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[MasterChef420]

Squirtle used Penis Bite. Its super effective!

 

[DoktorEvil]

At least you didn't lose your "snake".

Cuz then you would just be Naked.

hehe

 

[Floridian]

Maybe your penis tip resembled a strawberry and the turtle was hungry. Things happen.

 

[irishcow]

I used to have a couple of red eared sliders and can imagine this happening perfectly LOLOLOL

 

[Raist]

I was out on the balcony getting some afternoon autumn sun rays, in the buff as I often do, and I was squatted down adjusting something. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain on the tip of my dick and immediately and automatically I scream and jump! Unbeknownst to me one of the turtles had crawled between my legs and decided to give my penis a test bite. The little fucker. There's a sore red spot on my junk now. I washed it and put some ointment. Luckily no skin break (I think).

So what you're trying to say is that you tried to get a BJ from your turtle and it didn't go well.

 

[StayDead]

Ok this got me, god damn.

Hope you're ok OP.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

I think some people are ignoring that Naked Snake likes to be naked. So the situation is not so far fetched.

 

[zoozilla]

It's time for "Talkin 'bout Turtle".

Also , you must be a shell of your former self.
I got nothing...

"uh....so yeah, a turtle bit my penis."

And that was Talkin' 'Bout Turtle!

Great ep, guys.

 

[Alebrije]

OP turtles can give you salmonella or other desiease by its bite...

 

[Naked Snake]

Oh. You're one of those people. As if my opinion wasn't already low enough when you're doing weird shit like sunbathing nude on your balcony.

Why would the fact that a man was circumsized as a child make you think any "lower" of them? It wasn't a choice I made.

OP turtles can give you salmonella or other desiease by its bite...

I'm pretty sure my turtles don't harbor salmonella or another pathogen that could hurt me, because if they did I'd have gotten it long ago in my 10+ years of caring for them.

I put a bandaid on my dick.

 

[marrec]

Make better decisions man! Squatting your dangly bits down in front of a turtle is something that would've gotten you burned as a witch four hundred years ago. Satanic is what that is.

 

[Twilight Gap]

subbed

 

[tensuke]

This thread is apparently based on Cards Against Humanity.

lol I immediately thought about that too.

 

[uncredited male]

IIRC from previous threads OP's junk has been having a rough couple of months.

Hang in there OP's junk!

 

[ChoklitCow]

This is the first OT post I have ever read or post in.

I'm never leaving.

 

[bumpkin]

Red Eared Sliders are a-holes. Every time I go to the pet store and see any other breed of turtle sharing an aquarium with some, I feel bad.

 

[PeakPointMatrix]

OP forgot to mention what he feeds his turtles everyday:

 

[Monocle]

He was just trying to take your friendship to the next level.

 

[twobear]

the thread

 

[Omega]

you just gave your turtle crabs

i hope you're happy op

 

[speculawyer]

 

[themagicalkitsune]

Turtles sure like biting stuff.

I can see this gif getting a lot of use over at the gaming forum. SMTIV and Europe comes to mind...

 

[rrc1594]

Aren't you guy who had bugs on your balls? Why does weird stuff happen to your junk bro?

 

[adamsappel]

You guys haven't ever seen Naked Snake's nudes? Good stuff.

 

[GameAddict411]

GAF knows too much about my personal life.

I use soap, made from olive oil. It looks and acts like soap, but without added colors, fragrances, and crazy chemicals.

i thought you were too poor to afford this hipster junk? what gives?

 

[Winterfang]

So why did you had your exposed penis in reaching distance from your turtle's mouth?

 

[FUME5]

Just trying to give the crabs a peck on the cheek.

 

[Winterfang]

Aren't you guy who had bugs on your balls? Why does weird stuff happen to your junk bro?

That was just crabs. Maybe the turtle is the name of another VD? :O

 

[DamageControl]

turtle vs snake.

Spoiler

turtle wins

 

[javac]

Just the tip?! Well that's no good is it? Get back in there and finish your mission...whatever it may be. Godspeed.

 

[jesu]

This is a thread I don't even want to get involved in.

(and I have to wait 60 secs between posts)

 

[Loakum]

Well...it could had been worse. The turtle could had aimed higher...

 

[Ayumi]

I put a bandaid on my dick.

I'm pretty sure this goes way above your current tag.

 

[Lerozz]

Maybe it was sleepwalking and thought it was another turtle.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Odd shit keeps happening to you.

 

[Timedog]

Your dick is going to recede into your body until it looks like this.

Dennis Nedry fell into a vat of toxic fossilized DNA mutagen

 

[God Dayumm]

first the crabs now this. you have the worst luck

You know it's bad when there is a whole ecosystem down here

 

[Kangi]

You know it's bad when there is a whole ecosystem down here

It isn't the typical organ to donate to science, but Naked Snake's contribution to biologists will create so many new jobs.

Though at this rate, zoology might be more apt.

 

[hateradio]

Sounds painful and weird.

I wouldn't mind looking at the evidence. For scientific purposes. 👷

OP forgot to mention what he feeds his turtles everyday:

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ArgNFo_Bom4/maxresdefault.jpg

Reminds me of Cartman.

 

[B.O.O.M]

lol this thread...


one day I have high expectations that I will see a thread about how a dick bit a turtle..don't fail me now GAF

 

[TheKaeptain]

Did it break skin?

Be careful. I had a couple of RES that I raised from quarter to dinner plates.

Those fuckers are DIRTY. Salmonella and stuff.

Better clean your penis very well :/

He says it didn't.

 

[Winterfang]

OK just have some Turtle Soup for Dinner. They went too far.

 

[Zeyphersan]

Maybe it was sleepwalking and thought it was another turtle.

That ain't the Hamtaro I watched!

 

[Log4Girlz]

I just realized turtles are incapable of kissing due to a lack of lips. Perhaps it was trying to kiss your penor.

 

[Naked Snake]

i thought you were too poor to afford this hipster junk? what gives?

I live in the land of olive oil trees (Jordan), not only are there olive farms everywhere but the're also in almost every backyard and on sidewalks. Thus high quality olive oil and products made from it are cheap here, and they get exported to the west and sold for high prices.

And to clarify any confusion, it's a sold bar of soap, not liquid and oily. Like so:

So why did you had your exposed penis in reaching distance from your turtle's mouth?

Someone didn't read the OP.


And to everyone else, I don't have crabs anymore! Stop beating that dead horse.

 

[plasmasd]

So this is where the Ninja Turtles actually came from? Except these will be more clones of the Boss. One more bite to complete Les Enfants Terribles

 

[Frost_Ace]

I wish I was that turtle tbh [SPOILER( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)[/spoiler]

 

[Deleted member 20920]

More adventures of Naked Snake lol.
What animal will it be next?
Is there a twist this time?

Op, it'll be nice to get a PM of your tumblr.....for research purposes

 

[LoveCake]

Hmmm ok OP are you sure it happened exactly like you say?

Anyway if the skin is not broken then you have nothing to worry about, it may be tender for a few days, just keep the area clean (cleaner than you usually do).

From what i have read the penis is pretty good & fast at repairing itself.

 

[John Bender]

Yeah... so that happened.

I have two red-eared sliders that were given to me over 10 years ago, I keep them in a large water tub on the balcony, and I built a platform and stairs so they could come out and back into the water as they please.

I was out on the balcony getting some afternoon autumn sun rays, in the buff as I often do, and I was squatted down adjusting something. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain on the tip of my dick and immediately and automatically I scream and jump! Unbeknownst to me one of the turtles had crawled between my legs and decided to give my penis a test bite. The little fucker. There's a sore red spot on my junk now. I washed it and put some ointment. Luckily no skin break (I think).

That has never happened before. My turtles can be very aggressive when feeding and if I'm not careful they always bite my fingers when I feed them. I think they've bit my toes once or twice, but I didn't think they'd dare have a go at my penis. This changes everything.

I don't know what else to say. I'm just mad this happened.

Spoiler

And I was planning on taking some nude photos too. Bad timing.

Well..... your turtle put your thing in its mouth.... for free.
Be happy!