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My Brother's Last Wish: To Leave a $500 Tip...For Pizza
- Thread starter Seth C
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I feel so bad for you and your family. I hope he beats the odds.There's always hope. My heart is with you and your family.
Devolution
Member
Thoughts and prayers are with you op. Sorry the thread turned into a morality/selfishness debate about the act. Really tactless stuff in here.
I'm not. Preparing for the worst but still hoping for the best.
I know it's like this whole defensive mechanism thing to blame the victim of suicide for taking their own lives, calling them selfish cowards and all of that. But in the whole ordeal, most attempted suicides who have recovered would tell you that they really didn't want to die. They were just in such an extreme emotional state that they mislead themselves and didn't know what else to do but commit mortal violence upon themselves. Temporary insanity, in other words, even if it seems to be motivated by malice or revenge. These people aren't thinking rationally, so it's not a rational act for which they should be held completely responsible, or blamed before they are helped. So before you use apathy or unsympathetic judgement to put off the hurt that you feel, OP, keep in mind that your brother is not well, and needs help and love and understanding, not blame because his family would "help" him through whatever it is he was going through. That's not really how emotions work, in sickness or even in health. Just being "there" for someone isn't going to absolve them of all their inner turmoil or pain. It takes a lot more, and sometimes it's a complicated and controlled process.
edit: sorry Seth, I didn't read the thread, just the first post so I didn't see your clarification. I'm sorry this has happened to your family, and I can really only say just try to be there for everyone involved. Parents will always blame themselves on a level, even when it's completely not. People saying they should have known, or should have seen the signs, or done something differently to prevent it because they felt or knew that someone was standing close to the edge. I think it's a natural part of the process, but she has to eventually understand that while taking it all on herself might be part of how she deals with it, it doesn't ultimately help the situation, or herself. Maybe try to help her see this from a more practical standpoint and not so much an emotional one, because one way or another there is a lot of work to do from this point on, to help your brother, and your family in general. There are real world things to deal with, his emotional health, possible further injury, and she can will probably want to give all of those things a priority over hypotheticals in the past that she has no control over today. Your brother is still alive, and he's going to need her.
edit: sorry Seth, I didn't read the thread, just the first post so I didn't see your clarification. I'm sorry this has happened to your family, and I can really only say just try to be there for everyone involved. Parents will always blame themselves on a level, even when it's completely not. People saying they should have known, or should have seen the signs, or done something differently to prevent it because they felt or knew that someone was standing close to the edge. I think it's a natural part of the process, but she has to eventually understand that while taking it all on herself might be part of how she deals with it, it doesn't ultimately help the situation, or herself. Maybe try to help her see this from a more practical standpoint and not so much an emotional one, because one way or another there is a lot of work to do from this point on, to help your brother, and your family in general. There are real world things to deal with, his emotional health, possible further injury, and she can will probably want to give all of those things a priority over hypotheticals in the past that she has no control over today. Your brother is still alive, and he's going to need her.
eudaemonic
Member
Wow... I just... yeah.
I'd be angry. Not because of it's affect on me... but my mom and dad. I'd be angry that yeah, it may have been his decision... I'd just wish it could have been just quick and over with instead of leaving them with these bills and the memories of what's now happening instead of leaving them with a good memory and then exiting.
I always thought that if I wanted to end it... I needed to make sure it's done in such a way that my family wouldn't have to deal with any unpleasantness other than my no longer being around.
I hope for the best for you and your family, OP. Hopefully it's the one that's easiest on your hearts.
I'd be angry. Not because of it's affect on me... but my mom and dad. I'd be angry that yeah, it may have been his decision... I'd just wish it could have been just quick and over with instead of leaving them with these bills and the memories of what's now happening instead of leaving them with a good memory and then exiting.
I always thought that if I wanted to end it... I needed to make sure it's done in such a way that my family wouldn't have to deal with any unpleasantness other than my no longer being around.
I hope for the best for you and your family, OP. Hopefully it's the one that's easiest on your hearts.
Insane Metal
Gold Member
Damn, that sucks. Best wishes OP, to you and your brother. And your family of course. I hope he survives and learns the lesson.
This story gets worse with every new development. I hate her.
They have had him cooled for that reason, yes. His kidney function, liver, heart, every organ but his brain is fine. No apparent damage.
Forcing people to suffer for your own benefit is also pretty bad. Being angry at someone for wanting to end their own suffering just seems childish and mean.
Girlfriend sounds like a witch, she should face some consequences for this but she probably won't.
Did they remove parts of his skull to help with the swelling? Gah...I hate the helplessness you feel, standing on the sidelines of a tragedy like this. When things like this just sort of explode into our lives out of the blue.
I always disagreed with criminalization of these things too, because there are so many people victimized by this mental health issue, friends and loved ones, not just the primary victim. And it's almost never a 'malicious' act.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
This isn't the place for debate. I hope your family stays positive.
lunarworks
Member
Feels like an awful time to ask, but in the chance he doesn't recover, did he sign a donor card?
I'm still hoping for the best for you, though.
Gotta keep hope. Stay strong.
lunarworks
Member
Just think about all the things you have done for him over the years.
The last time I saw him was the weekend after his birthday, on the 17th. After dinner I took him out to my favorite brewery and bought him a beer to celebrate his 30th.
They will but I'm not strong enough. The last time I went in to talk to him I broke down in tears alone for 15 minutes. They actually say not talking to him is best. Any stress on him, to respond or react, is actually more harmful right now. They say.
Vivalaraza
Member
Steady. She herself must be going through some crazy stuff right now. Not absolving her or any "blame" but really she didn't plan or cause this.
I'm sorry to hear about this Seth, it's really heart breaking. I can totally understand why you are angry. Hopefully he pulls through. Try not to be angry with him, whilst its totally understandable why you are/would be, it might not help you or him.
It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility on you with your mum and other family members being distraught. Don't forget you have every right to feel the same and as much as you're supporting them you need support to. Maybe speak to a friend or if it's helping, keep posting here.
I really hope your brother manages to recover and face whatever problems he may have had with you and your family right there with him!
Hydranockz
Member
Seth, I really hope you and your family can get through this ok. I'm keeping you in my prayers.
Posting helps a bit. I would like to be with my best friend but sadly she isn't able. Thank you though.
The Lamonster
Member
Hoping for the best, man.
It's not your place to help him now so don't feel bad that you can't. Just be there for your family. I'm really hoping he pulls through.
I know. It's just he is my little brother and I always want to be able to help him.
Yeah I can't imagine how helpless you must feel. I have a sister who's attempted suicide in the past and I'd probably go nuts if I were in your situation.
Just a question because I'm curious- you said the doctors told you it'd be a bad idea if you try to talk to him because it could be unneeded stress on him. Does that mean he is conscious to some degree? Maybe a dumb question.
lunarworks
Member
Hold onto that. If he recovers, take him there again.
I don't really know. It seemed odd. But I guess the treatment is based on cooling and slowing all of his processed and trying to interact with him, of he was there, could hamper that.
He is still breathing, peeing, etc. all of his involuntary functions are operating on their own, including managing blood pressure.
phosphor112
Banned
I'm guessing he got an MRI? If you can get a hold of the images... let me know. (I'm sure there are other Neuro guys on here). Usually you can get a copy on CD. They have "dicom" image files. I don't have a viewer at home, but I know on Thursday I can take a look at it at work.
Also, what does she mean swelling? Ask her if its blood or CSF (cerebral spinal fluid, they'll know what CSF is)... Man I wish I can look at those.
I sent you a private message.
phosphor112
Banned
I'll read it in a sec. Posting this real quick.
This is out of my area, but it sounds like a good sign. The way the cooling works is that after cells begin to die off, toxins are released from the cells. If too many cells die at once, the body fills with toxins, and then mainly the liver has to deal with it. Though too much will completely destroy or shut down the liver.
Anyway, when the body is cooled, it's functions slow down. Not only does growth slow down, but even the death of cells slow down. It's like those people that don't make it to the top of Mount Everest. They look almost perfectly preserved because the cells just don't get to fully die and decay.... Back from that tangent. So, cells slow down in death, meaning less toxins are released into the body, and that allows doctors the time it needs to assist the body into recovering, and thus getting better.
EDIT: Haven't received the PM yet.
I H8 Memes
Member
Really sorry to hear this Seth. Hearing that he still is able to control bodily functions on his own sounds like a very good sign though. Hopefully he pulls through.
sounds like a good sign thankfully.
Metroid Hunter
Banned
I hope and pray for you and your family that your brother will recover, and see his loving family standing there for him to the point he feels his decision was stupid, and gives you and your mom a big hug.
I hope the best for you and your family!
I hope the best for you and your family!
Ether_Snake
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I wish you and your family and brother the best outcome and recovery.
Thanks. I resent it.
TerminalDogma
Member
I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I really hope your brother pulls through.
phosphor112
Banned
I just responded. Hopefully you'll get it soon. I think the PM system is just slow.
hockeypuck
Member
You're a neuroradiologist?
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