Imagine, if you will...
It's future-time and you need to defecate. You step into your personal crapicle with wireless Bluetooth-integrated undressing technology, and your fu-tunic automatically folds upwards into your belt, exposing your lower meats. You alight yourself upon the hypo-cube, and initiate the delicate process of dumping phat rancid ass into the wormhole.
You finally drop that sriracha-flavour Soylent Green that's given you cramps for days.
The wireless stress-detection technology integrated into the hypo-cube senses you're done, and a tiny shelf descends from the ceiling. You see the three familiar palm-sized dainties before you; one blue seashell, one red seashell and one black seashell.
You pick up the blue and red seashells, and jam them straight up your ass. You sit and wait while the two components of the binary explosive mix, then you feel the relieving pop as the disinfectant blasts your inner anus. You shit out the disinfecting liquid, which cleanses your asscrack. Satisfied with the minty melting sensation in your puckering starfish, you get up and return to work, but not before cracking open the black seashell fortune cookie, which predicts that you will be lucky in your love-life this week.
washing hands is for losers
edit: Pincers and scraper? Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. My ass-Listerine idea is way better.
I'm dying here!
