If he had any sort of real proof it would be black and white to tell the parents. He doesn't. He could ruin this guys life with the parents thinking he's a cheater when he actually is just a blowhard talking without doing anything.
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My cousin is cheating on his wife.
- Thread starter B!TCH
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If he had any sort of real proof it would be black and white to tell the parents. He doesn't. He could ruin this guys life with the parents thinking he's a cheater when he actually is just a blowhard talking without doing anything.
The conference was ongoing all week and I assumed he meant he had met her earlier in the week.
BTW, has anyone here seen the movie Up In The Air?
This situation reminds me of that movie :\
Sickboy007
Member
He sounds like a scumbag, but the thought of telling his wife wouldn't even cross my mind.
Avoid him.
Avoid him.
Clockwork
Member
I don't feel it was just temptation, a mere thought, or fantasy.
Had the OP been the one to take his cousin out it wouldn't have been strictly tempation. That was the only barrier.
You can dream/fantasize/conjure up whatever dirty little situation with whatever women you want in your head. As soon as you decide you are going to take it beyond that is when the line is crossed, especially when you admit it to someone else.
Not your place OP. Not your place.
Being that guy who has to bear bad news for someone else sucks. And putting yourself in the middle of their marriage sucks more. You barely know this guy, and haven't met his kids or wife, so you owe nothing to her. Unfortunately this guy is a dick and a cheater, but he is. So go about living your life and not knowing he exists.
Once again, never get in the middle of someone else's marriage.
Being that guy who has to bear bad news for someone else sucks. And putting yourself in the middle of their marriage sucks more. You barely know this guy, and haven't met his kids or wife, so you owe nothing to her. Unfortunately this guy is a dick and a cheater, but he is. So go about living your life and not knowing he exists.
Once again, never get in the middle of someone else's marriage.
Glorified G
Member
This worked out well on the Jersey Shore. Do it OP
Anticitizen One
Banned
tell your mom not gaf
LowEndTorque
Member
First of all, it sounds like you dont even have any concrete proof that he was actually intimate with another woman. He could just be a loudmouth bullshitter. I know lots of people who make shit like that up to make themselves look cool or whatever.
Second of all, if you want to tell on him, you need to think about the broader consequences. There are kids involved here and what you do could tear the family apart and cause these kids to grow up in a broken home (not to mention cause tension within your family). If you are prepared to be responsible for those potential consequences without even really having concrete proof that hes guilty, then by all means, go call his wife.
Second of all, if you want to tell on him, you need to think about the broader consequences. There are kids involved here and what you do could tear the family apart and cause these kids to grow up in a broken home (not to mention cause tension within your family). If you are prepared to be responsible for those potential consequences without even really having concrete proof that hes guilty, then by all means, go call his wife.
Ninja Scooter
Member
The answer is clear: Seduce his wife. Have sex with her. Tell him that his wife is cheating on him. He will leave her and their marriage will end and you will have never had to tell on him. Everybody wins.
phisheep
NeoGAF's Chief Barrister
1) If the guy wants you to take him out, then take him out. He's your long-lost visiting cousin. That bit's just ordinary courtesy. You are allowed to make it clear that he should have talked to you first about wanting to go out rather than just announcing it to your parents.
2) Your courteous duty having been done you do not have to do what he says/go where he wants to go/like him/conceal things for him or hang around like a gooseberry with he flirts up some woman. That's just your weird American moral culture kicking in, and you're entitled to it. If he moans about that, then that's him being discourteous.
3) If he gets antsy about that, either bring him back home or dump him wherever he is and come back home yourself and then (and only then) you have a sane reason for telling your parents about your concerns.
4) Do not try to contact the wife yourself. It doesn't go well. Not ever (well, hardly ever - I've only ever seen it work when it is a long-term close friend bearing the bad news). Gets you sucked in and taking sides in somebody else's relationship. Seen it happen many times and it is bad news. Chances are she knows what is going on, or at least knows what he is like - good odds this sort of thing is how he met her in the first place. Unless you know the score, don't stick your nose in.
5) But on the other hand, if you find out that he definitely is up to something, you do not have to condone it, support it or help him. Not your job, and goes way beyond the usual courtesy to visitors. Just stonewall him. He won't be back.
2) Your courteous duty having been done you do not have to do what he says/go where he wants to go/like him/conceal things for him or hang around like a gooseberry with he flirts up some woman. That's just your weird American moral culture kicking in, and you're entitled to it. If he moans about that, then that's him being discourteous.
3) If he gets antsy about that, either bring him back home or dump him wherever he is and come back home yourself and then (and only then) you have a sane reason for telling your parents about your concerns.
4) Do not try to contact the wife yourself. It doesn't go well. Not ever (well, hardly ever - I've only ever seen it work when it is a long-term close friend bearing the bad news). Gets you sucked in and taking sides in somebody else's relationship. Seen it happen many times and it is bad news. Chances are she knows what is going on, or at least knows what he is like - good odds this sort of thing is how he met her in the first place. Unless you know the score, don't stick your nose in.
5) But on the other hand, if you find out that he definitely is up to something, you do not have to condone it, support it or help him. Not your job, and goes way beyond the usual courtesy to visitors. Just stonewall him. He won't be back.
Invisible_Insane
Member
Your definition of temptation is unreasonably narrow.
I think we have different bases for determining when taking action is appropriate. Definitive proof would do nothing to change my disposition, whereas his relationship to the man's wife might impose some duties on him.
hahaha
Yes! Bury your guilt in that phat South-African booty.
Except the kids but they don't matter anyways.
Clockwork
Member
Another thing I get confused about.
(once again not just in this situation)
But lets say he did have concrete proof. Does the responsibility of the fallout still fall on him if he tells the wife? Why isn't it the fault of the d-bag that was willing to cheat on her?
Or is it one of those things where it's all ok as long as nobody finds out? Or a situation where some of you will say she was dumb enough to marry him/she was too stupid not to notice/etc.
Because I see that quite frequently. Is it never the cheaters fault?
Fixed that for ya.
Don't do anything.
He may still love his wife and children and cheating on them is just something he might do rarely. If he was a pro-cheater, why would he be so adamant about taking you along?
What's the best case scenario for revealing this news to your family and/or to his wife? Hm? She divorces him, gets custody, then he has to pay alimony and child support for the rest of his life and she has to be alone with three kids with very little chance of finding a new mate (because an overweight woman with three kids isn't very popular among men).
You'll just be ruining lives of all parties involved, and this cousin seems kind of unstable (he approached you and got all up in your grill). If you ruin his life, who knows what might happen?
Just leave things be, OP.
He may still love his wife and children and cheating on them is just something he might do rarely. If he was a pro-cheater, why would he be so adamant about taking you along?
What's the best case scenario for revealing this news to your family and/or to his wife? Hm? She divorces him, gets custody, then he has to pay alimony and child support for the rest of his life and she has to be alone with three kids with very little chance of finding a new mate (because an overweight woman with three kids isn't very popular among men).
You'll just be ruining lives of all parties involved, and this cousin seems kind of unstable (he approached you and got all up in your grill). If you ruin his life, who knows what might happen?
Just leave things be, OP.
Ninja Scooter
Member
Invisible children bro.
The Frankman
Banned
Oh I LOVE these answers. This thread is not disappointing.
BOOM.
Ninja Scooter
Member
Because that's not how the world and people's emotions work. Haven't you ever heard stories about guys that intervene when they see a dude beating up his girlfriend, and then the girlfriend and abuser end up double teaming the samaritan? Intervention is not always the best answer.
Leave it alone and disassociate yourself from him. He can't be close if you've only just met him.
He was expecting OP to cover for him while he did his dirt. No man is that eager to meet a new woman if there isn't at least a chance of sex.
Oh god you're back. I need to venture into the baseball thread here soon and do some more world class predictions.
Invisible_Insane
Member
In this situation, even if he had concrete proof that the man was cheating on his wife, I would think intervention inappropriate. No one is trying to excuse cheaters of their culpability; it's simply a question of "jurisdiction."
Clockwork
Member
That's on the cheater is it not? There are consequences to everything. If you don't want to get divorced/pay alimony/etc how about you just don't f*ck around on your wife, ok?
Once again, if indeed he did intend to cheat (or in the situation of someone who did cheat) they kind of brought that on themselves did they not?
Professor Beef
Banned
Text him some dick pics.
Seriously though, I would be telling OP to snitch to the world right now. But if he's not even sure if Cousin cheated or not, then it's best to get some more evidence.
Seriously though, I would be telling OP to snitch to the world right now. But if he's not even sure if Cousin cheated or not, then it's best to get some more evidence.
Clockwork
Member
Hey, what they decide to do with the information once is is presented is their own problem.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't say something.
Ehh, I'm not sure, honestly, if I would do anything if there was definitive proof. But I could see how someone could feel you were 'morally' obligated to say something if there was proof.
If I knew the girl directly I would definitely get involved though.
The wife and children are going to suffer. Do you not see that? You're only focused on the punishment the husband will endure, but don't understand that a divorce in these circumstances will hurt everyone.
What do you mean by "they kind of brought that on themselves?" THEY? The wife and kids brought it on themselves?
And does the OP deserve whatever reprisals he may receive from breaking up a marriage?
Invisible_Insane
Member
Just to be clear, the disposition I refer to is one towards non-intervention. Even knowing the person would not necessarily compel me to interfere, though--I would have to feel as though I was failing that person in some personal capacity before I would think intervention appropriate. e.g. I'm sure I know people who are struggling financially, but in most cases I don't feel compelled to help them, but I would feel compelled to help someone in my immediate family. I think the standard for intervention should be pretty high.
So what?
natethegreat409
Member
The amount of people I know cheating on their spouses is pretty insane... I just keep my mouth shut and go on my way. Only if they are close friends or relatives would I bother to say anything. That's just me though.
You'd be surprised, but there are women who would rather not know. As long as their husband continues to provide for them and their family, they're willing to turn a blind eye to it. This is usually the case in families where the husband is the breadwinner and the wife stays at home, I believe.
Clockwork
Member
I guess we have a different definition of hurt and suffering.
To me, hurt and suffering would be where I am subjected to a relationship where my spouse is cheating on me behind my back. My personal belief is that should something lead to divorce that may be a positive, not a negative. Divorce isn't always bad.
I was advising that when you cheat on your significant other, there is no one to blame but yourself when you get caught.
The cheater brought the situation on, not the messenger.
Vermillion
Banned
Mm. That's always the problem with this. Do the thing that's right or the thing that benefits you. It's harder than it looks, though, because you may end up destroying a relationship with the person you're trying to help AND the cheater. I just hope that if I'm ever cheated on, I remember not to treat the person who told me with anything less than respect.
SapientWolf
Trucker Sexologist
Eiffel Tower action.
Schattenjäger
Gabriel Knight
You should mind your own business. You don't even know his wife - this is a no brainer. Who are you to get involved ?
Jim E. Rossler
Banned
Ask Yourself
Ask your Mom
Ask
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DNA
Vermillion
Banned
Yeah, but he doesn't even know the wife.
If they are swingers, then telling the wife what happened does no harm. If they are separated, then telling the wife what happened does no harm. If the husband didn't go through with it because he changed his mind, then the wife can take that into account when the OP tells her the part that did happen. The OP absolutely has no obligation to say anything, but also is not out of line to speak up as to what DID happen, given that the cousin tried to make him an accessory.
Also, since the cousin was mouthing off about religion, swinging and being separated would make him a hypocrite.
VistraNorrez
Member
Confront the person that is doing the cheating and if they admit to it you should try to convince them to let their significant other know.
I think I'd want to know if my wife was cheating but I would not be angry at anyone that knew and didn't tell me. They are not the problem it's the cheating spouse that is.
I think I'd want to know if my wife was cheating but I would not be angry at anyone that knew and didn't tell me. They are not the problem it's the cheating spouse that is.
Barack Lesnar
Banned
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