Aaron – Mountain Rally: Such a creative idea. I think it’d be cool to have a series with these characters. There were parts that were a little hard to follow but I’m not sure what would have helped to make them smoother. I liked the ending, and I liked how interspersed descriptions of the characters in the middle of the story quite seamlessly.
Mike M – Only 2000 Words to Live: Loved the use of “where the blue blazes” and “what the Sam hill.” This was so well done. The action was so well described and the ending was awesome. It’d be fun to read more, like the rustiness of the Prof and Jackson – after the kid has lunch – and how they get back into their storyline.
Ashes1396 – How Author Met Poeta: At first, I wasn’t drawn in immediately, but it got better as I read on, and the characters seemed to take form a little more. I’ve noticed a trend with you about avoiding quotations, and it worked very well in this story.  It hit the nail on the head this time. I really liked the characters’ interactions.
Toddhunter – You’ve Got the Touch: Haha this was a fun read. I have to admit that in the first paragraph, it took me a minute to realize I read “unicorn” instead of “Unicron.” My one request was some more discussion about the new rock band! I liked how you described their jobs.
John Dunbar – May Contain Lies: Great opening line. I really liked the voice in this and believe it or not, I can actually relate.
Gattsu25 – Inconsequential: I really liked the dialog, and all the characters. It was cool how the characters became real very quickly even if they had short lives in your story; well done with that. The ending really surprised me and it felt like it ended early or something. I wanted to know what was in the bag. And I wanted to know if anything was wrong with his bag when he went to the bathroom and came back to it. And, I wanted to know the character’s reaction to actually sitting down in the plane and putting on his seatbelt before he fell asleep. But I only say all this because you developed the character well and it left me wanting to know more. Great work.
Elfforkusu – Across the Universe: Really good description of existential questions. There were points where I stopped to reread or slow down to soak it all in.
Copernicus – Passion: I liked the second and third parts but I didn’t understand quite how the 1st part about playing “hard to get” connected to the rest of the story. It was a fun read though and the ending was well done.
ZeroRay – Volcano Jones: This was a fun story to read since at first I thought it’d have to do with some sort of one-on-one fight and then there was that surprise ending.
Tirminyl – The Old Man: Ha! Fun read, I think 2 young guys spreading the Word is a great foundation for this prompt. I wish I had a better understanding of what the Old Man was. It’d be great if his response to the 2 evangelicals was more clearly defined. I enjoyed this story and it was really creative.
Cyan – The Journey: Wow I did not know this side of you Cyan ol’ Cyan! I’m with Mike M though; I no nothing about poetry or how to crit it – it’s hard enough for me to learn how to crit stories! However, I do think that poetry, and that extra mindful use of words, has gotta be important for general writing, so bravo. Hmm, I’m not sure what to say other than I really liked it! I also really liked the use of clauses, and the repetitive lines of take care and then finally have care. If anything, maybe it’d be cool if there were more emotion towards the stranger, like anticipation, etc. On the other hand, I liked how the emotion didn’t need to be described, because the journey itself was full of varying emotion.
Nezumi – Balancing Act: Very beautifully written. Also, I liked the name Balduin. I very much enjoyed ever part of this story and slowed down in some sections to savor the style. At the end, I wondered if Balduin would be tricked. Even though that didn’t happen, I still felt like the ending was somewhat flat or less momentous than for what I hoped. But alls I gotta say is I wish I had a pet tarantula right about now.
Jack Remington – Colony: Good descriptions and captivating story. But one thing that struck me: why was the mother so timid and paralyzed by fear in contrast by the father who seemed almost overly narrowly driven in comparison – without any emotion? I wondered if there was past baggage with the dead sister. I wanted to know more about the cannisters and Uncle Joe. I liked the MC but wished I knew more about the MC’s age or her relationship to her mom & dad. This was awesome stuff – you could very easily turn this into a longer novel.
ReiGun – Our Hero: Great job creating a fun MC that seemed to be unfolding a mystery. Also, I really like how well you described the flashback. The dialog was great too, but there were parts in the middle that seemed a little less fluid than the rest of the story.
Bootaaay – Storm Clouds Rising: Beautiful use of language. It’s amazing how this storm had such an impact. One thing I wasn’t sure about is if the storm was in his head, or if there was a give-and-take with what was happening in reality and how much he was influencing reality with his own perception.
Votes:
1. Mike M
2. Nezumi
3. Cyan
HM: Elfforkusu, JD, Bootaaay, Jack Remington...ok ok I'll stop.
This made my day. Loved it.
Thanks for the feedback and crits. Helpful. I wanted to try something different (for myself) and I didn't know about some of the other mentioned characters or stories that are quite similar. Haha.
Mike M – Only 2000 Words to Live: Loved the use of “where the blue blazes” and “what the Sam hill.” This was so well done. The action was so well described and the ending was awesome. It’d be fun to read more, like the rustiness of the Prof and Jackson – after the kid has lunch – and how they get back into their storyline.
Ashes1396 – How Author Met Poeta: At first, I wasn’t drawn in immediately, but it got better as I read on, and the characters seemed to take form a little more. I’ve noticed a trend with you about avoiding quotations, and it worked very well in this story.  It hit the nail on the head this time. I really liked the characters’ interactions.
Toddhunter – You’ve Got the Touch: Haha this was a fun read. I have to admit that in the first paragraph, it took me a minute to realize I read “unicorn” instead of “Unicron.” My one request was some more discussion about the new rock band! I liked how you described their jobs.
John Dunbar – May Contain Lies: Great opening line. I really liked the voice in this and believe it or not, I can actually relate.
Gattsu25 – Inconsequential: I really liked the dialog, and all the characters. It was cool how the characters became real very quickly even if they had short lives in your story; well done with that. The ending really surprised me and it felt like it ended early or something. I wanted to know what was in the bag. And I wanted to know if anything was wrong with his bag when he went to the bathroom and came back to it. And, I wanted to know the character’s reaction to actually sitting down in the plane and putting on his seatbelt before he fell asleep. But I only say all this because you developed the character well and it left me wanting to know more. Great work.
Elfforkusu – Across the Universe: Really good description of existential questions. There were points where I stopped to reread or slow down to soak it all in.
Copernicus – Passion: I liked the second and third parts but I didn’t understand quite how the 1st part about playing “hard to get” connected to the rest of the story. It was a fun read though and the ending was well done.
ZeroRay – Volcano Jones: This was a fun story to read since at first I thought it’d have to do with some sort of one-on-one fight and then there was that surprise ending.
Tirminyl – The Old Man: Ha! Fun read, I think 2 young guys spreading the Word is a great foundation for this prompt. I wish I had a better understanding of what the Old Man was. It’d be great if his response to the 2 evangelicals was more clearly defined. I enjoyed this story and it was really creative.
Cyan – The Journey: Wow I did not know this side of you Cyan ol’ Cyan! I’m with Mike M though; I no nothing about poetry or how to crit it – it’s hard enough for me to learn how to crit stories! However, I do think that poetry, and that extra mindful use of words, has gotta be important for general writing, so bravo. Hmm, I’m not sure what to say other than I really liked it! I also really liked the use of clauses, and the repetitive lines of take care and then finally have care. If anything, maybe it’d be cool if there were more emotion towards the stranger, like anticipation, etc. On the other hand, I liked how the emotion didn’t need to be described, because the journey itself was full of varying emotion.
Nezumi – Balancing Act: Very beautifully written. Also, I liked the name Balduin. I very much enjoyed ever part of this story and slowed down in some sections to savor the style. At the end, I wondered if Balduin would be tricked. Even though that didn’t happen, I still felt like the ending was somewhat flat or less momentous than for what I hoped. But alls I gotta say is I wish I had a pet tarantula right about now.
Jack Remington – Colony: Good descriptions and captivating story. But one thing that struck me: why was the mother so timid and paralyzed by fear in contrast by the father who seemed almost overly narrowly driven in comparison – without any emotion? I wondered if there was past baggage with the dead sister. I wanted to know more about the cannisters and Uncle Joe. I liked the MC but wished I knew more about the MC’s age or her relationship to her mom & dad. This was awesome stuff – you could very easily turn this into a longer novel.
ReiGun – Our Hero: Great job creating a fun MC that seemed to be unfolding a mystery. Also, I really like how well you described the flashback. The dialog was great too, but there were parts in the middle that seemed a little less fluid than the rest of the story.
Bootaaay – Storm Clouds Rising: Beautiful use of language. It’s amazing how this storm had such an impact. One thing I wasn’t sure about is if the storm was in his head, or if there was a give-and-take with what was happening in reality and how much he was influencing reality with his own perception.
Votes:
1. Mike M
2. Nezumi
3. Cyan
HM: Elfforkusu, JD, Bootaaay, Jack Remington...ok ok I'll stop.
This made my day. Loved it.
Thanks for the feedback and crits. Helpful. I wanted to try something different (for myself) and I didn't know about some of the other mentioned characters or stories that are quite similar. Haha.
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