i appreciate that you want to help, and the feeling is mutual if you ever need someone to talk to as well, i'm just afraid that although you may care, there is not something reasonable that i can ask of you. but it does mean a lot that you want to help.
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I get that you don't want to air anything which might seem offensive that's why I suggested posting on a forum anonymously , it'll be anonymous and if someone wants to be a dick, they'll get called out for it.
You're posting here because I assume you at least want some religious insight.
seeking the solution purely through Islam which has so much division within itself may not be the whole solution, we can quote the quran and duas but they won't seem to help, because of this mentality you've gotten yourself into.
In regards to your iman, that's something you need to decide, you can't compare it to anyone else's, people are given different trials and tribulations, people react differently to them , think differently. My point is, this connection is between you and Allah, if you genuinely repent and try to improve yourself, Allah has said he will forgive those who repent and open their heart. Also, you seem to be knocking yourself down before you even do anything, nobody's perfect mistakes happen, don't dwell on the mistakes you've made, learn from them and try not to repeat them. Even if you repeat them, repeat the process, just try to become a better person, irrespective of what you or others think.
We can't understand what you're going through, but maybe giving you general help will help you.
The first step is doing something yourself, we've recommended seeing a psychiatrist etc in this thread, this has a stigma attached so that's why I'm not going to keep echoing it. This might seem like rambling of someone who doesn't understand but I've been in a vaguely similar place, questioning what and why stuff was happening , the is Islam+Allah real? Etc.
Asking the dumb questions on reddit /to an imam, learning about the religion, questioning almost everything and reading+understanding the quran all helped immensely.
Here is where Islam is different, we're all taught that we're all brothers and sisters within the religion from day 1,this has many benefits, but the biggest is the support and sense of comradery it brings, you have people you can talk to in real life who won't judge you. Depression is described as digging yourself into a hole and it only getting bigger, except you're not the one who dug it but you're digging it deeper by not doing anything about it. We can continue to exchange anecdotes etc... but you need to take the huge first step.
