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Talking to girls in public, civil or uncivil?
- Thread starter OriginofHysteria
- Start date
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No.
The moral of the story is: if you are a man in suit (aka monies aka a "real man") then it's fine to hit on an "attractive" woman. She will like it. If you are not, fuck off.
How does this thread become about it being civil or uncivil to talk to a women in public. You choose make it civil or uncivil.
Civil = "That's a great book/ That book looks interesting, who's the author?"
uncivil = "Hey whatcha reading? man i really wanna blow a load between your tits!"
the fact of the matter is noone owes you a polite conversation. And a women certainly doesn't owe you anything because she is generally attractive. If you're just going to make it transparent you're hitting on her then deal with it like a man when she blocks your cock.
Civil = "That's a great book/ That book looks interesting, who's the author?"
uncivil = "Hey whatcha reading? man i really wanna blow a load between your tits!"
the fact of the matter is noone owes you a polite conversation. And a women certainly doesn't owe you anything because she is generally attractive. If you're just going to make it transparent you're hitting on her then deal with it like a man when she blocks your cock.
But self-righteousness!
Forceatowulf
G***n S**n*bi
I wouldn't go nearly as far as thekad with his use of language, but the "I told them loudly and firmly that I wanted to be left alone" part is a bit much if you ask me. Why couldn't she just ask them to leave her alone in a normal and polite way instead of in a manner in which most people would think was over the top and take offense by?
I've seen people do this on many occasions when they're in situations they're not totally comfortable in too; raising their voice and using an unpleasant tone as some sort of defense mechanism. And 9 times out of 10 it was totally unnecessary and didn't warrant that level of response.
Now, I clearly wasn't there when this went down so I'll take her word on it that she felt the need to do this in this certain situation. I'm just saying, in my experience in dealing with other people having that type of reaction usually made them seem unpleasant, like they had a stick up their ass.
How did it taste?She laughed. She was also in the process of spreading her asshole for me to see, I left that part out
Yeah, that one surprised me more than the groping, which is sad.
Rookje
Member
This is why we can't have nice things, guys.
Ever hear "Man, all the girls in <Place_Not_In_the_USA> are so easy to talk over there!"? It's because the culture is different, and guys aren't super pushy and the girls aren't as promiscuous. Promiscuity seemingly has a lot of benefits, but IMO it has a lot of drawbacks on society as well.
Ever hear "Man, all the girls in <Place_Not_In_the_USA> are so easy to talk over there!"? It's because the culture is different, and guys aren't super pushy and the girls aren't as promiscuous. Promiscuity seemingly has a lot of benefits, but IMO it has a lot of drawbacks on society as well.
Steve Youngblood
Member
In general, I don't think there's necessarily anything inherently wrong with attempting to start up a conversation with a stranger in public, pretty girl or no. However, one should make an honest effort to assess whether the person wants to be bothered. And reading a book doesn't exactly send out "hey, I'm bored; let's chat!" vibes. Maybe if I was just minding my own business and eye contact was made, I'd ask what book they were reading. But I think it's rude to just interrupt people minding their own business.
Moving past general conversation, is it okay just to outright hit on someone riding the train? Personally, my gut says 'no', but I'm married and have been in a committed relationship for some time. So, I don't feel terribly strongly on this matter. But, should I find myself needing to get back into the dating scene, I don't think hitting on the hot girl while commuting on the train is necessarily the right venue. But, that's just me. Perhaps people have some success stories of meaningful relationships that began while commuting.
Moving past general conversation, is it okay just to outright hit on someone riding the train? Personally, my gut says 'no', but I'm married and have been in a committed relationship for some time. So, I don't feel terribly strongly on this matter. But, should I find myself needing to get back into the dating scene, I don't think hitting on the hot girl while commuting on the train is necessarily the right venue. But, that's just me. Perhaps people have some success stories of meaningful relationships that began while commuting.
Devolution
Member
Hey what did I mi--
Fuckin' christ this is ridiculous.
Maybe she has given up.
Fuckin' christ this is ridiculous.
SpacedCadette
Member
The guy clearly had problems and got annoyed by me ignoring him when I honestly didn't hear or notice him trying to talk to me. He reached over and grabbed the cord infront of me and yanked the right earbud out of my ear and proceeded to accost me for acting like I was "too good to even acknowledge" him. I was so stunned I just starred at him. I know I said something to him about it, but I can't remember what exactly. Was so shocked that it actually happened.
LyleLanley
Banned
What are you referring to?
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
The method in which they were approaching her sounded far from "normal".. 3 guys approach, one gets in her face, and the other puts his arm around her?
It's like you guys read that and thought it was normal not-rude or obtrusive behavior.
That blog post that he apparently forgot to read before quoting.
IrrelevantNotch
Banned
If she really wanted to make waves she should make some attempt to record these conversations.
LyleLanley
Banned
That makes sense.
Perspicacity
Banned
Count Dookkake
Member
I think the author in the OP is turning a very real problem - "I don't feel safe or able to just ride the train" - into an imaginary problem - "all (or most) men think that I'm 'a walking pair of tits'."
I don't think you can get offended if someone doesn't read your subtle social signals as you want them to. For this chick, reading a book is "don't talk to me", and wearing a wedding ring is "don't talk to me I'm married". Others may read books just to pass the time, and would be grateful for conversation to pass the time as well. A married woman might still enjoy talking to people, or hell, flirting with them. Stuff like that isn't concrete and you can't get self-righteous if someone reads things differently.
That said, if you're talking to a woman and she doesn't want to talk to you, wish her a pleasant day and move the hell on. If everyone would just be a lot more straightforward there would be fewer blog posts.
"Hey, whatcha reading?"
"I'm actually really into this book. I'm going to just keep reading."
"Oh, well that's cool. Have a good one."
I don't think you can get offended if someone doesn't read your subtle social signals as you want them to. For this chick, reading a book is "don't talk to me", and wearing a wedding ring is "don't talk to me I'm married". Others may read books just to pass the time, and would be grateful for conversation to pass the time as well. A married woman might still enjoy talking to people, or hell, flirting with them. Stuff like that isn't concrete and you can't get self-righteous if someone reads things differently.
That said, if you're talking to a woman and she doesn't want to talk to you, wish her a pleasant day and move the hell on. If everyone would just be a lot more straightforward there would be fewer blog posts.
"Hey, whatcha reading?"
"I'm actually really into this book. I'm going to just keep reading."
"Oh, well that's cool. Have a good one."
marathonfool
Member
Fixed
LyleLanley
Banned
Does that make the man in the suit Mitch?
out0v0rder
Member
a wedding ring makes people want you more. try it in the clubs guys, say you are married.
Slurp, slurp?
Steve Youngblood
Member
I can see that. Though -- and maybe this isn't universal -- when I'm reading a book/something on my phone/whatever just out of boredom, I tend to make sure that I put the object down, or on my lap or something occasionally and make eye contact with the people around me as a means of indicating that I'm not enthralled with what I'm doing. Without cues like that, I do think the interruption is rude.
Why is that? Nobody is denying what the they did was messed up.
Devolution
Member
Back on topic the story in the OP is why I never took late classes in the city (SF) since I commuted. I did not want to be alone on BART past 9pm. There a lot of people who do not understand how intimidating they are, how rude they are or how socially inept they are and the later it is and the more alone you are the more emboldened they get. Some of them are harmless but at some point you get worn down and handwave everyone off. Or you put your headphones on even if you forgot your iPod/phone or it's lost its charge. Sometimes that isn't enough and you'll get a tap on your shoulder or someone in your face anyway.
The really awkward situations became fewer when I started taking the bus from my city into SF since it was mostly job oriented types who were not interested in making a scene.
Mostly though I don't think a lot of people, especially men, realize how intimidating they can come off in the heat of the moment. It's not really something that can be helped. Get harassed enough times and you come to expect the worst in a bar, train, bus, etc. As much as some people want to claim sexism on this one, you'd pretty much be blaming victims who can't help how they've been treated and how hesitant they become upon being engaged by someone.
I'd never ever tell men to give up but I would say if you get brutally rebuffed, just take it in stride, you don't know what she's been through.
The really awkward situations became fewer when I started taking the bus from my city into SF since it was mostly job oriented types who were not interested in making a scene.
Mostly though I don't think a lot of people, especially men, realize how intimidating they can come off in the heat of the moment. It's not really something that can be helped. Get harassed enough times and you come to expect the worst in a bar, train, bus, etc. As much as some people want to claim sexism on this one, you'd pretty much be blaming victims who can't help how they've been treated and how hesitant they become upon being engaged by someone.
I'd never ever tell men to give up but I would say if you get brutally rebuffed, just take it in stride, you don't know what she's been through.
Let me also point out that normal humans and normal men for that matter can read those cues almost instantly. This doesn't have to be spelled out for them at all. That cardio bunny sweating her ass off with no makeup probably doesn't want you to strike up a conversation when she turns up the resistance.
That girl in the squat rack that keeps glancing at you and has moved the bar to two different heights and can't decide what weight to add to the bar, probably wouldn't mind a little assist, form check, and conversation until she knows what she's doing.
That girl in the squat rack that keeps glancing at you and has moved the bar to two different heights and can't decide what weight to add to the bar, probably wouldn't mind a little assist, form check, and conversation until she knows what she's doing.
Freezie KO
Banned
Problem solved!
Ciastek3214
Junior Member
Lol, my sisters tell me I should smile more often, they don't know I'm actually very humorous when talking with other people. It's just my neutral face expression that apparently makes me look like someone killed my dog, I really don't know why.
Zeus Molecules
illegal immigrants are stealing our air
Women do smile at me a lot more when I wear a suit and the accessories but to counter that outside of suits I have little fashion sense.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
This is a good post. I consciously try to dial down my intimidation factor but it's tough because I'm a terrifying giant of a man, so maybe I'm more conscious of it - but I don't like to make people feel uncomfortable, and anyone who is empathetic towards this shouldn't have a problem with dialing it back or being more aware of how they are perceived to be acting.
She was approached and acted hilariously rude because they were male.
Not the same expression, but I have the same problem. My neutral expression is just like somewhat stern looking. They say smiling uses so few muscles but I still have to use them versus not. I guess.
Steve Youngblood
Member
It may not be overly friendly, but I don't think it's rude to bluntly state that you don't want to be bothered. This is particularly true if you're keeping to yourself by doing something like reading a book and not making eye contact.
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
I've managed to go my entire life w/o ever getting a response like that from a woman.
Tact, have it.
Tact, have it.
I can't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of her post. The very first paragraph is fucking gold. How hard is it to be a woman? Which freedoms and equal rights are she being denied when she's so heinously violated by conversation from the opposite sex? Fuck, how does she keep from killing herself from the pain?
In a nutshell: In my dreams I'm so sexy I stop traffic when I'm not even trying. It's so hard being this pretty, and being this gender. You'll never understand. Stupid, oppressive man-pigs. How dare you attempt conversation with me when I'm not wearing headphones or talking on the phone or talking to someone else? I know every single one of you wants only one thing from me!
I can't even, ... lol
In a nutshell: In my dreams I'm so sexy I stop traffic when I'm not even trying. It's so hard being this pretty, and being this gender. You'll never understand. Stupid, oppressive man-pigs. How dare you attempt conversation with me when I'm not wearing headphones or talking on the phone or talking to someone else? I know every single one of you wants only one thing from me!
I can't even, ... lol
Leaning into someone's personal space and putting your arms around a stranger is rude to begin with.
You know the answer to all of this is that it's better to have some greater context to an encounter than simply sharing a public space. There's work, there's university, there's clubs (interest clubs).
On one hand it's cool to want to promote a friendly society and all that, but I think the reason the bus/public is where people worry about making friends is because it magnifies their loneliness to be around so many people. They see people chatting amongst other friends but don't realize that they met in a far different context.
So for guys both creepy and not, many other more appropriate ways to meet people.
On one hand it's cool to want to promote a friendly society and all that, but I think the reason the bus/public is where people worry about making friends is because it magnifies their loneliness to be around so many people. They see people chatting amongst other friends but don't realize that they met in a far different context.
So for guys both creepy and not, many other more appropriate ways to meet people.
Are you really missing when everyone tells you that they "approached" her by straight up getting close enough to breathe on her and putting their arms around her? Or are you a nimrod that actually does this to women in mass transit?
Devolution
Member
It's kind of funny how this thread is highlighting who is terrible at social cues.
Zoramon089
Banned
Was talking to a female friend and she said if it's hard to imagine, think of those instances where there are people on the sidewalk/etc asking you for donations and such. Basically situations where you're "approached" by people you aren't interested in and how you react to those. Now imagine they happened fairly frequently. I guess that's the analogous (or as close as you can get) situation for guys who are having hard time understanding this.
Although...I don't think I'd blog about it
Although...I don't think I'd blog about it
Ken K in the Fresh!!!
Member
This.
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