I lived in Croatia during the civil war there, and I heard explosions from little bombs more than a few times. Never got hurt, but I knew a lot of people who did, including one family friend, a Bosnian, who suffered in a Serbian concentration camp and died about a decade later.
I went to high school in Colorado, and one time in the boy's bathroom when I went to wash my hands, out came pure liquid poop from the soap dispenser. I yelled and had to run to another bathroom to get some real soap. The weirdest thing was that the poop-soap dispenser was totally clean. Who the hell does something like that?
After someone broke into my parents house when I was a kid and stole quite a bit of stuff, I've generally become more paranoid about locking everything and double/triple checking the front door I just locked just to make sure it's locked when I leave the house, even though it clearly is. I get so paranoid it isn't.
Throughout my childhood my brother had a reputation for being the guy who had every possible animal under the sun; dogs and cats, sure, but also reptiles, amphibians, birds, fish, etc. So when people found injured or distressed animals in our neighborhood, they would call on my brother to help out.
And that is how we ended up having a "pet" beaver for one summer.
Yes, someone found a beaver wandering around a dense urban neighborhood in SE Portland MILES from any natural beaver habitat. No idea how it got there. But they took it to my brother, and he said, "sure, I'll nurse it back to health and release it." He built an enclosure for it, got it healthy and released it back into the wild. Here's some facts about beavers you might not know:
Beavers stink. Like really bad. Their skin is naturally oily to help them in water, and that stuff does not smell good.
Beavers are quicker than you would expect, and they will chase a 5-year-old because they are gigantic dicks.
Beavers can be loud. It turns out that if they slam their flat tails into a metal bathtub that's been converted into a makeshift beaver enclosure, they can make a sound not unlike small arms fire that can be heard several hundred yards away. They will do this in the middle of the night because they are gigantic dicks.
But on the plus side, I can now honestly tell people that I had a pet beaver growing up.
I was 15K in debt (workless, no friends / family and depression) and was evicted, two years later when everything was sorted out I got lucky with Black Jack and won about 50K. I initially had 65K but blew three hands of 5K.
I have licked 11 (female) assholes in my lifetime and all where super tasty, yum yum.
I love lots salsa in my meals, the spicier the better, sometimes they tell me things like "jezz, have some steak with your salsa"
In my adolescence i was a pretty loud attention seeking , affect needy guy. Now i just prefer to keep it to myself and just hang with people i trust. If they don't invite me to a party for example, that's ok. Ironically this provokes more interest from some people like coworkers.
I had an extra set of half developed front teeth. By the time I was in 7th grade, all my adult teeth were in except the two upper front ones. They were still these strangely small baby teeth in an otherwise normal sized mouth/face.
X-Rays revealed that the adult teeth hadn't been able to eat away at the roots of the baby teeth and make them fall out (as normally happens), because there were a set of "mutant buds" in between the adult and baby teeth. The adult teeth were trying to move down, but were blocked. This battle was happening way up high in my gums, just about where your upper lip attaches on the inside.
So I had to go to an oral surgeon, who cut out the baby teeth, the mutants, and carved away JUST enough gum to reveal part of the surface of each of the two adult teeth. Then they gave me braces that were basically normal, except the wire travelled sharply UP, right in the front, secured to a pair of brackets glued to the adult teeth. They used super aggressive tension and pulled the two down in the matter of weeks. It hurt like hell, but they got it done quick.
(unfortunately, the trauma "killed" one of the adult teeth and made it go dark without a root in the middle. So I've always had a "dead tooth" right in the front. It's strong, but has no root nerve, thus is a darker color and kind of a different translucency. There's no way to fix it other than veneers, but... shit's expensive.)
I once met a girl (Louise) in a club, went back to her place at 2am to hook up, went into her room where she got a text from her ex. She got a bit occupied with texting him, so I went to her shared kitchen. I got talking to her housemate, who was a little hotter, a redhead (Emma) more natural and genuinely nice. I explained the situation and had coffee. The girl I came back with hadn't come out after half an hour, Emma explained Louise had ex- hang ups but invited me back to her room.
In Emmas room, we kissed and she drew me close and whispered that we could 'have an incredible night but Ive got to tell you if you don't already know, I'm pre-op trans'. I was attracted, she was nice so fuck it - we had sex for several hours, did things I'd never done before and had a great three month relationship after that with no hangups.
The next morning Louise was a little miffed but then we kinda double dated with her ex.
Short Version. In 1993 I rhymed with the Wu-Tang Clan in Washington Square Park at a "Smoke-Out". It was a "Pot Parade," which back then was a pretty big deal as it was not legalized anywhere yet I believe.
The Very Long Version
I rhymed with a friend back in the day on a pretty consistent basis. He was PR and I was white. At the time there were not a whole lot of light skin cats rapping, We existed, it just was nowhere near as prevalent and commonplace as it was just a few short years later. So we stood out and tried to use that to our advantage. No one expected much from us and that usually worked to our benefit. Instead of focusing on art, the reason we both were in NYC (Parsons School of Design), we focused on music. We even had a live jazz band from the School of Jazz at the New School as our live band when we did some shows at a handful of clubs. We definitely took it seriously and it almost paid off. A very shady contract that my boy signed but that I did not on advice of a music lawyer I hired ultimately meant it did not. And that kind of was the beginning of the end for us.
So we were there just enjoying the day. Baked out of our minds to be honest. Next thing we know, the Wu Tang clan rolled up with pretty every single member and then some. Method Man was carrying a boom box with RZA instrumentals. They just took up an area and started doing their thing. It was amazing. All of them there basically performing what would be Enter The Wu Tang Clan a few months before it was released live right in the park.
So me and my friend decide to basically join them on the outskirts of their cypher.
They had already dropped the single for Protect Your Neck a few months prior so we knew who they were thanks to the Stretch & Bobbito show. Method Man was the B side of that single and we knew that as well. So we were psyched to seem them performing literally right in front of us.
I must have been particularly excited as next thing I know my boy is nowhere to be seen but I am standing right next to Method Man. Not only did I just invite myself into their cypher, but one of them (I believe it was U-God) decided to point out the fact that I was not only standing in their cypher, but that I was white and standing there. He said something along the lines of "Are you trying to rhyme white boy? Cause if not get out of our cypher."
I believe the statement was to get me to leave, but I took that as my invitation to start rhyming. All eyes were on me and I can truly say I have never been so intimidated. I no doubt spit a written rhyme that I had (since they all were as well), and I somehow made it through it perfectly. It was pretty much my "go to" rhyme that I used if the point was to prove I could in fact rhyme. As soon as I was done, Old Dirty Bastard grabbed/hugged me and called me crazy and that he liked my style. I got a pound from a few more of them and I quickly walked away.
Turns out my boy was only a few feet behind me and I had to ask him if that just really happened. As I said we were incredibly baked.
Years later I knew someone who was pretty good friends with Method Man who asked him if he remembered it to which I was told the reply was simply "Nah I can't say that I do." My friend said he did not say it did not happen, just that he did not remember it happening. Which in all fairness my rhyme was only 90 seconds tops, and I doubt I left a huge impression.
But technically speaking, I did rhyme with the Wu-Tang Clan.
-My left pinky finger is crooked and i have absolutely no idea how that happened
-At age 8 i was hit by a car while i was skipping school to go to the arcades, this didn't do anything to dampen my love for videogames
-In jr high school i beat a bully so hard, his parents ended up suing me, to be fair i did warn him that if he didn't stop teasing me i'd break his face.
-[warning, gross] when i was like 5 and my nose got runny, i had no problem licking the leakage off my up face, this led me to taste my own blood one time when i was bleeding from my nose and i didn't notice.
-[warning, really gross!]Despite being out of shape