Support NeoGAF

[Apharmd]

Confession. I giggled like a child when Optimus transformed his knuckles into spiked knuckles and punched out half of Soundwave's guts. Was it Soundwave? Shockwave? Whatever, same shit. Oh yeah, him executing Sentinel was also hilarious.

I was also heavily entertained by Optimus' battlecry of "KILL THEM ALL!" and him popping Frasier in the third movie.

Man of Steel had none of these things.

 

[ryseing]

It's a free country right? Maybe it's a sin giving my tens dollars every time,but I'm going to hell regardless.

That's fine? You do you. I don't care that people see these movies, I was originally just saying that being a dumb action movie doesn't give it a critical pass.

 

[Anth0ny]

I hope it makes a billion dollars just so that it wrecks Anthony's argument.

lol I'm not really arguing anything, I'm just trying to grasp how it makes so much money despite being critically panned. DC movies get crushed by negative RT, why is Transformers immune?

answer: china don't care

 

[Real Hero]

Still watching it anyway. But fuck me get rid of the writers and get rid of Bay and hire someone competent.

why would they bother if people watch it anyway?

 

[Martinski43]

These movies are popular the same way of the middling garbage on music top lists are popular. Thats how i see it anyway.

 

[cr0w]

These movies are popular the same way of the middling garbage on music top lists are popular. Thats how i see it anyway.

The movies are the cinematic equivalent of Pop-GAF.

 

[MiamiWesker]

I want you to expand on the lore that's going on in this movie. Seriously. How is it being rewritten? What's going on in the plot now?

I get that it's stupid, but I'm always fascinated by the lengths people go to when they're crafting a universe.

Gimme the crazy Wesker.

You have no idea. Like nothing you can come up with will prepare you for the level of stupid and blatant disregard for all the history they had before.

A taste:

Spoiler

Bumblebee and all the autobots have been on earth since Arthur's time (so ignore the first movie totally). Bumblebee fought in world war 2 for the allied forces as part of an elite transformers crew who helped kill Hitler.

And it gets worse from there.

 

[jmdajr]

That's fine? You do you. I don't care that people see these movies, I was originally just saying that being a dumb action movie doesn't give it a critical pass.

I'm not bent out of shape about critics. They haven't had the power to stop this.
They are powerless!

I think one day when Bay is gone we will actually get one certified fresh!

Or maybe I'll be dead by then.

 

[Valdfellgar]

Age of Extinction had some pretty cool villains. But in Human and Robot form.

Evil Frasier was awesome. Doesn't get better than that.

 

[Fancyarcher]

And it will still pull in an explosive amount of money.

Someone stop them before they get ahold of other franchises I used to love.

China's box office alone will count for 60% of its gross.

 

[cr0w]

You have no idea. Like nothing you can come up with will prepare you for the level of stupid and blatant disregard for all the history they had before.

A taste:

Spoiler

Bumblebee and all the autobots have been on earth since Arthur's time (so ignore the first movie totally). Bumblebee fought in world war 2 for the allied forces as part of an elite transformers crew who helped kill Hitler.

And it gets worse from there.

You know what, that's awesome. I think they should go even farther into the abyss. Just embrace the absolute insanity. Lets tie Jesus into it.

I'm not going to touch the "why do critics think this franchise is shit?" posts, but everyone saying The Last Knight will still make a billion dollars will be in for a surprise.

Of course, it's all relative since $800M is still a massive sum. But just look at Pirates of the Caribbean 5 to see that continually making films that are subpar or worse does actually take a toll on the box office for these CG spectacles.

It will not make a billion. There's far less hype surrounding this one than any of the previous ones. Some people I know didn't even realize it was coming out this week.

 

[Biggest-Geek-Ever]

I'm not going to touch the "why do critics think this franchise is shit?" posts, but everyone saying The Last Knight will still make a billion dollars will be in for a surprise.

Of course, it's all relative since $800M is still a massive sum. But just look at Pirates of the Caribbean 5 to see that continually making films that are subpar or worse does actually take a toll on the box office for these CG spectacles.

 

[Tom Nook]

Hope this one will finally be the last one. Bomba please.

Spoiler

It won't.

 

[Martinski43]

The movies are the cinematic equivalent of Pop-GAF.

There is good and fun action movies just like there is good pop music though. The good pop music rarely makes it anymore into top lists tho. :/

 

[LucidMomentum]

Spoiler

If by two hours, you mean less than 15 minutes, we got ya covered!

Yeah about that...

Oh don't worry guys, I'm not buying tickets. always rent and skip anything that isn't robot on robot action.

 

[muteki]

These movie toys are so hideously ugly, though. My kids had a very brief Transformers interest and I couldn't believe the absolute shitshow that toy line is/was. There were toys from the movie, toys from the cartoon, and toys made to look like the original line. All crammed into the same section in the toy aisle, with their own logos, branding, and packaging. It was like the cutting room floor of a marketing department. The movie line toys were by far the most garish. Taking all that CG detail and reducing it to a melted pile of plastic results in some trashy looking stuff.

The movies and movie toy lines doing well only means good things for the other lines, like legends/generations and masterpiece. I'm not a fan of the movie toys either, but they are necessary.

 

[jfoul]

I'll probably still go see this amazing piece of shit, and walk out exhausted with a sore ass.

The Micheal Bay experience.

 

[Baroquemantic]

Kinda figured it would review poorly. Still wanna see it.

 

[jmdajr]

I'm not going to touch the "why do critics think this franchise is shit?" posts, but everyone saying The Last Knight will still make a billion dollars will be in for a surprise.

Of course, it's all relative since $800M is still a massive sum. But just look at Pirates of the Caribbean 5 to see that continually making films that are subpar or worse does actually take a toll on the box office for these CG spectacles.

I think it will at least break even.

 

[cr0w]

There is good and fun action movies just like there is good pop music though. The good pop music rarely makes it anymore into top lists tho. :/

Well yeah, but they hit the same "moron spot" in the brain that responds to simple, catchy beats. Same way junk food makes you feel good.

Sometimes you just need to decompress and watch/listen to something stupid.

 

[Waddle Dee]

It's telling when the most common defense by people who watch these films is "I know it's fucking horseshit but sometimes I just don't want to think about anything and watch some CGI explosions, racist gags, and sexist fan service."

 

[MattKeil]

It's not, as I said after I've loved every one of the films so far, it's just it seems like the hate is almost done to be cool if you know what I mean. Like people rating them as something they are not.

No, the hate is because the sequels are some of the worst major tentpole films made in my lifetime. They're utter garbage with zero entertainment value beyond being a pretty impressive ILM effects reel in places. Nobody does it to be "cool." It's just a natural reaction anyone with even a modicum of standards for their movie viewing is going to have to them.

I have no idea what people are talking about when they say they're "fun." They're full of misogyny and racism and cruelty and amoral nihilism. There's nothing fun about them, they're pure unbridled id with all the ugliness and pettiness that comes with it. I can certainly enjoy a stupid popcorn film (Pacific Rim, anyone?) but the Transformers films are not that, they're some kind of twisted embodiment of Michael Bay's contempt for the audience given visual form.

 

[Dash_Riprock]

You have no idea. Like nothing you can come up with will prepare you for the level of stupid and blatant disregard for all the history they had before.

A taste:

Spoiler

Bumblebee and all the autobots have been on earth since Arthur's time (so ignore the first movie totally). Bumblebee fought in world war 2 for the allied forces as part of an elite transformers crew who helped kill Hitler.

And it gets worse from there.

I would be outraged, but virtually every sequel ignores the previous film's mythology in favor of its own bullshit, so I'm not surprised.

 

[jmdajr]

It's telling when the most common defense by people who watch these films is "I know it's fucking horseshit but sometimes I just don't want to think about anything and watch some CGI explosions, racist gags, and sexist fan service."

Tell us more.

 

[Real Hero]

Well yeah, but they hit the same "moron spot" in the brain that responds to simple, catchy beats. Same way junk food makes you feel good.

Sometimes you just need to decompress and watch/listen to something stupid.

Something like john wick is McDonalds, transformers is like licking shit of a shoe for lunch

 

[Martinski43]

It's telling when the most common defense by people who watch these films is "I know it's fucking horseshit but sometimes I just don't want to think about anything and watch some CGI explosions, racist gags, and sexist fan service."

lol racist gags is the sole reason i go to the movies. Movie magic right there. Lmao

 

[Jigolo]

I'm interested in watching in IMAX 3D. Bay said 98% of the movie was shot with IMAX 3D cameras

 

[Ninjimbo]

You have no idea. Like nothing you can come up with will prepare you for the level of stupid and blatant disregard for all the history they had before.

A taste:

Spoiler

Bumblebee and all the autobots have been on earth since Arthur's time (so ignore the first movie totally). Bumblebee fought in world war 2 for the allied forces as part of an elite transformers crew who helped kill Hitler.

And it gets worse from there.

Lmao. Goddamn, that is so bizarre. I'm genuinely curious about this bullshit now.

 

[jmdajr]

I'm interested in watching in IMAX 3D. Bay said 98% of the movie was shot with IMAX 3D cameras

Pretty cool I didn't know that.

 

[Haloid1177]

Wait are talking like fifteen minutes of evil Optimus or fifteen minutes of Optimus total? God I'm gonna drink after seeing this tonight

 

[Alex_Mexico]

You know what's been the best thing that came out of this Bayformers franchise? The 5 minute theme park attraction at Universal Studios in Orlando and its probably the best thing in that park this side of Harry Potter's Escape from Gringots.

This is what the Bayformers excel at and what they should be for: minutes-long, action-packed, theme park attractions. Nothing more than that.

 

[MiamiWesker]

Wait are talking like fifteen minutes of evil Optimus or fifteen minutes of Optimus total? God I'm gonna drink after seeing this tonight

Spoiler

TOTAL

 

[shira]

...and it's 3 hours looooong

http://m.imdb.com/title/tt3371366/

>149 min

 

[DonShula]

You have no idea. Like nothing you can come up with will prepare you for the level of stupid and blatant disregard for all the history they had before.

A taste:

Spoiler

Bumblebee and all the autobots have been on earth since Arthur's time (so ignore the first movie totally). Bumblebee fought in world war 2 for the allied forces as part of an elite transformers crew who helped kill Hitler.

And it gets worse from there.

What do you call the level of storytelling that's sub-fanfic from a prepubescent? Because that's what I just read there.

Also I kind of want to see it now.

 

[MiamiWesker]

Oh and I think this movie has a moment that rivals the "Martha" moment of BvS.

 

[cr0w]

Something like john wick is McDonalds, transformers is like licking shit of a shoe for lunch

Compared to other action flicks John Wick is damn near Fogo de Chao.

 

[J_Viper]

I dunno, I had a shitload of fun with 3 especially. It's possible to be entertained by shit, look at how many people love G1. Objectively, G1 is shit. It existed only to sell toys, and it accomplished that. The only reason the movie was made was to usher in the second wave of characters for the toyline.

Big difference is people are okay with G1 being shit because they loved it as kids and they still get the warm and fuzzies when they watch it as adults. People aren't okay (on the internet, at least) with the movies being shit because there's no nostalgia associated with them. There's no shit filter that turns the shit movies into nostalgia, they're just shit movies. It's harder to forgive them when you have no investment in them.

Personally, Optimus Prime with a sword and shield riding a giant robot dinosaur is something I can totally get behind, much the same way I really enjoy jamming some '80s hair metal or eating some Oreo O's. It's complete trash but dammit if I can't enjoy sugary trash entertainment to balance out the heavier aspects of life I'll drive myself insane.

Do you people fall asleep during the non-Transformer bits or something?

How are you guys so unaware at how terrible the rest of the film is? The action is maybe 20% of these movies.

"Optimus Prime with a sword and shield riding a giant robot dinosaur" is something that happens for maybe five minutes at the end of a 180 minute movie.

Calling these "brainless action movies" is an insult to actual brainless action movie that are well made.

 

[Haloid1177]

Spoiler

TOTAL

Time to pick a bar I guess. Good god.

 

[Wandering Robot]

It's one of my goals as a creative person to write better stories than these movies, so if nothing else, they've given me a bar to surpass.

Spoiler

Ive seen 1-4, and not all by choice.

As for the current reviews,
lol
shocker

 

[cr0w]

Do you people fall asleep during the non-Transformer bits or something?

How are you guys so unaware at how terrible the rest of the film is? The action is maybe 20% of these movies.

"Optimus Prime with a sword and shield riding a giant robot dinosaur" is something that happens for maybe five minutes at the end of a 180 minute movie.

Calling these "brainless action movies" is an insult to actual brainless action movie that are well made.

It's a good thing we don't all think the same, isn't it? If we did, we couldn't use terms like "you people" and imply that someone who likes something you didn't is a brain-dead simp.

Sometimes people have different opinions. It's a good thing. I own and watch plenty of "good movies". I also own and watch plenty of garbage, which I still manage to find fun if I'm in a certain mood. I can watch Arrival and enjoy myself on Wednesday, and I can watch Cobra and enjoy myself on Saturday. It's a rather unhealthy mindset if you feel you need to constantly tell other people that their tastes are shit.

 

[Valdfellgar]

It's one of my goals as a creative person to write better stories than these movies, so if nothing else, they've given me a bar to surpass.

Spoiler

Ive seen 1-4, and not all by choice.

As for the current reviews,
lol
shocker

Low bar.

 

[Martinski43]

The Rock is a fun dumb Bay action movie so he has it in him. First Transformers was decent and had some comprehensible action scenes.

 

[GabeTheGrouch76]

You guys forgot this gem:

Can it hit single digit RT?

Fully expecting this. If it does get double digits, I don't see it surpassing 15%.

before anyone says china don't care



apparently the presales in china are surprisingly soft. like really soft.


china DO care!

THE PLOT THICKENS

Spoiler

Also Optimus is in like 15 minutes of the movie only.

lmao woooooooooooooooooooooooow. I shouldn't be surprised, but.....considering how

Spoiler

Punished Prime was put front and center in the film's marketing

, that's really hysterical.

 

[Alter_Fridge]

All those movies have comprehensible action, though. The Transformers movies idea of action is just unidentifiable blobs of CGI mashing into each other while the camera shakes like a goddamned earthquake is going on. You'd get a comparable experience by watching analog TV static for 2 hours.

Good description of the CGI transformers, I like to call them piles of junk metal all radomly mashed together in one unidentifiable mess.

Just about every transformer from the cartoon was easily identifiable by it's look. I dont know why Bay had to fuck up the aesthetics so badly in these movies

 

[Wandering Robot]

Low bar.

Exactly. I never feel like I'm bad at what I do as a result. :^)

 

[Alter_Fridge]

Do you people fall asleep during the non-Transformer bits or something?

How are you guys so unaware at how terrible the rest of the film is? The action is maybe 20% of these movies.

"Optimus Prime with a sword and shield riding a giant robot dinosaur" is something that happens for maybe five minutes at the end of a 180 minute movie.

Calling these "brainless action movies" is an insult to actual brainless action movie that are well made.

Amen. They can't hold a candle to actual proper brainless action movies

What the hell are they then?

 

[Messofanego]

You have no idea. Like nothing you can come up with will prepare you for the level of stupid and blatant disregard for all the history they had before.

A taste: Bumblebee and all the autobots have been on earth since Arthur's time (so ignore the first movie totally). Bumblebee fought in world war 2 for the allied forces as part of an elite transformers crew who helped kill Hitler.

And it gets worse from there.

lmao

Is Stanley Tucci really Merlin?

 

[cr0w]

lmao

Is Stanley Tucci really Merlin?

Spoiler thread's the other way. Thanks man.

 

[Theorry]

Sounds like every TF movie i am still gonna watch haha.

 

[PSqueak]

How can Transformers withstand such negativity and manage two, billion dollar films in a row while a Batman/Superman/Wonder Woman cross over film can't even come close?

I feel most people expect these (transformers) to be garbage but watchable, but most people also hold batman and superman to much greater standards, they can forgive Transformers being shit, they cannot forgive superman and batman being shit.