I don’t love her the way she needs to be loved and I don’t even see a future for us. But then I look at my little boy… sitting across from me, and I think I’d suffer any torture to be with him for all the minutes of his life. You know, I don’t want to miss out on one. But then, there’s no joy or laughter in my home, you know? And I don’t want him growing up in that.
I have these dreams, you know, that… I’m standing on a platform…and you keep going by on a train… And you go by, and you go by, and you go by, you go by. And I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know? And then I have this other dream… where you’re pregnant in bed beside me, naked, and I want so badly to touch you, but you tell me not to and then you look away and I… And I- I… I touch you anyway… right on your ankle, and your skin is so soft that I wake up in sobs, all right? And my wife is sitting there, looking at me, and I feel like I’m a million miles from her. And I know that there’s something wrong, you know? That I… God, that I can’t keep living like this, that there’s gotta be more to love than commitment. But then I think that… I might have given up…on the whole idea of romantic love. That I… I might have put it to bed that… That day when you weren’t there.