This will be the first time I show anyone except my family and my ladyfriend my writing.
Exciting.
Yes! That is exciting. Now we get to feel all special.
This will be the first time I show anyone except my family and my ladyfriend my writing.
Exciting.
Midnight Pacific time is 3 am eastern time, right?
I, however, only provide mean-spirited, spiteful commentary born of intense jealousy and feelings of inadequacy.
Ah, it's just like the good ol days.
Here's Tangent's story:
Been awhile since I read through these. Amazing talent on display as usual.
This time I went:
3 points: Mike M -- Eyes on the Prize
2 points: adj_noun -- Secret Origin
1 point : multivac -- Aurora
Vote your top three:
1 .
2.
3.
Hm.
Though this isn't that much harder to count up tbh.
I don't want to say that one story is better than the others. Some stories just happen to get more points.
irriadin -- The Wanderer: If you have a giant flashback thats nearly the length of everything that came before it, thats probably a sign that you should just reorder your paragraphs accordingly. Overall there were enough details given about the world at large to infer enough information about how the rules governing things work, which is nice for a self-contained story. The exception to this would be the bits about the Spectra. I kept forging ahead in anticipation that some additional details describing what it was and how it worked would be dropped, but it didnt amount to much. Just... some kind of familiar or something? Also I was kind of bemused at the notion of the title character being The Wanderer, yet had never wandered far enough to have experienced inclement cold weather. Also your formatting went wonky towards the end with double indentations on the paragraphs.
*Huge glut of people getting their entries in well ahead of the deadline*
*Offset by people procrastinating on voting*
OMFG, look at all these entries... Better get to work, because critiques for everybody!
Fiction -- Crisis: If you’re going to write a faux news article, I’m always amused by people’s attempts to present it in something approximating the format of the real thing : ) Not that I award demerits for not doing so or anything. Next time though, I would reference some news agency’s style guide if at all possible. I’ve never to my recollection seen a reference to “the spring of 45” written in such a way, it’s almost always “1945” or “‘45.” Small details, but they jump out at me and detract from what you were shooting for. As far as the actual story itself goes, I think you largely succeeded in this, though I would quibble that there was perhaps a bit too much exposition than would be expected in an article written for people who would presumably already be familiar with these facts, and I have difficulties envisioning the creator of a super plague being lauded as a hero for changing her mind about releasing it on the population at large. Solidly constructed though, I think it just needs a few tweaks to get it fully across the finish line.
Fiction – Crisis
I’d play the ARG (and hope it wasn’t one of those darn ones where you have to be in Schenectady when the moon is full on an alternate Sunday). It accomplishes what it sets out to do in a fairly convincing fashion; I just found it a bit hard to really sink my teeth into precisely because it emulates a news story, which are by their very nature focused on a listing of the facts. I think I was looking for something more in the line of an editorial; same facts and events being discussed, but with the added slant of an outside observer’s opinion coloring the recounting of the event.
Last minute submission where I let my ARG background show a little >.<
If only I hadn't given you maximum points myself...!GRW810 closing dat gap.
God damn it GRW810, I NEED THIS LET ME HAVE IT
ARGH I was almost done with my feedback and I accidentally closed the window.
Waiting for Chainsaw, Tangent, Ashes and FairyD.
Tangent said:But the ones I read were good!
Some of the new people had awesome stories. Good stuff.
Hey all, I'm so sorry to say that I don't think I'll be able to read all the stories which means no votes or crits from me.
I enjoyed the ones I read, though, but I'm traveling and the internet connection really stinks. Plus, it's my last night here in Kauai and so I'd be a buzz kill if I spent my last few moments at a terminal. All this is to say: sorry!
Thank you sincerely for the great crits. Adj_noun, really good point about the MC and coming from a place of sincerity vs. cowardliness. I will be more on top of it when I'm back in my old stomping grounds. For now, in Kauai, it feels like time has ceased to exist and everyone is Type B...or C or D.
I'm sure this is what you were aiming for, but the first paragraph posed such a wonderful dilemma, and I personally wanted it to be solved, so this critique is based purely on my own expectations.
While I appreciate the In a dark dark wood homage I felt like the first few paragraphs belabored the point a bit.
Come on now, you can't leave us hanging like that! Not voting would be like... baking a cake and not eating it.Currently writing some comments on the stories (would hesitate to call it critique) but don't think I'll be voting. You're all making it too goddamn difficult.
Which is exactly why you weren't allowed to.I went through it on my phone, and wanted to make different choices when I got on my laptop
Your fault. Which is ridiculous to say since I wrote the thing, but yeah, it could have gone differently. I won't say how, though.Well-written as always, even though in the end it eventually returned to the usual subject. Or, that may have been my fault.
I wanted it on the form of X-swarms rather than swarms of X, but it didn't feel right with fly-swarms for some reason so I went with a synonym. In the end that just made it worse.I was kind of put off by the diptera-swarms. No one calls them that, not even entomologists Ive known. Theyre just swarms of flies, man. No need to put lipstick on that pig.
I think the idéal approach would have been to simply block out the choices you didn't make so that you could go through the story again but only take the choices you already took. It's my first time using Twine, though, and my time was limited so I couldn't do that. I only had about 5 hours due to an unexpected canoeing trip (out of all things!).I wish it wasn't IP logged (or however you're doing it), since I like to read each piece straight through, then go back to each one and critique, which I couldn't do with yours, obviously.