So here it is, the story of Min, a pop star with a privileged upbringing, who is about to come crashing down to earth.
Min slept with all her animals around her. Since the crash, the 16-year-old pop idol was finding it hard to adjust. She would not help with heavy lifting, or farming, or pulling up weeds. The only thing she would do is take care of the colonys animals. Rabbits, dogs, tortoises. She loved them all. She even formed a close bond with a rat, whom she named Illness.
But she wasnt alone. In this game, you can create your own scenario before crash-landing onto the planets surface, adding or removing starter items (wood, steel, pelts, gold, widescreen TVs). You can also set the number of colonists and tweak dozens of other small rules, like compulsory character traits or rules about the planets climate. The game lets you mould your scenario completely, right down to the flavour text.
As you can see, my five colonists had all escaped from a crashing party yacht. They were all rich, famous or both. A jeweler, a wealthy businessman, an ace fighter pilot, a star surgeon and (of course) Min the pop star. They all landed with severe hangovers. I am not kidding, this is a setting you can change.
Fast forward some weeks. The colonists had settled in. They had even survived their first few pirate raids. During one of these raids, they captured a large pirate with a low IQ called Ferdnand. This man was physically capable of nothing but sculpting statues and communing with animals. He was like Hodor with a paintbrush. FERDNAND! Eventually, we convinced him to join the colony.
I set him the task of taming a Megatherium a huge and powerful ground sloth so that the colony would have some extra muscle. But Min the pop idol was not having it. She had always been the colonys animal trainer, and she had little Illness to prove it. Spurned, she decided to take on the job herself. She left the safety of the village walls and approached the huge beast with some corn in hand. It went mad.
Ferdnand was already on his way to train his new would-be pet when he saw Min being savaged. He took out his Uzi and started firing with surprising accuracy. FERDNAND! Every shot landed. But the Megatherium turned and charged. By the time Ferdnand started to run, it was too late. The animal ripped him to pieces and he died on the spot.
The other colonists formed up. They lured the beast into the walls, where they riddled it with bullets until dead. The colonys nudist surgeon (who weeks ago had experienced a mental breakdown and now did everything naked to keep himself happy) rushed out to rescue Min, who was lying in a bloody heap, writhing in unbearable pain. He took her to the clinic, wrapped her in bandages and made sure she got everything she needed medicine, food and rest.
Well, maybe not rest.
You see, I had already scheduled the clinics floor to be renovated during this time. And as Min slept (or tried to sleep) my other colonists were busy ripping up planks and replacing them with shiny while tiles, sending sparks and wood chips everywhere. The noise was unbearable. Min snapped.
Crazed with pain and lack of sleep, she went berserk and chased everyone out of the clinic. She terrorised the dinner guests in the common room, and pursued them into the garden, where she chased them around. When she couldnt catch the colonists, she turned on the animals hares, pigs and rats punching the poor creatures to death in her rage, ignoring the scratches and bites she got in return. Ignoring her old friends.
Finally, a colonist stepped up, walking up to the rampaging diva and knocking her out cold. When Min came to, she was back in the clinic. It was completely refurbished, clean and presentable. But the same could not be said for Min.
This once beautiful pop idol, who people would fall in love with before she even started to sing, was in tatters. She now had no nose, no left ear and no right arm.
Over the next two weeks she locked herself in her room and fell into terrible moods. She stopped handling the animals and was assigned to work only on sculptures. Her first work of art depicted a chicken vomiting on the shoes of a lawyer. I put it in the centre of her workshop.
One day, a ship appeared in orbit. They had items to trade. Among them was a prosthetic limb called a power claw. After some thought, I decided it was better than nothing. And besides, these rich castaways could afford it. The nudist was scheduled to do the surgery. Min was getting her arm back, even if it was a claw.
When she woke this time, she went straight to her room and locked herself in. I wondered what was wrong. It wasnt until she was back at her post, carving new statues that I realised what had happened.
We had amputated the wrong arm.
Now, not only was Min a noseless, earless, armless monster, she also had a terrifying claw instead of her only remaining hand.
