judgmental.

I'm not condoning posting photoshopped pics at all. I have been catfished a few times its part of online dating unfortunately.
 
constantstatic said:
Since we are judging people on how they look these men should be rocking six pack abs and be very attractive.

I would say all the dudes in this thread talking about fat girls deceiving them sound like "bitter nice guys" . They think they deserve a girl with that perfect ten model body that doesn't actually exist in real life and how dare a larger girl post a flatter pic of herself.

It's also comical reading about straight people having trouble dating or having to use online dating. I can't imagine how much these dudes would be crying if they turned out gay and 90% of the dating pool isn't interested.

After years of online dating it's pretty easy to tell who has misleading photos. They will usually have a headshot or two and if they won't send any more photos it's a good sign to keep away. It's not that people don't find big girls attractive it's more the terminology and how disrespectful they sound in this thread.

I'm willing to bet most of these dudes are not attractive enough to be that judgmental.

I'm not condoning posting photoshopped pics at all. I have been catfished a few times its part of online dating unfortunately.
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No one in this thread is asking for a model. No one. They asked for honest pictures that weren't extremely deceptive. Not being attracted to heavy women =/= only being attracted to skinny models. There are plenty of women inbetween, so why you are trying to paint it differently is baffling.
 
constantstatic said:
Since we are judging people on how they look these men should be rocking six pack abs and be very attractive. not one has posted a photo in This thread I wonder why ?

I would say all the dudes in this thread talking about fat girls deceiving them sound like "bitter nice guys" . They think they deserve a girl with that perfect ten model body that doesn't actually exist in real life and how dare a larger girl post a flattering pic of herself.

It's also comical reading about straight people having trouble dating or having to use online dating. I can't imagine how much these dudes would be crying if they turned out gay and 90% of the dating pool isn't interested.

After years of online dating it's pretty easy to tell who has misleading photos. They will usually have a headshot or two and if they won't send any more photos it's a good sign to keep away. It's not that people don't find big girls attractive it's more the terminology and how disrespectful they sound in this thread.

I'm willing to bet most of these dudes are not attractive enough to be that judgmental.

I'm not condoning posting photoshopped pics at all. I have been catfished a few times its part of online dating unfortunately.
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Well yeah, if your going to have very specific standards you should accept others having similar. I think one of the biggest issues is that in my girls try signifantly more to be "attractive" than the average guy even amongst guys that are "popular", mostly due to patriachy and sexism and that a womans "worth" is much more linked to her beauty amongst society.

This leads to a lot of average looking guys having very "high standards" in terms of dating which never really made sense to me, hence why i busted my ass made an effort to look the best i can in most situations and got a six pack etc.
 
I'm alarmed at people saying that it's rude to ignore fat people in a dating context or whatever. That you can learn to love them if you just give them a chance, even if you're not attracted to them. What a load of horse shit. Physical attraction is the very basis for human courtship. No one ever has to apologize for not finding someone else attractive, and those in this thread (at least in the first few pages) that are arguing otherwise are talking out of their ass. If you're attracted to fat people, awesome, go for it. But nobody chooses who they're attracted to. That's like a woman being mad at a gay man for not wanting her. In a word, ridiculous.

On top of all of this, there are the deceptive photos. I've never done online dating, but if I did, I would be incredibly pissed off if I showed up to a date to find that the girl intentionally decieved me right off the bat and had forced me into an awkward position.

Fuck people who do that. If you're so insecure with your body that you have to trick people into dates, FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
 
Koriandrr said:
And here I thought you only meant that you're disappointed that they would lie to you about their appearance. I can understand being pissy about someone having photos that really don't represent who they are in person, but completely ignoring a girl because she's fat is plain rude. People like you are the reason they do that in the first place, so they get the chance to actually meet the person and show their personality, because most of the times they wouldn't even get the chance.
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Totally disagree. People should be entitled to a fair overview of the person they are going to meet. If they get lied to, guy or girl, then they are entitled to not engage. It also does show their personality - if they are lying about their appearance (and physical attraction matters), what else are they lying about?
 
I've been on a few dates with girls that take MySpace angle pics and they are always really nice from my experience. It is a little bit of a shocker when you see their pics and they look thin but they have a few extra pounds in person. Either way yes I agree that the pictures are deceptive but weight has never been to much of a problem for me to look past. Just as long as they aren't ridiculously overweight.
 
constantstatic said:
Since we are judging people on how they look these men should be rocking six pack abs and be very attractive. not one has posted a photo in This thread I wonder why ?

I would say all the dudes in this thread talking about fat girls deceiving them sound like "bitter nice guys" . They think they deserve a girl with that perfect ten model body that doesn't actually exist in real life and how dare a larger girl post a flattering pic of herself.
Click to expand...

It's real easy to beat the shit out of a strawman. They don't tend to fight back much.
 
constantstatic said:
Since we are judging people on how they look these men should be rocking six pack abs and be very attractive. not one has posted a photo in This thread I wonder why ?

I would say all the dudes in this thread talking about fat girls deceiving them sound like "bitter nice guys" . They think they deserve a girl with that perfect ten model body that doesn't actually exist in real life and how dare a larger girl post a flattering pic of herself.

It's also comical reading about straight people having trouble dating or having to use online dating. I can't imagine how much these dudes would be crying if they turned out gay and 90% of the dating pool isn't interested.

After years of online dating it's pretty easy to tell who has misleading photos. They will usually have a headshot or two and if they won't send any more photos it's a good sign to keep away. It's not that people don't find big girls attractive it's more the terminology and how disrespectful they sound in this thread.

I'm willing to bet most of these dudes are not attractive enough to be that judgmental.

I'm not condoning posting photoshopped pics at all. I have been catfished a few times its part of online dating unfortunately.
Click to expand...

Whoa there. My avatar is a photo of me. In my profile is a link to my website that has photos of me. There's more photos of me on www.alawyerabroad.com. I'm out there on the Internet. I'm moderately attractive (rated a 6 on Neogaf.com), but as others have pointed out, I never said I was only attracted to skinny girls with 6-packs or whatever.

I'm attracted to all types of women. All I'm asking is for a realistic representation of a person in their dating profile. I really don't see how this is so hard to understand for the 3 or so of you that keep pushing against it.

I'm also chubby and not ashamed of it. It's me. However, I am consistently told that I look better than my photos and younger than my photos by girls I meet IRL. So whatever, you're talking out of your ass.
 
Is it deceiving if someone is wearing a hat in a photo and then on the date you find out they're bald? What if their hair is dyed and longer, but then on the date they actually have shorter hair and it's a different color? Is it deceiving for a girl to take a photo and her nose appears (because of lighting and angle) smaller in the photo than in real life? Are these people being intentionally deceitful?

There's nothing wrong with feeling not attracted towards someone because of their weight, but what I think people are saying is dick about it is the idea that overweight people are being "intentionally deceitful" and "lying" for not providing a full body picture on their dating profile.
 
I did have the experience of going on a date with someone who posted pictures that were probably 8 years old, because when I met her she looked completely different. I was actually shocked by how different she looked, and tried my best not to walk away.....
 
Honestly after coming from a long 5 year distance relationship I am not really ready to do any dating. Feels like a chore to invest time in a new person, so I prefer if it came by coincidence. I will admit id be disappointed by decieving pictures and information. Not because someone is ugly but because they do not present the person they are. I havent ever done the dating thing so cant speak much of having such an experience.

I prefer to befriend people and if feelings are mutual go from there. I see myself single for years now as I got other things to worry about. It just gets worse once you get higher standards (personality speaking) which makes it pointless to pursue complete strangers.
 
ZackieChan said:
Whoa there. My avatar is a photo of me. In my profile is a link to my website that has photos of me. There's more photos of me on www.alawyerabroad.com. I'm out there on the Internet. I'm moderately attractive (rated a 6 on Neogaf.com), but as others have pointed out, I never said I was only attracted to skinny girls with 6-packs or whatever.

I'm attracted to all types of women. All I'm asking is for a realistic representation of a person in their dating profile. I really don't see how this is so hard to understand for the 3 or so of you that keep pushing against it.

I'm also chubby and not ashamed of it. It's me. However, I am consistently told that I look better than my photos and younger than my photos by girls I meet IRL. So whatever, you're talking out of your ass.
Click to expand...

I wasn't calling you out specifically I don't even remember any of your posts. Sorry if I offended you. I just find some of the language and fat apologist shit annoying not everyone is built to be thin.

I don't see any posts saying it's ok to intentionally mislead people when online dating.

I don't think your photos look bad at all. You look like a handsome guy.
 
Milksheikhs said:
Is it deceiving if someone is wearing a hat in a photo and then on the date you find out they're bald? What if their hair is dyed and longer, but then on the date they actually have shorter hair and it's a different color? Is it deceiving for a girl to take a photo and her nose appears (because of lighting and angle) smaller in the photo than in real life? Are these people being intentionally deceitful?

There's nothing wrong with feeling not attracted towards someone because of their weight, but what I think people are saying is dick about it is the idea that overweight people are being "intentionally deceitful" and "lying" for not providing a full body picture on their dating profile.
Click to expand...

Obviously there is a spectrum. Baldness could be a big deal to hide. Other traits as well. A sought change in hair color probably isn't. Maybe if you didn't only present absurd and extreme examples, you would understand.
 
I figured I should throw my hat in the ring of people who were tricked by deceptive photos. One girl a ran into online sent me cute pictures with nice hair and a slim body. We chatted up for some weeks and I later discovered a different site with her normal profile and she was overweight, had straw like hair and dressed horribly. I asked her about it and she said it shouldn't matter if we love each other.

Bailed out real quick there but at least it didn't happen in person. There's taking a nice picture of yourself, and then there's not showing the legit you. Dating is a marketplace like it or not, real body shots and such should be expected and honest. I'm a pretty eh looking guy but I don't hide my cosmetic issues, gets better results in the end.
 
Juke Joint Jezebel said:
Yeah. Never understood why that's expected of the man. I get a few odd looks from a few of my friends when I mention I pay for my own stuff on dates. I'd feel dirty if I allowed that shit to happen, after all, dating's a two-way street, and why should my date spend all of his money on a night out that may not have a chance of furthuring a relationship? Preach!
Click to expand...

I was raised a little bit old school with the whole notion of you're a gentleman if you pay for the whole date. Now obviously things change over time and I am okay with a woman wanting to pay for her part but i feel like its an awkward situation if you're both looking at the check figuring out who pays what and kind of gives a vibe that maybe you weren't interested. I think it if you both want to pay its nicer if like say the guy pays for one date, and then the girl pays for the next date? (again its just my way of thinking)
 
Personally if you're on a dating site, aka on a site to meet strangers irl to have a date with and possibly start a relationship with, you need pictures of yourself that show you how you look at your best and what you look like normally. These angled and crop images don't do you favors sorry. Because even if you think that you look your best at that angle all people like me will be thinking of is "what is she telling me that she only takes pictures this close up or at this angle?"

If I go out to meet you and you ended up being obese because you took an angled picture as your dating profile picture and never said in your profile under body type that you are overweight, then you lied to me plain and simple. I won't hold a grudge against you but I will be disappointed.


Im not gonna be looking at you from the favorable angle 24/7 so take multiple pictures of yourself.
 
What are you guys' thoughts on people that are on dating sites just to "meet friends and have conversations (aka be hit on relentlessly)"?
 
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