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[commedieu]

Deja Vu.

 

[squidyj]

Tell him to stop involving you in his bullshit.

I don't like the idea of telling your parents because they are third parties to this as well. If you can't or won't tell the wife directly then trying to play a game of telephone with the information where everyone knows before she does is pretty shitty. I would recommend telling her but if You don't actually know her at all I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that.

 

[crimzonflame]

Aids?

So disappointed.

 

[Moppet13]

What's the one week rule?

One gaffer had a thread like this and made it clear that he had a 1 week rule, where if he found out you were cheating on your significant other he gave you 1 week to tell them or he would do it for you no matter what.

 

[Vermillion]

There will be three types of people in this thread. The "don't tell her" group - usually these people will have negative personal experiences where they told and it ruined their relationship with both people, or they'll go all bro-code.

The second type will insist you inform a third-party. This is probably most reasonable.

The third type will insist you tell her, and they will argue with the first type throughout most of the thread. Have fun, ladies and gentlemen.

 

[crimzonflame]

One gaffer had a thread like this and made it clear that he had a 1 week rule, where if he found out you were cheating on your significant other he gave you 1 week to tell them or he would do it for you no matter what.

He also said only poor and uneducated "thugs" cheat.

 

[Jay Sosa]

Oh bullshit, something good almost always comes of it. They break up, the victim gets to date someone who actually cares about them. I'd call that good.

Because some people actually have empathy for others, even if they're strangers.

He isn't even sure for christ sake What if he doesn't cheat and is only talk like 99% of all men? Is it ok then to (potentially) ruin his life?

 

[SquiddyCracker]

I'm glad people haven't brought up bro codes and whatnot, because they are all irrelevant if he risk hurting his wife both psychologically and physically, by being a cheat and possibly get some STD that he might pass onto her.
If this looks like it's getting serious, then you should definitely let his wife know discreetly, or consult with your parents/the wife's parents.

 

[Goreomedy]

Take your cousin to a gay bar.

 

[squidyj]

I'm glad people haven't brought up bro codes and whatnot, because they are all irrelevant if he risk hurting his wife both psychologically and physically, by being a cheat and possibly get some STD that he might pass onto her.

I think bro code says you gotta be a bro before you're covered under the bro code.

Take your cousin to a gay bar.

I wanna take you to a gay bar.

 

[Moppet13]

He also said only poor and uneducated "thugs" cheat.

Man it's been too long since I read that, does anyone have a link to that thread I'd love to reread it.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

There will be three types of people in this thread. The "don't tell her" group - usually these people will have negative personal experiences where they told and it ruined their relationship with both people, or they'll go all bro-code.

The second type will insist you inform a third-party. This is probably most reasonable.

The third type will insist you tell her, and they will argue with the first type throughout most of the thread. Have fun, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm of the opinion that telling his wife is the "right thing", but not necessarily the best thing for him. I would just tell the guy to not flaunt that shit around him, make it clear he disapproves and stay out of it. His wife will find out soon enough, because guys generally suck at cheating.

 

[gabbo]

He brought you into this, whatever you do end up doing is on him, not you. You could casually mention what he said to you in your car to your parents and then gtfo of the situation.

 

[Invisible_Insane]

God another one of these threads of "it's not your place to tell her" cockameme bullshit. Just do it, anyone deserves to know when their spouse or SO is being a philandering shithead. If she already knows then no sweat off your back.

I have to disagree. It's really not his place to enforce what is essentially a bilateral contract, particularly since it does not appear as though he has any relationship of significance to the man's wife.

Non-intervention is the best course.

 

[Jangocube]

I agree with this. She deserves to know his shitheadedness.

Ah, good ol' Devolution posts. Never see 'em unless they are quoted.

It's not his place to say anything as it would cause unnecessary drama for all involved. But if the OP wants to fall on that sword, more power to ya.

 

[2th]

obligatory "snitches get stitches" post

 

[Valnen]

It's not his place to say anything as it would cause unnecessary drama for all involved.

Uhh, if someone is cheating, that drama is quite necessary actually. She deserves to know so she can move on to a better relationship.

 

[Goreomedy]

How often does this really happen? The "volunteered" wingman.

 

[Kinyou]

Uhh, if someone is cheating, that drama is quite necessary actually. She deserves to know so she can move on to a better relationship.

Also is the drama pretty much inevitable.

 

[Invisible_Insane]

Ah, good ol' Devolution posts. Never see 'em unless they are quoted.

It's not his place to say anything as it would cause unnecessary drama for all involved. But if the OP wants to fall on that sword, more power to ya.

Announcing that you have someone on ignore would seem to belie the point.

Don't be a twat.

 

[SapientWolf]

Find a way to contact the wife and tell her. The sooner she finds out, the better, so she can leave the asshole and not continue to waste her time. The longer she's in this relationship, the less time she could be dating someone that actually cares about her.

There's no evidence that he slept with another woman. Not even circumstantial evidence. Doesn't seem like it would be right to potentially break up a marriage over an assumption.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

Uhh, if someone is cheating, that drama is quite necessary actually. She deserves to know so she can move on to a better relationship.

OP doesn't even know her or the whole situation. For all we know they are separating or something, or she cheats on him too and they deserve each other, or maybe he's just a douche will low self esteem and is just talking shit to try and make himself look better. Not enough info or involvement for him to start shit.

 

[crimzonflame]

Dont forget about the children.

 

[Jangocube]

Uhh, if someone is cheating, that drama is quite necessary actually. She deserves to know so she can move on to a better relationship.

No it's not actually. He does not know their relationship or what they have been through. Unless you are very close with the people and interact with them all the time, stay out of it. You are interfering on a level that shouldn't be crossed unless absolutely necessary(which the OP doesn't know if it is or not).

Announcing that you have someone on ignore would seem to belie the point.

Don't be a twat.

A twat? Like calling me a twat for responding to a comment that basically quoted me in an asinine way? GTFO

 

[Taco_Human]

Tell her anonymously then bail. Shenanigans to come up.

 

[B!TCH]

I should mention that I don't know the wife at all, and even if I was convinced I should tell her, I don't know how I would even get in contact with her. At the very least without going through my cousin first. She probably wouldn't believe me anyway so the only people who I can realistically tell are my parents (maybe float it by my dad first then my mom depending on how my dad reacts)

Ah, and he wants me to add him on Facebook. I'm glad we're such good buddies now.

How often does this really happen? The "volunteered" wingman.

It works if the guy thinks you are a pushover. My cousin probably thinks he can push me around because of my age and the fact that he is physically bigger than me.

 

[Slayven]

I say leave it alone, you never know what kind of agreements him and his wife might have. You go blabbing around town and you embarrassed them by putting their freakiness out on the streets.

 

[Kusagari]

1. He has no real proof, and doesn't even know for sure, if the guy is cheating.
2. He has no idea what the relationship between this guy and his wife is.
3. He doesn't even know these people and probably would have a hard time even contacting the wife.

So, basically his options are either to stay out of it or tell the parents he thinks the guy is cheating.

This is not as black and white as people are acting like.

 

[RBH]

I'd normally say get involved, but you basically know nothing about those people or their relationship. I'd stay out of it.

This is completely different from that other GAF thread where the OP knew the girl directly, and everyone was still telling him to stay out of it. I really disagreed with that.

My thoughts as well.

 

[clemenx]

You should just do whatever you think it's right. Whatever you do in this case it wouldn't really have an effect on you as they're from another country.

 

[Invisible_Insane]

A twat? Like calling me a twat for responding to a comment that basically quoted me in an asinine way? GTFO

Because you're the only person in this frequently recurring type of thread to suggest that non-intervention is the best course?

Baby, you're so vain.

1. He has no real proof, and doesn't even know for sure, if the guy is cheating.
2. He has no idea what the relationship between this guy and his wife is.
3. He doesn't even know these people and probably would have a hard time even contacting the wife.

So, basically his options are either to stay out of it or tell the parents he thinks the guy is cheating.

This is not as black and white as people are acting like.

Given the options you've presented, it does seem pretty black-and-white?

 

[Raonak]

Tell her anonymously then bail. Shenanigans to come up.

yeah, thats the least you can do.

 

[bjb]

Send her a secret email with the address name as "thefamilyinformat", or something to that effect.

That way when shit goes down, you can blame on it another less fortunate member of your brood.

 

[Goreomedy]

(maybe float it by my dad first then my mom depending on how my dad reacts)

"Dad, can you pass me a screwdriver. Cousin Charles was looking for pussy last night. No, not the Phillips, the flat head."

 

[Kinyou]

I should mention that I don't know the wife at all, and even if I was convinced I should tell her, I don't know how I would even get in contact with her. At the very least without going through my cousin first. She probably wouldn't believe me anyway so the only people who I can realistically tell are my parents (maybe float it by my dad first then my mom depending on how my dad reacts)

Ah, and he wants me to add him on Facebook. I'm glad we're such good buddies now.

I'd try to talk to him, maybe understand his situation and then evaluate things from a new. If he doesn't want to be with his wife anymore he should get a divorce, if he just wants to blow off some steam he could try to find other ways to do this. If there is no reasoning with him I'd involve a third party. (someone who knows him better)

 

[Jangocube]

Because you're the only person in this frequently recurring type of thread to suggest that non-intervention is the best course?

Baby, you're so vain.

Apparently you aren't reading the same thread I am.

 

[likedamaster]

1st of all, assume nothng. 2nd, confront him about it, humbly(no one's an angel)... asking him why he's doing this, isn't he a religious man, etc. Tell him to stop his evil ways(if that is what he's doing) or you will definitely tell your parents, etc.

It's really very simple. You might even cause him to reflect on his own deeds and turn away from it.

 

[Glorified G]

The title of this thread should be "I THINK my cousin is cheating on his wife." You really don't know If he is or not. And how are going to contact his wife if you don't even know her? Since you barely know this guy & very little about their relationship, I would stay out of it.

 

[Clockwork]

God another one of these threads of "it's not your place to tell her" cockameme bullshit. Just do it, anyone deserves to know when their spouse or SO is being a philandering shithead. If she already knows then no sweat off your back.

Indeed.

I never understand why people say it's not your place, you don't know the situation, stay out of it, etc etc.

I'm usually in the minority though.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

Indeed.

I never understand why people say it's not your place, you don't know the situation, stay out of it, etc etc.

I'm usually in the minority though.

You don't understand why people say "You don't know the situation" when the OP admits he doesn't know the situation?

 

[Brian Fellows]

I say who cares if some asshole you just met cheats on some chick you've never heard of until this week.

Just don't help him.

 

[Slayven]

You don't understand why people say "You don't know the situation" when the OP admits he doesn't know the situation?

What you aren't omniscient too?

 

[Jangocube]

You don't understand why people say "You don't know the situation" when the OP admits he doesn't know the situation?

I wouldn't use logic here sir!

To perceive the decrying of that position as a personal attack on you is ridiculously defensive.

Not when it's word for word and it's trolled in similar ways in the past. Doesn't bother me either way, I just like how you white-knighted in with the twat line. But anyways...

 

[Bombadil]

So fast forward to this past Thursday when he decided to "skip" his conference.

He didn't waste any time getting to the point and straight up told me that the reason why he wanted me to take him out that night was because he had met a woman at his conference who had invited him out that night.

?

 

[Invisible_Insane]

Apparently you aren't reading the same thread I am.

Apparently you don't know what question marks signify.

You are not the only person in the thread to say that non-intervention is the best course. I, as a matter of fact, endorsed the same position.

To perceive the decrying of that position as a personal attack on you is ridiculously defensive.

 

[HeySeuss]

You don't understand why people say "You don't know the situation" when the OP admits he doesn't know the situation?

Don't go injecting logic and reason where it doesn't belong. Clearly, he deserves the death penalty.

 

[dojokun]

I understand the "it's not your place to say anything" take on this, but the cousin decided it was the OP's place to be an accessory to the cheating. If the perp decides its your place to be an accessory, then it should go both ways, and it's also your place to be expose it.

 

[Clockwork]

You don't understand why people say "You don't know the situation" when the OP admits he doesn't know the situation?

I wasn't just talking about this thread.

There have been many other cases in the past where the situation was much more clear, yet people repeat the same thing ad nauseam.



And you know what, even in this case it's pretty clear imo. Intent is just as bad as follow through. The fact that he even wanted to meet up with this chick (and wanted to hide it from OP's parents) is morally dubious.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

I understand the "it's not your place to say anything" take on this, but the cousin decided it was the OP's place to be an accessory to the cheating. If the perp decides its your place to be an accessory, then it should go both ways, and it's also your place to be expose it.

He doesn't know that anything happened. For all he knows the cousin and his wife are swingers. Maybe they are separated. Maybe he was just talking shit, changed his mind at the last second, didn't cheat and now today realizes he almost made a mistake and wants to save his marriage.

I wasn't just talking about this thread.

There have been many other cases in the past where the situation was much more clear, yet people repeat the same thing ad nauseam.



And you know what, even in this case it's pretty clear imo. Intent is just as bad as follow through. The fact that he even wanted to meet up with this chick (and wanted to hide it from OP's parents) is morally dubious.

Because it's human nature for most people to not want to involve themselves in other people's drama. Like I said before, telling might be the "right" thing, but it's probably not in my best interest to go blabbing about something, especially when it's two people I don't even know that well. You have to weigh that against how much shit you are going to put up with. If my sister's husband was out cheating and I knew about it, yeah I'm going to involve myself in the drama...some random cousin and his wife who I don't know? Not worth it.

 

[Invisible_Insane]

I wasn't just talking about this thread.

There have been many other cases in the past where the situation was much more clear, yet people repeat the same thing ad nauseam.

And you know what, even in this case it's pretty clear imo. Intent is just as bad as follow through. The fact that he even wanted to meet up with this chick (and wanted to hide it from OP's parents) is morally dubious.

So anyone in a monogamous relationship who experiences temptation should, where possible, have that temptation reported to their partner?

You said you can't understand why people think non-intervention is the appropriate course in most cases. That is the essence of it. Monogamy is a bilateral agreement, and it is an act of incredible arrogance to assume yourself the enforcer of its terms.