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Stuff that adults told you when you were a kid.

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everytime this thread pops up i try to think of something but i can't. my parents must have been very honest or i'm too stupid and haven't figured it out yet.
 
Mom: "don't eat the soap"

2 days later I get my mouth washed out with soap for backtalk. I had the biggest are you fucking kidding me face ever.
 
my mom used to tell me that if i ate the seeds while eating a watermelon, a watermelon tree would grow in my stomach

i was so fucking scared the first time i accidentally ate seeds. damn. started crying and shit lol
 
Not trying to turn this into a Christianity/religion bashing thread but I have a few good ones.

"Wearing a Halloween mask is putting your face behind the evils of Satan."

"You're reading harry potter?! You know what The Bible says about practicing witchcraft!"
 
My mom told me that eating pure sugar will give you worms. If you eat more than say, one or two teaspoons, then you will grow worms.
 
The story of "Johnny Appleseed" and how he crossed the country and singlehandedly planted every apple tree in America.
 
bengraven said:
My mom told me that eating pure sugar will give you worms. If you eat more than say, one or two teaspoons, then you will grow worms.
Click to expand...

My dad honestly did believe in spontaneous generation. He never went to school and held a lot of outdated beliefs, but fortunately I realized most of them were bunk when first hearing them.
 
That soda would stunt my growth. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you, but it convinced me not to drink soda at all until I was 16 or so. Turns out it was the Asthma medication stunting my growth.....
 
After 5th grade, everyone writes in cursive.

My parents divorced when I was about 5, and from then until I was 18, both parents would constantly tell me that "soon" I would have to choose which parent to live with permanently. Along with that my mother always threatened to move out of state, so I better choose to live with her. 18 came and went, but I still had to goto therapy and stuff in jr. high because I still had imaginary friends and stuff. So, basically, thanks parents for keeping unneeded pressure on me for 12+ years.

No adult ever "said" this, but it was constantly implied that by the time 2015 rolled around, we WOULD have flying cars like in Back to the Future 2. You've got 3 years people.
 
That just one shot of Jack Daniels at five years old would be good for me.

Wait, that one actually turned out to be true. Thanks pop!
 
I was running around a lot naked, so they told me that the dog would bite off my you know if I would not stop that.
 
Slayer-33 said:
My religious family (I'm no longer Christian or religious) always told me that the devil/demons walked backwards/in reverse. They said that to me because they saw me walk in reverse for fun when I was a kid sometimes and tried to sink that into my head.
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I thought I was the only one.

My mom was insane with these kinda things.

"Don't walk backwards! Demons was backwards!"
"Don't kneel in the doorway that's how demon's pray!"
"Don't eat in front of a mirror you'll damage your soul!"
"Don't your hat on the bed! That's bad luck!"
"Don't put both hands on your head! That means you wish your mom was dead."
"Did you dream your teeth fell out? That means someone you know is going to die."

I'm surprised I'm not even more screwed up than I am now.
 
Coffee makes you grow tons of chest hair

Swallowing gum will make crapping painful

Something about God creating the world in 7 days
 
My dad told me never to hit the hazard button in the car because it was a self destruct button. I still get nervous when I use my hazards.
 
they always told me if i ate watermelon seeds one would grow in my stomach. hallejuah for seedless watermelon, used to spend half an hour eating round every seed
 
When I was 6 years old:

Dad: Be very careful with D size batteries, they are big for a reason - they explode upon impact.

I threw the said battery to his face when we had an argument in the next 5 minutes.

That was his last lesson on fake explosives.
 
If I kept playing my Gameboy so much my eyes would turn square.

And then there was "If you jump on the bed you'll break your head" which I didn't believe until I split my head open on the metal bed frame...
 
windowlurker said:
Doesn't just have to be your parents. Can be that crazy conservative history teacher you had freshman year.
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These gems were taught in my elementary science classes:
- there are 4 tastes
- human beings have 5 senses
- different parts of your tongue are for different tastes


windowlurker said:
Id have higher sperm count if my underwear weren't so tight.
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Is this not true? Temperature regulation is important for sperm production, and your testicles will move themselves closer or further away from your body to maintain a constant temperature slightly below core body temperature. I'd presume tight clothing might inhibit that self-regulation.
 
Caramello said:
Are these not correct?
Click to expand...

The tongue myth was proven incorrect recently.

There's no "limit" to our senses that makes them 5, that's kind of an arbitrary number. What's the sense of knowing where your limbs are, for example? Close your eyes and don't touch anything and you'll still know exactly where your arm and hand is--hence why it's disorienting to have the limb go numb, that "Sense" is gone.

Then there's things like feeling air pressure, knowing what time it is (some people can do this to the minute, yikes), waking up before the alarm,
etc. etc. etc. There's so many "senses" out there, the 5 is just a simplified answer for kids.
 
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