Can you list 5 things you like about yourself or like about your life? Maybe your brain is in free fall and it could do with a little balance and levelling out.
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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Can you list 5 things you like about yourself or like about your life? Maybe your brain is in free fall and it could do with a little balance and levelling out.
FINALFANTASYDOG
Member
Can do so.
There are obviously other events that caused me to anxiety out which are too complicated to get into on neogaf.
Can see what you mean about the balance and levelling out, don't see anything that can make things better which is leading to the wild spending.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Have you talked to a professional?
Does she have a primary care doctor? They can prescribe an SSRI just as well as a psychiatrist can.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Also, is this the US? and what state? Due to the ACA, she may qualify.
Exactly what I was thinking. Or some kind of crazy mixed state. Definitely Bipolar, likely mania.
This may explain how bad I get to feel in the evenings compared to the rest of the day, I get too sad in the afternoon and later I just can't get better
RustyCassette
Neo Member
I've made periodic posts in here about the state of my mental health and the help I've got so far, but I really don't see much point in continuing. I have a history of self harm and suicidal thoughts, and I had managed to stop the former until last week. I got stuck in a mental loop, all I could think about was how I just wanted everything to stop. I made plans to kill myself on Sunday, obviously I didn't do it, but it's still something that occupies my thoughts even when I put the techniques into practice that my counsellor recommended. I just feel utterly defeated, and I don't think I want to get better. There have been only two things that have kept me going, one has made it abundantly clear that I'm not wanted, and the other is my baby niece who lives 200 miles away and breaks my heart every time I see her. It's just not enough.
I'm not looking for advice, I know all the techniques, the positive thinking, the "it's only temporary", I just don't have the will to do this any more.
I'm not looking for advice, I know all the techniques, the positive thinking, the "it's only temporary", I just don't have the will to do this any more.
Femmeworth
Banned
Can anyone recommend some eye drops that would be good for medication induced dryness?
Mysterious
Banned
Are you in university or college (i.e. York, Ryerson, Toronto)?
I made this post in a marijuana thread:
What I say about marijuana:
At first it feels like a social drug, like alcohol is to some, you meet up with your friends and you all get high and enjoy the time with each other. Over time members of this group will build up tolerances to marijuana and start smoking more. Smoke more equals spend more. Eventually one day you're at the point where everybody needs to spend a whole tenner on themselves to get high. The drug stops being social and sometimes people just stay home and smoke by themselves. Everybody spends a minimum ten dollars a day to get high.
One day you all decide to go to the bar high as fuck and you realize you don't fit in. You're turnt the fuck up. Cant hold a single conversation because of how high you are. Everybody's drinking so you do as well. Then you realize maybe I should just drink right? It makes me want to talk to girls unlike the herb which makes me want to listen to music by myself. Maybe I should quit smoking. By the time you make this mistake you realize you were spending around $300 a month on weed. $300 to a part time worker is a third of his or hers whole monthly income. You have nothing to show for it but a bunch of friends who only thing you have in common with is that you smoke weed together. BUT, now you don't smoke and you have nothing to do with your friends when you hang out.
So you stop hanging out. And then you have no friends and no social skills. The last five years of your life you have only hung out with stoners, you don't know how to talk to regular people. Your mind is burnt and you're broke.
Moral: try it out for yourself the bud, but don't make it a daily thing. If a man is drunk all day hes called an alcoholic, if a man is high all day, don't we call him an addict?
Just because you cant overdose on it doesn't mean you should smoke as much as you can. Smoke, vape or ingest responsibly.
Basically all my friends are pot heads and I dont want to smoke anymore. I smoked with them all for a last time a couple weeks ago without telling them it was my last time. We havent hung out since. I dont know how Ill ever make friends again. For the longest time marijuana has been what connects me to other people. Now I don't know how to meet people. What do sober people do?
What I say about marijuana:
At first it feels like a social drug, like alcohol is to some, you meet up with your friends and you all get high and enjoy the time with each other. Over time members of this group will build up tolerances to marijuana and start smoking more. Smoke more equals spend more. Eventually one day you're at the point where everybody needs to spend a whole tenner on themselves to get high. The drug stops being social and sometimes people just stay home and smoke by themselves. Everybody spends a minimum ten dollars a day to get high.
One day you all decide to go to the bar high as fuck and you realize you don't fit in. You're turnt the fuck up. Cant hold a single conversation because of how high you are. Everybody's drinking so you do as well. Then you realize maybe I should just drink right? It makes me want to talk to girls unlike the herb which makes me want to listen to music by myself. Maybe I should quit smoking. By the time you make this mistake you realize you were spending around $300 a month on weed. $300 to a part time worker is a third of his or hers whole monthly income. You have nothing to show for it but a bunch of friends who only thing you have in common with is that you smoke weed together. BUT, now you don't smoke and you have nothing to do with your friends when you hang out.
So you stop hanging out. And then you have no friends and no social skills. The last five years of your life you have only hung out with stoners, you don't know how to talk to regular people. Your mind is burnt and you're broke.
Moral: try it out for yourself the bud, but don't make it a daily thing. If a man is drunk all day hes called an alcoholic, if a man is high all day, don't we call him an addict?
Just because you cant overdose on it doesn't mean you should smoke as much as you can. Smoke, vape or ingest responsibly.
Basically all my friends are pot heads and I dont want to smoke anymore. I smoked with them all for a last time a couple weeks ago without telling them it was my last time. We havent hung out since. I dont know how Ill ever make friends again. For the longest time marijuana has been what connects me to other people. Now I don't know how to meet people. What do sober people do?
I am at U of T but I failed second year and i'm not sure whether I'll be a student at U of T anymore
Mysterious
Banned
Go right now to health services or the clinic at your university, talk to the doctor about depression and what's bothering you, and from there you can be set up with free therapy sessions (my school does 10 free sessions, and more if you legitimately need it). Pretty sure OSAP covers mental health issues as well (it did for me when I needed it).
FINALFANTASYDOG
Member
Just to add into this going along with losing all my stuff, I'm not particularly tired or on drugs old etc: but I've been doing things like accidentally walking into the womens bathroom on several occasions, going to the wrong part of the super-market wondering where the diet coke is taking a few seconds to realise hey this isn't where the drinks are. no clue if that could be a part of Bipolar-dom
Some days I wish I just couldn't feel at all.
Check out U of T's Student Centre. Also, I love the username and avatar.
Check out U of T's Student Centre. Also, I love the username and avatar.
DoktorEvil
Banned
Thanks for the reply. I assume she does but I haven't asked her what her insurance covers.
Femmeworth
Banned
Saw my therapist today. Now I have her concerned, but luckily she said she wouldn't call anyone at this point.
Hrmmmm... compulsiveness and confusion can be part of a manic or mixed episode but those are kind of... interesting situations you're describing. I take back what I said before, it might not be bipolar. I'm not an expert or anything but I have been around a good amount of bipolar patients. It could be something more serious but I'd definitely consult a doctor if I were you. This is not normal behavior unless you're on drugs or are severely stressed out over something and you said you're not on drugs.
So I may have some sort of confirmation on Monday. I have been participating in studies in order to make some side income and I found one that was looking for people that are "concerned about their mental health" status. I have a screening appointment on Monday that will pay me 30 $ regardless of whither or not I qualify. If I qualify then I could make up to 1000 $. If I need mental health services they will provide them for me at no cost to me .
Answers to my concerns, free health care, and an opportunity to get paid. all in all I should be happy but I am not, in fact I'M scared . My fear lies with being honest with someone who was the power to have me involuntary committed . I just couldn't handle the embarrassment that it would cause me.
The way I see it I have 3 Options
1 Don't go and continue to try to cope with the problems and uncertainty .
2 Tell her the truth and hope that things don't go south .
3 Omit some detail and hope that I still get the help I need without the involuntary
Answers to my concerns, free health care, and an opportunity to get paid. all in all I should be happy but I am not, in fact I'M scared . My fear lies with being honest with someone who was the power to have me involuntary committed . I just couldn't handle the embarrassment that it would cause me.
The way I see it I have 3 Options
1 Don't go and continue to try to cope with the problems and uncertainty .
2 Tell her the truth and hope that things don't go south .
3 Omit some detail and hope that I still get the help I need without the involuntary
if you're gonna go talk to somebody who doesnt know you, your family, doesnt know the first thing about you, why omit details? who cares? whats she gonna do, post your dark weirdness on neogaf?
share the details, bleed the details. the world isn't centered on you today. it hasn't been in the past, it wont be in the future. sharing your feelings with an independent 3rd party hurts nobody, hurts nothing, and will probably help you.
share the details, bleed the details. the world isn't centered on you today. it hasn't been in the past, it wont be in the future. sharing your feelings with an independent 3rd party hurts nobody, hurts nothing, and will probably help you.
Wolf Dawgz
Member
I tried a couple mushrooms I found in my backyard. felt like I needed more excitement. Not sure If I felt anything, but I had some weird dreams when I slept an hour later.
I swear my life is just a series of insane rollercoaster highs and lows as of late.
That's when life decides to throw me a curveball to make things even more crazy.
I've stumbled upon some info about some new friends of mine that I have no idea how to process. The kind of thing that is always going to be at the back of my mind when interacting with them in the future.
The worst part is it's the first new set of friends I've made in years, so I don't know what to do. Everyone I know is asleep who I can talk to about it. Also, I was planning on hanging out with them tomorrow..
That's when life decides to throw me a curveball to make things even more crazy.
I've stumbled upon some info about some new friends of mine that I have no idea how to process. The kind of thing that is always going to be at the back of my mind when interacting with them in the future.
The worst part is it's the first new set of friends I've made in years, so I don't know what to do. Everyone I know is asleep who I can talk to about it. Also, I was planning on hanging out with them tomorrow..
BUNTING1243
Banned
I finally got diagnosed with a condition last week by a psychiatrist, backed up by my doctor.
Chronic Adjustment Disorder.
It's why I find it so hard to cope with any change in schedule, unpexpected moments or the fear and anxiety of not knowing what to expect. It's been a condition that's been worsening over the past two years to an unbearable point, so it's nice to have some kind of idea what's wrong. Finally.
As an example, last week I was driving home and the police had closed off the road into my town due to an accident, meaning everyone had to go the longer route round. I got out my car, screaming, shouting crying at them, absolutely hysterical, I smashed my head repeatedly on my car and screamed at other people behind. I was handcuffed, calmed down and driven home. Wasn't in trouble. It's that kind of situation that happens all the time and has fucked up my job, my personal life, my relationships, etc.
Two weeks ago at work I got moved from my nice role as a QA Supervisor to a standard call centre agent without any warning. I didn't cope well - the first angry customer I had I told he was making me want to kill myself, and I then walked away, slashed my arms to shreds and ended up signed off indefinitely by my doctor to research other career options.
Chronic Adjustment Disorder.
It's why I find it so hard to cope with any change in schedule, unpexpected moments or the fear and anxiety of not knowing what to expect. It's been a condition that's been worsening over the past two years to an unbearable point, so it's nice to have some kind of idea what's wrong. Finally.
As an example, last week I was driving home and the police had closed off the road into my town due to an accident, meaning everyone had to go the longer route round. I got out my car, screaming, shouting crying at them, absolutely hysterical, I smashed my head repeatedly on my car and screamed at other people behind. I was handcuffed, calmed down and driven home. Wasn't in trouble. It's that kind of situation that happens all the time and has fucked up my job, my personal life, my relationships, etc.
Two weeks ago at work I got moved from my nice role as a QA Supervisor to a standard call centre agent without any warning. I didn't cope well - the first angry customer I had I told he was making me want to kill myself, and I then walked away, slashed my arms to shreds and ended up signed off indefinitely by my doctor to research other career options.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Just started my new job last week. No one's actually bothering to be friendly, really, or helping me integrate into the place, though I did make one friend. We're both lawyers.
Last Friday, while everyone else was out at a promotion party -- with a $1000 open bar, even -- my new friend and I were tasked with doing very important work: manually counting words on a page, one by one. I feel incredibly stupid and depressed. The interns actually outrank us (considering they're all Harvard/Yale students), and I think that, when they leave, we'll be taking over intern duties.
Last Friday, while everyone else was out at a promotion party -- with a $1000 open bar, even -- my new friend and I were tasked with doing very important work: manually counting words on a page, one by one. I feel incredibly stupid and depressed. The interns actually outrank us (considering they're all Harvard/Yale students), and I think that, when they leave, we'll be taking over intern duties.
StickSoldier
Member
Just keep your head up man and fight those negative feelings. Try to stay friendly with everyone, regardless of how they make you feel. You've made one friend at least, and that should help a bit until you get more acquainted with the place and others. Just give it time and stay positive. Try your hardest and you'll get somewhere good
As for myself, my psychiatrist thinks I MIGHT have hypomania, which i'm totally cool with because it seems like it can be helpful if it's under control. I've experienced a manic attack only once (started on 4/20 this year then went full blown on 4/27) and ended up in jail because I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut and got in a fight with cops\ I was able to learn so much on how to deal with the mental side of myself the 40 so days I stayed in jail though. I'm a different person. I don't know how to explain it other than I feel like have been reborn into someone else, who doesn't have stress, anxiety, depression, negative thoughts, and the like. This year has been the most eventful year of my life and I wouldn't change anything about it. It's time I take initiative with my life and quit feeling sorry for who I am. I'm done with that, it's time to move on and better myself to try and help those around me. I'm done living this life for myself, I never realize how connected we as people truly are, so I need to change for others, not just for myself.
DyslexicAlucard
Member
For those on (or who have been on) medication, is it normal with Venlafaxine to lose your appetite? It's one of those scenarios right now where I'm weak and a bit hungry, but I'm just mostly put off food right now -- especially larger meals. Any way to fix this, or am I maybe just sick and it's not the meds?
Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated.
Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated
.For those on (or who have been on) medication, is it normal with Venlafaxine to lose your appetite? It's one of those scenarios right now where I'm weak and a bit hungry, but I'm just mostly put off food right now -- especially larger meals. Any way to fix this, or am I maybe just sick and it's not the meds?
Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated
Yeah it's one of the side-effects. how long have you been on it? It might go away after you get used to the medication.
As someone that's been suffering from VERY low appetite for close to a decade, there's really not much I can tell you that helps, sadly. Things that don't require much chewing (like pieces of fruit) are the easiest to get down when you "have" to eat something...
For those on (or who have been on) medication, is it normal with Venlafaxine to lose your appetite? It's one of those scenarios right now where I'm weak and a bit hungry, but I'm just mostly put off food right now -- especially larger meals. Any way to fix this, or am I maybe just sick and it's not the meds?
Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated
I was on Ven and was taken off because I couldnt urinate, funny to look back on but good mother of god it was horrendous at the time, I did not notice losing my appetite at all no, but these drugs affect people differently. In general I have been on Anti-D's for a long while now and ive noticed alot of weight gain, but yes larger meals are a problem for me. Everyone experiences these things differently and if you are unduly concerned you should consult the doctor who prescribed them, just ot make sure its all well and good.
I'm trying to find that now too. I'm about to turn 30 and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with myself. I hate my job, can't really find a new, more fulfilling job, and just feel like shit. I was talking to a therapist for a while, but I'm not sure if it helped very much. He finally suggested I maybe get on antidepressants.
I'm going to talk to my doctor this Friday about getting on them. Hopefully they help me figure my shit out.
Fucking... fucking... fuck. Fuck. That doesn't work in writing.
Want to rant. The problem is, i can't rant to anyone. Writing stuff isn't the same as voicing it... but i'm so fucking private person i can't open my damn mouth to say anything.
I'm good listener, i get people's problems fast, i can say some things even if i can't help them much... but i can't voice my issues. My friend noted last night that i'm easy to talk to. Yeah, i am, and i feel good about that, less so about that i couldn't offer concrete help to my friend (was nothing truly important though so i don't have to worry).
Unfortunately the last night's talk is also partially the reason i'm so frustrated right now.
BTW, I think i mentioned i visited some psychiatrist or some earlier this year, it was utterly pointless. I didn't feel better about anything really, and when she started questioning whether i even had issues, i simply quit the fucking thing. Never got any concrete help. Fucking worthless thing. At least it was free... The wonders of the Nordic countries.
Yeah. So.
I can't talk to people. I mean i can talk about anything but myself though i'll avoid asking about others directly, i'll wait for them to open that line. But you ask me about myself, i'll try to deflect the conversation to something else. Works often too, i'm good that, at white lies and such. It is amazing how blind people are, how bad they're at reading others. Or perhaps i'm just too good at concealing things (not good at bluffing and covering tells. Unfortunate. Winning at poker would be fun. But i digress once again).
And typing this doesn't help one bit.
Want to rant. The problem is, i can't rant to anyone. Writing stuff isn't the same as voicing it... but i'm so fucking private person i can't open my damn mouth to say anything.
I'm good listener, i get people's problems fast, i can say some things even if i can't help them much... but i can't voice my issues. My friend noted last night that i'm easy to talk to. Yeah, i am, and i feel good about that, less so about that i couldn't offer concrete help to my friend (was nothing truly important though so i don't have to worry).
Unfortunately the last night's talk is also partially the reason i'm so frustrated right now.
BTW, I think i mentioned i visited some psychiatrist or some earlier this year, it was utterly pointless. I didn't feel better about anything really, and when she started questioning whether i even had issues, i simply quit the fucking thing. Never got any concrete help. Fucking worthless thing. At least it was free... The wonders of the Nordic countries.
Yeah. So.
I can't talk to people. I mean i can talk about anything but myself though i'll avoid asking about others directly, i'll wait for them to open that line. But you ask me about myself, i'll try to deflect the conversation to something else. Works often too, i'm good that, at white lies and such. It is amazing how blind people are, how bad they're at reading others. Or perhaps i'm just too good at concealing things (not good at bluffing and covering tells. Unfortunate. Winning at poker would be fun. But i digress once again).
And typing this doesn't help one bit.
DyslexicAlucard
Member
Thanks for the help/experience
. I'm also having major issues with oversleeping now. For instance, I slept from 3 am until 11 am, stayed up for an hour, then slept from noon until 4:30 pm, went out for a bit, then slept from 8:30 until 10:30 pm. Of course, now it's 5:15 am and I'm not very tired. I'll try to sleep right away anyway.Also, I've been able to urinate, but I have been noticing it takes a bit more effort than usual. Maybe if my dosage gets upped, it may become an issue :S.
Out of Working Order
Member
I think I might finally be done. Suicide is just an everyday thought to me now - I wake up and go to sleep with it lingering in my mind. I know there's no 'best time' to do it; as if I am being more considerate by holding off; but at some point later this year, when all the family anniversaries and holidays are over with, I think I'll do it.
I am like a robot these days. There's just a crushing emptiness, and a sense that I am obligated to stay around for my close family. I can't relate to people, and I don't fit in; always been socially inept. I can't form relationships with men or women - every interaction is scripted and rudimentary.
I am being selfish. But I see such a bleak future ahead of me that it makes complete sense.
I am tired of fighting myself on this choice I really, deeply down want to make.
I am like a robot these days. There's just a crushing emptiness, and a sense that I am obligated to stay around for my close family. I can't relate to people, and I don't fit in; always been socially inept. I can't form relationships with men or women - every interaction is scripted and rudimentary.
I am being selfish. But I see such a bleak future ahead of me that it makes complete sense.
I am tired of fighting myself on this choice I really, deeply down want to make.
StickSoldier
Member
What are y'alls purpose in life? Mine used to be the typical thing of getting a good job, having a wife, kids, and a nice house. This purpose made me miserable.. That's not the kind of purpose I want in my life,I want to feel like I can help others even at the expense of myself.
I decided to change my purpose earlier this year. After I got out of jail, I've become committed to helping people with their lives instead. I used to be selfish and only wanted to find happiness for myself, which just led to turmoil because I couldn't find the answer to that happiness. Now, with a renewed look on life,I see how important other people are in regards to bringing me happiness. So now, seeing myself bring happiness to others who suffer greatly, impacts me emotionally in a way that I never could achieve before.
It just took me forever to figure it out. Now my life purpose is reached everyday, just by bringing a smile to someone's face. It's an awesome feeling and makes life so much freaking easier. It feels like people finally care about me because of that happiness I can bring in this dark, depressing world. That's what I've always wanted.
Man I hate to hear how bad you are feeling, I hope that'll you see how much you matter to others, especially your family. Sometimes escaping from this reality we are in helps the most. I don't like to keep bringing it up, but jail saved my life. It was a way to experience a life I never thought was possible, but it broke depression because it made me realize how much I truly love life. Maybe taking a vacation if possible, especially with that money saved up will help?
I also feel talking to others with similar problems help because you might find ideas that ease your depression. If you want to talk pm me anytime man, I'm here for you bro. Keep your head up, you got this.
I decided to change my purpose earlier this year. After I got out of jail, I've become committed to helping people with their lives instead. I used to be selfish and only wanted to find happiness for myself, which just led to turmoil because I couldn't find the answer to that happiness. Now, with a renewed look on life,I see how important other people are in regards to bringing me happiness. So now, seeing myself bring happiness to others who suffer greatly, impacts me emotionally in a way that I never could achieve before.
It just took me forever to figure it out. Now my life purpose is reached everyday, just by bringing a smile to someone's face. It's an awesome feeling and makes life so much freaking easier. It feels like people finally care about me because of that happiness I can bring in this dark, depressing world. That's what I've always wanted.
Man I hate to hear how bad you are feeling, I hope that'll you see how much you matter to others, especially your family. Sometimes escaping from this reality we are in helps the most. I don't like to keep bringing it up, but jail saved my life. It was a way to experience a life I never thought was possible, but it broke depression because it made me realize how much I truly love life. Maybe taking a vacation if possible, especially with that money saved up will help?
I also feel talking to others with similar problems help because you might find ideas that ease your depression. If you want to talk pm me anytime man, I'm here for you bro. Keep your head up, you got this.
BUNTING1243
Banned
How long ago was this?
Ongoing. Mostly that the last three years. Though these people were all male and I just wanted to be friends with them. Never was able to get close any women.
FINALFANTASYDOG
Member
Need some advice: I paid $12,000 for an intensive 12 week programming course.
It's now on week 7 and I've forgotten everything we've done.
I'm close to the same level I was on day 1, going to the class now we are just working on individual projects.
I can't bring myself to get in class on time, everyday I'm 2 hours late(literally can't get myself out of bed even on 10 hours of sleep...), and the instructors basically just ignore me as unmotivated. feels too late to start asking them day 1 questions now.
attempting to actually start coding causing me headaches and tiredness as how this is no hope. I sit in the classroom browsing the web all day long..
Should I stop and cut my opputurnity losses or is there any suggestions on how to deal with the headaches and tiredness? ?
It's now on week 7 and I've forgotten everything we've done.
I'm close to the same level I was on day 1, going to the class now we are just working on individual projects.
I can't bring myself to get in class on time, everyday I'm 2 hours late(literally can't get myself out of bed even on 10 hours of sleep...), and the instructors basically just ignore me as unmotivated. feels too late to start asking them day 1 questions now.
attempting to actually start coding causing me headaches and tiredness as how this is no hope. I sit in the classroom browsing the web all day long..
Should I stop and cut my opputurnity losses or is there any suggestions on how to deal with the headaches and tiredness? ?
charlemagne
Member
Seems pretty crazy that you've paid so much money, and at this point everybody is just working on their own projects.
Do you feel like you've forgotten things you've learned, or never learned them in the first place? Either way, for a paid class the instructors are obligated to help you out, regardless of where you're at - if they're any good at teaching at all, they should want to help you!
I've seen a lot of 'unmotivated' students turn it around once they start seeing results. So, I'd recommend trying to do the smallest possible task (e.g., start with the classic "hello world" program), and allowing yourself to celebrate and feel proud when you make any progress. It's hard, but try not to use other students or your own expectations as a yard stick - it never helps and as long as you are moving forward you'll get there eventually.
Out of interest, what are you supposed to be learning in the course?
TheLostBigBoss
Banned
It may not be the place to ask, but where the fuck are you going where a 12 week programming course costs $12,000?
How advanced is this class?
On note, I find it much easier to code at home in a comfortable environment than in classes or public places, so I would see if that's an option for you. Try to talk to your teacher, tell him why you're late and see if he can set up some personal time to catch you up.
I'm not sure if this belongs here, but...
For the past 8 or 9 months I've been feeling increasingly guilty about how my depression has affected my friends. I've essentially ruined friendships with people who I used to consider close.
I know it's not correct to say that it's been caused solely by my attitude, but it kinda feels that way. I've done some things and said some things during some particularly bleak times that I'm not proud of, and am quite shamed of when I think back on it, that (in my mind) has been the cause of my faltering relationships.
Someone that used to consider me their best friend no longer talks to me, or really ever wants to hang out, and I blame that on myself because of my mental state.
Man, typing this up really hurts inside. So, I'm not really asking for advice or a response that can try to rationalize what happened, but I just needed to see it typed out I suppose.
For the past 8 or 9 months I've been feeling increasingly guilty about how my depression has affected my friends. I've essentially ruined friendships with people who I used to consider close.
I know it's not correct to say that it's been caused solely by my attitude, but it kinda feels that way. I've done some things and said some things during some particularly bleak times that I'm not proud of, and am quite shamed of when I think back on it, that (in my mind) has been the cause of my faltering relationships.
Someone that used to consider me their best friend no longer talks to me, or really ever wants to hang out, and I blame that on myself because of my mental state.
Man, typing this up really hurts inside. So, I'm not really asking for advice or a response that can try to rationalize what happened, but I just needed to see it typed out I suppose.
I wanted to reply to this but I'm not sure if you're even alive as of me writing. I don't plan to give you any advice because as your post would suggest, you've done plenty of inward thinking already and know what you want.
What I do want to say is regarding your last paragraph. People who chime on that "it's only temporary" or that depression "gets better over time", make me incredibly frustrated. Is it the same feeling for you? It sounds like you've heard it a lot by now. It's such a narrow-minded view of things. I've personally found that depression is more like waves in the ocean. The bad days come and then they go and you feel better, people are at least right in that aspect, however, like waves, they come-and-go again and again. It's a constant repeating process, which I think a lot of people fail to realize when they say that to someone who's suffering. Sure, you have good days from time to time, but there's a whole lot of bad to it as well, usually more than enough to outweigh the good.
I'm truly sorry you're having such a bad time of things these days, so much so that you feel defeated and are ready to give up. As a human, I wish it was possible to do more, but unfortunately I'm just a guy behind a computer, so this will have to do.
Just wanted to say that I feel your pain and I know a lot of others in here would. I just recently lost a friend after blowing up on them during a pretty bad string of days. I accused them of being completely useless as a friend and not being there for me when I needed someone to talk to (probably because I've exploded in the past and they're sick of it).
You aren't looking for advice so I won't bother giving any, but I wanted you to know someone was at least listening.
FINALFANTASYDOG
Member
I would say it's that case where you learn the concept, can use it that day, but it was never really reinforced aka really learned... so it's forgotten the next week.
It was suppose to be a starter level intensive web developer boot camp course, We've done coffescript(java), Ruby on Rails and are now a meteor project. I literally don't even remember how to make the basic web site set-up though.... but you are right, I'm not going to lose anything I haven't already lost by making the instructors realize I know nothing. Might as well get my $12,000 worth and ask questions like crazy about stuff we've already done.
Following this to see how things work out for you FINALFANTASYDOG. This is exactly how I feel about almost everything in life right now and it's driving me crazy thinking that I'll never be able to retain information. I actually remember that I stopped caring for things around highschool and then started failing classes because I just couldn't remember stuff I'd learned previously, and even now at my job, information about things just goes in one ear and out the other, even though I keep saying to myself, "This is important you have to try to remember this". I don't want to be perpetually fucking things up throughout my life, but it's hard to be hopeful when there's just no will or interest there for anything.
charlemagne
Member
If it makes you feel any better, this is a really common feeling, especially in programming. The thing to focus on is understanding the universal underlying concepts, and knowing enough to know what to google in the future.
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