Mental Health |OT2| - Light in the Darkness

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So I signed a lease for a new place. Gonna be stuck in Colorado for thirteen, but at least I'll have a place to myself and as long as I don't fuck up with amazon, money to actually save.

Hopefully in a little over a years time, I'll be able to move back east with a career path.
 
Leaving a little inspiration. (Background, I have MDD and GAD)

For two years I was after a man that was with another woman, but I could do nothing about it.
I was in love with him for the longest time, but I stubbornly didn't give up, even after that woman was wanting to get married with him.

Fast forward to today, I'm with that man of my dreams, trying to go after a brighter future, and I'm on a better path with new AD's.

For someone who has been wandering in the dark since birth, no matter how bleak it gets, things can literally turn around in as little as a day.

I'm living proof of it.
Great to hear Collete! Its a great feeling when things start to fall into place and you realize things can change for the better when you least expect it.

I hope you're still doing your awesome art!
 
I've been reading Fernando Pessoa's Book of Disquiet over the last couple of days. It's a beautiful book, sad but the sense of kinship it brings me is very warming.

I'm realising now that while I probably do suffer from some form of depression or anxiety, it's primarily my OCD that is truly holding me back. The obsession with getting things just right inevitably leads to disappointment and I can't seem to overcome the sensation when it appears. I had no issue seeing a doctor last year about my mental well-being but for whatever reason, I have become stubborn over the idea of taking medication to function.
 
I was hospitalized Sunday for trying to kill myself. I stayed in the hospital til Monday night. Then they sent me to a crisis shelter of sorts, and now I'm staying in an interim crisis shelter for two weeks. My clinic canceled all my appointments and now I have to do intake all over again. Who knows how long it will be before i get a housing appointment and a doctor appointment. I can't take my meds anymore cause they cause me to jerk uncontrollably. I'm fucked. I turn 30 next week and I will probably be locked up in this shelter still.
 
I was hospitalized Sunday for trying to kill myself. I stayed in the hospital til Monday night. Then they sent me to a crisis shelter of sorts, and now I'm staying in an interim crisis shelter for two weeks. My clinic canceled all my appointments and now I have to do intake all over again. Who knows how long it will be before i get a housing appointment and a doctor appointment. I can't take my meds anymore cause they cause me to jerk uncontrollably. I'm fucked. I turn 30 next week and I will probably be locked up in this shelter still.
You ever need to talk or vent I'm here friend. Glad you didn't take your life.
 
To above poster. Most antidepressants make you non sexual right?

You ever need to talk or vent I'm here friend. Glad you didn't take your life.
I just need to get my meds right. They are keeping me on latuda. They are now giving me an anti-Parkinson's drug to make the side effects of the latuda go away.
 
To above poster. Most antidepressants make you non sexual right?



I just need to get my meds right. They are keeping me on latuda. They are now giving me an anti-Parkinson's drug to make the side effects of the latuda go away.
i suppose they do. i've been rockin the same meds for about 3 years now on and off and they make my sex life non-existent. :/

i heard about latuda. it's once a day right? i was thinkin of tryin it.
 
I suffer from anxiety / panic attacks. I'm on small doses of antidepressants - one pill in the morning, one for actual panic attacks. I'm actually doing much better than some years ago.
Anyway, after 4 years, 2 of which we spent living together, my girlfriend broke up with me last march in a way that, without going too much into it, made me feel terrible. Still have nightmares about that day almost every night.
I've been in one other relationship since, but I told I them that I can't forget about my ex and that I'm not ready for anything serious at this point and would rather be just friends.
Parents are on vacation, I'm home alone. Currently having a panic attack (trying not to take the Valium pill just yet) and feeling like I'm about to die, which is great. Just typing to distract myself in some way.
 
I suffer from anxiety / panic attacks. I'm on small doses of antidepressants - one pill in the morning, one for actual panic attacks. I'm actually doing much better than some years ago.
Anyway, after 4 years, 2 of which we spent living together, my girlfriend broke up with me last march in a way that, without going too much into it, made me feel terrible. Still have nightmares about that day almost every night.
I've been in one other relationship since, but I told I them that I can't forget about my ex and that I'm not ready for anything serious at this point and would rather be just friends.
Parents are on vacation, I'm home alone. Currently having a panic attack (trying not to take the Valium pill just yet) and feeling like I'm about to die, which is great. Just typing to distract myself in some way.
take the pill. i know the feeling of wanting to die sounds great, but take the pill. :/

let that relationship shit rest for a while...spend time for yourself. *thumbsup* and take the pill, lol. -__-
 
take the pill. i know the feeling of wanting to die sounds great, but take the pill. :/

let that relationship shit rest for a while...spend time for yourself. *thumbsup* and take the pill, lol. -__-
Thanks, I'm feeling a bit better now. Made myself a cup of linden tea too.
I always try to wait and see if I can overcome a panic attack before I take Valium.
If I'm outside, I usually take the pill much sooner.
 
Thanks, I'm feeling a bit better now. Made myself a cup of linden tea too.
I always try to wait and see if I can overcome a panic attack before I take Valium.
If I'm outside, I usually take the pill much sooner.
yeah i know what you mean, sorry didn't mean to sound like i'm pressuring you. but glad you're feeling better.
 
i suppose they do. i've been rockin the same meds for about 3 years now on and off and they make my sex life non-existent. :/

i heard about latuda. it's once a day right? i was thinkin of tryin it.
Yeah. Latuda is once a day. It actually works for me, but it gives me uncontrollable tremors so I stopped taking it. My old docs gave me an anti-hypertension med to make it go away, but that didn't work. Now they're putting me on an anti-Parkinson's med to make the tremors stop. It feels weird to say I'm on Parkinson's meds tho lol

Edit: I just realized I am kinda repeating myself.
 
Yeah. Latuda is once a day. It actually works for me, but it gives me uncontrollable tremors so I stopped taking it. My old docs gave me an anti-hypertension med to make it go away, but that didn't work. Now they're putting me on an anti-Parkinson's med to make the tremors stop. It feels weird to say I'm on Parkinson's meds tho lol

Edit: I just realized I am kinda repeating myself.
so wait, does it help, or does it not help? cause i'm trying to figure out what is working fpr tej ,akprodtu pf [[;/
 

neojubei

Will drop pants for Sony.
Everytime the weekend comes I wonder if this is the weekend I should die. Another would change if I did live. Still alone. Last in death I don't have to be rejected. Bought tickets to see kubo this weekend. Actually 2 tickets for myself reserved seats that recline. Kind of couple seating except I don't have anyone. Pretty sure there will be couples there especially gay couples. I really hate being gay and the whole gay community. Everything is about the way you look and everytime my friend drags me to a gay club I feel like I am in the middle of a KKK rally. Nonwhite gays stick out. I get rejections and yet I still have those gay dating apps. Seems I like hurting myself yet I cannot even take a gun and blow my brains away. My friend hate it when I talk about death especially because he is in poor health yet he has a boyfriend car family he loves and friends. I have no one. I hate my own family so much. I'm probably going to over dose on something rather than jump in front of a train or off a bridge. I know life itself hates me because I bet the overdose won't even kill me just give me some ailment for life like liver problems. I wish I can mark on my calendar when I will die so I can have something to look forward towards than living this horrid life. I have all the drugs and crap I need for an overdose and yet I haven't even done anything. Since life hates me I'll probably have something embarassing and hurtful happen to me when I see the movie tomorrow and that might fuel the fire for me to die.
 
Weekends are so terribly lonely. I lost my 2 best friends when my mental health fell apart with my ex, and I don't blame them, because I went borderline crazy. But fuck, this loneliness is so hard to deal with. If I didn't have my dog, I'd hate to think what I would of done to myself by now....
 
Everytime the weekend comes I wonder if this is the weekend I should die. Another would change if I did live. Still alone. Last in death I don't have to be rejected. Bought tickets to see kubo this weekend. Actually 2 tickets for myself reserved seats that recline. Kind of couple seating except I don't have anyone. Pretty sure there will be couples there especially gay couples. I really hate being gay and the whole gay community. Everything is about the way you look and everytime my friend drags me to a gay club I feel like I am in the middle of a KKK rally. Nonwhite gays stick out. I get rejections and yet I still have those gay dating apps. Seems I like hurting myself yet I cannot even take a gun and blow my brains away. My friend hate it when I talk about death especially because he is in poor health yet he has a boyfriend car family he loves and friends. I have no one. I hate my own family so much. I'm probably going to over dose on something rather than jump in front of a train or off a bridge. I know life itself hates me because I bet the overdose won't even kill me just give me some ailment for life like liver problems. I wish I can mark on my calendar when I will die so I can have something to look forward towards than living this horrid life. I have all the drugs and crap I need for an overdose and yet I haven't even done anything. Since life hates me I'll probably have something embarassing and hurtful happen to me when I see the movie tomorrow and that might fuel the fire for me to die.
mr Flash, chill. :) i know life sucks and i have no knowledge of being gay, but i can input my 2 cents of not letting that shit get to you to the point of contemplating suicide. :/ don't do it man.

i think you have't OD'd cause there's still a purpose for you on this fucked up earth and that's a GOOD thing! :) so hang in there man.
 
Weekends are so terribly lonely. I lost my 2 best friends when my mental health fell apart with my ex, and I don't blame them, because I went borderline crazy. But fuck, this loneliness is so hard to deal with. If I didn't have my dog, I'd hate to think what I would of done to myself by now....
think it's good you have your dog tbh. i'm an animal lover, so my opnion is biased, but maybe your dog is what gives you reason to keep going? if so, i say take that to your advantage. :)
 
so recently i was told i may have early stage psychosis due to a lot of my symptoms. i'm already getting sick of doctors and so on so the prospect of having to see yet more people is lowkey killing me.
 
I am looking for some diagnosis here. For some reason, the last few years I developed severe paranoia and anxiety. It never used to be like this either. I have never been to a doctor for this so I am not sure how to describe it.

Anyway, I have been thinking that every outcome will have the worst case scenario or that people are always judging me. Like, if I get an A in a class, my paranoia thinks my teacher will realize she made a mistake and change my grade, that when I am driving that I will get in an accident, or flying something will happen with the plane. It's pretty bad but I don't know what the best diagnosis is or what to do. Advice? I appreciate anything.
 
I am looking for some diagnosis here. For some reason, the last few years I developed severe paranoia and anxiety. It never used to be like this either. I have never been to a doctor for this so I am not sure how to describe it.

Anyway, I have been thinking that every outcome will have the worst case scenario or that people are always judging me. Like, if I get an A in a class, my paranoia thinks my teacher will realize she made a mistake and change my grade, that when I am driving that I will get in an accident, or flying something will happen with the plane. It's pretty bad but I don't know what the best diagnosis is or what to do. Advice? I appreciate anything.
Go to a doctor, dude. We're not qualified to give you a diagnosis.
 
To above poster. Most antidepressants make you non sexual right?



I just need to get my meds right. They are keeping me on latuda. They are now giving me an anti-Parkinson's drug to make the side effects of the latuda go away.
Mine actually make me erm, last longer now as my anxiety about life isn't as bad. I'm doing ok with them!
 
I am looking for some diagnosis here. For some reason, the last few years I developed severe paranoia and anxiety. It never used to be like this either. I have never been to a doctor for this so I am not sure how to describe it.

Anyway, I have been thinking that every outcome will have the worst case scenario or that people are always judging me. Like, if I get an A in a class, my paranoia thinks my teacher will realize she made a mistake and change my grade, that when I am driving that I will get in an accident, or flying something will happen with the plane. It's pretty bad but I don't know what the best diagnosis is or what to do. Advice? I appreciate anything.
What the others said - doctor! If you can't afford a doctor then seek out some kind of counselling - you'll be surprised at the amount of free services out there!
 
Recently realized that I have a crush on a lesbians chick I talk to online.
Pretty shitty because I really enjoyed having a perfectly platonic friendship with her as she's by far the person I've had the easiest time talking to in my entire life and now I have to distance myself.
Welp.
 
I don't fully understand myself. I'm on medication (prozac 20mg and wellbutrin 400mg), I'm not exactly unhappy, yet I still do nothing and only WANT to do nothing.

Not necessarily "nothing" nothing, but nothing that allows me to grow as human. I only want to sleep in and play games.

I've been unemployed for over a year now, and in that year have been on a ton of different medications, and yet nothing works. I've been in therapy for the past few months and I'm STILL going nowhere.

I understand this is fully in my control, but that's the problem. Under my brain's command, I want to be idle.
 
so recently i was told i may have early stage psychosis due to a lot of my symptoms. i'm already getting sick of doctors and so on so the prospect of having to see yet more people is lowkey killing me.
I know the feeling and for my part I'm never taken really seriously when I try to explain that I might have chronical depression with up an down sides with anger problems... fortunaly for me, I'm living with someone who isn't like me so he is able to knock some sense into me most of the time but that isn't the same for him. I always doubt if my words get through him...

Anyway, instead of taking random meds (I'm taking some at the moment, tho), I'm trying to do go out for 30 mins a day, just walking. It imrpouved my mental health, my body feel better. Before, I disliked walking with no purpose because I don't have a nice park near my house. So I searched a companion walk app on mobile and choosed Pokemon Go. Having a goal to go out motivated me to do it.

I don't know if I will be able to keep it up when it will become cold but when I do it I feel less sad, dark though come less easier too. So yeah, doing some little excercices did improuved my mental health. My body also feel less tense/stressed. So if you're able to, try to find a walk companion app, not everyone has friends to go out share a walk.
 

neojubei

Will drop pants for Sony.
I wish I could fall in love and get married have a family. Being gay seems to hinder that. All my other male cousins have kids and a wife or girlfriend. Not saying their life is perfect but gay lifestyle is horrid shit if you don't look a certain way. I find myself looking at wedding proposal videos on YouTube or wedding movies only to feel super bad afterward since it will never be me. I get it. Life itself or whatever cosmic force out there doesn't want me to meet anyone. It's probably best if I did die which would be an improvement on myself
 
I wish I could fall in love and get married have a family. Being gay seems to hinder that. All my other male cousins have kids and a wife or girlfriend. Not saying their life is perfect but gay lifestyle is horrid shit if you don't look a certain way. I find myself looking at wedding proposal videos on YouTube or wedding movies only to feel super bad afterward since it will never be me. I get it. Life itself or whatever cosmic force out there doesn't want me to meet anyone. It's probably best if I did die which would be an improvement on myself

That's nonsense! I have gay/lesbian friends, that don't follow under the normal "attractive" spectrum but are married and have adopted kids.

Hell, I'm a 31 decently attractive straight male, and I'm having trouble finding the same things you desire for. Maybe some day we'll both find those things
 
I am looking for some diagnosis here. For some reason, the last few years I developed severe paranoia and anxiety. It never used to be like this either. I have never been to a doctor for this so I am not sure how to describe it.

Anyway, I have been thinking that every outcome will have the worst case scenario or that people are always judging me. Like, if I get an A in a class, my paranoia thinks my teacher will realize she made a mistake and change my grade, that when I am driving that I will get in an accident, or flying something will happen with the plane. It's pretty bad but I don't know what the best diagnosis is or what to do. Advice? I appreciate anything.
Not diagnosing you but yes, I've been there even when people tell me I'm fantastic at my job. I spoke to a healthcare professional and am doing much better these days. Give hat a shot.
 
Man... I had a terrible appointment with my psych today. He essentially yelled at me... told me I couldn't change medications despite the fact that it's giving me near daily headaches.

He said I've been on "too many" medications.
 
I wish I could fall in love and get married have a family. Being gay seems to hinder that. All my other male cousins have kids and a wife or girlfriend. Not saying their life is perfect but gay lifestyle is horrid shit if you don't look a certain way. I find myself looking at wedding proposal videos on YouTube or wedding movies only to feel super bad afterward since it will never be me. I get it. Life itself or whatever cosmic force out there doesn't want me to meet anyone. It's probably best if I did die which would be an improvement on myself


hmm, too convulted :p
 
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