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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #138 - "A Second Chance"
- Thread starter Ashes
- Start date
- Status
You could be the Piet Mondrian of creative writing, then.
Why envision the Mona Lisa? Just do an honest day's work. Unrealistic expectations only cause undue misery.
Because realistic expectations would force me to acknowledge that I a mediocre writer at best and will never publish anything that will sell, and I like my bubble of fragile dreams
Because realistic expectations would force me to acknowledge that I a mediocre writer at best and will never publish anything that will sell, and I like my bubble of fragile dreams
Personally I think that whether someone gets published or not has actually little to do with talent but a lot more with persistence and luck.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Is this still going on? OP isn't clear if it's Saturday the 1st or a later one.
Saturday the 8th.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Thanks.
Because realistic expectations would force me to acknowledge that I a mediocre writer at best and will never publish anything that will sell, and I like my bubble of fragile dreams
You are not a mediocre writer Mike M.
I am, however, full of self-loathing
But seriously, I'm not looking to fish for compliments here, just expressing frustration that I'm not as good as I want to be.
I am, however, full of self-loathing
But seriously, I'm not looking to fish for compliments here, just expressing frustration that I'm not as good as I want to be.
Do you know how long it took to paint the Mona Lisa?
Full of self-loathing and impatience!
Leo never did get the smile right.
Wooo. Done. Can't password protect these things but I think a remote link is enough to retain ownership or whatever right?
Estate (1754 words)
http://1drv.ms/NEBC5f
Estate (1754 words)
http://1drv.ms/NEBC5f
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
The Destruction of Honesty Ensures Protection
words: 1807
Here is the original:
Wrongs Protect While Honesty Destroys
words: 1807
Here is the original:
Wrongs Protect While Honesty Destroys
Cool! Can't wait to read it, and impressive that you've read everyone's stories in the thread already!!! That's quite a feat.
Who are you?! Of course unrealistic expectations only cause undue misery, but isn't that the human way?! I didn't know there was any other way of living! Unless you're a Buddhist monk. I think unrealistic expectations is my mode of operation, particularly with estimating how much can be done in a certain allotment of time. Wouldn't it be great to not have ANY expectations of what you'll do in a period of time?! It sounds heavenly. But I don't know if it's possible.
Here here! And I think most things in life have more to do with persistence and luck than talent. And perhaps more luck than persistence, in many cases.
lastflowers
Banned
nope, at some point I just say 'no more' and stop revising
Ashes? At least I think I am. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm Tangent & you're Ashes. No. No. I'm fairly sure I'm Ashes and you're Cyan.
Sometimes distance between revisions works for better revisions.
Character Workshop
1,876 words, usual password
Some additional reading might be required for the full context:
For the people doing rewrites, I'd appreciate a link to the original just for comparison purposes if you feel so bold : )
1,876 words, usual password
Some additional reading might be required for the full context:
Marty is from The Worst of All Possible Things
Action Jackson and Professor Verderben are from Only 2000 Words to Live
Deep Thinking Goat is from Wishy Washy
The nameless narrator who is mentioned is from Eyes on the Prize
Action Jackson and Professor Verderben are from Only 2000 Words to Live
Deep Thinking Goat is from Wishy Washy
The nameless narrator who is mentioned is from Eyes on the Prize
For the people doing rewrites, I'd appreciate a link to the original just for comparison purposes if you feel so bold : )
I never revise my stories. I write them down, have my husband check for spelling mistakes and such and then I submit. Sometimes I like my stories sometimes I don't but somehow whenever i read over them again I don't see how they could be any different from they way I wrote them down.
Edit: This is why I'm having trouble with the secondary at the moment. I can see what the problem with the story was (there doesn't really happen anything) but I can't just go ahead and fix this. At the moment I'm simply trying to write another story based on the idea that lead to the other story and even that proves to be quite challenging.
Sorry. I've added you now. ;/
A cat, a mouse, and a dog work together in the same office.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Coppy tells me he's going to post his story this evening when his ban is up.
Well there were only like four of them. Three more were posted today though, enjoying reading them right now.
Well there were only like four of them.
Three more were posted today though, enjoying reading them right now.ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Actually kaepernickehs asked me to submit his story since he'll be at a movie. So this is his entry:
Hit the Road Jack (457 words)
Hit the Road Jack (457 words)
That's why I only allow myself one editing pass for these stories. I'll make corrections in the moment while I'm writing, but I never go too far back. The only other editing I'll do is bringing the word count down.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
This might help some people here: Draft has a "Hemingway mode" that doesn't allow you to delete characters. It certainly helped me during this and forced me to go into "writing mode" instead of "editing mode" at the start.
Of course the flipside is I ended up cutting or editing it down by like 1/3rd after I did the first draft, haha.
Of course the flipside is I ended up cutting or editing it down by like 1/3rd after I did the first draft, haha.
Ok I've written something. It's super self explanatory.
It's the first thing I've written almost at all in an enormously long time but I hope it'll be the first of many. It's shite, and I've used the challenge as an excuse but it's there.
It's the first thing I've written almost at all in an enormously long time but I hope it'll be the first of many. It's shite, and I've used the challenge as an excuse but it's there.
That's the beauty of this whole thing. You get just as much out the writing practice as you do from reading everyone else's stories. Inspiration! And if not, it's only a week between challengesMan, after reading a bunch of these I'm starting to feel self-conscious about rehashing my one-off story
Also, how did I not think of this sooner?
Ourobolus
Keeper of the Potato
Source of Strength (redux) (1750)
I took some liberties with the source material.
If anyone wants to compare, this is a retelling of Tangent's story from challenge #49, Source of Strength.
I took some liberties with the source material.
If anyone wants to compare, this is a retelling of Tangent's story from challenge #49, Source of Strength.
Thank you rex! =)
"Reinstated" 1020 words
Chainsawkitten
Member
Did too much procrastination to even get seriously started on mine. I was planning to remake On Beauty as ergodic literature.
You'd pull petals of a rose and then use a pair of binoculars to read faraway text and stuff. But there was just so much work in that that I never even began.
But I took a few hours in the middle of the night to rewrite this:
Smother (1178 words)
Doing too many revisions has never been a problem of mine. Even if you count 'too many' as one.
You'd pull petals of a rose and then use a pair of binoculars to read faraway text and stuff. But there was just so much work in that that I never even began.
I still want to make some kind of visual ergodic literature sometime.
But I took a few hours in the middle of the night to rewrite this:
Seriously? Whom else do you think would do it, silly?If you're up for a challenge I can direct you to a real shoddily written story of mine from way back. (http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=26677276&postcount=159) If you're up for it of course
Smother (1178 words)
Doing too many revisions has never been a problem of mine. Even if you count 'too many' as one.
Ourobolus - Tatered and Torn
Aaron - The Grand Hunt Resumes
lastflowers - They Always Have Next Year
Azih - Estate
Andrex - Requited
Ward - The Destruction of Honesty Ensures Protection
Mike M - Character Workshop
Carlisle - Raindrops
kaepernickehs - Hit the Road Jack
Moobabe - Second Chance
Ashes - Opus #04
Cyan - Source of Strength
Nezumi - Reinstated
Chainsawkitten - Smother
Tangent - Last Contact
Aaron - The Grand Hunt Resumes
lastflowers - They Always Have Next Year
Azih - Estate
Andrex - Requited
Ward - The Destruction of Honesty Ensures Protection
Mike M - Character Workshop
Carlisle - Raindrops
kaepernickehs - Hit the Road Jack
Moobabe - Second Chance
Ashes - Opus #04
Cyan - Source of Strength
Nezumi - Reinstated
Chainsawkitten - Smother
Tangent - Last Contact
Oh man, lost track of time. Is it too late?! If not, I'm turning in what I have!
Last Contact -- Take 2
This is an attempt to rework Cyan's original: Last Contact which was impressive and difficult to improve. I tried my best (well, my best with time constraints)! And hopefully, I didn't pollute it.
Last Contact -- Take 2
This is an attempt to rework Cyan's original: Last Contact which was impressive and difficult to improve. I tried my best (well, my best with time constraints)! And hopefully, I didn't pollute it.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Votes:
Here we go! I'm going to comment and critique a bit hardcore and I would really appreciate the same done for my story.
Good, short, and weird. Kinda like this mini-critique! Haha. Can't really come up with more to say, honestly.
I absolutely loved this one. Easily the most well-rounded and believable characters of the stories submitted, I feel. Which is impressive since it's clearly fantasy! Most clear use of the "second chance" theme too, which I appreciate since I can be a bit thick. My only nitpick is that the words didn't seem to come together as tightly as they could have, some of the descriptions seemed a bit overdone and it felt a bit dragged out getting to when the captain showed up. However since a lot of it was building the characters I can't say that was bad either. I also kinda wished it had been clearer from the start it was a fantasy-ish world, as like I said I can be a bit thick.
But anyways, yeah, loved this.
I didn't really understand this one. A lot of the passages had me going back and re-reading them, then going back and re-reading the story up to that point. If it was meant to be mysterious, it definitely accomplished that. While the story was confusing for me, I thought the actual prose was great. Superb quality there.
This evoked real emotion from me, and I empathized with the characters which is rare even for longer stories. The story was solid, too. Believable and realistic without feeling cliche. That said I felt like some of the emotional parts were really forced, like they were supposed to be important but not enough time was given to them so they're glossed over and yet it's supposed to have a big impact on the reader. Once I got passed that, I was really into the story and the closing scene. Good work.
This one had so much going for it but I was kind of let down by the ending. Might have been my fault for expecting it to go in another direction with the "second chances" theme. Otherwise it was a good story, some of the writing felt a bit padded like the environmental descriptions, but it took a situation I was unfamiliar with and made it familiar. The story was tight, too, which I liked, with enough of the backstory teased that it felt like a well rounded world.
I really liked this story! Unfortunately I was somewhat confused with how it was written, specifically with how the characters were introduced. I had to triple take and re-read when the goat was introduced, then I thought it was Verderben, then I realized "Verderben apparently is wearing gloves on his hoofs? Wait he has hands? Oh he's a different person." Then it mentions "three winners," which I assumed were the goat, Jackson, and Verderben, but then they mention some other guys watching kids? (Ew?) Some framing might have helped me out better, but I know it's based on past writing challenges so I'm a bit handicapped when evaluating it. That said, I laughed hard twice during reading this story, and chuckled at some other points. And I loved the idea. Good story.
I liked the setup, however something about the concept didn't seem right to me… It seemed like high concept was trying to collide with logic and lampshading it to little effect. I also thought the fourth wall breaking was a bit out of place ("for the sake of this story.") Donald was a great character and I know it might even be true to life, but his single "moment of inspiration" felt too contrived to me and should probably had a better explanation. I actually like this one a lot more than this critique paints, sorry if I come off harsh. The ending was great, gave me a smile.
Goddamn I hate this but I have to be harshest on your story Coppy.
I didn't understand it, I mean I got the two characters involved and their frustrations, but I was unsure how the situation came about or even what they were trying to work out or even how they knew each other. It felt intentionally vague at the start when it didn't need to be. Some of the text was also confusing when the characters were doing an action or speaking, even going back and thoroughly re-reading didn't dispel the nagging thought that who I thought was talking wasn't actually the one talking.
I hate not having something good to say, man this sucks. I'm sorry dude. If it's any consolation I know you've done far better stuff (IMO) and that this was probably rushed today to make the deadline.
Too meta for me, man.
First couple sentences hooked me and the story didn't let me go. I'm not one for first person but this story pulled it off extremely well and believably. I'm not sure how believable the story was though, and the lampshading didn't really convince me. I was also confused at the end, how did he save that other man's daughter? Other than that it was excellent. Fantastic writing.
Loved the prose here, it seems like you used just the right words in just the right way. The story moved at a great clip as well. Something about the loser protagonist rubbed me the wrong way, but maybe that's because he seems a bit similar to my own loser protagonist. Maybe because he said he hadn't seen her since elementary school but still had all these expectations of being with her. Otherwise really it was a really enjoyable read.
Right off the bat I loved the writing style, something about the words chosen and where they were injected really appealed to me. I liked the narrative too, taking a cliche and sprucing it up a bit. The "twist" at the end (I presume that was JFK?) was quite clever too. And the banter was great. My only want is that it was clearer at the beginning about the characters we were dealing with, because I can be slow on that stuff.
Personally, I thought a lot of the text was kind of filler-y. I would have preferred more context of the wife and son's deaths than the father going on and on about all he does for his kids. At the end it tries to wrap it up into a "love conquers all" message but it fell flat for me and just felt creepy. Maybe the creepiness was supposed to have a point, but it was lost somewhere in the transition between thought and typing.
Interesting set up, and while I know it was supposed to leave the question hanging in the air I still felt unsatisfied as a reader. Why did they leave?!
- Nezumi - "Reinstated"
- Aaron - "The Grand Hunt Resumes"
- Mike M - "Workshop"
Here we go! I'm going to comment and critique a bit hardcore and I would really appreciate the same done for my story.
Ourobolus said:
Good, short, and weird. Kinda like this mini-critique! Haha. Can't really come up with more to say, honestly.
Aaron said:
I absolutely loved this one. Easily the most well-rounded and believable characters of the stories submitted, I feel. Which is impressive since it's clearly fantasy! Most clear use of the "second chance" theme too, which I appreciate since I can be a bit thick. My only nitpick is that the words didn't seem to come together as tightly as they could have, some of the descriptions seemed a bit overdone and it felt a bit dragged out getting to when the captain showed up. However since a lot of it was building the characters I can't say that was bad either. I also kinda wished it had been clearer from the start it was a fantasy-ish world, as like I said I can be a bit thick.
But anyways, yeah, loved this.
lastflowers said:
I didn't really understand this one. A lot of the passages had me going back and re-reading them, then going back and re-reading the story up to that point. If it was meant to be mysterious, it definitely accomplished that.
While the story was confusing for me, I thought the actual prose was great. Superb quality there.Azih said:
This evoked real emotion from me, and I empathized with the characters which is rare even for longer stories. The story was solid, too. Believable and realistic without feeling cliche. That said I felt like some of the emotional parts were really forced, like they were supposed to be important but not enough time was given to them so they're glossed over and yet it's supposed to have a big impact on the reader. Once I got passed that, I was really into the story and the closing scene. Good work.
Ward said:
This one had so much going for it but I was kind of let down by the ending. Might have been my fault for expecting it to go in another direction with the "second chances" theme. Otherwise it was a good story, some of the writing felt a bit padded like the environmental descriptions, but it took a situation I was unfamiliar with and made it familiar. The story was tight, too, which I liked, with enough of the backstory teased that it felt like a well rounded world.
Mike M said:
I really liked this story! Unfortunately I was somewhat confused with how it was written, specifically with how the characters were introduced. I had to triple take and re-read when the goat was introduced, then I thought it was Verderben, then I realized "Verderben apparently is wearing gloves on his hoofs? Wait he has hands? Oh he's a different person." Then it mentions "three winners," which I assumed were the goat, Jackson, and Verderben, but then they mention some other guys watching kids? (Ew?) Some framing might have helped me out better, but I know it's based on past writing challenges so I'm a bit handicapped when evaluating it. That said, I laughed hard twice during reading this story, and chuckled at some other points. And I loved the idea. Good story.
Carlisle said:
I liked the setup, however something about the concept didn't seem right to me… It seemed like high concept was trying to collide with logic and lampshading it to little effect. I also thought the fourth wall breaking was a bit out of place ("for the sake of this story.") Donald was a great character and I know it might even be true to life, but his single "moment of inspiration" felt too contrived to me and should probably had a better explanation. I actually like this one a lot more than this critique paints, sorry if I come off harsh.
The ending was great, gave me a smile.kaepernickehs said:
Goddamn I hate this but I have to be harshest on your story Coppy.
I didn't understand it, I mean I got the two characters involved and their frustrations, but I was unsure how the situation came about or even what they were trying to work out or even how they knew each other. It felt intentionally vague at the start when it didn't need to be. Some of the text was also confusing when the characters were doing an action or speaking, even going back and thoroughly re-reading didn't dispel the nagging thought that who I thought was talking wasn't actually the one talking.
I hate not having something good to say, man this sucks. I'm sorry dude.
If it's any consolation I know you've done far better stuff (IMO) and that this was probably rushed today to make the deadline.Moobabe said:
Too meta for me, man.
Ashes said:
First couple sentences hooked me and the story didn't let me go. I'm not one for first person but this story pulled it off extremely well and believably. I'm not sure how believable the story was though, and the lampshading didn't really convince me. I was also confused at the end, how did he save that other man's daughter? Other than that it was excellent. Fantastic writing.
Cyan said:
Loved the prose here, it seems like you used just the right words in just the right way. The story moved at a great clip as well. Something about the loser protagonist rubbed me the wrong way, but maybe that's because he seems a bit similar to my own loser protagonist.
Maybe because he said he hadn't seen her since elementary school but still had all these expectations of being with her. Otherwise really it was a really enjoyable read.Nezumi said:
Right off the bat I loved the writing style, something about the words chosen and where they were injected really appealed to me. I liked the narrative too, taking a cliche and sprucing it up a bit. The "twist" at the end (I presume that was JFK?) was quite clever too. And the banter was great. My only want is that it was clearer at the beginning about the characters we were dealing with, because I can be slow on that stuff.
Chainsawkitten said:
Personally, I thought a lot of the text was kind of filler-y. I would have preferred more context of the wife and son's deaths than the father going on and on about all he does for his kids. At the end it tries to wrap it up into a "love conquers all" message but it fell flat for me and just felt creepy. Maybe the creepiness was supposed to have a point, but it was lost somewhere in the transition between thought and typing.
Tangent said:
Interesting set up, and while I know it was supposed to leave the question hanging in the air I still felt unsatisfied as a reader. Why did they leave?!
1. Mike M - Character Workshop
2. Ashes - Opus #04
3. Azih - Estate
Ourobolus - Tatered and Torn
Concise, colorful, imaginative, heart-wrenching, and inspiring. Also, PUNS!
Aaron - The Grand Hunt Resumes
Well-written and engaging thanks to the terrific world-building. Just one tiny thing that irked me a bit: that he lied about his experience with killing those beasts, when he seemed like the most genuine person in the story up until that point. Just seemed a tad out of character to me.
lastflowers - They Always Have Next Year
I thought this had a lot of character. You could sense the history of a family's intertwining lives and ups and downs very vividly with such a short word count. It was just a little confusing sometimes who was speaking and what was going on when they were speaking, even on a second read-through.
Azih - Estate
Powerful stuff. Nice flow and pacing too. The prose felt a little rigid at the start... Almost too formal if that makes sense, but as it went on it seemed to loosen up and find its groove
Andrex - Requited
A very pleasant and all too relatable read. I liked the bits of humor here and there, and the flow was good. No real irks to speak of other than a typo or two.
Ward - The Destruction of Honesty Ensures Protection
Nice touch with the details, but at times it was almost too detailed. Sometimes its fun to be able to fill in some blanks on my own. Also, you used characters names in place of pronouns or other options a lot. It was distracting at times, and I think this story was more prone to it because the paragraphs were broken up too frequently. I think if some of the 2-3 line paragraphs were merged into single paragraphs, youd have a more cohesive passage without as much need for mentioning characters names so often.
Mike M - Character Workshop
Clever and funny. Really cool idea bringing old characters together like that, and you did it in a pleasantly humble, if self-deprecating, way.
kaepernickehs - Hit the Road Jack
Short and sweet with a funny twist at the end. My main issue was that it was hard for me to tell who was speaking when. There were also some typos that caused some confusion in a couple spots.
Moobabe - Second Chance
Interesting take on the challenge. Very honest and I could sense your feeling of liberation as you finally got the writing done. Hope it's the start of many more.
Ashes - Opus #04
I have no idea what it's like to lose someone that close but you paint the picture as well as I could imagine it. Really vivid and gut-wrenching. Kinda wanted to know more about the bro in law and the killer, but I realized that probably would have detracted from the focus. Wonderful writing.
Cyan - Source of Strength
I really liked the flow and pacing here, and it was very well written. I liked the lesson that the protagonist learns too, but I found him a little hard to believe. He goes from being too scared to meet this girl to hoping he can sleep with her kinda quick. And while I did like the lesson and how he learned it, it seemed to hit him and change his whole attitude rather fast.
Nezumi - Reinstated
I thought the setting and circumstances were very clever and it was well written. But I think the ending went right over my head.
, and if so, why? Just happened to be then and there for no particular reason?
Chainsawkitten - Smother
Oh man, so creepy (thanks to the source material, I realize). You did a great job slowly easing us into the increasing madness of the father in a way that seemed logical and natural. I could almost empathize with him before getting totally creeped out near the end. My only complaint is that the opening was written so colorful and vividly, while the rest was more like a journal entry. I thought the journal entry style was more appropriate, but it made the opening feel all the more out of place.
Tangent - Last Contact
Great stuff and very well written and paced, but the ending is totally lost on me, as is the Second Chance theme. I have some guesses about what it could be, but I'm grasping at straws to find it.
2. Ashes - Opus #04
3. Azih - Estate
Ourobolus - Tatered and Torn
Concise, colorful, imaginative, heart-wrenching, and inspiring. Also, PUNS!
Aaron - The Grand Hunt Resumes
Well-written and engaging thanks to the terrific world-building. Just one tiny thing that irked me a bit: that he lied about his experience with killing those beasts, when he seemed like the most genuine person in the story up until that point. Just seemed a tad out of character to me.
lastflowers - They Always Have Next Year
I thought this had a lot of character. You could sense the history of a family's intertwining lives and ups and downs very vividly with such a short word count. It was just a little confusing sometimes who was speaking and what was going on when they were speaking, even on a second read-through.
Azih - Estate
Powerful stuff. Nice flow and pacing too. The prose felt a little rigid at the start... Almost too formal if that makes sense, but as it went on it seemed to loosen up and find its groove
Andrex - Requited
A very pleasant and all too relatable read. I liked the bits of humor here and there, and the flow was good. No real irks to speak of other than a typo or two.
Ward - The Destruction of Honesty Ensures Protection
Nice touch with the details, but at times it was almost too detailed. Sometimes its fun to be able to fill in some blanks on my own. Also, you used characters names in place of pronouns or other options a lot. It was distracting at times, and I think this story was more prone to it because the paragraphs were broken up too frequently. I think if some of the 2-3 line paragraphs were merged into single paragraphs, youd have a more cohesive passage without as much need for mentioning characters names so often.
Mike M - Character Workshop
Clever and funny. Really cool idea bringing old characters together like that, and you did it in a pleasantly humble, if self-deprecating, way.
kaepernickehs - Hit the Road Jack
Short and sweet with a funny twist at the end. My main issue was that it was hard for me to tell who was speaking when. There were also some typos that caused some confusion in a couple spots.
Moobabe - Second Chance
Interesting take on the challenge. Very honest and I could sense your feeling of liberation as you finally got the writing done. Hope it's the start of many more.
Ashes - Opus #04
I have no idea what it's like to lose someone that close but you paint the picture as well as I could imagine it. Really vivid and gut-wrenching. Kinda wanted to know more about the bro in law and the killer, but I realized that probably would have detracted from the focus. Wonderful writing.
Cyan - Source of Strength
I really liked the flow and pacing here, and it was very well written. I liked the lesson that the protagonist learns too, but I found him a little hard to believe. He goes from being too scared to meet this girl to hoping he can sleep with her kinda quick. And while I did like the lesson and how he learned it, it seemed to hit him and change his whole attitude rather fast.
Nezumi - Reinstated
I thought the setting and circumstances were very clever and it was well written. But I think the ending went right over my head.
Was it JFK?
Chainsawkitten - Smother
Oh man, so creepy (thanks to the source material, I realize). You did a great job slowly easing us into the increasing madness of the father in a way that seemed logical and natural. I could almost empathize with him before getting totally creeped out near the end. My only complaint is that the opening was written so colorful and vividly, while the rest was more like a journal entry. I thought the journal entry style was more appropriate, but it made the opening feel all the more out of place.
Tangent - Last Contact
Great stuff and very well written and paced, but the ending is totally lost on me, as is the Second Chance theme. I have some guesses about what it could be, but I'm grasping at straws to find it.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Thank you so much! I'm still trying to find my comedic voice but Requited is easily my best work on that front, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. I would love to know what those typos are if you remember.
Anytime! It's a good piece. I keep using the word pleasant, but it's the best word I can think of to describe how I thought of it at the end. An all-around pleasant and enjoyable read. The humor was grounded and added to the story without getting in the way. Really nice balance.
As for the typos:
I was I wanted to know if youd like go get coffee sometime? -> like to get coffee, rather than go?
And you say throws of desire, when I think it should be throes.
Very minor stuff that didn't detract from the read, but I thought I'd mention it for the critique. Didn't want to get too nit-picky though.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Again, thank you. It's very encouraging. My last short story was a horror piece, and I was in the middle of writing *another* horror story when I decided to participate in this. So from the outset I wanted to write something different and "airier." A happier story. I'm extremely glad you think I was effective at doing so.
(Side note: I was actually worried most of the submissions would be romantical because of the prompt, but thankfully that wasn't the case! There's a lot of creative people here coming up with all types of stories I couldn't have thought up, especially yours. I was thinking earlier today it would even make a nice children's and/or picture book.)
Both fixed now, thank you!
No man, if there are nits then I need them to be picked. I wasn't even aware of throws vs. throes so I've already become better at writing just by your comment! I'm planning on continuing to participate in these challenges when possible and I want to become known as someone who requests and receives criticism extremely well.
Yes, it was JFK. I think the problem you have not knowing why she is there is because I was to vague about the fact that her first mess up, the one that got her the desk duty, was supposed to be Lincoln. So basically it was the "joke" that finally she got another assignment, it happens to be another president and again her being distracted leads to the client dying.
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