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Transformers: The Last Knight review thread
- Thread starter Biggest-Geek-Ever
- Start date
Alter_Fridge
Member
When the best bit about a Transformers movie is Kelsey Grammar's acting, something is really fucking wrong. And I like Kelsey Grammar
SiegfriedFM
Member
I'll probably see it, when it reaches the $5 bargain bins like the last film. And by the sounds of it, then I probably have to bleach my brain.
It would be less tragic if there weren't good superhero movies and genuinely good Transformers comics. I mean, it's not impossible to write a good Transformers story. But they manage to fuck it up every time.
Oh well, if it fills Hasbro's pockets and lets them make tons of super obscure homages to old figures, and let Takara make all those amazing Masterpieces, then sure, go ahead.
It would be less tragic if there weren't good superhero movies and genuinely good Transformers comics. I mean, it's not impossible to write a good Transformers story. But they manage to fuck it up every time.
Oh well, if it fills Hasbro's pockets and lets them make tons of super obscure homages to old figures, and let Takara make all those amazing Masterpieces, then sure, go ahead.
YesThatGuy
Banned
Well, you can only do so much with propaganda movies.
Lockdown was cool. At least I thought so.
MiamiWesker
Member
Look the truth is I've enjoyed transformer movies. I genuinely think the first and third are good summer movies. I have always been a fan of Michael bay movies, I think his eye for action is super impressive and he can usually hit the right beats. One was good cause it was original for its spectacle of bringing giant robots to live action, it was funny, had memorable characters. Two was an abomination, full of juvenile worthless shit and a piss poor story.
Three was a return to form where he at least attempted to create a good story involving good, evil, and high stakes. And once the action in 3 really got going it was spectacular. 4 I thought was ok, I liked the new autobots, I thought tuccis character was well done and made the final half a fun ride. It was fan service. You got lots of transformers on transformer action with little army interference, it was like a cartoon come to life.
Five goes in the two direction of having a terrible overthought plot that's like a bad national treasure movie where the focus are humans you don't give three shits about and transformers are like background noise. The semi coherent action of the decent transformers movies is not here, this movie is a mess to follow. Characters vanish and appear with no reason. Transformers on transformer action which makes these movies fun to watch is at a minimum here. So what ends up happening is you get a 10 minute action scene of Mark wahlberg being chased by
Three was a return to form where he at least attempted to create a good story involving good, evil, and high stakes. And once the action in 3 really got going it was spectacular. 4 I thought was ok, I liked the new autobots, I thought tuccis character was well done and made the final half a fun ride. It was fan service. You got lots of transformers on transformer action with little army interference, it was like a cartoon come to life.
Five goes in the two direction of having a terrible overthought plot that's like a bad national treasure movie where the focus are humans you don't give three shits about and transformers are like background noise. The semi coherent action of the decent transformers movies is not here, this movie is a mess to follow. Characters vanish and appear with no reason. Transformers on transformer action which makes these movies fun to watch is at a minimum here. So what ends up happening is you get a 10 minute action scene of Mark wahlberg being chased by
mini tie-bombers on rooftops and he escapes them by jumping off the roof and stepping on them in the air to jump on the control ship to disable them all.
Valdfellgar
Banned
I think that's exactly it. As someone who has fun watching them I know it's a bad movie going in. There's no belief that it's actually going to be critically worthwhile. It's just robots beating the crap out of each other, explosions, humans being idiots with melodrama, a hamfisted plot, etc. The so bad it's good mentality?
CecilRousso
Member
The first one was. It was a dumb movie of course, but fun and dumb.
I appreciate the honesty of this. I pretty much feel the same about those movies.
But, does the Transformers stuff at least look good? Or has Michael Bay fallen so low that he can't make shit look good and sound good anymore. That be tragic.
MiamiWesker
Member
Evil witch lady
which is his "creator" scratches his face and turns the metal red which I guess infects him and his eyes turn purple and no he must do as she says. This spell is only broken by bumblebee completely inexplicably being able to speak in his own voice which magically cures prime because "I have not heard your true voice my friend in so long!" And the red paint vanishes and his eyes turn blue. How bumblebee speaks makes no sesne cause at the start of the movie they make a point to show him trying to get a new voice box and it not working.
I expected nothing and I was still disappointed.
cr0w
Old Member
2 at least has the writer's strike as an excuse, as it was written literally in two weeks with much of the VA dialogue (including the Twins) being improvised.
If the vaunted writers' room that is guiding the series past this entry has come up with a mess that rivals 2, that's definitely something.
Baroquemantic
Member
Oh man, haha.
I am thoroughly dissapointed by this. It,s not even stupid insane. It's just boring.
Alter_Fridge
Member
That's another thing that pisses me off.
There's at least 500 transformers in TF lore to choose from.
Why the need to go and make up new ones when there's so much rich history there already?
Just shows Bay couldn't be fucked really learning the history of transformers and just does his own shit
MiamiWesker
Member
It's the same shit but it wasn't interesting. My favorite scenes are when transformers are switching in and out of forms, the camera is flying around them and it feels like you are watching some of the coolest shit possible from the mind of a kid with action figures. A lot of the battles in this movie are basic.
Frustrated_Grunt
Member
I enjoy watching the Transformers franchise the same way I enjoy watching Batman & Robin. So they've got my money.
Messofanego
Banned
You sound defensive. No one called or implied you were a brain-dead simp. Is Cobra as bad as Transformers? I thought it was beloved among 80s action fans, up to today. I don't know people who will see Transformers in such a light. You didn't even refute that poster's argument that there is barely enough action in these films and there are action films that do "brainless" way better.
Astral Dog
Member
No matter, people are still gonna pay good money to see this they know what they are doig
Alter_Fridge
Member
At least Batman and Robin was campy good
Zelenogorsk
Banned
I've gone from kind of wanting to see this to really wanting to see this. That dragon sold me.
I really liked the explosions in part 4. Lockdown's bombs or whatever.
So no cool stuff like that?
All the isms.
cr0w
Old Member
Because I don't disagree that the action is brainless nor do I disagree that there's not enough action. What I'm saying is, and this is a radical concept for some, I know, when the movies work for me, those sequences make up for the shit between them that doesn't work.
I'm not a big fan of Stairway to Heaven aside from the solo and final verses, but I can excuse the first few minutes which I don't like because the good parts of the song hit a certain part of my ear that causes the endorphins to flow.
There ways to find certain things enjoyable while acknowledging that other aspects flat out don't work. I've said time and again that, as films, the Transformers movies are shit. But there are moments within the films that turn me into a 6-year-old, and as I continue to get older, I appreciate those little moments more and more because they're fucking fleeting. Parents die, best friends get sent to prison for a hideous crime, pets pass away, and you lose touch with more and more of your childhood every day. I realize some people don't look at things this way, but personally I'm grateful for small moments that take me back to times when things were as simple as robots riding dinosaurs and the like.
Is that a good enough explanation for you or should I actually start apologizing for having fun with these films?
MiamiWesker
Member
Yeah a lot less than usual. I felt 4 had some really awesome transformers vs transformers action. It kind of felt like the cartoon come to life. This movie is not like that.
Messofanego
Banned
This.
From the G1 Season 3 intro.
The Silver
Member
Have they hinted at Unicron in any of these movies yet?
There are brains off movies and then there's Transformers, which are so insultingly bad that you'd have to be braindead to be able to enjoy them. These movies don't even do mech porn well (horrible designs, hard to follow action, bland action choreography).
A movie like Pacific Rim is brains off fun with some well done mech action scenes that are at least halfway decently filmed with some neat ideas behind them. Transformers movies are incomprehensible messes where the focus is on dumb & annoying humans (with an added layer of racism, sexism and all kinds of other less good -isms), lame humor and storytelling that doesn't even get the basics right, with the occasional badly directed, badly conceived action scene that are not even the good kind of mindless fun.
Transformers movies are actively stupid and even the action is badly filmed. Fast and the Furious films are fun brains off type movies that don't make much sense if you start analyzing them much further than the surface level but at least that surface level is somewhat competently made & fun. Transformers movies are closer to The Room in just how fucking dumb they are.
I watched Age of Extinction again the other day and I agree. Lockdown is one of the super few plus points of that film. In-fact, he's one of the only robots in the entire film series that felt like a danger especially after eviscerating Ratchet. Also - although it's taken straight from Transformers Animated - I liked that Megatron was the brains behind the whole advancement in Transformer tech being used by humanity just so they would unwittingly build him an army. The downside of this plot thread was that he did nothing with it and ran off.
Alter_Fridge
Member
You can't compare a 6 minute song to a 2 and a half hour movie and expect people to relate to your analogy
That's just too far apart
GabeTheGrouch76
Member
Aw man, I was hoping they would go pull out all the stops on this bit. This just sounds like generic half-assed crap rather than being enjoyably bad.
I legitimately think the second one is the dark horse of the movie series. If I'm forced to rewatch any of the movies, I think that's the one I'd rather rewatch since it actually has some fun mythos and lore stuff.
cr0w
Old Member
It's an extraordinarily simple concept.
Fine, here you go. TV shows tend to have three big episodes per year. The season premiere, mid-season finale, and season finale. Between those three episodes there's generally a bunch of useless crap, but as long as the peaks deliver, the valleys are tolerated. I can put up with the average trash that is, say a Walking Dead filler episode if the events it leads up to actually deliver for me. It's the same concept in any form of entertainment, be it three minutes, three hours, or three seasons.
I don't see a need in crucifying the fans. I feel like I should be going to community service if not more by some of the reactions.
ElBoxyBrown
Banned
We do this for the greater good.
MiamiWesker
Member
You want to know if unicron is in this, ok more idiotic spoilers for you:
Unicron is earth. Yeah I know... no it doesn't make any more sense than that.
Alter_Fridge
Member
It's an extraordinarily long bow to draw and it doesn't work
How about the score? Music?
ElBoxyBrown
Banned
And we celebrate The Room from time to time.
Ahahahahahah.
cr0w
Old Member
It works just fine if you have any concept of the structure of any form of entertainment. Hell, look at a waveform.
Man... the first one is high art compared to everything that followed. Its mind blowing how much better it is when you go back and rewatch it... wish so damn much they were still that good... :/
MiamiWesker
Member
Don't remember a damn thing about it. I remember the first three had a theme. It disappeared in 4 and it's still gone.