There's already a story posted in this thread about a father doing the same thing... same sympathy.
Babysitter I wouldn't have as much sympathy for. Reason being is their one and only job is to take care of the child.
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Toddler left in car all day, dies.
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There's already a story posted in this thread about a father doing the same thing... same sympathy.
Babysitter I wouldn't have as much sympathy for. Reason being is their one and only job is to take care of the child.
Devolution
Member
Okay dude.
Marty Chinn
Member
My girl is almost 13 months and just thinking about what if this happened to her tears me up inside. So I can sympathize with the mother of what a terrible tragedy it is. I may have one of the easiest babies in the world, never stressed and hardly tired, but even then I can totally see and understand what other parents must go through and how this can easily happen.
Have you ever done something over and over that is routine to the point that you're on auto pilot but the one time you're supposed to do something different, you stuck to the routine? Driving for example. I drive the same route to work every day but every now and then on the weekend when I drive most of the way there but have to go somewhere else, sometimes I'm on auto pilot and still head in the direction of work. Same thing here.
Mine doesn't.
1) At that age, the seat and baby are facing backwards
2) When you get out of the car, you can walk right by it if you're going front to back and not see because the seat is facing backwards, or if you walk forward from getting out of your door, you won't see the back seat anyway. Either way, there's a good chance you won't see the baby.
3) If the baby is asleep, you won't hear them at all.
No it's not. The recommended age is a lot older now for safety reasons. I think it's anywhere from 18 to 24 months now. Closer to 24 months if I recall.
Have you ever done something over and over that is routine to the point that you're on auto pilot but the one time you're supposed to do something different, you stuck to the routine? Driving for example. I drive the same route to work every day but every now and then on the weekend when I drive most of the way there but have to go somewhere else, sometimes I'm on auto pilot and still head in the direction of work. Same thing here.
Mine doesn't.
1) At that age, the seat and baby are facing backwards
2) When you get out of the car, you can walk right by it if you're going front to back and not see because the seat is facing backwards, or if you walk forward from getting out of your door, you won't see the back seat anyway. Either way, there's a good chance you won't see the baby.
3) If the baby is asleep, you won't hear them at all.
No it's not. The recommended age is a lot older now for safety reasons. I think it's anywhere from 18 to 24 months now. Closer to 24 months if I recall.
ElectricBlue187
Member
You will have a hard time convincing me its more of the babysitter's job than the mother or fathers. I think much of the sympathy comes from parents who think "Jesus what if this happened to me?" because we know it could've happened in a moment of weakness.
EYEL1NER
Member
Marty Chinn
Member
I dunno, I can see that argument. With a babysitter, that's their primary focus and job which is to take care of the baby. With a parent, they have a job and the baby so their mind can be split between the two.
LightofRohan
Member
Sick ass people that want the mom charged. I'm hoping none of you has a position of power ever...
Having a kid can fuck with you hard mentally. It's not uncommon for a parent to not sleep for days or have a good sleep for weeks. I have so much respect for parents, it's something I could not handle atm.
Having a kid can fuck with you hard mentally. It's not uncommon for a parent to not sleep for days or have a good sleep for weeks. I have so much respect for parents, it's something I could not handle atm.
Assuming that the investigation shows it was an accident, there is no reason to charge her. She's already going to punish herself for the rest of her life. Her family will never be the same, and every interaction with her husband (relating to the kids) is now going to be tinged with distrust. If her marriage holds together at all, I'd be shocked.
It's weird to read a story on GAF that is about something that happened locally.
la flama blanca
Banned
I heard she did it on purpose too.
It's not more their job... it's their *only* job.
Lactose_Intolerant
Member
Should have given it regular maintenance, changed its oil.
I disagree with this sentiment. Obviously, I can only speak to personal experience but I absolutely am far more aware of the location/status of things I care more about than mundane things that I don't. For example (and to be clear, I'm not equating this with a baby), I am always extremely aware of where my new iPad is at all times and have never accidentally left it in my car, regardless if I feel I will "need" it or not when I take it with me. I don't feel the same way about the Chinese food I had two days ago.
Same goes for my keys and wallet. Every day, I routinely do a wallet/key check before I leave the house and I don't leave unless I have them with me. I know my opinion probably doesn't carry as much weight because I don't have a child of my own, but you will have to take my word for it that nothing in this world would be more important to me than my kid and while in my care, I would never make the mistake of leaving it in a car.
The investigation is still going
"It may take up to eight weeks for police to complete their investigation"
If the husband decided to divorce and go for sole custody of the remaining kid the judge should hand it to him.
Marty Chinn
Member
So you've never ever have forgotten something before? I've forgotten my phone a few times and on rare occasions my wallet. It happens sometimes.
I've never forgotten my wallet or keys, no. And I would place those far lower on the rung than my kid.
Just so we're clear, I don't think the woman should be charged. But I think she needs to be under constant supervision and therapy to help the healing process. I don't think we should just shrug our shoulders, call it a mistake and put her back in her regular day-to-day life.
I have never forgotten any of my kids for hours.
ElectricBlue187
Member
In custody cases the judge looks at many factors (or they are supposed to). An issue like this would be a huge factor but probably not a forgone conclusion. Especially if she is a good or decent mom and the dad is a drunk.
Marty Chinn
Member
I'm not equating them on the same level, but as far as day to day routine, they're usually something I need on hand and something I always take with me. All it takes is one time and it happens.
She didn't forget the kid. Try reading. She thought the kid was dropped off.
Dreams-Visions
Member
good for you. consider yourself a rare specimen. very rare indeed. I tend to dread going on long trips because without fail I'll get to my destination and realize I forgot something. Trying to keep up with lots of things has never been my strong suit. In fact, I recall once running late for a meeting I was going to present at...and driving past 2 consecutive exists, deeply engrossed in going over what I was going to say. I was so on autopilot, I didn't realize the error until I had passed the exit. I was like, "shit, I'll catch the next one"...went back to thinking hard...and missed that one too. I damn near drove around the entire city before catching the 3rd exit several miles from where I needed to be.
she didn't forget her kid. her brain got stuck on autopilot and thought she had dropped the kid off already, as she had done a hundred times before. she forgot she didn't do something with her kid. not the same thing at all.
RoninChaos
Member
Because that would leave her other child in such a good place!
You think that fear of jail is going to pevent a parent from doing this? It is literally my worst nightmare that I do this myself. It could happen to ANYONE. I feel absolutely awful for everyone involved. You think jail would be worse than what she's going through?
Fuck.
Apparently not. Sometimes shit just happens. No promises.
Sarcasm, of course. In fact, armed with this knowledge, we CAN do something. For some period of time it can be acceptable to be "surprised" by your own detached state of mind, due to stress or lack or sleep or whatever. Or, maybe you're just a forgetful person; you'd figure that out very quickly. But, after you are aware of this, it's up to you to take precautions and try to set up failsafes that will prevent you from screwing up if you're doing something truly important, like handling a small child.
What happened with this woman is not normal nor is it common. The reason it's not is because the vast majority of parents do not allow themselves to have brain farts when it comes to their babies whereabouts. Every parent I know of is constantly on the look-out for their child if they lose eye-sight for even half a second. Whether you're willing to admit it or not, there are certain things in life that we are able to prioritize, even on a subconscious level and there is no excusing what this woman let happen to her baby.
That said, let me be clear that I don't think she should go to prison. I think she needs therapy and lots of it so she can safely take care of her remaining child and family.
Regarding charges, I'm no legal eagle, but isn't part of how a prosecutor weighs whether to press charges the question of whether a conviction is likely? If so, the Washington Post piece definitely suggests juries are unlikely to convict in these cases if a clear defense can be made that this was, indeed, a terrible mistake... rather than a case in which there was previous neglect or what have you.
I posted earlier in this thread, but most of the advice I've seen suggests kids should remain rear-facing until they outgrow their rear-facing seat.
I posted earlier in this thread, but most of the advice I've seen suggests kids should remain rear-facing until they outgrow their rear-facing seat.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Like the knife mommy, right? Right? Yep. At least THAT is comprehendable after being stabbed in the chest opposed to just plain fucking forgetting. And the kid didn't die and wasn't hurt at all.
But yea, those two scenarios are totally the same.....
Marty Chinn
Member
Normal? No. Unheard of? Not at all either.
Hell I had an incident just the other day. I was running late because my girl's schedule was off that morning, so I brought her upstairs with me to change clothes. Our bathroom is gated off, and I put her down to play. I walked in a closet, grabbed a shirt and poked my head out to look at her and I realized I didn't close the bedroom door even though I thought I had. I couldn't see her because she was behind something blocking my view of her and I had a panic thinking she crawled out to the stairs. I ended up bumping into her head because I ran so fast.
A simple thing out of normal routine, and something I thought I had done and thought things were safe when they weren't. I can see how it happens without any intent. It happens to a lot of parents in many cases. Not always the car, but make no mistake about it, it happens to parents and it only needs to happen once out of thousands of times of being careful.
Excuses, she forgot about the kid. Try thinking. She didn't give enough thought to her child that morning.
Are you seriously trying to equate forgetting to close a door for a couple minutes and leaving a kid in a car for hours???
She might be under a lot of stress, she surely didn't mean to do it, but it is gross negligence.
Marty Chinn
Member
This is the current recommendation:
Of course that's not the law. The law states less requirements, but for the most part, any seat you get won't meet the outgrowing. Even when you upgrade, they tend to still have a rear facing option. So it then comes down to weight and age. At any rate, 13 months is very unlikely to meet these requirements. My girl is almost 13 months and is in the 95% for height and I think 90% for weight and doesn't come close to meeting those recommended height and weight.
Jeff Green's Son
Neo Member
Years ago my brothers and I went to a comic book store in a big strip mall. It was a hot summer day as we headed back to the car to leave. I just happened to look next to over at a car nearby and saw a toddler in a carseat with the windows rolled up. I told my brother to run inside and tell someone. Someone from the comic store came out and luckily the doors were unlocked. He took the kid inside the store. I don't know what happened after that but it was pretty surreal at the time. I don't remember how old I was at the time either.
tuna on toast
Banned
I read posts like this and realize that some people just aren't capable of understanding certain things.
Sending this woman to jail accomplishes nothing. Jail is ostensibly where criminals are reformed into productive members of society and actually a place where undesirables rot away so as not to pester the citizenry. This woman is neither. She made a terrible mistake, but she's no criminal.
t-storm
Member
A "terrible mistake" would be backing into a lamp post or hitting a pedestrian.
The fact is she is responsible for her the death of her child.
As a parent of a 9 month old, my son is always on my mind at every second whether he's with me or not and I'm a single dad.
Perhaps she shouldn't be punished but she should be held accountable for her actions.
And I absolutely cannot believe some people here are using the examples of forgetting one's phone or wallet. You're obviously not a parent as this is a human life for fucks sake.
The fact is she is responsible for her the death of her child.
As a parent of a 9 month old, my son is always on my mind at every second whether he's with me or not and I'm a single dad.
Perhaps she shouldn't be punished but she should be held accountable for her actions.
And I absolutely cannot believe some people here are using the examples of forgetting one's phone or wallet. You're obviously not a parent as this is a human life for fucks sake.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
I dont know how a person would be able to get over something like this.
ReadingRambo
Member
That WaPo article was incredibly well-written and many of you would do well to give it a read. Especially the "I've never forgotten anything" crowd.
Here it is again.
Here it is again.
29 a year. That 600 stat was for a range of years.
Anyone who reads that and still holds the parent in contempt is literally lacking empathy.
I guess the question is: in what way?
My expectation is that she will be paying for this the rest of her life, emotionally.
SO far. And that also means you never accidentally think your child is with his or her mom.
SnakeswithLasers
Member
Because knowing that her momentary lapse of memory is responsible for the death of her child won't be accountability enough.
MWS Natural
Member
WTF the child IS the important item...Jesus.
She left the kid in there all day. The kid died a slow and painful death because she was either too stupid, too high, or too intentionally negligent.
Sending people to prison over accidents does yields no benefit.
In fact, sending people to prison for their crimes doesn't yield much benefit, either.
The mother made a mistake. Sending her to prison would only serve to make you feel more self-righteous.
To those parents in the thread who say things like, "I would never do this. It's never happened to me. How could she do this? She should be charged!"
Good for you for not fucking up this bad. Get a bumper stick to show off how proud you are of yourselves.
In fact, sending people to prison for their crimes doesn't yield much benefit, either.
The mother made a mistake. Sending her to prison would only serve to make you feel more self-righteous.
To those parents in the thread who say things like, "I would never do this. It's never happened to me. How could she do this? She should be charged!"
Good for you for not fucking up this bad. Get a bumper stick to show off how proud you are of yourselves.
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