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NGSB (No Girlfriend Since Birth)
- Thread starter inked_illusion
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IAmAnAgnostic
Member
Is it? Anyway, that is why I don't try anymore.
I go to the gym and I've made it my personal crusade to make sure that any woman I meet over 20 that is a virgin is devirginized ASAP.
I shouldn't be telling you this, but ALPHAs are actually a pre-Christian group of men who go to gyms and make sure no women over 20 are virgins. Our secret traditions have been passed down through the ages, it's very ceremonial.
Forerunner
Member
It's whatever breh. I'm 27 and only been in two serious relationships. It happens when it happens.
Nocturnowl
Member
I like to think this mirrors my online dating experience.
I think I've been happier just dropping that angle entirely.
So that's what the alpha course is really all about!
When you say approcah a woman, you mean a total stranger, just reading a book in a park or walking down the street for example, or someone you already talked to in the past?
Because I'm not sure what you expect if it's the former. The few times a stranger did that to me, most of the time I thought "Oookk, do i know you?", and I'm not even a woman lol(which I bet, get asked this a lot more often from strangers).
IAmAnAgnostic
Member
I mean women at bars, and a few times women I already knew. (then I begun asking them out[didn't only say hi, since I already knew them], reaction was the same) Once I did approach a total stranger, because I was dared to do so, her reaction was even worse.
So no, I don't generally approach random women at the street or park.
kavanf1
Member
In what context are you approaching women? There's a big difference between, say, introducing yourself at a mutual friend's party when both of you don't really know many people, and leaping out of the bushes at her as she walks home late at night.
Edit: sorry, I'm posting too slow for the thread, already asked and answered.
kavanf1
Member
Sorry to hear that, sometimes people are dicks. Having said that, the only way to get comfortable doing it is to keep doing it. The most confident guys I know strike out with women way more than they pull, but they don't dwell on the ones who aren't interested, they skip past them and move on until they end up speaking to someone who is. That's a natural thing for SOME people, and they can make it look easy, but basic conversation/interaction can be learned by almost everyone, if they put some effort in, and it benefits you in all sorts of ways, not just romantically.
If it stresses you too much to strike up conversation with women, do it with guys, just get a conversation going - the more you do it the more natural it will feel. In turn that will give you more confidence when you do chat to women.
chicagocubsfan
Member
Same kind of opinion I have. If I stress out too much about it, would not be good for me.
Heckler456
Banned
If that's truly the only reactions you've gotten thus far, and ignoring the possibility that you're imagining it, then surely there has to be something about yourself that you've pinpointed which might be causing this reaction. Maybe it's the way you're asking (from what I understand, which is to say not much, you basically have to ask from a place of "I hope this person is cool enough to hang out with", not "I hope I'm cool enough so that this person will want to hang out with me"), some kind of behavioral tic, appearance, ...
I mean, again, if that has truly been your experience 100% of the time, then there has to be SOMETHING the matter, right? That, or you're failing to strike up an actual conversation or something.
Oh and, how many times have you actually asked? I don't think it's uncommon to get a couple dozen no's when you're just starting out, and figuring out what to do.
IAmAnAgnostic
Member
I don't know man. Surely you do realize not everyone can get a date. I am one of the ones that can't. I have (or had) no issue talking with women, so lack of confidence wasn't the reason why I failed. So why did I? I am 99% sure it is my looks and height, both things I can't change. I was even in good shape for some of my attempts that were completely shut down. (and they all have been completely shut down)
I think 7 or 8 times in total. Seems enough for me to sense a pattern.
I do think online dating is not the panacea people think.
I too am fairly average and short, and I do "OK" on online dating, but it's super frustrating. I do much better just meeting a chick in person.
Heckler456
Banned
Well, if you're truly certain that the issue is your appearance/height, then maybe you should forgo asking people out at bars, seeing as how that's like the prime place people judge you on appearance. It's still possible, but you'll have to be able to stomach the negative reactions some people might give you. It's a numbers game, after all.
Try and do things that put your personality front and center (and even if you have a bad personality, that is DEFINITELY something anyone can work on), preferably even thing that you personally enjoy, given that there are actual other people, and especially women involved.
I'm 29, not a virgin and I've been in a few relationships, but none of them have lasted long or been super healthy. I think I'm just bad at relationships, honestly. Not a 'scared of girls' thing, I get along with girls fine and have several close female friends. I just think there's something in me that doesn't really 'get' love and relationships, which is a little frustrating.
I've tried online dating, but I'm not particularly attractive and haven't had much luck, so I largely consider it a waste of time.
I've tried online dating, but I'm not particularly attractive and haven't had much luck, so I largely consider it a waste of time.
IAmAnAgnostic
Member
I did exactly that. If there is some personality (that I could fake?) that would attract women despite whatever is repelling them, I have no idea what it is.
LyleLanley
Banned
Marrec, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!
Vincent Grayson
Member
I'm very curious; those of you lamenting your relationship experience and/or finding yourself unable to get past those initial moments of conversation, do you spend a lot of time socializing otherwise? (like, without the explicit goal of talking anyone up, just hanging with people or doing things)
I've found (in both my own romantic life and that of people I've known and observed) that if you're not out and about and interacting with people socially on a regular basis, meeting someone and ending up in a relationship is a lot more challenging.
I've found (in both my own romantic life and that of people I've known and observed) that if you're not out and about and interacting with people socially on a regular basis, meeting someone and ending up in a relationship is a lot more challenging.
My coworker is 25 years old, short and over 300 pounds, with aspbergers and all that comes along with it - monotone voice, extremely goofy and immature while at the same time hellishly smart, tendency to give long-winded details about niche technical stuff. He's getting married this weekend, to his second wife.
That's because he puts himself out there and isn't afraid to take that risk. It's really tough to overcome that fear of rejection but it's definitely doable. Don't worry about your age or say to yourself "if I don't get a gf by the time I'm 30, that's it". And if you are shy, learn how to be comfortable with yourself - try going to a restaurant, a bar, a concert by yourself. Put yourself in situations where you don't know anyone and you are forced to talk to people.
That's because he puts himself out there and isn't afraid to take that risk. It's really tough to overcome that fear of rejection but it's definitely doable. Don't worry about your age or say to yourself "if I don't get a gf by the time I'm 30, that's it". And if you are shy, learn how to be comfortable with yourself - try going to a restaurant, a bar, a concert by yourself. Put yourself in situations where you don't know anyone and you are forced to talk to people.
Chaos2Frozen
Member
The main point was the waiting years for your next chance lol...
Talking to people is easy when you don't have a goal, it's when you have an specific non-business goal where people (ie me) would start to feel extremely self conscious about making themselves not look bad.
lightskintwin
Banned
Here's the thing, it's hard to know specifically about what you're doing or not doing wrong without knowing the exact details. In my experience, i see a lot of guys who are unsuccessful at procuring dates; either are talking to women that would never consider them in the first place, and/or their personalities despite being confident are too goofy, corny, or lame to invoke any sexual tension.
This is double true in that both are full of fermented yeast as well.
I may be mistaking women for sourdough bread however.
It's just low sample size.
If 1 in 5 women you randomly approach is interested, especially somewhat random ones, you are probably a god.
1 in 20 is a over average.
1 in 50 is probably is probably closer to average.
If you have very little experience with women, it's probably 1 in 100.
There's nothing wrong with being turned down 8 times. The biggest difference between people who are successful with women and those who are not are:
- not stopping to reflect on when it doesn't work
- not having exceedingly strict standards. For very dude wishing he could find a chick, there is a chick out there tired of being single.
I have a friend who, when single, just gets on tinder and swipes right on everybody without even looking at their picture or reading their profile, and then talks to every one. He got laid a lot doing that. A lot (most) of the women he met were not supermodel hot, and many were on the bigger side, but he doesnt really care much about that.
RobotNinjaHornets
Banned
If it helps I am exactly one year older than you (assuming you're not somewhere where it's already the 5th) and am the same. So at least you've got an extra year before that point.
phazedplasma
Member
lol, where does this shit even come from.
BlueTsunami
there is joy in sucking dick
Insecurity of height + memes about 6ft being a panty dropper line + height truly being a criteria with good amount of women, in relation to their own height, at least initially. Morphed into no one under 6ft getting play
Vincent Grayson
Member
That's what I'm saying. Going out and being around people without the "I want to meet a woman" goal is, in my experience, really good practice just for basic social interaction, and the best way to end up meeting people you want to spend more time with.
I mean, short of just being an unpleasant person to be around, there's not much reason you can't just hang with friends, do social things, and in time, you're likely to click with someone and go from there.
With friends I'm fine - generally perfectly social. I have trust issues and can be slow to warm up to people I don't know, though. I also struggle with small talk and finding common ground with a lot of people (e.g. work colleagues) which can make conversations awkward. These are things I'm working on, though. It's just not easy for me.
lightskintwin
Banned
Anecdotal obviously, but as somebody who's 6'1, hangs with a group of guys the majority of which are over 6 feet, and have been around very attractive women my whole dating life as dates, girlfriends, homegirls, etc... I wouldn't necessarily use the phrase unattractive, but there's definitely a preference amongst women for guys above 6 foot. I've listened to convos consisting primarily of women clowning the height of men on numerous occasions.
Chaos2Frozen
Member
My experience is that the two experiences don't cross over.
When you're not looking to meet a woman, you don't care about the outcome of the conversations. When you're in front of an attractive woman, you'll put on your best behavior and get extremely self conscious.
StarCreator
Member
The feels when I have a decade on the OP and the label still applies to me...
Lord Error
Insane For Sony
F'n lol at "Nicest Good Son & Brother", your mom is simply awesome.
Perhaps reply with "WTF", and tell her that meant "What's that, Friend?"
Perhaps reply with "WTF", and tell her that meant "What's that, Friend?"
Vincent Grayson
Member
I gotta say, I don't understand this at all. You're talking about things you're doing, but not things that people who successfully socialize and end up meeting people to have relationships with do.
I'm saying, if you want this shit to work, you need to learn to converse without a goal and just enjoy the socialization. And secondary to that, you don't need to put on airs or be "on your best behavior" around a woman. If your normal behavior wouldn't attract a partner, that's a sign that your normal behavior is a problem.
You're forgetting that even attractice 'alpha's' play the numbers game, not even daniel craig bats 100% randomly cruising Whole Foods for women, you brush off the ones not interested, and if you talk to 10 women a day and only have a 1% success ratio you have a new girl every 10 days. Now selective memory kicks in and a year later you remember all the good times with the 36 women you dated and forget about the other 3600 who rejected you, this helps boost your confidence, increasing your ratio of success as you improve yourself and your conversation skills.
Basically, do you play an fps, get killed 3 times in a row and stop playing to contemplate on why you suck or do you keep playing thru the deathstreak until you get that good kill? Do you remember all the times that you've died playing dark souls or the bosses you barely scraped by more? Do you remember all the places you sent your resume that didnt reply or the one that did and gave you the job? Do you remember all the people you've talked to online who never became your friends or the few that did over the years?
I know I'm glossing over the feelings of doubt and inadequacy that can come from rejection, but still:
Life in general is a numbers game. Don't let some bad RNG stop you from ever playing it.
26yr NGSB here
Chaos2Frozen
Member
Well clearly it's not a foolproof methodology then
Nobody wants to talk about Anime or Games as your first introduction to a person.
"Be yourself... Unless yourself is the problem... Then be someone better!" I notice that's how all these advice always end up.
smudge
Member
I didn't meet my first girlfriend until I was 30. Here I am, two short relationships down the drain and single at 37. I've never been that bothered about having a girlfriend, but if I meet an interesting woman. I do try to make an effort to ask her out or whatever. Trouble is, I rarely meet any women these days and I'm fussy.
Vincent Grayson
Member
But it's true. I say this as someone who was fat, lonely videogame and tabletop nerd growing up. The only thing that's changed as an adult is that I'm not lonely, because I learned how to interact with people, and how to suss out the ones where we'll have shared nerdy interests and the ones where I just stick to the basics (which increasingly seems to be talking about things that were totally nerdy a decade or two ago, but everyone is into now).
I much prefer the notion of being the "best version of yourself". This doesn't mean that if you like video games and anime you should stop liking those things. It means you need to better learn how to interact with people socially, don't give yourself excuses for not doing things, and so on.
And you're also *way* off if you think no one wants to talk anime and video games when first meeting. Lots of people do, mostly other people like you who are into those things. If you're not spending time around those kinds of people, maybe that's where you're making a mistake.
What should the advice be then? Some people do need to just put themselves out there while being comfortable. Other people have put themselves out there and aren't seeing results so maybe yeah there's a problem in how they're approaching this.
If all you can talk about is anime or games, try to put yourself in situations where you know women are into that. Or learn to talk about something else.
royalroyal
Member
Happy Birthday OP, dont sweat it. I was in the same boat as you, once you stop taking it so seriously you'll be in a relationship while wishing you were single again.
JK
Kind of
Show restraint is the better advise.
You talk about food, but don't show her/him pictures of you on the shitter.
You talk about Ghibli but don't introduce your pillow waifu.
BlueTsunami
there is joy in sucking dick
Always open with why you think there should be a Valkyre Profile 3. A fusion of 2.5D sidescroller with Valkyrie Profile 2s brilliant battlesystem. I mean, how has SquareEnix not made this game yet?!
*taking notes*
Okay, but what if you carry your pillow waifu around with you because shes scared to be left alone in the house all day?
LyleLanley
Banned
Man, reading that last line just killed me.
Don't worry too much about it OP. You might find someone or not, but if you do, when you're a little older, you'll probably start to recognize that dull sadness creeping in again. You'll look around and take an inventory of your life and wonder where it's coming from. You have a secure, rewarding job, a wife that loves you, maybe a kid or two that fills you with joy. But something still hurts. You decide to pick up a new hobby. You're starting to get good at it and devote more time to it. Until it also becomes routine. The exhilaration you felt when you started is long forgotten. It's just part of the process now. And that aching sensation that something is missing is back.
You've wrestled with the question for decades -- what if life has no purpose and all of our hopes and activities are merely overvalued diversions from grappling with our true nature as isolated beings destined to suffer and die alone? You see then, undeniably, that it is true. Your face rests in your palms but no tears come. Tears mean there's something left to hold onto. But you're hollow. And that will never change.
You've wrestled with the question for decades -- what if life has no purpose and all of our hopes and activities are merely overvalued diversions from grappling with our true nature as isolated beings destined to suffer and die alone? You see then, undeniably, that it is true. Your face rests in your palms but no tears come. Tears mean there's something left to hold onto. But you're hollow. And that will never change.
inked_illusion
Member
Honestly as for topics go, games and anime might be good ones depending on the person you're talking to. For me though, music has always been my go topic of choice cause it's versatile.
Everyone listens to music in some way, shape or form. Not everyone might like the music you like but at some point, there's a common music that you both might like.
Also, again trying to make this thread as light as possible. To those that greeted me the birthday, thank you very much. It was really appreciated and I will have a drink for you guys after work.
For those that need help, there are lots of threads at the community section that I highly recommend (ex. DatingGaf, OnlineGaf, DepressionGaf,etc.)
I'm glad this thread is helping those in need but again, celebrations are in order. So I'm having a good day, hope you are too!
Everyone listens to music in some way, shape or form. Not everyone might like the music you like but at some point, there's a common music that you both might like.
Also, again trying to make this thread as light as possible. To those that greeted me the birthday, thank you very much. It was really appreciated and I will have a drink for you guys after work.
For those that need help, there are lots of threads at the community section that I highly recommend (ex. DatingGaf, OnlineGaf, DepressionGaf,etc.)
I'm glad this thread is helping those in need but again, celebrations are in order. So I'm having a good day, hope you are too!
FakeGAF gives the best advice about dating and finding a romantic partner.
kavanf1
Member
Spot on.
inked_illusion
Member
SON OF A
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