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[MCN]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

Fuck right off. If they're cunts, they deserve to be treated like cunts. Nobody is automatically entitled to respect.

 

[Dice//]

My mom's an irredeemable quack and the most pointless person on the planet. I want to do this. She might be a little crazy and needs professional help, but I don't know what to do anymore to make her see this.

Still sorry to hear, Krafty. I get just a lil' envious of kids who have good and long-lasting relationship and it always hurts when our reality doesn't match... but I get the need to cut it off and move on.

 

[n0razi]

I renounced a bunch of family and friends this year alone after their true colors came out post-election. Feels refreshing honestly.

 

[Morrigan Stark]

Your posts are nothing but sad. spoken like one who knows not life's struggles and one who cares very little of others.

Respect is a two way street. it takes two to tango. and from what the OP provided, this parent isn't worth the time or effort. nor is she deserving of forgiveness. Maybe if she showed some sort of regret but that isn't revealed so far so we can only infer that she regrets nothing and in which case she is a terrible person who spurns her own for her own twisted ideals.

I have men and women of various backgrounds under my employ who has been subject to abuse from their family. some of have dissolved relationships for the better and are better for it. You have no place to say that such nonsense you spout is the "proper" way.

And worse what you suggest not only disregards the OP but enables the abuser. which in turn leads to future abuse of others. OP asks for help and instead of reaching out, you give him and everyone else here poison. quite ill intentions you have.

OP is his own person and he must pursue happiness. he has no obligation to submit to one who doesn't have his interests at heart. especially one who spurns his very being despite being blood related.

To the OP, there will be wonderful people in all walks of life. sometimes you won't find them in your family. but that is fine. because you can always make your own. If one rejects you, simply move on and move forward. Surround yourself with people who care and respect you for "you". you will find that "family" sometimes doesn't mean blood. blood doesn't matter. while it can be special, not everyone is fortunate to have such, which is why the connections you have with others who are positive in your life are even more important. if you don't have that many connections, then you should probably start and reach out to others. you will be surprised how many wonderful, supportive people are out there if you're willing to find them. and when you are surrounded by such. you will find your happiness, whatever that may be.

Good luck in your endeavors OP. You did nothing wrong. and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You have a right to be happy. don't let negative people take that away from you.

While there is a chance for reconciliation. Like I said, it takes two to tango. while I wouldn't dismiss outright, I wouldn't hold my breath for the immediate future.

Well said. Quoting for new page.

 

[KeRaSh]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

Get that shit out of here. You obviously never had to deal with that kind of situation yourself and no, your mother working for CPS is not enough for you to act like you know how OP feels.

wish i could renounce my mother in law

Haha! I'm glad mine isn't that bad.

@OP: You did the right thing. I made that decision a little more than three years ago right before my wedding. It was probably the hardest decision I had to make my whole life but it was the right thing to do. I've made my peace and moved on. I see her sometimes when I visit my grandma but other than a casual hello there's no real interaction.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

fuck that. no one should get a free hand. if they don't deserve it. they don't fucking deserve it.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

Keep fighting hate with hate then. See how far that gets you.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theresa_Knorr

should they have respected her?

 

[titiklabingapat]

The good news now is that you get to choose who your family is now instead of having the shitty luck of the draw you had with your birth mother. Good luck to you, OP and things will get better, I promise.

I'm lucky enough to have both blood relatives that have my back but I can also say the same for some really close friends that are not related to me by blood. There are plenty of people out there that will care and respect you for being you. No need to waste time on toxic people.

 

[Professor Beef]

Sometimes you gotta prune the family tree. Good for you for doing this, OP. Hopefully things work out better for you.

 

[Cat Party]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

Fuck that. Many people are utterly terrorized by their parents. This is the same logic that sends abused women back to their husbands.

 

[Hylian7]

If you guy's want to have bitter resentful relationships with your parents, be my guest. You don't have to agree with them all the time, but the least you can do is have a certain amount of respect and love tor them for raising you and bringing you into the world.

If they start sending you and people you know threats because of sexual orientation, nah, fuck that. That isn't okay no matter how they look at it. Talk to them about it by all means, but if they don't budge, cut them out of your life.

 

[IchigoSharingan]

Sorry to hear, but in the long run, putting geographic and emotional distance between you will be good for both of you. If she ever recognizes and acknowledges her cruelty, then you can work on rebuilding your relationship. But, trust me, there are more important things in life than (toxic) family.

I don't respect anyone who brings a child into this world and then goes on to treat them like dogshit. Fuck that.

 

[Mariolee]

Case by case.

Agreed.

 

[NHarmonic.]

I don't know if you've been raised on some religious values or whatever but the world is not black or white, love or hate.

Why should someone honor their parents because they had sex and made a shit job of dealing with the result (a child)?
The honorable thing to do if you can't care for your child is give it up for adoption imo.

Being related does not give you a unconditional ticket to someone's life. I have no issue with my mother, stepfather, or biological father. Never even met my father. He decided he couldn't handle having a child when I was a few months old. I don't resent him for that. I even respect it. But neither do I have a need to add him to my life.

I have a sibling who has been lying and manipulating people since childhood. A year ot so ago he/she got diagnosed with a terminal disease. I still havn't talked to him/her. Do I hate? Not at all. I'm just indifferent. I've been married for 10 years and this sibling hasn't met my wife, not my choice.
Why should I pretend to care about this person with whom the only thing we have in common is a bit of DNA?

I'm sorry but rethoric like yours is what leads to terrible lives and emotional scars.
You don't have to hate to cut something out of your life that is harmful to you.

As for OP. Stay strong. Take comfort from those that you love and love and respect you in return.

Perfect post.

Worst is that, if the guy was telling the truth, he probably knew about a lot of cases of child abuse and violence, and still retorts to the "honour your parents for giving you life. How fucking sad, such a lack of empathy...

 

[atr0cious]

You owe family nothing, OP. I got hit by a car and my mom said I was being lazy for trying to get disability. And I'm supposed to respect that? Now I only see or talk to her at family functions and my life is better for it.

 

[Laughing Banana]

Parents (and families) should be given more leeway when considering their shortcomings or mistakes than other normal people with no relation, but that doesn't mean they have the freedom to fuck up your life.

If you feel that you need to do it in order to better your life, more power to you, OP. Stay strong.

 

[televator]

I cut my mom off last year. Since I was little she was a physically abusive alcoholic all the way up to my early adulthood. She constantly did many self serving and illegal things in pursuit of personal wealth at my and other people's expense - some things which will have life long repercussions. Near the end she started saying racist shit against Native Americans (despite being part native herself) and wasn't generally being a healthy element in proximity to my depression.

You don't have to be an upstanding person to pop out babies and no one is derserving of unconditional deference for it. OP, you do what you feel is best. Don't let some outside biblical notion weigh on you or anything like that.

 

[A Link to the Past]

If you guy's want to have bitter resentful relationships with your parents, be my guest. You don't have to agree with them all the time, but the least you can do is have a certain amount of respect and love tor them for raising you and bringing you into the world.

All parents deserve love and respect from their children?

You present this as someone hating their mother, but the reality is that this person's life was being negatively impacted by their mother. Their mother was harming her child. Why is that okay? Shouldn't respect and love be earned, not predestined?

 

[boiled goose]

Keep fighting hate with hate then. See how far that gets you.

Hate with hate is a strawman.

Avoiding hate is not hate. It's surviving.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

moving out is cool, but don't give up on your mother. you only get one of those.

 

[Brazil]

I do know how horrible people can be to their children. My mom worked for CPS for over 20 years. There are some messed up things that happen in this world, I get it.

I am telling you now though, the only way to heal from something is to forgive the person that harmed you. You don't have to see them, hang out with them, or whatever but it is necessary to forgive someone if you want to move on and not feel a resentment from an incident.

And to be quite honest, all these responses in this thread are very troubling. So much hate and anger in here, its really kind of sad.

You have no fucking idea how much a shitty parent can fuck their kid's life. If they treat you like crap and don't respect you, you should bail hard.

Some parents don't deserve forgiveness - they deserve to be forgotten.

 

[KernelPanic]

Stay strong. It's a choice that few people will understand.

I did the same thing with my mom and she's more or less turned a big part of my family against me because of it. But I'm all the better without her abuse in my life.

I do know how horrible people can be to their children. My mom worked for CPS for over 20 years. There are some messed up things that happen in this world, I get it.

I am telling you now though, the only way to heal from something is to forgive the person that harmed you. You don't have to see them, hang out with them, or whatever but it is necessary to forgive someone if you want to move on and not feel a resentment from an incident.

And to be quite honest, all these responses in this thread are very troubling. So much hate and anger in here, its really kind of sad.

Oh I've forgiven them(with great difficulty) as my family is the way it is due to mental health issues.

However they refuse to get help and they're dangerous in their current state. Dangerous to me and my family and I can't subject them to that anymore than I can subject myself and the damage they did to me as a kid.

 

[DeathyBoy]

If you guy's want to have bitter resentful relationships with your parents, be my guest. You don't have to agree with them all the time, but the least you can do is have a certain amount of respect and love tor them for raising you and bringing you into the world.

Any any asshole can be a parent.

It takes someone worth a damn to be a mother or father.

 

[shiyrley]

If you guy's want to have bitter resentful relationships with your parents, be my guest. You don't have to agree with them all the time, but the least you can do is have a certain amount of respect and love tor them for raising you and bringing you into the world.

No. None of that gives you the right to treat someone like shit. Respect needs to be earned.

 

[Majine]

Sorry it got to this point, but glad that you made the decision to move on.

I heard someone describe bad moments in life as a mark on a tree. The mark doesn't go away, but the tree grows around it. In other words, those bad moments are always going to be part of you, but you are capable of growing and making them a smaller part of you.

This kind of thinking has helped me with troubles in the family and failed relationships.

 

[giancarlo123x]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

Fuck my mom.

 

[Shandy]

People are going to tell you that you've made a mistake, that you're doing the wrong thing. They're going to pressure you to cause yourself pain because of their idea of family.

You don't have to. Your health and safety are more important than your parents. They don't own you. If parents are having kids to have a human indebted to them, they're shitty parents - in fact, they're shitty people. You don't owe them shit for raising you.

I haven't spoken to my dad in, like, six years, maybe (I don't keep track). I no longer feel the anxiety, I no longer leave his house having my self-esteem demolished. I no longer feel like I'm not good enough. I'm better off for it. If you feel like you'll be better off for cutting your mother out of your life, then do it.

And if it hurts her so much, then maybe she can stop being a piece of shit and actually make an effort. That's her job as the parent. She's supposed to love and care for you and if she isn't going to do that, if she isn't going to be a parent, then you don't have to treat her as one.

You wouldn't cop that kind of treatment from anyone else, there's no reason to take it from your mum.

 

[Mr-Joker]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

Are you a Muslim? Because kinda sounds like the crap that Muslim parents says to get their kids to obey them.

If you guy's want to have bitter resentful relationships with your parents, be my guest. You don't have to agree with them all the time, but the least you can do is have a certain amount of respect and love tor them for raising you and bringing you into the world.

So by your logic if a parent abuse their kids and treat them like crap to the point that they just had enough, your advice is "Oh you should respect and love them because they brought you into the world and raised you."

I am sorry but no just because a person can procreate and raise a child does not grant them the automatic right to be loved and respected by their children, they earned that right.

I don't love and respect my parents because they gave birth to me and raised me, no I give them respect and love because they were good parents and I know that they will love me no matter what.

I do know how horrible people can be to their children. My mom worked for CPS for over 20 years. There are some messed up things that happen in this world, I get it.

I am telling you now though, the only way to heal from something is to forgive the person that harmed you. You don't have to see them, hang out with them, or whatever but it is necessary to forgive someone if you want to move on and not feel a resentment from an incident.

And to be quite honest, all these responses in this thread are very troubling. So much hate and anger in here, its really kind of sad.

Sometime people just aren't worthy of forgiveness and the better solution is to cut the toxic negativity out of your life and move on.

 

[Snkfanatic]

Keep fighting hate with hate then. See how far that gets you.

So sick of hearing this useless garbage.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

My mother and father took really good care of me. My mother surrendered her body for nine months to bring me to term, my father worked long nights to afford me, and together they toiled and sacrificed to make sure I'd have a good life. They scraped up a house so that I'd go to a good school system, they instilled me with many life lessons and skills that carried me far, and their interest in my success and well-being continued into my adolescence. They bought me my first car so I could go to work and be independent. They always had answers and suggestions for things I'd never done before. I knew I could go to them for anything and they would help me through it. I am where I am today because they were always there with a plan. I owe them my life and I am extremely grateful for everything they've done for me since before I was even born.

Unfortunately, you don't have to be good people to be good parents. My parents are also selfish, violent, and hateful people without a shred of empathy or compassion. My father is a maniac who berated and humiliated me at every turn. My mother is a suppressive depressive who guilted me for ever being upset or wanting to talk about things. They gave me everything, but also made me feel worthless. They shamed me. They made me afraid to go home after school. They made me want to work long hours so I didn't have to see them. They made me afraid to tell them anything or introduce them to my friends and there was nothing more suffocating or constraining to my mental health and individual growth than their hostility towards me. As a child, they were a necessity. As an adult, they were poison.

There are many times where I can say they were doing the best they could. There were many more times I cannot forgive, rationalize, or overlook.

My parents are despicable and horrible people. Were they not my parents, I would never associate with them. They are exactly the kind of self-obsessed gut-followers I devote my life to combating. They are too much of what I hate to be any semblance of something I can love. Terminating our relationship has made me the happiest I have ever been in my entire miserable life.

I moved out of their house last Christmas morning. My father and I haven't spoken since. I see my mother and sister once a month in a planned, structured, and public dinner outing. I maintain even this much of a relationship out of a sense of obligation and because I want to stay in the will. I do not love my mother and father. I do not think about them except when I am forced to. I truly despise them and would not be begrieved if I never saw either of them again.

I will always be grateful for everything they've done and all they provided for me. I will never forget that, and I will carry that thankfulness in me always. But your parents are just people. Everyone in your family is just people. If they are bad for you, let them go. You have a lot less to lose than you think.

I cannot stress how different my life is without them. It's done absolute wonders for me. It's like a terrible disease I've always had that has only recently been cured. I wouldn't go back for anything.

 

[Aiustis]

I feel you. I had a terrible mother.

It's hard but don't feel too bad about it; parents chose to have you and you have no obligation to an terrible parent.

 

[Brazil]

So sick of hearing this useless garbage.

It's the chickenshit mantra.

 

[tiebreaker]

Have a good night sleep OP.

 

[Lord British]

I'm honestly considering the same, but I'm hamstrung by my current circumstances and quite frankly the idea of it is terrifying. Every day it feels more necessary.

OP, props to you, you did the right thing. Wish I could do the same.

 

[NinjaMouse]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

I dunno...I don't think this applies to every case. Toxic family is much worse than toxic friends simply because people tend to carry this stance and guilt associated with it. Family are just people like anyone else and because you can burp and fart in front of them doesn't mean you need to take abuse from them. Renouncement can be renounced, itself, but in the meantime, you gotta move on and live your life.

 

[Cappa]

If you guy's want to have bitter resentful relationships with your parents, be my guest. You don't have to agree with them all the time, but the least you can do is have a certain amount of respect and love tor them for raising you and bringing you into the world.

lol so parents that are physically and sexually abusive to their children should be respected by said children for raising them, bringing them into the world, and sexually abusing them?

ok.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

I'm honestly considering the same, but I'm hamstrung by my current circumstances and quite frankly the idea of it is terrifying. Every day it feels more necessary.

OP, props to you, you did the right thing. Wish I could do the same.

I feel very deeply for people who want to leave their families but are still too reliant on them to do so. It's a complex situation. I struggled with it because relying on your family means they are actually fulfilling a family's purpose. They are supporting you. They give you a place to live and feed you and provide you with basic needs you cannot afford on your own. To need that, but also resent that, is a hard thing to reconcile. It always made me feel guilty and selfish that I needed my parents but also hated them. I got lucky and could get out just when things were reaching the worst they've ever been.

I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't gotten that lucky break. I literally cannot. I couldn't have lived there a day longer.

My only advice is to just keep planning, keep trying, and keep looking. Watch for that apartment listing, check which friends you could escape with, maintain the good relationships that will need to replace this bad one. You will get out - everyone gets out eventually. But I feel for you while you're trapped.

 

[giancarlo123x]

If you guy's want to have bitter resentful relationships with your parents, be my guest. You don't have to agree with them all the time, but the least you can do is have a certain amount of respect and love tor them for raising you and bringing you into the world.

I have no respect for my mom barely "raising" me for 6 years and skipping town while my father put my sister and I literally on his back to ensure we had food on the table and a roof on our head. I've been fine 20 years without her, be my guest if you want to have respect for her.

 

[How About No]

I do know how horrible people can be to their children. My mom worked for CPS for over 20 years. There are some messed up things that happen in this world, I get it.

I am telling you now though, the only way to heal from something is to forgive the person that harmed you. You don't have to see them, hang out with them, or whatever but it is necessary to forgive someone if you want to move on and not feel a resentment from an incident.

And to be quite honest, all these responses in this thread are very troubling. So much hate and anger in here, its really kind of sad.

Tbh we're all much more troubled by your thought process, especially when you know how horrible shit goes down in social services

 

[Lightning_Roller]

If you guy's want to have bitter resentful relationships with your parents, be my guest. You don't have to agree with them all the time, but the least you can do is have a certain amount of respect and love tor them for raising you and bringing you into the world.

This is the most trashiest thing I ever read today. If my mom was being terrible (which thank goodness she isn't) I would find a way to leave her, tout suite. Respect is earned, not given. Golden rule, friendo.

 

[Tounsi_Tag]

My mother and father took really good care of me. My mother surrendered her body for nine months to bring me to term, my father worked long nights to afford me, and together they toiled and sacrificed to make sure I'd have a good life. They scraped up a house so that I'd go to a good school system, they instilled me with many life lessons and skills that carried me far, and their interest in my success and well-being continued into my adolescence. They bought me my first car so I could go to work and be independent. They always had answers and suggestions for things I'd never done before. I knew I could go to them for anything and they would help me through it. I am where I am today because they were always there with a plan. I owe them my life and I am extremely grateful for everything they've done for me since before I was even born.

Unfortunately, you don't have to be good people to be good parents. My parents are also selfish, violent, and hateful people without a shred of empathy or compassion. My father is a maniac who berated and humiliated me at every turn. My mother is a suppressive depressive who guilted me for ever being upset or wanting to talk about things. They gave me everything, but also made me feel worthless. They shamed me. They made me afraid to go home after school. They made me want to work long hours so I didn't have to see them. They made me afraid to tell them anything or introduce them to my friends and there was nothing more suffocating or constraining to my mental health and individual growth than their hostility towards me. As a child, they were a necessity. As an adult, they were poison.

There are many times where I can say they were doing the best they could. There were many more times I cannot forgive, rationalize, or overlook.

My parents are despicable and horrible people. Were they not my parents, I would never associate with them. They are exactly the kind of self-obsessed gut-followers I devote my life to combating. They are too much of what I hate to be any semblance of something I can love. Terminating our relationship has made me the happiest I have ever been in my entire miserable life.

I moved out of their house last Christmas morning. My father and I haven't spoken since. I see my mother and sister once a month in a planned, structured, and public dinner outing. I maintain even this much of a relationship out of a sense of obligation and because I want to stay in the will. I do not love my mother and father. I do not think about them except when I am forced to. I truly despise them and would not be begrieved if I never saw either of them again.

I will always be grateful for everything they've done and all they provided for me. I will never forget that, and I will carry that thankfulness in me always. But your parents are just people. Everyone in your family is just people. If they are bad for you, let them go. You have a lot less to lose than you think.

I cannot stress how different my life is without them. It's done absolute wonders for me. It's like a terrible disease I've always had that has only recently been cured. I wouldn't go back for anything.

This is very poignant .
Thank you for sharing and sorry about what happened

 

[Phoenixus]

Good for you OP, I can relate in wanting to distance myself from an awful family member. Curious if there's some way to officially disown a sibling here in the UK.

 

[Omegasquash]

.

 

[MadJackChurchill]

GAF i dunno. ugh. I'm sick of her. Years of issues. Renounced me herself for being bisexual. Started sedning threating texts to my friends and girlfriends. Years as I said. I'm drunk. I renounced her today. Was saving up money for us moving out for having a better life. She went crazy again. I dunno. Pls don't lock this thread. I'm not suicidal btw. had a great day. it needed to be doen i guess. Ugh. It sucks though. I'll regret this tomorrow.

A 'parent' that denies the very fabric of your being, doesn't deserve to be your parent. Wishing you a much happier future.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Starting working on reconciliation. It'll be best for both of you. It may take years but you need your mother in your life.

On a lighter note:

wish i could renounce my mother in law

LMAO

 

[FyreWulff]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

Nah. If your parents are toxic, you're better off cutting them out of your life, or at least giving them a lengthy time-out. People don't deserve 'honor' or respect just because they made you, even idiots and assholes can be parents.

OP is better off disconnecting from the toxic influence of their mom. I've seen fully functional people just eventually disassembled mentally and socially by their parents, with people around them cheering it on basically because "they're your parents!".

 

[M.Bluth]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

This is a terrible idea for anyone who actually has bad parents in their lives.

Any relationship is a two way street. It's one thing to give them a couple of chances, but at some point if they're not showing any interest in being decent people, then it's just a waste of time and energy to keep trying.

OP, I'm sorry to hear that things had to be this way, but hopefully, your life will be a bit easier without her bullshit.
One day it might seem like it's worth it to try again, if she showed some remorse and tried to work at being good with you. But hey, if she doesn't, it's her loss. Just... protect your heart.

 

[kamineko]

Keep fighting hate with hate then. See how far that gets you.

Did you really join GAF just to wander into threads about difficult life situations and dispense empty platitudes

EDIT
TC, if you've been saving to help her, you've clearly been making an effort in this relationship. I'm sorry that it's come to this.

 

[JimmyRustler]

Did the same with my mother 6 months ago and I count it among the best decisions I made in my life.

If something's pulling you down OP, cut it off. You made the right call.

 

[Triggerhappytel]

You should honor your mother and father. I know that at times they don't deserve it or should get that type of treatment but at the end of the day its still the right thing to do and you will be happier that way.

Honor as in treat them with respect despite what they do or say.

Did you read the same OP as the rest of us? Renounced OP for coming out as bi. Sent threatening texts to friends and partners of the OP. Been a liability for years. Sounds like there was plenty of reason to turn against her, and no-one deserves automatic respect.