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The super duper Simpsons quote thread

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Quote from a very recent one.

"She later went on to Harvard Medical School.... as a cadaver!"

My friends have been adding "as a cadaver" at the end of every sentence.
 
I can't believe no one mentioned this one from the big brother episode

Woman: Why do you want to be a big brother mr Simpson?
Homer's brain to Homer: Don't say revenge, don't say revenge, don't say revenge
Homer: Revenge
Homer's brain: That's it, I'm outta here! stomp, stomp, stomp. SLAM!
*Women checks revenge on the list

Edit: forgot one of the lines :p
 
Homer: The last bar in Springfield, if the don't let me in here, I'm gonna have to quit drinking
Homer's Liver: Yaayyy
Homer: Shut up, liver! *Hits own liver*
Homer: Oww, my liver hurts
 
Quimby: I guess we're not going to find anything.
Otto: Um, how are we going to get out of here?
Homer: We'll dig our way out!
(it doesn't work)
Wiggum: No, DIG UP, stupid.
 
MrOctober said:
Grandpa Abe Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!
Click to expand...
:lol I love that line.

We need to have some ralph quotes

500px-Ralph_Wiggum.png


Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Ralph: Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants.
Chief Wiggum: Just relax and it'll come, son.

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things

Bart: Go orange!
Nelson: Go grapefruit!
Ralph: Go Banana!
 
Marge, me and the boy are just popping out. If we don't come back avenge our deaths.

We're going out, Marge! If we don't come back, avenge our deaths!

Gone bowling. Not back, avenge death.
 
psycho_snake said:
:lol I love that line.

We need to have some ralph quotes


Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things
Click to expand...

leprechaun_simpsons.png


Leprechaun: You've done grand, laddie! Now ya know what ya have ta do! Burn the
house down! Burn 'em all!

:lol :lol :lol
 
Burns: How dare you spill my precious acid and destroy my priceless wall! Did you really think you were going to get away with it?!

Grimes: Simpson, you've got a 513.
(Homer looks at his watch)
Grimes: No, a 513. In your procedures manual - a 513?
(Homer looks at his watch again)
Grimes: Look at your control panel.
Homer: Oh, a five THIR-teen. I'll handle it. ( He calmly takes out a bucket of water and pours it on the console. Causing it to short out and silences the alarms) That got it.

Sideshow Bob: You want the truth!? You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler you are! I deride your truth-handling abilities!

Homer: Now that we’re all alone, Marge, admit it, you like Lisa best.
Marge: No.
Homer: Oh, so you’re a Bart-woman are you!
Marge: No.
Homer: Well you can’t possible like Maggie best. What has she ever done? Nothin’ for nobody!

Lisa: "Nuke the Whales?" You don't really believe that, do you?
Nelson: Eh, gotta nuke something.
Lisa: Touche.

Kent Brockman: But first, the death count from the killer snowstorm, bearing down on us like a shotgun full of snow.
Weatherman: Well Kent, as of now, the death count is zero. But it's expected to shoot up at any moment.
Kent Brockman: Oh my God! Damn you snow! (shakes fist toward sky)

Homer: Okay, little buddy, hop in!
(Bart steps forward)
Homer: Ah bah! I mean my little girl buddy.
Lisa: That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent, competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love.
Homer: Okay, hon.
(Lisa gets into the car)
Homer: Sucker! Competitive violence! That's why you're here!

Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie..."Spaceballs." But instead it's been painful and disturbing like that movie, "Police Academy."
 
Shig said:
Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie..."Spaceballs." But instead it's been painful and disturbing like that movie, "Police Academy."
Click to expand...

:lol

Homer: How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you?! Except at that guy who made sound effects. *makes series of amazingly obvious and hilarious noises* Where was I? Oh yeah: stay out of my booze.

Speaking of noises:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUl7Mvj87K0
 
Well now that I've seen the movie, I don't think we're gonna be adding any lines from it to this thread. Oh wait, maybe one. Hmm no.
 
Bart: "That's it? What happened to all the lobsters, mangos, and chewy chewy cocobeans?"

*Lisa holds out a handful of purple berries.*

Lisa: "All we found were these oozing berries and they look pretty poisonous."

*Ralph seen on screen with purple jam all around his mouth*

Ralph: "I ated the purple berries." "Ow...ooooh....ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

*Ralph falls over in pain and the gang gathers around him.

Bart: "How are they Ralph? Good?

Ralph: "They taste like...burning....oooooooooohhhhh."

Ralph: "Oooooook, food patrol blew it."
 
BenjaminBirdie said:
:lol

Homer: How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you?! Except at that guy who made sound effects. *makes series of amazingly obvious and hilarious noises* Where was I? Oh yeah: stay out of my booze.

Speaking of noises:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUl7Mvj87K0
Click to expand...

I saw that episode for the first time a few nights ago and I was crying at that part.

"Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze!"

Then when Homer and Marge are in bed and they're hammering out the punishment.

"And absolutely no stealing for 3 months."
 
Skinner: Students, I have an announcement. One of your favorite comic
book heroes, Radio Man...
Nelson: Radioactive Man, stupid!
Skinner: Strange, I shouldn't have been able to hear that. Anyway, uh,
Hollywood Studio has decided to film the Radioactive Man movie here in Springfield.
Kids: Yay!
Skinner: And they will be holding auditions to find a local youngster to play Fallout Boy.
[kids all gasp, their hats fly off]
Oh, and the air conditioner will be fixed this afternoon.


During the Fallout Boy auditions

Lunchlady Doris: At last the world is safe, eh Fallout Boy?
Ralph: What's for lunch tomorrow?
Movie Director: Next.
Ralph: Chicken necks?
 
Laramie said:
I saw that episode for the first time a few nights ago and I was crying at that part.

"Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze!"

Then when Homer and Marge are in bed and they're hammering out the punishment.

"And absolutely no stealing for 3 months."
Click to expand...


Homer: I've figured out the boy's punishment. No leaving the house not even for school. Second, no egg nog! And absolutely no stealing for 3 months!
 
Red Blaster said:
Homer: I've figured out the boy's punishment. No leaving the house not even for school. Second, no egg nog! And absolutely no stealing for 3 months!
Click to expand...
Marge: Homer, didn’t you get any milk? All I see is eggnog.
Homer: 'Tis the season, Marge! We only get 30 sweet noggy days. Then the government takes it away again.
Lisa: *eating cereal with eggnog* I'm having... chest pains....
 
Red Blaster said:
Homer: I've figured out the boy's punishment. No leaving the house not even for school. Second, no egg nog! And absolutely no stealing for 3 months!
Click to expand...

You forgot the part about Bart being forbidden from consuming any kind of nog. Then it shows Homers' picture of the robot roasting a weenie over a fire.
 
More more more!

Homer: Ohhh Lisa. Vampires aren't real.. just like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

--

Homer: No...the only monster here is the evil gambling demon that has infested your mother. I call him 'GAMBLOR'.

--

Homer: Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For FUN? Well I didn't hear anyone laughing, did YOU?

--

* Nobody is doing anything but eating at the kitchen table
Homer: That's it! I'm sick of all of you holding me back! I'm going to clown college!

--

Homer: Bart! With ten thousand dollars, we'd be millionaires!

--

Alien 1: It seems the earthlings won.
Alien 2: Did they? That board with a nail in it may have defeated us. But the humans won't stop there. They'll make bigger boards and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail so big, it will destroy them all!

--

Burns: I bring you love!
Lenny: It's bringing love don't let it get away!
Carl: Break it's legs!
 
Needs more Patty and Selma nastiness..

Patty Bouvier: [to Bart, at the DMV] Some days we don't let the line move at all.
Selma Bouvier: We call those weekdays.

Selma (when Homer enters the room): Is it me, or did it just get fatter in here?

Patty: Did not adjust side mirror. Minus one point.
Selma: Failed to check blind spot. Minus two points.
Homer: You won't be happy until my family thinks I'm a loser, will you?
Patty: You ARE a loser, Homer. And we're winners. You gotta learn that.
Selma: Ooh, seat belt twisted. Minus one point.
Homer: Nagging the driver. Minus ten points, for you!
Patty: Grazed a cone. Minus five points.
Homer: Being a jerk! Minus a million points!

Homer: Marge. We had a deal! Your sisters don't come here after six and I stop eating your lipstick!
 
MOE: Yeah, you got me didn't you. All right, here you go. Red Tick Beer.
[Homer takes a swig]
HOMER: Mmm. Bold, refreshing, and something I can't put my finger on.
[Cut to the Red Tick Beer Brewery. Three dogs are swimming around in the beer. A man tastes it.]
MAN: Mmm, needs more dog.


I like to use that last line whenever I am cooking something and I take a taste to see what is missing
 
explodet said:
I'll let you guys know if I find a better one.

And I know this is from one of the evil later seasons, but I found it utterly hilarious.
A Guide to Your Restraining Order
Click to expand...

That bit is perfect. I laughed even more now because I've been seeing Gary Busey in Entourage, damn great :lol

It's cool to hate on modern Simpsons, but s16 has some damn fine moments and episodes. I wholeheartedly support that season.
 
Homer: Marge, I can't live like this, I'm tired of walking around on eggshells!
Marge: Maybe if you didn't throw them on the floor…
 
Side-show Bob: I'm gonna do something I should have done a long time ago...
*Rings Simpson doorbell*
Madam your children are no more...
...than a bunch of no good troublemakers.
Homer: Even Lisa?
Side-show Bob: Especially Lisa, but especially Bart!
 
I updated the Bart & Lisa reaction shot with a shot from the DVD, just for the hell of it.


Stan Lee: He can't be the Hulk, I'm the Hulk! Braaargh! Rarrr...
Comic Book Guy: Oh please, you couldn't even change into Bill Bixby.
Lee: C'mon, damn it, change! *struggles* I really did it once!
CBG: Yes, yes. I just wish you had the power to leave my store.
Lee: *grunts some more*
CBG: You almost had it there.
 
Jason said:
I've always loved this exchange. Homer's delivery is just perfect. :lol

Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No...he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVyQtj0h96U
Click to expand...

Without a doubt a doubt That is one of my fav simpsons quotes ever. It cracks me up even reading it.
 
I completely forgot about this one:

It's from the "trusty pocket knife" episode

"Don't Do what Johnny Don't Does"

That episode was loaded with quotes actually, i love the old simpsons!
 
koam said:
I completely forgot about this one:

It's from the "trusty pocket knife" episode

"Don't Do what Johnny Don't Does"

That episode was loaded with quotes actually, i love the old simpsons!
Click to expand...

I love the association game that is this thread, really...

Ranger: Okay, search party, before we set out, let's take a moment to humor the children. [to Bart and Lisa] Kids, your father's gonna be just fine! Okay, everybody, put on your corpse-handling gloves, we've got two frozen bodies buried somewhere in this mountain.
 
From now on the baby sleeps in the crib.
Iron helps us play!
YEHAHAAHHAHAHAHA!!!
Hello Joe.
From now on the baby sleeps in the crib.
Iron helps us play!
YEHAHAAHHAHAHAHA!!!
Hello Joe.
 
Sorry if posted already

Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely.

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
 
Marge: Homer, just where were you planning to keep this horse?
Homer: I got it all figured out. By day, it'll roam free around the neighborhood, and at night, it'll nestle snugly between the cars in our garage.
Lisa: Dad, no!
Marge: That's illegal!
Homer: That's for the courts to decide.

genius, just genius
 
Marge and Homer walk to Parents' Island. They see "Itchy's 70s Disco
(Est. 1980)" and walk inside and are amazed at the lighted squares on
the floor and the disco-style Itchy and Scratchy theme song playing.

Homer: It is the seventies! Right down to the smallest detail.
Marge: Hey...the bartender even looks like John Travolta.
Bartender: Yeah..."looks like".
 
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