-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #119 - "Challenge"
- Thread starter Cyan
- Start date
- Status
???
Hi there. I'm Ronito. It's nice to meet you. I will change the way you look at donkeys and Al Roker one for the better, and one for the worse.
I think donkeys are awsome and I have no idea who Al Roker is. So hit me.
(There is also the chance that, due to total boredom and nothing else to do, I'll be the one counting the votes, so you might shed a little light on these inside-jokes
)Let me run that through the old ronito nickname translator machine.
*BZZT* *BEEP* *WHIIRRRR* *SNORK*
There we go.
*BZZT* *BEEP* *WHIIRRRR* *SNORK*
There we go.
I think donkeys are awsome and I have no idea who Al Roker is. So hit me.
(There is also the chance that, due to total boredom and nothing else to do, I'll be the one counting the votes, so you might shed a little light on these inside-jokes
Back in the day when the earth was fresh and Moses had just come down from the mountain I had made nicknames for the regulars.
GetYourOwnDamnAccountAlready = Tangent
Hobbes = Cyan
T'tonka? = JohnDunbar
Oswald = Squiddly
HotFuzz = Aaron
Cinders = Ashes
I dub you VoteCountingCat
Oh cool! I've never had a nickname before.
Thanks for clarifying.
Edit: Like I promised, some late thoughts on the stories.
ChainsawKitten: I would have liked it more if you had embedded the whole thing in some kind of story.
ronito: Considering that I know a number of people who work with mentally handicaped people, that story hit home pretty hart.
CoffeeExpress: I really enjoyed the the tension in the begining. Towards the end it got a bit repetitive and cheesy.
Ecotic: The ending was really abrupt. I also wondered how the main character wouldn't know that it was an electric fence.
Aaron: I really enjoyed reading that. I wasn't quite sure what the main characters motivations were, though.
Ward: I guess this story works a lot better if one has watched the shows you're refering to. Since I haven't it didn't really work for me.
SquiddyCracker: For all your warnings I thought this was quite tame actually. I also have to say that every time I see male genitalia being refered to as "spear" or "rod" I can't help but chuckle, because it is just such a cheesy cliche.
tirmynil: This might have needed a bit of polishing. Especially the part where the younger actress gets arested seemed really rushed. I actually did not understand what happend until I finished the story and read that scene again.
Mike M: I loved the idea, but I think that especially in the begining, your story gets lost in the descriptions. I also would have liked a bit of more detail about how the whole inspiring people thing worked (what exactly was it that the boy wizard invested for example).
multivac: For some reason I kept picturing the old man in that story as Clint Eastwood in Grand Turino. All in all I wasn't quite sure what his motives were.
Ashes1396: I felt like I was missing some important information about the two characters here.
Tangent: You certainly nailed the part of portraying Wallace and Gromit, but other than that the story didn't really go anywhere.
Cyan: I had fun reading that. Tone and setting were right up my alley. The main characters realtionship with the queen reminded me of Luthar and his wife in Abercrombie's "Last Argument of Kings"
But what sense will it make if you change your av from a cat?
EDIT:
Man, Im usually right out of the gate with these. Im slowing down in my old age.
Chainsawkitten Ramblings, or On the Impossibility of Coming Out: Gotta be honest, was expecting another creepy internal monologue piece. It wasnt particularly creepy, and it doesnt ever explicitly touch upon exactly what the narrator would be coming out about, but it does take ones hand and drag them down the path to the obvious conclusion. That ambiguity makes it kind of a blank slate though, depending on where you slide the timeframe. Could be pedophilia or bestiality in the modern day, or it could be homosexuality a few decades ago, who can say? Tightly constructed as per the usual of your entries.
Ronito Jack: Man, shit like this is always intensely uncomfortable for me. Traumatic brain injury to that degree, loss of limbs or other body parts, just general disfigurement and maiming Literally my greatest fears in life, I cant imagine a worse fate. Id probably kill myself, frankly.
CoffeeExpress Never let go: I was never the sentimental type, but having a daughter kinda fucked that up for me, now Im projecting that scenario on everything : / I was a little thrown that it turned out that the father was the one who was apparently more seriously injured when wed already established that the daughter had been impaled by the wreckage and was passing in and out of consciousness from blood loss. I think the gravity of his injuries probably could have used a little more time in the spotlight so that it didnt come out of nowhere. Id dock you points for wussing out on the end and having everyone pull through, but Ive had enough bad news this week, so its nice that something should end on a happy note : )
Ecotic The Light of Day: Not sure where to go on this one. On the one hand, I absolutely despise dream sequences that are so detailed as to have an entirely alternate life with a complete life history and all that stuff while eschewing dream logic weirdness. Mostly because I never dream in such mundane specificity, and naturally assume that no one else does either : D On the other hand, it might be arguable that the conversation between the narrator and Arab Jim are dream logic in that its a little odd, along with the offer to do the guards taxes. It just kind of occupies this twilight area, as though it doesnt really know which way it wants to go. Id have also dispensed with the sorta-kinda-but-not-really script formatting of the dialog and just done it in the conventional format, except its supposed to be dream logic, so Im not really sure. So I guess this is all a roundabout way of saying you could have pushed the dreaminess a lot further to eliminate the waffling aspect.
Aaron Mosaic: I see something like MosB1tch in a dialogue, and I get to wondering how internet lingo is supposed to be portrayed when a character is speaking. I think everyone here would say MosBitch, not MosB-one-tch or something. And then a couple lines later, the protagonist spells out Sw-three-three-t. Stupid internet language, makes my brain hurt : ( I admit Im not up to date on streaming technology, is mosaic filtering handled automatically by software? I was always under the impression that was post-processing. Idunno, maybe this is some sort of near futurism bit? The QR code tattoo and the fact that there was a strong enough mobile infrastructure that she could stream and be on her laptop in the middle of nowhere in the desert kind of hinted at it, but maybe Im just completely out of the loop as to the signal coverage in the southwest these days. I think this started to unravel at Sw33ts diatribe about how privileged Martha and Franklin were. They never came across as being particularly sheltered and privileged, especially since they were moving their family of three out of Marthas mothers house. Also, Sw33ts final showdown isnt going to happen. Marthas going to call the cops on her, and theyre going to find her because Sw33ts constantly broadcasting her position and is going to get a task force dedicated to hunting her down who wont be stopped by mosaic filtering road signs.
Ward CLYMBN [Up the Ladder]: Liked the embedded references, because I had no clue who the hell Wood Harris is. The image of an NBA player acting as shift manager of some pizza delivery only to plot knocking it over with Jessie from Breaking Bad of all things was hilarious in its ridiculousness. I think youd have been better off just leaving the cameos to those two (Hell, you might have been better off just leaving it with Wood Harris), as the other two were pretty under developed in comparison (Ann didnt even actually appear). And while the linking to the names of people was helpful, the way you were linking to really mundane things that I think most people would already be familiar with (hoodies, Pepsi, Dominos, etc.) led me thinking that you were laying the groundwork for some metajoke at the end, but instead it was just a link to HBOs Wikipedia page. Did you mean for the link on hos to go where it did though? That one was certainly educational.
SquiddyCracker Brothel Brother: Im not sure anything was gained by the casting list at the top of this one. I pictured them in the roles, but really it would have been fine without it. I think this could have used a bit more depth, we spent a lot of time laying out the motivation and setting the stage for the competition, but then it was basically rushed to the conclusion without much more than and then the competition happened. Seemed like we were revving up to some interesting world building, but it kinda just ran out of steam after the, uh, steamy bit.
tirmynl Nasty Business: Im befuddled by Miranda Streep. Shes clearly supposed to be Meryl Streep, but why change on the first name and not the last name as well? It was just such an odd choice, I felt like every reference to Ms. Streep was a red flag pointing out the strangeness of it. Though the details were different, the concept of Meryl Streep has a Holywood catfight with a younger actress and utilizes supernatural instruments was (as incredibly specific a concept that may be) done in Death Becomes Her, which I dont think you quiiiiiite escaped the shadow of. That aside, I would have preferred that Gray not have a section devoted to his perspective on the affair, strictly from a magicians never reveal their tricks angle. Probably a couple revisions away from a finished work.
Mike M Figments: This is one of those ideas I had floating around in my head that I hoped would crystallize as I got it out on paper, but I dont feel like the rules governing how these entities operate ever got fully baked. I went back and forth as to whether or not I should actually include that quote at the very end, as I didnt want to be spoon feeding the reader, but likewise I dont know how many people are familiar with the circumstances. Certainly even fewer people than those who are going to know who Timothy Hunter is. In doing what research I did for this, I found it fortunate that the publication of The Books of Magic (the comic book miniseries mentioned) and Rowlings train trip happened the same year in chronological order, saved me the trouble of having to flub the timeline : ). Gentleman Thief wasnt envisioned as anyone specific, though I suppose his nearest living descendent is probably Neil Caffrey from White Collar. Hopefully I Britished things up enough with the proper terminology differences and spelling of grey vs. gray et. al.
multivac I Dare You: Mr. Jenkins is a colossal dick. Which is clearly the point, but still. Overall, I felt it was a solid entry with no major missteps. It was kind of odd though that there was this random mention of oh yeah, he broke my mug detail, as someone dropping a mug and breaking it tends to be something that someone notices right away when it happens. Writing was kind of plain Jane, but I find that preferable to overwrought try hard a lot of the time.
Ashes1396 solemnity in disgrace: I was almost expecting this to be a dream or something. The interaction between the two leads seems bizarrely nonchalant considering one just pulled a gun on the other and shot out the window behind her. The fact that she stuck around and had a heart to heart about it seems like the actions of someone whos been the victim of a prolonged, continued abuse at the hands of her spouse, but there was no indication that there was anything of the sort going on. Its an interesting dialog (though there are some wrong word uses, like nuzzle vs. muzzle), but its not anchored by developed characters and their attendant motivations.
Tangent The Ad Deal: Heh, I love Wallace and Gromit. I had Feathers McGraw as my avatar on another forum for a loooong while. I think you mostly nailed Wallaces voice, though perhaps too heavy on dropping clues as to his identity. You already have to be familiar with the character to understand the significance of West Wallaby Street, and it seems an odd thing for Wallace to just drop out there (i.e. most people would just say the city they live in, not their street without a city). Granted I havent seen any W&G for years now, so I may just be forgetting that he was prone to just throwing that out there. Also, his tea from the first paragraph magically transmogrified into coffee at about the 11th : ) Cute little transplant wacky fictional character into the real world bit, but the ending just kinda happens out of nowhere. Though really, Im not sure how it should end otherwise, seems like the central conceit is kind of difficult to steer to a satisfactory conclusion.
Nezumi A night at Kats: I think it could have helped to have some mention that they were flying before they were mentioned to be gliding and then almost immediately landing on a branch. I felt that I had missed something and went back and reread everything before that point. I found it kind of odd that all the supernatural entities in the area had a mad-on for antagonizing the one person who believed in them and would have given anything in the world to talk to them. Kat also seemed as being of two minds about the ongoing harassment, on the one hand trying to do chants and such to dispel evil spirits, but at the same time being super excited when some of those selfsame evil spirits are caught in the act. Also, theyre so small they have trouble operating the buttons on an alarm clock without jumping up and down on them, yet they bring home a pet squirrel? Wouldnt that be like bringing home something the size a moderate-sized dinosaur or something?
Cyan Long Live the King: I, too, have an appreciation for DEX/INT builds over STR. Begs the question though, if you can only ascend to the throne by beating the previous king/kings champion in an annual competition only to turn around and have to be the one on the defense every year for the rest of your short life Seems like pretty poor motivation to participate, and Im surprised that any king that won wouldnt be exceedingly ruthless about ending it. All those ministers who objected? Put their heads on fucking pikes. Fuck all yall, Im fucking king.
Anyway, my votes:
1. Cyan
2. Aaron
3. Tangent
HM: Ward
EDIT:
Man, Im usually right out of the gate with these. Im slowing down in my old age.
Chainsawkitten Ramblings, or On the Impossibility of Coming Out: Gotta be honest, was expecting another creepy internal monologue piece. It wasnt particularly creepy, and it doesnt ever explicitly touch upon exactly what the narrator would be coming out about, but it does take ones hand and drag them down the path to the obvious conclusion. That ambiguity makes it kind of a blank slate though, depending on where you slide the timeframe. Could be pedophilia or bestiality in the modern day, or it could be homosexuality a few decades ago, who can say? Tightly constructed as per the usual of your entries.
Ronito Jack: Man, shit like this is always intensely uncomfortable for me. Traumatic brain injury to that degree, loss of limbs or other body parts, just general disfigurement and maiming Literally my greatest fears in life, I cant imagine a worse fate. Id probably kill myself, frankly.
CoffeeExpress Never let go: I was never the sentimental type, but having a daughter kinda fucked that up for me, now Im projecting that scenario on everything : / I was a little thrown that it turned out that the father was the one who was apparently more seriously injured when wed already established that the daughter had been impaled by the wreckage and was passing in and out of consciousness from blood loss. I think the gravity of his injuries probably could have used a little more time in the spotlight so that it didnt come out of nowhere. Id dock you points for wussing out on the end and having everyone pull through, but Ive had enough bad news this week, so its nice that something should end on a happy note : )
Ecotic The Light of Day: Not sure where to go on this one. On the one hand, I absolutely despise dream sequences that are so detailed as to have an entirely alternate life with a complete life history and all that stuff while eschewing dream logic weirdness. Mostly because I never dream in such mundane specificity, and naturally assume that no one else does either : D On the other hand, it might be arguable that the conversation between the narrator and Arab Jim are dream logic in that its a little odd, along with the offer to do the guards taxes. It just kind of occupies this twilight area, as though it doesnt really know which way it wants to go. Id have also dispensed with the sorta-kinda-but-not-really script formatting of the dialog and just done it in the conventional format, except its supposed to be dream logic, so Im not really sure. So I guess this is all a roundabout way of saying you could have pushed the dreaminess a lot further to eliminate the waffling aspect.
Aaron Mosaic: I see something like MosB1tch in a dialogue, and I get to wondering how internet lingo is supposed to be portrayed when a character is speaking. I think everyone here would say MosBitch, not MosB-one-tch or something. And then a couple lines later, the protagonist spells out Sw-three-three-t. Stupid internet language, makes my brain hurt : ( I admit Im not up to date on streaming technology, is mosaic filtering handled automatically by software? I was always under the impression that was post-processing. Idunno, maybe this is some sort of near futurism bit? The QR code tattoo and the fact that there was a strong enough mobile infrastructure that she could stream and be on her laptop in the middle of nowhere in the desert kind of hinted at it, but maybe Im just completely out of the loop as to the signal coverage in the southwest these days. I think this started to unravel at Sw33ts diatribe about how privileged Martha and Franklin were. They never came across as being particularly sheltered and privileged, especially since they were moving their family of three out of Marthas mothers house. Also, Sw33ts final showdown isnt going to happen. Marthas going to call the cops on her, and theyre going to find her because Sw33ts constantly broadcasting her position and is going to get a task force dedicated to hunting her down who wont be stopped by mosaic filtering road signs.
Ward CLYMBN [Up the Ladder]: Liked the embedded references, because I had no clue who the hell Wood Harris is. The image of an NBA player acting as shift manager of some pizza delivery only to plot knocking it over with Jessie from Breaking Bad of all things was hilarious in its ridiculousness. I think youd have been better off just leaving the cameos to those two (Hell, you might have been better off just leaving it with Wood Harris), as the other two were pretty under developed in comparison (Ann didnt even actually appear). And while the linking to the names of people was helpful, the way you were linking to really mundane things that I think most people would already be familiar with (hoodies, Pepsi, Dominos, etc.) led me thinking that you were laying the groundwork for some metajoke at the end, but instead it was just a link to HBOs Wikipedia page. Did you mean for the link on hos to go where it did though? That one was certainly educational.
SquiddyCracker Brothel Brother: Im not sure anything was gained by the casting list at the top of this one. I pictured them in the roles, but really it would have been fine without it. I think this could have used a bit more depth, we spent a lot of time laying out the motivation and setting the stage for the competition, but then it was basically rushed to the conclusion without much more than and then the competition happened. Seemed like we were revving up to some interesting world building, but it kinda just ran out of steam after the, uh, steamy bit.
tirmynl Nasty Business: Im befuddled by Miranda Streep. Shes clearly supposed to be Meryl Streep, but why change on the first name and not the last name as well? It was just such an odd choice, I felt like every reference to Ms. Streep was a red flag pointing out the strangeness of it. Though the details were different, the concept of Meryl Streep has a Holywood catfight with a younger actress and utilizes supernatural instruments was (as incredibly specific a concept that may be) done in Death Becomes Her, which I dont think you quiiiiiite escaped the shadow of. That aside, I would have preferred that Gray not have a section devoted to his perspective on the affair, strictly from a magicians never reveal their tricks angle. Probably a couple revisions away from a finished work.
Mike M Figments: This is one of those ideas I had floating around in my head that I hoped would crystallize as I got it out on paper, but I dont feel like the rules governing how these entities operate ever got fully baked. I went back and forth as to whether or not I should actually include that quote at the very end, as I didnt want to be spoon feeding the reader, but likewise I dont know how many people are familiar with the circumstances. Certainly even fewer people than those who are going to know who Timothy Hunter is. In doing what research I did for this, I found it fortunate that the publication of The Books of Magic (the comic book miniseries mentioned) and Rowlings train trip happened the same year in chronological order, saved me the trouble of having to flub the timeline : ). Gentleman Thief wasnt envisioned as anyone specific, though I suppose his nearest living descendent is probably Neil Caffrey from White Collar. Hopefully I Britished things up enough with the proper terminology differences and spelling of grey vs. gray et. al.
multivac I Dare You: Mr. Jenkins is a colossal dick. Which is clearly the point, but still. Overall, I felt it was a solid entry with no major missteps. It was kind of odd though that there was this random mention of oh yeah, he broke my mug detail, as someone dropping a mug and breaking it tends to be something that someone notices right away when it happens. Writing was kind of plain Jane, but I find that preferable to overwrought try hard a lot of the time.
Ashes1396 solemnity in disgrace: I was almost expecting this to be a dream or something. The interaction between the two leads seems bizarrely nonchalant considering one just pulled a gun on the other and shot out the window behind her. The fact that she stuck around and had a heart to heart about it seems like the actions of someone whos been the victim of a prolonged, continued abuse at the hands of her spouse, but there was no indication that there was anything of the sort going on. Its an interesting dialog (though there are some wrong word uses, like nuzzle vs. muzzle), but its not anchored by developed characters and their attendant motivations.
Tangent The Ad Deal: Heh, I love Wallace and Gromit. I had Feathers McGraw as my avatar on another forum for a loooong while. I think you mostly nailed Wallaces voice, though perhaps too heavy on dropping clues as to his identity. You already have to be familiar with the character to understand the significance of West Wallaby Street, and it seems an odd thing for Wallace to just drop out there (i.e. most people would just say the city they live in, not their street without a city). Granted I havent seen any W&G for years now, so I may just be forgetting that he was prone to just throwing that out there. Also, his tea from the first paragraph magically transmogrified into coffee at about the 11th : ) Cute little transplant wacky fictional character into the real world bit, but the ending just kinda happens out of nowhere. Though really, Im not sure how it should end otherwise, seems like the central conceit is kind of difficult to steer to a satisfactory conclusion.
Nezumi A night at Kats: I think it could have helped to have some mention that they were flying before they were mentioned to be gliding and then almost immediately landing on a branch. I felt that I had missed something and went back and reread everything before that point. I found it kind of odd that all the supernatural entities in the area had a mad-on for antagonizing the one person who believed in them and would have given anything in the world to talk to them. Kat also seemed as being of two minds about the ongoing harassment, on the one hand trying to do chants and such to dispel evil spirits, but at the same time being super excited when some of those selfsame evil spirits are caught in the act. Also, theyre so small they have trouble operating the buttons on an alarm clock without jumping up and down on them, yet they bring home a pet squirrel? Wouldnt that be like bringing home something the size a moderate-sized dinosaur or something?
Cyan Long Live the King: I, too, have an appreciation for DEX/INT builds over STR. Begs the question though, if you can only ascend to the throne by beating the previous king/kings champion in an annual competition only to turn around and have to be the one on the defense every year for the rest of your short life Seems like pretty poor motivation to participate, and Im surprised that any king that won wouldnt be exceedingly ruthless about ending it. All those ministers who objected? Put their heads on fucking pikes. Fuck all yall, Im fucking king.
Anyway, my votes:
1. Cyan
2. Aaron
3. Tangent
HM: Ward
Yeah, especially since my username means mouse (or rat) in Japanese. I don't think that I'm going to change my avatar any time soon though.
I regret to say that my job gave me no time to do any critiques this week Such is working 12 hour days with a 30 minute lunch break.
I enjoyed reading every submitted story, and I hope to see everyone again next week when I will make it a priority to fit in critiques.
Once again, it was difficult to narrow this down to three, but:
1. Cyan
2. Aaron
3. ronito
Great round of stories!
Such is working 12 hour days with a 30 minute lunch break. I enjoyed reading every submitted story, and I hope to see everyone again next week when I will make it a priority to fit in critiques.
Once again, it was difficult to narrow this down to three, but:
1. Cyan
2. Aaron
3. ronito
Great round of stories!
Mike M - You have a lot of narration up front, and almost solid dialogue for middle and end. I would have liked it better if you mixed them together more, and more quickly got to where the actual story happens. It's a good conversation between these two figments and what they're trying to accomplish, but a little more concrete information would have helped me get in sync with the story sooner. It could also have used a grand conclusion since the boy wizard does succeed greatly in the end. A moment of triumph would have been nice.
I was looking at an internet chat room when I came up with those names. The ones I created were mild in comparison to the ones in there. So authentically annoying.
Yeah, near future. I didn't want Sw33t to wear a mask since that would be a big tip off to her victims.
Something big I failed to convey is Sw33t is a sociopath who commits cruelty for popularity, but has a need to justify her actions to herself and her viewers. She's more projecting on them than any reality of their situation. This story exists more in a movie reality than the real world anyway, since Sw33t would have been caught even before this incident. Though even in this story world, Martha would definitely call the cops. However, the cops would turn out to be useless, and she would have to take the matter into her own hands. They might even capture Sw33t, but have to let her go on a technicality or something.
Don't think I will be voting. Only read through half of the entries but thought we had until Tuesday night, so was going to read the rest tomorrow. Sorry :-(
Thanks for the feedback all. I clearly need to utilize time for revisions. Unfortunately, I did only get a first draft as I was writing up til the point I submitted. I yanked out a POV and tried to stitch it together. For the character it is Meryl Streep as her character Miranda Priestly from Devil Wears Prada, at least that's what I had in my head.
Thanks for the feedback all. I clearly need to utilize time for revisions. Unfortunately, I did only get a first draft as I was writing up til the point I submitted. I yanked out a POV and tried to stitch it together. For the character it is Meryl Streep as her character Miranda Priestly from Devil Wears Prada, at least that's what I had in my head.
I think crits are way more helpful than votes so I apologize for not having crits. New job today, head spinning... blah blah blah. well, a few quick comments on a few stories. but for the record, i enjoyed them all, very interesting diverse round of stories:
Comments (not really crits though, can't think hard enough for that):
clymbn -- I like how you included links. Way to maximize on the medium.
multivac -- so well done.
aaron -- really liked the concept, and your internet names were great.
chainsaw -- beautiful story, very real.
nezumi -- i think i'm drawn to your writing style, which I guess makes me a bit biased!
ashes -- i like how you can sometimes make a story sad/chilling and also twisted-ly beautiful at the same time.
cyan -- i liked the story idea a lot, and wished there was a bit more talking about how the king felt stuck, or more about his internal conflict... or something.
squiddybiscuit -- i can't believe you were concerned about this being too R-rated with forewarnings for us readers. you should SEE some of the stuff that comes through!
ronito -- i think this is too close to home for me to be able to comment on. i liked it but too many spinning -- and sometimes conflicting -- thoughts! oy!
Votes:
1. multivac
2. nezumi
3. ashes
hm: ronito
Me neither and I always wanted one. I just never imagined that the one I'd finally be given would have 9 syllables. NINE!
Comments (not really crits though, can't think hard enough for that):
clymbn -- I like how you included links. Way to maximize on the medium.
multivac -- so well done.
aaron -- really liked the concept, and your internet names were great.
chainsaw -- beautiful story, very real.
nezumi -- i think i'm drawn to your writing style, which I guess makes me a bit biased!
ashes -- i like how you can sometimes make a story sad/chilling and also twisted-ly beautiful at the same time.
cyan -- i liked the story idea a lot, and wished there was a bit more talking about how the king felt stuck, or more about his internal conflict... or something.
squiddybiscuit -- i can't believe you were concerned about this being too R-rated with forewarnings for us readers. you should SEE some of the stuff that comes through!
ronito -- i think this is too close to home for me to be able to comment on. i liked it but too many spinning -- and sometimes conflicting -- thoughts! oy!
Votes:
1. multivac
2. nezumi
3. ashes
hm: ronito
Me neither and I always wanted one. I just never imagined that the one I'd finally be given would have 9 syllables. NINE!
So I just got my first nickname and my first fan? This week is awesome
To the people that haven't voted yet, are you planning on doing it still (say in the next 3-4 hours) or shall I go ahead and post the results as they are of now?
The results!
1st Place: Aaron - Mosaic
2nd Place: Cyan - Long Live the King
3rd Place: multivac - I Dare You
Vote Count:
Aaron - 11 (2)
Cyan - 9 ((3)
multivac - 8 (2)
ronito - 6
Tangent - 4
Ashes1396 - 3
Nezumi - 3
Ward - 2
Mike M - 1
SquiddyCracker - 1
Congrats Aaron!
1st Place: Aaron - Mosaic
2nd Place: Cyan - Long Live the King
3rd Place: multivac - I Dare You
Vote Count:
Aaron - 11 (2)
Cyan - 9 ((3)
multivac - 8 (2)
ronito - 6
Tangent - 4
Ashes1396 - 3
Nezumi - 3
Ward - 2
Mike M - 1
SquiddyCracker - 1
Congrats Aaron!
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Gratz Aaron!
Triumphant return! Congrats Aaron, good story in what was a good field this week.
Ok, so now I'm curious. A few people made it obvious, but how many people did the secondary, and who did you use?
I tried a couple of actors for the main role, but none worked, and I eventually settled on
Ok, so now I'm curious. A few people made it obvious, but how many people did the secondary, and who did you use?
I tried a couple of actors for the main role, but none worked, and I eventually settled on
fictional character Vlad Taltos.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
It was just a last-minute decision in my mind, I wrote the characters first and then tried to fulfill the secondary objective.
I half-arsed it all the way through
Well at least I scored one point.
No need to elaborate further on mine, obviously. I actually have had this exact story in mind for a while now, the objectives just lined up perfectly enough for me to actually get it out there.
Now that it's out there, not sure how crazy I am about it anymore. Meh.
Not even a nickname for the effort
No need to elaborate further on mine, obviously. I actually have had this exact story in mind for a while now, the objectives just lined up perfectly enough for me to actually get it out there.
Now that it's out there, not sure how crazy I am about it anymore. Meh.
I tried to come up with voice actors for the two fairy brothers but failed. Kat was a mixture of Sybill Trelawney and Luna Lovegood from the Potter books.
Seems like Ms. Rowling ended up to be quite the inspiration this week.
Mine was only a vehicle to point out that Gaimen did Timothy Hunter first!
I didn't give any feedback this week due to time, but for yours I'd've said that the ending was a bit telegraphed, and you probably could've pulled back a little and ended with Boy Wizard hopping on the train anyway. I think everyone knows what happens next.
I knew it!
Ah, see! I dind't even get that reference. I remember wondering about those comic books mentioned in your story but then forgot over reading all the other entries.
*Googles*... Damn that kid even looks like Potter...
I didn't give any feedback this week due to time, but for yours I'd've said that the ending was a bit telegraphed, and you probably could've pulled back a little and ended with Boy Wizard hopping on the train anyway. I think everyone knows what happens next.
I agonized over that, actually. The whole thing hinged upon whether people knew this one particular random quote by Rowling in an interview, and I had grave difficulties in trying to tell if I was giving enough info that anyone who didn't know that quote would pick up on it.
The part of Sw33t was played by Kristen Dunst. It's a miscast because she can't act.
Thanks all. Here's the new topic:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=57065470
I think it's a new idea. I went over the list several times, but there's so many I could have missed it.
Thanks all. Here's the new topic:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=57065470
I think it's a new idea. I went over the list several times, but there's so many I could have missed it.
Boy Wizard = Harry Potter instantly in my mind, especially set in England. So I didn't have a hard time getting it.
Are those books good? I'm looking for something to spent my audible credit for this month on. And this might be something for me but I never heard of them before.
So here's an unexpected thing that happened that really speaks to the power of writing.
I had had the idea of writing about "Jack" for a while but never actually did it until this challenge. I knew it would be depressing and a hard write. But there was something that I did not expect. In writing about "Lynn" (my ex) I found it was as depressing to write about her than it was about Jack. Reason being that Lynn is no longer that woman who helped out those kids. She's moved on and is decidedly different and in a way I mourn that, not just for me but for her. If I was a better writer I would've tied Jack and Lynn together in a way. But I really couldn't find a way to do so elegantly. Still it is amazing what writing will tell you about yourself.
I had had the idea of writing about "Jack" for a while but never actually did it until this challenge. I knew it would be depressing and a hard write. But there was something that I did not expect. In writing about "Lynn" (my ex) I found it was as depressing to write about her than it was about Jack. Reason being that Lynn is no longer that woman who helped out those kids. She's moved on and is decidedly different and in a way I mourn that, not just for me but for her. If I was a better writer I would've tied Jack and Lynn together in a way. But I really couldn't find a way to do so elegantly. Still it is amazing what writing will tell you about yourself.
CoffeeExpress
Member
Looking forward to the next changelle.. I always have these cool ideas just floating around my head, but I'm surprised how much time it takes to write even a short 1000 word story even remotely the way I envisioned it. hopefully next time I will get more votes!
Congrats Aaron!!!
Wow that is super interesting. I have a family-story that I've been itching to write for years but struggle with how to write it. And so I haven't. The good thing is, is that by writing about "Jack," you now know you wanted to connect it to "Lynn," so now you can do so in a future story. Sweet!
What a fitting name for an assassin.
Yeah I got confused and didn't realize I wasn't supposed to make it so obvious! Oops! Hehe.
Wow that is super interesting. I have a family-story that I've been itching to write for years but struggle with how to write it. And so I haven't. The good thing is, is that by writing about "Jack," you now know you wanted to connect it to "Lynn," so now you can do so in a future story. Sweet!
Don't worry man! Just have fun creating new stories!hopefully next time I will get more votes!
What a fitting name for an assassin.
Yeah I got confused and didn't realize I wasn't supposed to make it so obvious! Oops! Hehe.
- Status