Spyglass Board Games see above
Texas Hold'em see above, plus I've had it with the "poker is hip and marketable" bandwagon.
UNO SEE ABOVE * 95432 BILLION
Asteroids/Asteroids Deluxe A single review covers almost all of the retro/arcade titles: disappointing.
I won't bother getting into how lame/lazy the remade graphics tend to be.
Centipede/Millipede see above
Contra Now that we've all played SNES Contra, it's very hard to go back to the good old days.
Cyberball 2072 meh.
Defender see generic retro review above
Dig Dug see above
Discs of Tron see above
Double Dragon One of my biggest retro disappointments.. I played a lot of this in arcades and PC, but it just sucks now.
20 years of improvements to the genre have made it horribly obsolete/awkward/frustrating/boring.
Would have considered it if it was all the Double Dragons together.
Fatal Fury Special see generic retro review above
Frogger see above
Galaga see above
Gauntlet see above
Golden Axe see above
Gyruss see above
Jetpac Refuelled Not sure why everyone loves this game so much. You know what old 4-colour game would have been way better to remake? Sopwith. _THAT_ would be crazy. Compared to that, these retro titles all seem like wastes of a slot.
Joust see above
Metal Slug 3 Decent. But.. why not an anthology? Are we going to be paying for 5 more Metal Slugs, one at a time?
Missile Command see generic retro review
Ms. Pac-Man WAS one of the only worth-buying/still-good retro titles.. until Pac-Man CE came out.
ALSO: all versions of Pac-Man, CE included, suffer terribly from the utter lack of non-crap d-pad.
New Rally-X see generic retro review
Pac-Man why, WHY would you ever buy this when there's Ms. PacMan?!
The fact that this game has sold much better than Pac-Man CE is a crime against humanity.
Paperboy see generic retro review. This would have been an AWESOME remake a-la Bionic Commando Rearmed.
Only.. use cute iso pixel art instead of bland-ass 3D!! (see Extrajetzt's Tag Der Arbeit for inspiration)
Robotron: 2084 see generic retro review
Root Beer Tapper see generic retro review, plus as an ancestor to those horrible Diner-Dash casual games, we are in dire need of a time-travelling cyborg to go back and remove this game from history.
Rush 'n Attack see generic retro review
Scramble see generic retro review
Smash TV see generic retro review. Do we need this AND Robotron? It's as redundant as Pac-Man/Ms. Pac-Man!
Plus Geometry Wars is the Pac-Man CE of this sort of game anyway. Moot.
Street Fighter II: Hyper Fighting Loved SF2 a _lot_ back in the day.
Have had more than enough of the endless ports. Except maybe for that HD one. Maybe. Curse them!
Super Contra see Contra review above.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Played this a lot in the arcades. One of the only retro titles that maybe, maybe deserves to be there.. _maybe_
Tempest see generic retro review, plus this and Space Giraffe is yet another Pac-Man/Pac-Man-CE redundancy situation.
Time Pilot see generic retro review. A Kenta-Cho-ified remake of this would have been awesome.
I hereby copyright the concept of Kenta-Cho-ification.
Track & Field see generic retro review. Plus this game sort of sucked to start with.
Tron see generic retro review. I am partial to light-cycles though..
Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 see generic retro review, plus MK is one of the ugliest, worst-playing series' ever made.
We'll need two time-travelling cyborgs for this one, just to make sure.
Xevious see generic retro review
Yie Ar Kung-Fu see generic retro review. Another game which just didn't age all that well, but which would have made an awesome remake (with modern smooth movement/etc).. Ikiki could have done it!
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night Awesome game. I do sort of prefer the two DS sequels though..
Ecco the Dolphin What's this, Virtual Console scraps?! When it came out, I thought this game was so cool.. until i played it.
Prince of Persia Classic One of the better retro titles, but still pretty damn clunky.
If we're doing retro PC, Flashback/Out of this World would have been 86426x better.
XBLA Flashback would be THE shit.
Sonic the Hedgehog I have never, ever enjoyed any of the Sonic games. How some people prefer these run-so-fast-you-can't-see-what's-coming-up-and-miss-most-of-the-level more-a-thons to Mario, I'll never understand.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 Okay, Sonic games aren't as bad as the previous review made
them seem.
But still.. they're just nowhere near as good as Mario. Just.. so much more awkward-feeling, and you're either moving too fast or too slow, or randomly being bounced around.
Also: do we need two? No. Just bundle all 3 or 4 or however many of them all up in a single anthology, and maybe it's worth a slot. MAYBE. SMW would still be better in a second.
Speedball 2: Brutal Deluxe see generic retro review
Streets of Rage 2 Was okay on Genesis. Has aged better than Double Dragon, but not anywhere near well enough.
Shrek N' Roll Has there ever been a good movie/TV-game-licence game?
X-Wing/Tie Fighter of course, but they're not really the same sort of beast.
Ducktales for Gameboy was sometimes okay, maybe. Maybe not though.
Krusty's Super Funhouse on Genesis was decent, but got stupid at the end.
The recent Simpsons games LOOK amazing, but aren't actually that fun, which sucks.
The Simpsons arcade game was pretty fun at the time.
SpongeBob SquarePants see Shrek N' Roll.
AstroPop How many PopCap games are there on XBLA??!? More than there should be, which is -infinity.. 0 at the _most_
Bejeweled 2 see above
Bliss Island Played it for half an hour, hoping that there would be more than ridiculous, completely diluted, dumbed-down-to-the-point-of-uselessness pinball. It was a long half-hour.
Boogie Bunnies Yes, just what we need more of -- there wasn't enough PopCap, so let's make some PopCap derivatives!
I can hardly wait until it finishes loading!
Eets: Chowdown It's really sad that this game didn't take off. I would have preferred more Incredible Machine and less Lemmings.
Definitely one of the most genuine, stylish, deserving-of-praise games on XBLA. Plus, a 2D game.. IN 2D?!?! With an amazing art style?!? Unheard of in these parts.
Exit Puzzle-platformers are awesome. Incredibly slow, awkward puzzle-platformers which have inherited the horrible "player loses control while character is playing back one of the many cumbersome animations" style of movement/control (which completely sucks) from crappy-gameplay 3D games, not so awesome.
Hexic HD Apparently this was a freebie, but it wasn't on Metanet's (used) retail 360 when we got it, and I can't find it in the store. Anyway, I guess for free, it's probably okay, assuming it's mostly like the sequel.
Hexic 2 Very slick. Still, 30 PopCap games, plus how many PopCap-wannabe games? Better style than PopCap at least.
Jewel Quest Wow.. almost more faux-PopCap than retro titles! Awesome!!
Lumines Live! One of the few games we own; would have been terrific if EVERYTHING had been $10-15.
We spent way too much on this (bought everything).
Plus.. TOTALLY UNPLAYABLE THANKS TO THE CRIMINALLY AWFUL D-PAD ON 360 CONTROLLERS!!!
(translation: we're in the top 100 but not the top 10)
Luxor 2 Zuma wasn't enough for Puzzloop-clones? I guess technically this is a Puzzloop-clone-clone..
Poker Smash A pretty decent, if casual, game.. better than yet another PopCap title. The poker fad is grating. I would have preferred Tetris Attack by far. The voice guy is cringeworthily embarassing, straight from a men's deodorant/razor commercial. Also: bullet time in a puzzle game?!?! Come on!
Puzzle Quest I've been purposefully avoiding this game so as to not become addicted to my sworn enemy, the casual match-3.
Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo etc Unfortunately I prefer some of the more recent singleplayer casual clones of this mechanic.
Still, one of the better games for both puzzle and retro categories. And at least it's not PopCap.
Tetris Splash Tetris DS has sadly made all other versions of Tetris useless. I call this "Pac-Man-CE-itis"
Word Puzzle Xbox word search? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?!
Portable electronic versions of newspaper games: maybe. MAYBE.
Non-portable versions? Beyond useless. Can't wait for the inevitable jumble/crossword/sudoku sequels.
Zuma More PopCrap. If only whoever owns Puzzloop would sue them out of existance.. if only.
GripShift Okay racing, I guess.. the physics feel wayyyy off to me. Is the car full of helium?
The weird 3D-graffiti menu icons are cool! If only the whole game had that level of style.
Nowhere near as good as a remake of the DOS game "Stunts" would have been. THAT would have been awesome.
Mad Tracks A totally decent racing game, with some cool multiplayer modes and
interesting weapons (the ice-block-ifier is my fave), and a disappointingly obnoxious "trying to appeal to adolescents" generic feel.
Not as good as Revolt, or MicroMachines 2, or GeneRally.
Novadrome It's Twisted Metal: Chuggy and Garish! Just makes me wish for Revolt, MicroMachines 2, Crash Team Racing, or Mario Kart.. i.e GOOD RACING GAMES.
Street Trace NYC The worst of design-by-comittee, lowest-common-denominator gaming. I feel genuinely bad about everything I've said concerning this game, since obviously no human would purposefully want or try to make the game the way it is. It probably just happened somehow. However it ended up like this, it's sad and frustrating.
Yaris Even free, probably the worst game on XBLA. Kudos!
MicroMachines 2 would have been sooooo much better.
Also, sets a disturbing and nauseating precedent.. more like adver-laming! Zing!
Crystal Quest Hey look, it's Geometry Wars, but with a certified family-friendly focus-grouped twist sure to appeal to tweens and whoever else is playing all those PopCap games! Yay!!
Rez HD The best game on XBLA, except it's a port, while PacManCE is an original title.. which has to count for something.
Maybe it's a tie then? Still, awesome.
My inner cheapass makes me wish we hadn't bought the PS2 version as well
Would probably look better as geometry-only, no textures -- I'm looking at you, incongruous hieroglyphics!
Trigger Heart Exelica Crashes the testkit when we try to start it.
Also, yet another shooter that's not Ikaruga or Bangai-o? Not really necessary.
3D Ultra Minigolf Adventures Minigolf games _can_ avoid the "we don't need another one" stigma associated with pinball and pool, if they're stylish and simple and quick and fun. There have been a few good freeware/shareware stabs in this direction.
This one, not so much.
Sensible World of Soccer A thoroughly smashing, corking game. It's tops. Grab a couple of mates, and Bob's your uncle!
FINALLY I get to play this! The depth with such a simple control scheme is brilliant, the graphics are gorgeous. Toodle-pip!
Band of Bugs As with Undertow, this is a game I may have otherwise enjoyed had I not already been obsessed with a version I much prefer (in this case, Advance Wars/Fire Emblem). Also, as with most XBLA games, regrettably goes for same-old-3D when sprites can look SO much better/less generic (see the GBA Advance Wars/Fire Emblems! =)
Outpost Kaloki X Decent style, but sadly I haven't enjoyed building/management games since SimCity2000.
Even then it was a bit tired.
Worms As with Street Fighter 2, a game I loved to death, but of whose ports I am now sick to death.
Rocketbowl The best casual game on XBLA, hands down. Tons of fun.
Some thoughts/suggestions:
* Where is all the good racing? Where is ANY good racing? I've already mentioned some decent titles in the above reviews.
How about some Wipeout? Some multiplayer Stunts? Multiplayer 2D GTAs? Driver?
* As noted above, there are tons of shooters which actually have a bit of style to them.
Beyond Kenta Cho, off the top of my head, there's Gamma Bros and Warning Forever -- either would have been AMAZING!!!
* Casual-friendly games which would have been awesome, instead of all the PopCap garbage:
Any of the various Fizzwizzles, any of Lexaloffle's puzzlers, Lux, Armadillo Run, Samorost, BreakQuest, Crypts of Despair, Tryptich, Blast Miner, Bang Howdy.. how about a room-escape anthology? Anything from jayisgames might be good too.
* Retro-style indie games which would have been awesome, instead of all the tired retro garbage: ANY!
How about PuppyGames -- retro gameplay, mind-blowing style!
Fallen Angel Industries _alone_ have a roster of retro-style goodness that absolutely puts the current retro titles to shame.
* A genuine retro game that would have been amazing, especially live multiplayer: RAMPART! Where is it?!?!?
* All these retro games and no Bust-a-Move/Puzzle Bobble?!?!
What's up with that, it's one of the only worth-playing-each-port retro games! Well.. some ports at least.
* Another missed retro opportunity: River City Ransom.. my god that would have been amazing!
4-player co-op, or have your gang of 4 fight someone else's!
Silhouette Mirage would also have been nice: a Rez-like "not enough people played this", plus it's a shooter! XBLA loves those!
* Non-hackneyed puzzle/family games which would have been incredible: Colorful Notes, Dialhex, Coloris, Digidrive, Tetris Attack.
Squarez would have been LEGENDARY -- and it's retro too!
The puzzle/family genre is yet another place where any Lexaloffle game would have been great.
* More retro in the vein of Sensible Soccer would be stellar -- retro that STILL PLAYS GREAT, and which many may have missed -- rather than "big old marquee retro titles which are horribly awkward and nowhere near as fun as you remember".
Skool Daze anyone? Incredible Machine? Gobliiins? Syndicate? Do I need to mention MicroMachines 2 or Flashback again?!
* If there must be retro, why not some of the better shareware oldies?
Sopwith and Capture the Flag are two amazing games that no one's doing anything with.. and they're both multiplayer-friendly!
How about a Commander Keen Anthology? THAT would be worth buying.
* Where is Chase Ace? Awesome, stylish, AND a good fit for XBLA: multiplayer quasi-retro quasi-shooter!
* Where are the Introversion games? How long does that take? Those would be great to expose mainstream gamers to.
Other big-name indies like Aquaria should be equally no-brainers.. where are they exactly? Not on XBLA.
* Where is Soldat? How many years does it take for people to get a clue?! That game was MADE for Live!
It's a 2D Halo killer, seriously -- I'd consider giving in and getting a gold account!
* Where is Gish? Where is Gish2? A Gish2 XBLA exclusive would be INCREDIBLE!
I would pre-order it somehow, even if it meant infiltrating Redmond with Dan Akroyd and Robert Redford, to hack into XBLA and add pre-ordering to the payment system.
* While we're discussing hypothetical-indies-on-XBLA.. how about a little Cortex Command action?
* Some other indie games that might fit: Eschalon Book 1, Boundless Planet, Gibbage, Golf?, Bonesaw, Bloody Zombies, FLaiL..
at this point I'm just listing games I like. There are literally hundreds -- though you wouldn't know it from the above reviews!
Isn't that sad? Frustrating? Maybe a bit enraging?
* Three words: Off-Road Velociraptor Safari. Maybe that's four words. Anyway, it's three concepts.
(P.S - two words: Jetpack Brontosaurus)
* Anthologies of various indie groups -- FAIND/Cactus/Knytt/Bernie/Ikiki/Hello World Project/Iteration Games/Binary Zoo/Kenta Cho -- would all have been mind-blowingly awesome. The latter three could also show off all the 360s next-gen graphics power!
$5-10 for a handful of someone's amazing, quirky games? SOLD!
* WHERE IS CAVE STORY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT HAS BEEN SEVERAL YEARS. GET _ON_ THAT!!!
Conclusion
We're really greatful that Ross Erickson liked N so much that he found us and gave us an incredible opportunity to expose more gamers to something different.
It would be really great, for everyone involved, to see more advocates in the industry with the initiative, courage and passion to champion quirky alternative titles that gamers deserve to know about.
I guess it may be stupid to expect Microsoft to be hunting down good games to bring into their service, when so many developers are clamouring to get on XBLA.. but if the majority of the ones clamouring are just looking to churn out lifeless crap and make a quick buck, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea?
Are there no "A&R"-type people in the games industry? It seems like a bit of an oversight considering how many brilliant, creative people are out there making games, but not super business-savvy or connected to the mainstream industry.. _those_ are the people we should be looking to, not retail developers!
Finally (for those keeping score), games we have bought:
* Carcasonne (free)
* Doom
* Geometry Wars
* Lumines
* N+ (free)
* Pac-Man CE
We've bought 4 games. Carcasonne is nice, but when you have the board version and a silver account, there really isn't much point.
Games we would consider buying, if we didn't have access to them on PartnerNet and/or didn't already own them in a different format (i.e were less cheap-ass):
* Alien Hominid
* Bomberman Live
* Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
* Eets
* Rez
* Sensible World of Soccer
* Switchball
* Rocketbowl
So, it looks like -- if you're very pedantic and have a calculator handy -- some of my statements could be considered a touch hyperbolic.
Then again, my usual style of rhetoric is "heavy hyperbole", so perhaps I should be commended for my restraint.
Of course, these are simply my opinions; since these opinions are apparently offensive to some, I felt it was only fair to present them more fully, so that they could perhaps be better understood. Plus I was feeling really procrastinate-y.
Refute away!