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Nice guys of okcupid

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cozo said:
what are the circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you?
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I think there are circumstances where a partner should feel obligated to have sex. In a long term relationship it wouldn't be fair to go cut off a couple years in, so the partners should be obligated to try and resolve the issues. But, like the shaving thing, there is a difference between feeling obligated and being obligated.
 
Glancing through some of these pictures, self-descriptions, and responses to questions, I cannot help but wonder: do these guys really hope to attract women with these types of profiles? It just doesn't make logical sense to me...

Okay, so they've been friend-zoned by every woman they know, they think it's unfair and blame the women (rather than look at the common denominator and engage in even a modicum of self-criticism and self-improvement), so what do they do? They go on a dating site and advertise their past failures? Like...what?

I understand they want potential matches to know they're "nice". I consider myself a nice guy (genuine nice, not the Nice Guy "nice"), but I would never explicitly label myself as such on a dating site. I would list my preferences, hobbies, interests, goals, etc. and I would let the girl decide if I'm nice, an asshole, or whatever, if and when she decides to meet with me. Show, don't tell. Maybe I just don't trust people when they label themselves. I want to decide for myself whenever I meet them in person and I carry that right over to the people in my life (girls especially!): I want them to form their own opinion about me, I don't want to force my own opinion about myself on them, and this is what these guys are doing.

TL;DR: I have little to add to the Nice Guy discussion; it's the venting/self-pity strategy these guys are using to attract dates/girlfriends online that is baffling to me. An online dating profile gives you a chance to advertise yourself to the world, to build yourself up. What these guys are doing is all sorts of counter-productive.
 
Crownjo said:
Getting a cup of coffee at 7-11 and got a message on being in this wonderful tumblr

http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com/post/38374118778

Too easy. They didn't show my zune and zune HD comment. So disappointing.
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I have been checking this thread to see if anyone exposed on the tumbler was a gaffer. After reading your follow up comments it seems as if you aren't such a bad guy. I implore you, please, edit that profile. Take out all of the negativity and just start fresh.
 
You know, reading some of this is actually making me feel better about myself no matter how crazy I think I am. I'm hardly the most experience here, and even I can see how creepy some of this stuff can be.

As for making fun of these guys, I can also see where others are coming from. I know even I would advise them to remove that friendzone/women are evil crap out of their profile. These guys DO need constructive criticism. Whether they're willing to accept that or not is another matter.
 
Some of the questions OKcupid asks you are kind of ... weird. It seems like they are designed to weed out potential rapists or something.

"Would you ever film a sexual encounter without your partner knowing?"

"Yes."

"WHY WON'T ANYONE GO OUT WITH ME!!?!"

Even if you did do that, why would you put that you did?
 
Az987 said:
Some of the questions OKcupid asks you are kind of ... weird. It seems like they are designed to weed out potential rapists or something.

"Would you ever film a sexual encounter without your partner knowing?"

"Yes."

"WHY WON'T ANYONE GO OUT WITH ME!!?!"

Even if you did do that, why would you put that you did?
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Well, at least they're honest about it and not lying sociopaths.
 
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What's the big deal about this one? I mean the friendzone whining is there, but otherwise, I don't see anything too bad about what he wrote.
 
Someone commented on the tumblr:

You don't realize that by being who you are, you are disgracing the entire human race, ha, it's no wonder genocide happens. Enjoy life as an abject, hated feminazi bitch because karma is going to bite at your ankles very soon.
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...right.
 
The problem with these is that these people are using the profile as a soapbox to bitch.

It was said better above, but don't advertise your shortcomings.


Actually, stay douchey. That way girls know right away to stay fucking clear.
 
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Aside from the several glaring flaws hitting you over the head in this one, (the procreation thing just fills my head full of fuck) I don't get why they're highlighting the abortion issue. The question is asking that if you were personally in a position where you're having an unexpected child, would you abort it, not "is abortion right?" Sure, others may disagree and choose to abort but that shouldn't be a bullet point in the whole "he says he's a nice guy but he's actually a dick!" column.
 
This is great except for the part where she thinks a guy not wanting a girl with hairy legs makes him a dick, she needs a reality check on that one. That's pretty much universal outside of Eastern Europe.
 
IAmtheFMan said:
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Aside from the several glaring flaws hitting you over the head in this one, (the procreation thing just fills my head full of fuck) I don't get why they're highlighting the abortion issue. The question is asking that if you were personally in a position where you're having an unexpected child, would you abort it, not "is abortion right?" Sure, others may disagree and choose to abort but that shouldn't be a bullet point in the whole "he says he's a nice guy but he's actually a dick!" column.
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I agree with you. That guy is obviously ridiculous, but all that statement says is that if he knocked a woman up he'd be man enough to see the child through and support it even though it's not ideal for him, rather than aborting it for the sake of convenience.
 
On the one hand, this tumblr sends the important message to "DON'T BE LIKE THIS!" but on the other hand, it's pretty clear that most of these guys' problem is that they are completely socially inept. They don't know how to present themselves on the internet to potential mates and they probably don't know how to do it in person either. Making fun of them for something they have a really hard time understanding is a little bit shitty. Many of them probably cannot just will themselves to be more emotionally intuitive and socially graceful. Still, there must be some number of dudes who will get the message and can reflect on themselves and improve their outlook and behavior.
 
hey_it's_that_dog said:
On the one hand, this tumblr sends the important message to "DON'T BE LIKE THIS!" but on the other hand, it's pretty clear that most of these guys' problem is that they are completely socially inept. They don't know how to present themselves on the internet to potential mates and they probably don't know how to do it in person either. Making fun of them for something they have a really hard time understanding is a little bit shitty. Many of them probably cannot just will themselves to be more emotionally intuitive and socially graceful. Still, there must be some number of dudes who will get the message and can reflect on themselves and improve their outlook and behavior.
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That's not really the core of it though. They're not able to figure women out, and then blame the women for that. They're inferring that it's not anything wrong with them, it's that most women are inherently flawed.

This is obviously a non-starter, because the very first thing they're telling a woman is "I can't figure you out, but I'm totally going to be the one to make you happy."

And it gets worse, because they way most of them are expressing it is to say "if things don't go my way I don't take ownership of it and try to change the situation, I put the blame on other people and suck my thumb."

So it's not really about being smooth or cool or intuitive as much as it is them having a flawed perspective, and generally being a wuss about that.
 
I'm fairly positive this has been pointed out but a fair amount of these guys are obviously just putting in their profile what they think girls want to hear. So the real issue is most guys have no clue what girls want to hear.
I'm sure I've put something about being a nice guy in some profile on some website somewhere in the past. But thats because I was an idiot and I was lying.
 
LiveFromKyoto said:
This is great except for the part where she thinks a guy not wanting a girl with hairy legs makes him a dick, she needs a reality check on that one. That's pretty much universal outside of Eastern Europe.
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We Eastern Europeans like them like we like our coffee - hairy! Am I right, comrades?!

Comrades?
 
Cow Mengde said:
What's the big deal about this one? I mean the friendzone whining is there, but otherwise, I don't see anything too bad about what he wrote.
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Isn't the friendzone whining enough? It's a dating profile. You should try to show yourself in the best way possible. Whining about anything, and especially the firendzone and demanding girls isn't a good idea. It just sounds pathetic and desperate (especially the "I spend a lot of time thinking about if I will find a relationship thanks to this app...").

It's like advertising a product by saying "we're selling this great product, but for some reason customers are idiots and don't buy our product".
 
Mr_Zombie said:
Isn't the friendzone whining enough? It's a dating profile. You should try to show yourself in the best way possible. Whining about anything, and especially the firendzone and demanding girls isn't a good idea. It just sounds pathetic and desperate (especially the "I spend a lot of time thinking about if I will find a relationship thanks to this app...").

It's like advertising a product by saying "we're selling this great product, but for some reason customers are idiots and don't buy our product".
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That was the point I was making pages before.
 
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