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Offend me (and possibly others)

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crazyrabbits said:
The worst/most offensive joke I can think of:

Q: What's funnier than a pile of dead babies?

A: The live one trying to crawl its way out from underneath them.
Click to expand...

Q: What's the worst thing about sleeping with a three year old?

A:
Knowing you have to kill her afterward
 
mac said:
stephen-fry-on-being-offended.jpg
Click to expand...
u mad bro? yeah u mad.

#rekt
 
No, dark thoughts make me laugh the loudest. Didn't think she was very funny, but i like the aristocrats joke.
It's hard to offend me. I simply don't give a shit. It's easy to offend others.

Edit: ooh am i supposed to offend you?
Nah, you couldn't take it. A bit too weakminded.
Maybe when you grow up.
 
White Man said:
I (no joke) have this fantasy/fixation on a scenario where I tie someone down and turn their elbow and knee joints into pulp using a hammer. Then I cut halfway into their femur (right about level with the groin) and see if I can't break through the rest of the femur just by using my body weight or with swings of the hammer. Sometimes I leave one leg intact because I like the idea of breaking the body's symmetry. The lower leg I typically leave alone, but I usually destroy the ankles in some way that does not use the hammer, like using clamps or a vice, or even going back to the saw.

Moving upward, I use the saw to cut in the spaces between the fingers on one hand. I saw down until I hit the carpals, then I use my hands to spread the fingers apart as far as possible. On the other hand I cut diagonally, leaving the thumb intact. I'm not quite sure why I do this because it's not particularly interesting. I forcefully press down on the ribs on one side of the chest to see if I can break them. In some less likely versions of the fantasy there are incisions made and the ribs are manipulated from there.

I leave the head alone for now and return to the lower body, except I turn the person over so I can work on the spine. I use the saw to expose the lower spine and then iteratively hit it with the hammer, between strikes checking the legs to see if there is still any response. Once there is no response, I do the same to the upper body. Once I'm sure that the rest of the body is completely paralyzed and incapable of further pain, I move onto the head. Doing the spine thing will ensure that all further pain felt by the head will be untainted by the pain going through the rest of the body. My plan with the head involves striking the jaw on one side of the head and dislocating it, and then doing the same with the other side. After that, I'd try kicking the now-loose jaw to see what happens, whether it will be removed entirely or just stretch or just send a bunch of teeth flying across the room. Then I'd pull the jaw down as far as I could, and put my foot in the mouth sideways, with my foot going horizontally into the mouth. I'd then press down as hard as I could to see what would happen. After this, I'd break the nose. Moving along, I'd shave the head and use a penknife to cut a pinhead-like grid into the skull, down to the bone. With an open palm, I'd rub over the squares to see if they'd rip off or what.

I'm not a killer, so after I got bored I'd dump the body in a deep drainage ditch along the side of the road, or maybe in the concrete island between two medians on the road.
Click to expand...
It's taken a few years, but I think we're finally seeing the results of your experiment: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=95399&highlight=tuna+diet
 
White Man said:
I (no joke) have this fantasy/fixation on a scenario where I tie someone down and turn their elbow and knee joints into pulp using a hammer. Then I cut halfway into their femur (right about level with the groin) and see if I can't break through the rest of the femur just by using my body weight or with swings of the hammer. Sometimes I leave one leg intact because I like the idea of breaking the body's symmetry. The lower leg I typically leave alone, but I usually destroy the ankles in some way that does not use the hammer, like using clamps or a vice, or even going back to the saw.

Moving upward, I use the saw to cut in the spaces between the fingers on one hand. I saw down until I hit the carpals, then I use my hands to spread the fingers apart as far as possible. On the other hand I cut diagonally, leaving the thumb intact. I'm not quite sure why I do this because it's not particularly interesting. I forcefully press down on the ribs on one side of the chest to see if I can break them. In some less likely versions of the fantasy there are incisions made and the ribs are manipulated from there.

I leave the head alone for now and return to the lower body, except I turn the person over so I can work on the spine. I use the saw to expose the lower spine and then iteratively hit it with the hammer, between strikes checking the legs to see if there is still any response. Once there is no response, I do the same to the upper body. Once I'm sure that the rest of the body is completely paralyzed and incapable of further pain, I move onto the head. Doing the spine thing will ensure that all further pain felt by the head will be untainted by the pain going through the rest of the body. My plan with the head involves striking the jaw on one side of the head and dislocating it, and then doing the same with the other side. After that, I'd try kicking the now-loose jaw to see what happens, whether it will be removed entirely or just stretch or just send a bunch of teeth flying across the room. Then I'd pull the jaw down as far as I could, and put my foot in the mouth sideways, with my foot going horizontally into the mouth. I'd then press down as hard as I could to see what would happen. After this, I'd break the nose. Moving along, I'd shave the head and use a penknife to cut a pinhead-like grid into the skull, down to the bone. With an open palm, I'd rub over the squares to see if they'd rip off or what.

I'm not a killer, so after I got bored I'd dump the body in a deep drainage ditch along the side of the road, or maybe in the concrete island between two medians on the road.
Click to expand...
Pretty morbid. You might have probs if your violent fantasies get that specific.
 
The things/people that offend me are the ones saying offending things when they're not even aware it's offending. The careless part in some people can make me really irritated. Stand up comedian making racist jokes? He knows it's offending, thus knows when to know the context is right. People that are generally ignorant and throw in racial comments in conversation without thinking what it does to other people? Fucking bad, man.
 
White Man said:
I (no joke) have this fantasy/fixation on a scenario where I tie someone down and turn their elbow and knee joints into pulp using a hammer...

I'm not a killer, so after I got bored I'd dump the body in a deep drainage ditch along the side of the road, or maybe in the concrete island between two medians on the road.
Click to expand...

jxzzot.gif
 
Jokes about child molestation, rape, and abuse cross the line, imo. It doesn't mean I think they should be illegal, simply that I will think a lot less about you if you say them.
 
Banana Aeon said:
It takes a lot to offend me.

I mean, that page on that wiki didn't even get me. I have been broken by the internet.
Click to expand...

I get offended pretty often by stupidity and shit posting on 4chan but the offended page in the Encyclopedia Dramatica doesn't get me either, it's just disgusting shit that I have high tolerance for, not offensive at all imo, oh and the gay porn, I don't know why gay porn is supposed to be offensive. If anything offends me about that page is the fact they consider the gay porn on the same level as gore and literally eating shit.
 
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