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Virgin- Gaf: What is holding you back?

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Pastry said:
You have a wise teacher. I was a pretty big introvert and terrible with the ladies when I was in high school, although I did lose my virginity at 17. I made the decision that I was going to change all of that once I got to college. I made new friends that were very social and better than I was with women and I learned a lot from them. I know GAF loathes fraternities also (buying friends yadda yadda) but I joined one and it was the best decision I have ever made. The absolutely ridiculous situations I was placed in during pledging completely changed how I interacted with people and women. It really got me out of my shell and made me a more social and pleasant person, plus sorority girls are awesome. At 25 I shake my head at how socially awkward and terrible with girls I was in high school.
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Thanks for the tip.
I'm just hoping ther are some awesome people in college. That teacher btw gives excellent advice about college all the time to us seniors. He even said one time "if your not making friends right now and nobody gets you here, there's a 80% chance that if you go into the major that you truly love and are passionate about you'll meet someone just like you their." Usually teachers make you depressed and gloomy about college but he doesn't, he actually makes people excited for it. Hopefully I can change my image in college and that time comes when I can talk to girls easily without having my stereotype get in the way. Its not that I have a problem with girls its just that I always had my HS stereotypical person implanted in all the girls at school so i could never get a gf.

Surface of Me said:
They don't sound like friends. Don't be afraid to ditch them when college comes around.
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Sometimes they are but they really are good friends most of the time. It's just when they're in public when there bad because they trying to impress everyone (its easily noticeable since when were by ourselves were cool chill and treat each other awesomely, then in public there whole new people). I usually tell them this myself but they just deny deny deny.
 
My problem is neither having the time, nor having any women around. I don't work in the safest place (geological analyst in southwest Texas near the border, in the middle of nowhere), am regularly far from home, and work long hours (8:30-7). On good days, when I'm home, by the time I've done everything for the day it's already time for bed. When do you find time to go out and meet people? Sometimes Saturday's open, though that's grocery/get-everything-to-live day, and I gotta rush.

I'm only 23, but haven't had a any sort of relationship in years. My job's great, but it's taking up all of my time, and likely will for...as long as it keeps paying so well >_>. Ha, sometimes I can go a month without even seeing a woman, or anyone under 40.
 
brianjones said:
are you.. an alcohol virgin?
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Never drank either.

When I was online dating, I sent out message after message with no reply on most occasions. I was respectful, asked questions about things they had in their profile, but I just didn't match up with what they were looking for.

When I am out with my friends, I can see women look straight past me and to them. It happens all the time. Even if we get talking to them, they fail to make eye contact.
 
Dilly said:
It just gets harder and harder to relate to society being like this. It's not written on my forehead that I'm like this, but it just weighs heavy on my well being. In this case, I am my own worst enemy.
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Sir, be you. There is much in the world to connect to beyond smanging. I know the weights one can make for themselves, but you have the option to cut those weights off. The best thing I can tell you, and this is true for me, is to really shrug off "fitting in" and "relating" and just be you. Don't aim for malice, don't aim to be a sheep, aim to be you. And to me, if you need a personal example, is using the potential in my able body to labor it for others. I don't know what drives you, what's at your epicenter for wanting to live, but I think it's not wrong for me to suggest that it should not be having sex. Your potential as a human being can go far beyond tapping anybody.
 
I NEED SCISSORS said:
I'd also recommend people to not watch as much porn if you have penis anxiety. Exposing yourself to huge dicks all the time is a great way to distort your self-image.
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Or change to different porn.

Commander Jameson said:
Never drank either.

When I was online dating, I sent out message after message with no reply on most occasions. I was respectful, asked questions about things they had in their profile, but I just didn't match up with what they were looking for.

When I am out with my friends, I can see women look straight past me and to them. It happens all the time. Even if we get talking to them, they fail to make eye contact.
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Maybe you need to change your look? Even a "douchebag" haircut can work wonders

david-beckham-verlaat-la-galaxy-id3689227-1000x800-n.jpg
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This is the get laid haircut at the moment. If you have the hair for it, you should actually do it.


Edit; I actually dont consider this a douche haircut though, i had one like it before.
 
Foffy said:
Sir, be you. There is much in the world to connect to beyond smanging. I know the weights one can make for themselves, but you have the option to cut those weights off. The best thing I can tell you, and this is true for me, is to really shrug off "fitting in" and "relating" and just be you. Don't aim for malice, don't aim to be a sheep, aim to be you. And to me, if you need a personal example, is using the potential in my able body to labor it for others. I don't know what drives you, what's at your epicenter for wanting to live, but I think it's not wrong for me to suggest that it should not be having sex. Your potential as a human being can go far beyond tapping anybody.
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It's not the sex I really care about though, it's being wanted by someone. I can think about how great I am all I want, if never in your life someone from the opposite sex shows any attraction towards you, it gets hard to keep believing yourself.
 
Dilly said:
It's not the sex I really care about though, it's being wanted by someone. I can think about how great I am all I want, if never in your life someone from the opposite sex shows any attraction towards you, it gets hard to keep believing yourself.
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This can be debated. As a pansexual, tons of males and females don't show much attraction to me. But that doesn't mean anything to me. If you are not happy with yourself, if you don't want yourself to be the best it can be and work at that, then it really doesn't matter if anyone or nobody wants you in return. If you are not happy and love yourself, how can you be happy or love somebody else, or even expect them to love you?
 
25 going on 26, wooooo!

I'm feeling more comfortable with me again than I did a few months ago, so I don't care much anymore. :) Hanging out, going on dates, I'll see what happens.
 
Commander Jameson said:
Never drank either.

When I was online dating, I sent out message after message with no reply on most occasions. I was respectful, asked questions about things they had in their profile, but I just didn't match up with what they were looking for.

When I am out with my friends, I can see women look straight past me and to them. It happens all the time. Even if we get talking to them, they fail to make eye contact.
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Yeah that is par for online dating. You are playing averages though. You also have to play a ton of sites. Also everything in your profile needs to read and look good.

Sometimes friends are the worst to go out with. When I was single my friends were pretty confident guys and never were interested in talking to women, just wanted to shoot the shit with each other. We never went out with the express idea to hook up girls. As a result there was no support.

You also might be hanging with someone who women will gravitate to naturally ahead of you so you are already putting yourself in a deficit. You are best to go to a cooking class, guitar lessons, running club, etc by yourself where the group is interested in interacting due to a shared interest.
 
Warm Machine said:
You also might be hanging with someone who women will gravitate to naturally ahead of you so you are already putting yourself in a deficit. You are best to go to a cooking class, guitar lessons, running club, etc by yourself where the group is interested in interacting due to a shared interest.
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Yes. I think classes are the next option; probably photography.
 
It's a gross misunderstanding that most virgins actually want to be virgins. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20, and it's not because I didn't want sex, it's because no one wanted to sleep with me.
 
Foffy said:
This can be debated. As a pansexual, tons of males and females don't show much attraction to me. But that doesn't mean anything to me. If you are not happy with yourself, if you don't want yourself to be the best it can be and work at that, then it really doesn't matter if anyone or nobody wants you in return. If you are not happy and love yourself, how can you be happy or love somebody else, or even expect them to love you?
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I try hard enough to be the best at something because it's in my character, I just start doubting it because nothing that has happened in my life since I did everything I could to improve myself actually confirmed it. Getting rejected again by a girl I really liked also doesn't help, funny how I always get rejected after they get my hopes up which makes it even worse.

I had as much attention as a fat gamer wearing joggings than I have now.

I guess I'm just one of those people that need female confirmation of whatever, which is just sad in my situation.
 
Warm Machine said:
You also might be hanging with someone who women will gravitate to naturally ahead of you so you are already putting yourself in a deficit. You are best to go to a cooking class, guitar lessons, running club, etc by yourself where the group is interested in interacting due to a shared interest.
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That's the thing though, some types of people hang with a certain crowd. Like geekier guys tend to hang out with geekier people, so it's not like being with your friends will do any better being with you. Then again, maybe its just me. My friends aren't people the ladies gravitate towards.
 
I only lost mine this year, age 26. I don't have any friends and didn't feel like I could go out to places alone, and I'm not very confident in my looks. Lack of companionship was a bigger issue than lack of sex tbh though, although neither has been an issue since I got into a relationship this year.
 
Age- 26
Sex- M
Height-4'10"
Weight- ~200lbs
Personality- Beta
Languages (proficient)- Only 3
Lifespan- Not too long
Career- Currently unemployed (no wonder I'm spending so much time on GAF)
 
I'm very shy. Also, I'm gay, but I don't know any other gay people. Sure there are guys I'm interested in, but they're all straight.
 
Tuck said:
I'm very shy. Also, I'm gay, but I don't know any other gay people. Sure there are guys I'm interested in, but they're all straight.
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According to another thread, gay people have it easier in finding people to have sex with? I don't know, I read this from another thread here. I honestly don't know. Let me see if I can find the thread again.
 
What is holding me back? I don't know, it just hasn't happened (and has never been remotely closed to happening either). I used to blame my height, but I realized it wasn't my height: it is me. I have a complete non-existent social life (and by choice, because I'm frequently offered to go around and get some drinks with friends/classmates, and always reject them), and unless you pay for it, women are not going to magically appear at your door and have sex with you. So, it is my fault, without social life you can't meet girls and all the process that follows. I'll deal with it in time.
 
I've had sex but it's not a regular thing for me and honestly, i'm not sure if that bothers me. I mean sure, if i met a nice girl then that would be nice but it's not my style to go out looking for it or have a one night stand, although i wouldn't decline if i was highly physically attracted to the female and most likely drunk. I don't really have problems talking to women but i do kind of suffer from social anxiety and find it hard to make friends, i'm not very open to people i don't know well. I'm also not very confident within myself, i don't consider myself attractive so i rely on my personality, however i'm quite an odd individual and feel as if i have to reign that in a lot when i'm around people i don't know which adds to the anxiety.
 
  • Age: 22
  • Sex: M
  • Height: 5'6"
  • Weight: 129, lean
  • Languages (proficient): English
  • Lifespan: Should be long
  • Career: Currently unemployed
  • Personality: Split, no not split personality, but there are times I can be confident, charming, funny. There are other times where my confidence is shaken, or when sharing personal details my nerves can become butter. Finally there are times where I am just irritable and do not wish to interact with people, I seem to carry that alot as I've been told I look very pissed often. I've done a lot to improve my health and try to alter my perception on things, but this is something I need to work on, it can be very hard to shake off procrastination and bouts of apathy/depression.
I've had 0 success getting dates off of dating websites. I've been turned down by a number of women who already had boyfriends. Every women I've been interested in so far is either taken or not interested. I don't know if it's the city or if it's me. I think I missed certain opportunities in middle school and high school due to some anxiety issues. There were times where certain advances would just pass right by me and I'd notice after and regret it immensely.

Sometimes I do feel as though my height hinders me, at least on dating websites, it's easier for a person to ignore my message once they just check how tall I am. The best I can hope for is to try and be charismatic as fuck and make a girl laugh, lately I've been doing neither. Is that the act of giving up? I guess so.
 
Well I was severely abused by my stepfather for most of my childhood, him telling me I was a worthless piece of shit really shattered my self confidence. Like Dilly, I felt subhuman and felt I wouldn't make it to 21 let alone 30.

When my mom finally got wind of the abuse and kicked his ass to the curb, I was around 13 tuning just finishing up junior high. In high school, I had a few "flings" with girls. For some reason I had this weird idea in my head that I just could not let my mom know I was seeing anyone. Yeah... I still have no idea why. I told my mom several years later and we just laughed it off at how silly it was.

Anyway, I'm 29 now, and I feel like I've just started coming out off my shell, even my co-workers have noticed and pointed out how outgoing I've become. I've been really slow at getting my license (i was meant to years earlier but there were some hang ups with insurance that prevented me and I just went for bike riding to get along), but after getting access to a car, I'm setting plans in motion to get my license so that I can start taking girls out, probably by joining OK Cupid.

I definitely want sex, but I don't want to waste my first time on a one night stand. I'm not the type wanting to wait for marriage either. I want to do it with someone I really care for.
 
Plywood said:
Sometimes I do feel as though my height hinders me, at least on dating websites, it's easier for a person to ignore my message once they just check how tall I am. The best I can hope for is to try and be charismatic as fuck and make a girl laugh, lately I've been doing neither. Is that the act of giving up? I guess so.
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i used to feel this way about my height (5'6'' as well) when i was in my early teens but then i stopped caring about it and everything sort of "clicked" for me at 18.

you're on the right track: be charismatic, be confident, be funny and be awesome. i don't know much about dating websites, but you said you're in a city so it shouldn't be too tough to find a nice girl around town.
 
jon bones said:
i used to feel this way about my height (5'6'' as well) when i was in my early teens but then i stopped caring about it and everything sort of "clicked" for me at 18.

you're on the right track: be charismatic, be confident, be funny and be awesome. i don't know much about dating websites, but you said you're in a city so it shouldn't be too tough to find a nice girl around town.
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Yeah I'm 5'6 and I don't think it's ever really been an issue with me. I'v dated girls that are taller and shorter than I am, just gotta be confident and comfortable with who you are.
 
jon bones said:
i used to feel this way about my height (5'6'' as well) when i was in my early teens but then i stopped caring about it and everything sort of "clicked" for me at 18.

you're on the right track: be charismatic, be confident, be funny and be awesome. i don't know much about dating websites, but you said you're in a city so it shouldn't be too tough to find a nice girl around town.
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But how big is your penis?
 
Plywood said:
  • Age: 22
  • Sex: M
  • Height: 5'6"
  • Weight: 129, lean
  • Languages (proficient): English
  • Lifespan: Should be long
  • Career: Currently unemployed
  • Personality: Split, no not split personality, but there are times I can be confident, charming, funny. There are other times where my confidence is shaken, or when sharing personal details my nerves can become butter. Finally there are times where I am just irritable and do not wish to interact with people, I seem to carry that alot as I've been told I look very pissed often. I've done a lot to improve my health and try to alter my perception on things, but this is something I need to work on, it can be very hard to shake off procrastination and bouts of apathy/depression.
I've had 0 success getting dates off of dating websites. I've been turned down by a number of women who already had boyfriends. Every women I've been interested in so far is either taken or not interested. I don't know if it's the city or if it's me. I think I missed certain opportunities in middle school and high school due to some anxiety issues. There were times where certain advances would just pass right by me and I'd notice after and regret it immensely.

Sometimes I do feel as though my height hinders me, at least on dating websites, it's easier for a person to ignore my message once they just check how tall I am. The best I can hope for is to try and be charismatic as fuck and make a girl laugh, lately I've been doing neither. Is that the act of giving up? I guess so.
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Oh shit. Plywood, you have the personality and confidence here on GAF that would indicate to me that you're successful in social environments. I honestly find this surprising.

Meant as a compliment. I've had a girlfriend for almost 3 years (I'm 20) and I see myself as much less of a person than you. Go get some.
 
Plywood said:
  • Age: 22
  • Sex: M
  • Height: 5'6"
  • Weight: 129, lean
  • Languages (proficient): English
  • Lifespan: Should be long
  • Career: Currently unemployed
  • Personality: Split, no not split personality, but there are times I can be confident, charming, funny. There are other times where my confidence is shaken, or when sharing personal details my nerves can become butter. Finally there are times where I am just irritable and do not wish to interact with people, I seem to carry that alot as I've been told I look very pissed often. I've done a lot to improve my health and try to alter my perception on things, but this is something I need to work on, it can be very hard to shake off procrastination and bouts of apathy/depression.
I've had 0 success getting dates off of dating websites. I've been turned down by a number of women who already had boyfriends. Every women I've been interested in so far is either taken or not interested. I don't know if it's the city or if it's me. I think I missed certain opportunities in middle school and high school due to some anxiety issues. There were times where certain advances would just pass right by me and I'd notice after and regret it immensely.

Sometimes I do feel as though my height hinders me, at least on dating websites, it's easier for a person to ignore my message once they just check how tall I am. The best I can hope for is to try and be charismatic as fuck and make a girl laugh, lately I've been doing neither. Is that the act of giving up? I guess so.
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22 is nothing. People freak out a lot when they hit their 20's but some lose it at 14, some lose it as 29. It's not something that one day you wake up and your dicks gone. You'll lose it.

I've had a lot of bad luck. 3 times I had a chance to have sex and something has messed it up. The several girls I've dated were not as good as I suspected and things didn't go further. The one girl who I would 100% get to have sex with is in the other side of the world, of course...
There's nothing wrong with me, it's just I've had shit luck getting to that point, and I'm also a guy who prefers hanging with friends watching movies or going to gigs rather than prowling shitty nightclubs for a lay. I just...don't meet that many women! Single ones anyway.
 
lol I've messed it up on several occasions. At a party, one girl came and bounced on my lap, for sure looking to get some. I say "hey, are you related to X"? Definitely a mistake, but a bigger one than I thought. Even though I hadn't seen X in years, little did I know he had lost his former boyish good looks and was now some disgusting pimply faced oily haired druggy bum. Yeah she wasn't too happy about that.
 
Nothing is holding me back, but it isn't anything that I'm actively pursing. Always been shy/introverted with very few friends so talking to random people is something I've never been comfortable with or enjoyed, and it isn't something that is likely to change. I'm not angry or sad about it though, being angry about something you don't want to change isn't a healthy way to live.
 
Plywood said:
  • Age: 22
  • Sex: M
  • Height: 5'6"
  • Weight: 129, lean
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  • Do you have a black and white pic of your abs in your profile with a headline that says how much you love cougars? Because if you did your virginity wouldn't stand a chance. I

    If I was 22, lean, and single I'd be doing my best to get casual dates all the time from a wide range of women. At that point with a life asset like that fuck any sort of implied societal pride and just do what makes you physically happy.
 
Foffy said:
I never got that logic, man. If you accept it's pretty dumb, why continue it?
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because the pros outweigh the cons. it's expensive, and i get the worst hangovers but it's delicious and it is far and away the greatest social lubricant invented by man. there's a reason humanity has been drinking for most of recorded history, even if you can't see it.

Foffy said:
I don't get this conformist attitude. I have a shitty attitude for not finding alcohol appealing and as a result I'm making the non-game of smangitude harder? What?
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drinking definitely helps people connect, it's pretty much fact. people have more sex if they drink.

you should give it a shot - if only to expand your life experiences. you may have to give up the high horse of "noncomformity" but boy howdy is it worth it
 
Foffy said:
I don't get this conformist attitude. I have a shitty attitude for not finding alcohol appealing and as a result I'm making the non-game of smangitude harder? What?
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People don't understand others being different.
I don't drink alcohol at all (and no, i won't even try it), usually i don't even bother giving a reason why because people don't understand even after explaining. And think me odd.
So fucking what if i don't drink?
 
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