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Let's talk about some hilarious censorship

Fantastapotamus

Wrong about commas, wrong about everything
Aug 5, 2013
16,801
2
535
The Zoo
So Wolfenstein the New Order is out and it is the first Wolfenstein game ever to release officially in Germany. However the game had to undergo some changes to get a rating here. Most importantly: No Nazis. Instead you are fighting "Das Regime" which very loosely translates to "The Regime". Gone are all the Nazis symbols, replaced with Wolfenstein logos, random shapes and wolfheads which honestly look much cooler anyway. However this is obviously not the first time this happened.

I don't really know how much of this is known to the Non-Germans here, but I thought it might be kinda fun to talk a bit about the sometimes ridiculous changes that games had to make to get a german release, so we can all laugh at those wacky germans and their censorship. On a sidenote, I live in Austria. Weirdly enough we mostly avoid the german censorship here, although sometimes publishers are too lazy or don't care so we got to wait for South Park Stick of Truth for a month as well.Clive Barker's Jericho though (which I was shocked to find out was developed by Lords of Shadow developers Mercury Steam) which wasn't released in Germany at first since it was oh-so-violent got an "austrian version" complete with german dialoge and text. So hoorah for that, right?

The first time I ever encountered censorship was in Command&Conquer Red Alert 1. Now we all know how incredibly brutal C&C was so it was only understandable that every soldier in the game had to be turned into a robot for the german release. Instead of killing soldiers you now were just "deactivating robots" which sounds much nicer, doesn't it? Nevermind the fact that in one of the expansions for the game the sovjets build a robot factory and everybody acted like this was a huge deal. Which confused the hell out of me cause I had no idea that the game was censored back then.

Now for some reason the german rating board REALLY hates Command&Conquer cause the weird censorship remained. I honestly can't think of another franchise that had it as bad as C&C which may I remind you is an RTS. Censoring GTA so you are no longer able to collect money from dead civilians? Okay, I get that. It makes sense at least. But C&C? Really? Just to give you an example, C&C 3 had some heavy censorship while Dead Space 1 (which shipped a year later) was completly uncensored. Anyway.

In C&C Generals , guess what the soldiers became? Robots of course, complete with new hilarious unit images and a "robotic" voice.


Ever felt bad for the suicide bombers? Well, feel bad no more cause they got probably my favourite change of all time:

Yep, they now are a cartoon bomb on wheels. Thanks, now I don't have to feel bad anymore about blowing up digital buildings!

The suicide bombers in Command & Conquer 3 didn't have it that easy though. They weren't replaced with a bomb on wheels and actually stayed human. However instead of just blowing up, you can now watch them run away to safety after blowing up whatever they were attacking, how nice. Also for some unfathomable reason they decided that "Nuclear bomb" sounded to violent and thus it was changed to "Aurora bomb". Obviously. Red Alert 2 was allowed to use the word "nuclear missile" though since it was a much better game.

Another rather infamous change happened to Half Life 1 (if you are german, you probably saw this one coming). So get this: You know how you cruel and brutal americans (and rest-of-the-worlders) can just kill those lovely innocent scientists? Well, we love science, so killing them is no longer allowed. Sorry. If you annoy them too much with your bullets or grenades they will simply sit down on the floor and start shaking their head in disapproval of your hatred for science. Or, depending on the version you have, just instantly dissolve in front of you (Much like the zombies in Left4Dead who disappear before they even hit the floor). Give Valve some credit though, at least their robots actually looked different from the soldiers.

Also pour one out for the poor Barnacles. Instead of yummy humans, they now just eat electronics and puke out screws. Aww...won't somebody please think of the barnacles?

As with C&C I really got the impression that somebody up there really hates Valve. Cause they had to censor both Left4Dead and Team Fortress 2. Yes that TF2. I'm not sure if this is still the case but when TF2 launched all the classes were replaced with, you guessed it, ROBOTS. As much as germans love science, they HATE robots.


Also instead of turning them into piles of meat and cloth killing the brave soldiers (and scouts) reveals that the TF2 guys actually consist of ducks, burgers, balloon animals, spinach, a dead fish and a unicycle. Give Valve some points for creativity.



Anyway those are just some fun examples I could think of right now. If you know some others let me know, cause I honestly love that stuff. So if you ever are about to complain that your weird japanese porno games are censored here....well....I dunno. Probably shouldn't complain about that on NeoGaf anyway.
 

Com_Raven

Member
Apr 30, 2008
880
0
0
Europa
The best part about C&C robots was when you ran them over with a tank- sound like a soda can being crushed, and an oil slick :)
 
May 8, 2012
11,365
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0
We don't censor anything in Sweden. The only funny censorship/ban I can think of is Dead or Alive 3DS, which Nintendo didn't even dare to release in Scandinavia because of the strict child-pornography laws.
 

Rapstah

Member
Jul 20, 2009
13,184
0
0
At least the Valve ones are sort of creative. The C&C ones are such a stretch in the first place. They're just robots that look 95% like people.
 

jokkir

Member
Jan 22, 2010
7,878
0
770
I got the censored version of Half-Life even somehow (I live in Canada) and remember the robots. They explode into gears.

I had to get it fixed by contacting support lol.
 

Currygan

at last, for christ's sake
Jul 7, 2012
34,742
1
0
London, England
German version of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, censored to a point the Nazis looked like a Playstation cult, didn't even make sense anymore

 

RoboPlato

I'd be in the dick
Oct 29, 2006
42,985
0
0
Bomb on wheels


I do love the TF2 gore change. It fits the game surprisingly well.
 

Stumpokapow

listen to the mad man
May 21, 2006
17,232
3
0
I wish uncensored versions of games would let you voluntarily opt in to the censored versions, like as a DLC pack. Not out of my own squeamishness, for comedy's sake. One of the best parts of the Scarface DVD is the montage of tv syndicated language cuts and censorship.
 
Nov 23, 2011
4,231
56
445
We don't censor anything in Sweden. The only funny censorship/ban I can think of is Dead or Alive 3DS, which Nintendo didn't even dare to release in Scandinavia because of the strict child-pornography laws.
Well, your laws didn't censor anything. But you still got a couple of games censored last year - The Last of Us, Twisted Metal, Beyond Two Souls and God of War Ascension. You may notice that these are all Sony games.... that's because Sony decided that every European country is now Germany and they released the censored versions everywhere in Europe. It's the reason I refused to buy Last of Us, and if they censor Remastered too I will refuse to buy that as well.

Then there's South Park: The Stick of Truth whose censorship just made no sense. Ubisoft can also eat shit because of that. For some reason only the console versions were censored, PC remained uncensored.
 

Fantastapotamus

Wrong about commas, wrong about everything
Aug 5, 2013
16,801
2
535
The Zoo
I do love the TF2 gore change. It fits the game surprisingly well.
Yeah, it actually does. Only problem is that there is no blood so it can be hard to see if you hit somebody as a sniper. For some reason I got the german version of the Orange Box and didn't really realise it at first. Luckily Steam support is pretty awesome and just changed it when I emailed them.

I wish uncensored versions of games would let you voluntarily opt in to the censored versions, like as a DLC pack. Not out of my own squeamishness, for comedy's sake. One of the best parts of the Scarface DVD is the montage of tv syndicated language cuts and censorship.
I've had it with those monkey fighting snakes on this monday to friday plane!
 

Starwolf_UK

Member
Dec 5, 2008
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That cape just lets the imagination think more is being censored that what actually is.
Thats not German censorship but American censorship though. European version has no cape. Instead a line of dialogue between Nowi and Tharja gets censored.
Edit: My mind inserted the word German into the OP.
 

Donos

Member
Dec 7, 2008
8,627
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0
Loved the sound of the crushed robot soldiers in C&C.

One of the worst examples in recent times is Bulletstorm. German version is a joke. I still don't know how Sony gets away with titles like God of War, TLOU and a few others who had no or almost no cuts (TLOU multi is cut a bit but SP is uncut).
 

twobear

sputum-flecked apoplexy
Oct 25, 2011
28,719
1
0
so uhhh am i the only person who thinks that the TF2 stuff is actually kind of an improvement
 

TheChaos0

Member
Feb 20, 2013
3,047
1
0
UK
Do the Persona 2 sunglasses (spoilers? I guess?) count? Because I want them to count.
I don't know if it's considered a spoiler but I'll put it in spoiler tags just in case. But I guess it is...

He went from:
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090606063126/megamitensei/images/8/82/P2-Hitler.jpg

To hipster awesome:
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140208233722/megamitensei/images/4/48/Fuhrer.png

And I thought it was meant to be like that! I mean it almost made sense!
 

Imperfected

Member
Jul 17, 2013
12,888
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Seattle
I'm glad when the robot uprising begins the Germans at least will be prepared. I've tried to lobby the American government to use our youth's obsession with games as a covert form of anti-robot indoctrination and robot war training simulation, to no avail.
 

SoldnerKei

Member
Jun 21, 2013
3,313
0
420
Mexico
Tharja's ass in Fire Emblem Awakening, they intended to censor it but it looks like someone with a cape is about to fuck her, makes it way more awkward...
or I have a dirty mind

 
May 8, 2012
11,365
0
0
Well, your laws didn't censor anything. But you still got a couple of games censored last year - The Last of Us, Twisted Metal, Beyond Two Souls and God of War Ascension. You may notice that these are all Sony games.... that's because Sony decided that every European country is now Germany and they released the censored versions everywhere in Europe. It's the reason I refused to buy Last of Us, and if they censor Remastered too I will refuse to buy that as well.

Then there's South Park: The Stick of Truth whose censorship just made no sense. Ubisoft can also eat shit because of that. For some reason only the console versions were censored, PC remained uncensored.
True, but whatever, that's not a big deal. It's very minor censoring in those Sony games (at least the ones I've played), and in TLOU they only censored the multiplayer, which absolutely no one even played.
 

DrKelpo

Banned
Nov 17, 2013
2,052
1
0
Germany
lets not forget about soldier of fortune 2 german version.

all the humans were replaced by androids and the story took place in an parallel universe

 

Coxy

Member
Feb 27, 2010
6,541
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Ireland
I think La Pucelle was probably the most hilariously ridiculous censorship ever, where they tried to remove all religious references from a game entirely about religious references
 

UrbanRats

Member
Jun 25, 2009
40,860
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830
About these "robot replace humans" censorship method: Once our Robot overlords take over, heads will roll.
 

Carnby

Member
Oct 24, 2009
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825
Mortal Kombat for SNES. Examples of hilarious moments of censorship are, falling into a pit of spikes and landing between the spikes, and Johnny Cage's "tickle you with my foot" fatality.
 

ICKE

Banned
Mar 14, 2012
3,380
0
0
Why is Germany so censor heavy?
Because they have an eternity clause in the constitution that can never be changed :

Article 1 (Protection of human dignity). (1) The dignity of man inviolable. To
respect and protect it is the duty of all state authority.
(2) The German people therefore acknowledge inviolable and inalienable human
rights as the basis of every community, of peace and of justice in the world.
(3) The following basic rights bind the legislature, the executive and the
judiciary as directly enforceable law.


And they tend to take it very seriously. The result is an inconvenience to gamers but that's just how they roll.
 

AlucardGV

Banned
Aug 23, 2011
5,036
0
0
This has to do with PSN avatars, but when Nis America uploadeded avatars for Neptunia V on PSN some of the characters who had a good amount of cleavage were cropped to the point where there's 1/3 of empty space:



Here's one that wasn't censored and the space here was used up:

they did it with the cover too




oh, and more recently south park

 

Haunted

Member
Nov 16, 2006
78,207
0
0
steamcommunity.com
Why is Germany so censor heavy?
Depends on the reason:

Games that feature high impact violence on humans would be changed for the German release because publishers tried to circumvent a USK 18+ rating (which would most likely negatively impact sales, similarly to a game rated AO in the US or a CERO Z in Japan). Which I feel has become more and more irrelevant these days as the game playing demographic gets older.

Nazi imagery: we've recently had a thread about this because Zenimax geo-locked the new Wolfenstein. This is the pertinent section of the criminal code that prevents the display of Nazi symbols, I wrote my opinion on it in the other thread here.

Funnily enough, the latter basically comes down to videogames not being officially accepted as an art form by German law and thus, not being granted an exception from the law like other media (i.e. movies) is. Think about that next time you enter a "videogames = art" debate. :p
 
Article 1 (Protection of human dignity). (1) The dignity of man inviolable. To
respect and protect it is the duty of all state authority.


The "Protection of human dignity?"
Boy, there are all sorts of fun ways that could be interpreted.

Does it disrespect human dignity to have them pay too much for food? For a video game? To be told they're less attractive? To recieve a less-than-perfect mark on an assignment? Etc.
 

ICKE

Banned
Mar 14, 2012
3,380
0
0
The "Protection of human dignity?"
Boy, there are all sorts of fun ways that could be interpreted.

Does it disrespect human dignity to have them pay too much for food? For a video game? To be told they're less attractive? To recieve a less-than-perfect mark on an assignment? Etc.
We all know the background and why certain things are censored in European nations.

I know it can seem silly at times but it is a result of entire cities being devastated and millions of people dying across the continent. Americans, for example, have restricted civil liberties for far less...

But I do agree that some of these things are so utterly pointless.