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Well I have a morality question about my girlfriend....
- Thread starter Dr_Boris_Goltz
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OP isnt really saying much.
30 people post something, and he replies to one of them with some really vague response or tells us another fucked up thing the girlfriend did.
theres some very lengthy posts of advice and many questions have been asked and were not getting much feedback.
i feel like were all just wasting our time here.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
I assure you I'm reading everything and taking it to heart. It's difficult to reply to everyone in a meaningful way when I have other things going on (such as taking care of my mom, who is home now and getting a lot better).
I know what I have to do; I'm seeing her tomorrow most likely. I'm scared I'm going to wuss out if she tries to be intimate or whatever, but I'm going to try to keep my shit together.
im glad you are more worried about your mom and are caring for her.
just talk to your GF, tell her how you feel, ask her why shes emotionally closed off, ask her why she keeps ditching you.
if she just attacks you and puts all the blame on you, just end it. the relationship sounds very one sided.
you have needs too, its give and take, compromising and caring about what happens to each other.
i hope you really are reading everything, you have a lot to think about.
Nose Master
Member
Spoilers for the post he makes tomorrow: "Couldn't do it... she made eye contact for a split second without spitting at me, and gosh darn it, it was like falling in love all over again."
Wait, do you live with your mother?
Rubbish King
The gift that keeps on giving
My friend is like this.
His girlfriend literally ruins his life and although he doesnt feel anything for her at all anymore, he stays with her..not wanting to upset her as he is the only person she has..In the hope she might get better
The reality is dude, this girl is simply not right for you.
Heed my fucking words here, you will break up. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year. But from what i have read if you dont break up with her, she'll be the one breaking up with you when you are no longer useful to her
So if you fancy taking advice from a stranger, I would honestly say listen to me.
Leave this girl, look after your mother and when you're ready just get back out there and find a girl who will care about you.
I know you probably will ignore this, same as my best friend does. But if you do what I say I think one day you will thank me or one of the gaffers on here who stopped you making a huge mistake.
Some people just aren't meant to be
His girlfriend literally ruins his life and although he doesnt feel anything for her at all anymore, he stays with her..not wanting to upset her as he is the only person she has..In the hope she might get better
The reality is dude, this girl is simply not right for you.
Heed my fucking words here, you will break up. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year. But from what i have read if you dont break up with her, she'll be the one breaking up with you when you are no longer useful to her
So if you fancy taking advice from a stranger, I would honestly say listen to me.
Leave this girl, look after your mother and when you're ready just get back out there and find a girl who will care about you.
I know you probably will ignore this, same as my best friend does. But if you do what I say I think one day you will thank me or one of the gaffers on here who stopped you making a huge mistake.
Some people just aren't meant to be
another twist to OPs sordid saga.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
I do live with my mom... I started very late on this whole life thing.
Like I said earlier I was crippled by social anxiety and depression for a very long time. Prozac saved my life.
Like I said earlier I was crippled by social anxiety and depression for a very long time. Prozac saved my life.
bitoriginal
Member
I'm with the girlfriend tbh. Why should she drop her plans that day because of your mum? I mean, there's only so much she can say to make you feel better. I'm not saying she shouldn't comfort you in some way but she can still go out with her friends if they made plans. There is nothing she can do to change what happens with your mum so don't blame her for not dropping everything.
Sounds like after your mum and girlfriend, you don't have many people to confide in. And you're now contemplating breaking up with her because of this? Don't be silly. Talk to her, don't break up with her.
EDIT: Just read the rest of the thread... damn.
Sounds like after your mum and girlfriend, you don't have many people to confide in. And you're now contemplating breaking up with her because of this? Don't be silly. Talk to her, don't break up with her.
EDIT: Just read the rest of the thread... damn.
RukusProvider
Banned
Whatever dude. Quit the self pity party and grow the fuck up.
There's been no conviction or a call for action in your voice. Just vapid justifications. A politicians words hold more water than yours.
I have no doubts you're like this in real life. You really expect a girl to have respect for you when you can't even take a hard line on anything? You don't grasp the basic concept of reward and consequence so what incentive does she have in doing anything for you that might inconvenience her in the slightest?
You're a victim and victims attract bullies.
Mammoth Jones
Member
You need to drop her. You're too good a person to tolerate that shit.
Don't let the fear of being alone stop you.
Don't let the fear of being alone stop you.
Snkfanatic
Banned
I like this post, OP please read it and do what you know you must do.
I've noticed that GAF's advice is always, always "you gotta ditch that bitch!!!"
My only opinion as of yet is "don't live with mom when 26".
It's time for you to move out. And you can't wait for her to get well. She will never be completely healthy again, but she will still live until she's 90.
My only opinion as of yet is "don't live with mom when 26".
It's time for you to move out. And you can't wait for her to get well. She will never be completely healthy again, but she will still live until she's 90.
blame space
Banned
please tell me this was the blink-182 song
Come on man, it's not like he owes you shit.
blame space
Banned
this is literally victim blaming
It's always "tomorrow," never today. No wonder this keeps happening.
spindashing
Banned
That's honestly the last of his troubles.
OP, just talk to your girlfriend. I'm not telling you to leave her and she may be tsundere in real life from details you are not giving us but duder, from the threads you've posted it really sounds like you can do much better.
Hey, maybe he does sound like a victim but he admits it and he's trying to learn/figure it out. You sound like a bully yourself
Mammoth Jones
Member
Codependant != Victim
Some people need a cold dose of reality and no handholding. Many of us were the same way when we were first getting into relationships. I know I was. Difference is I was a lot younger and much less at stake so I had less to risk and all the time in the world.
Don't get me wrong, in your mid twenties there's still plenty of time but no one should be making choices based on fear.
Dude, it's blame space.
He has a point though, victims attract bullies is kind of a shitty thing to say.
spindashing
Banned
Might want to dial it back just a tone, RukusProvider. I mean, I understand but damn.
SouthernDragon
Member
What he has to realize is that he is already alone.
True. I just made the same mistakes for a while when I first moved out on my own. Got around the wrong kind of people for me, ended up on the abused end in an abusive relationship. For some people, attacking them about their situation/choices makes them take notice and wake up. For others, it just panics them or pushes them further into themselves.
I've seen so many people go on the attack in this thread that I'm starting to think it's not helping the OP at all. (Yeah, I know, "he decided to post, this is what he gets, blah, blah..")
Omegasquash
Member
Graffgor, I know you're still in a shitty place, but you won't learn things unless you do them. Break this off if you're not happy. Understand that it won't work just because you want it to, and even then it won't work if she's not down with you.
End it, move on with your life and breath easier. Don't worry about people giving you hard truth...you need to take action. Stop listening, stop talking and think about your long term best interests. Nothing good will happen for you unless you make it happen.
End it, move on with your life and breath easier. Don't worry about people giving you hard truth...you need to take action. Stop listening, stop talking and think about your long term best interests. Nothing good will happen for you unless you make it happen.
RukusProvider
Banned
I guess I grew up different. The best lessons I learned in life have been the ones where someone sat me down and beat me over the head with a reality hammer in a harsh fashion. I got backed into a corner, got called out and came out of it ready to make a change instead of finding excuses for spoon fed advice.
HalfBakedProphet
Member
I envision Graffgor walking into the room, full of confidence and head held high. He sits down next to his girlfriend, takes her hand, looks her dead in the eyes and says "look, it's not working anymore. You don't respect me. I'm going to move on and work on myself. I suggest you do the same." That's it. No bullshit, no reminiscing of the past.
She breaks down into tears, he has never been so direct and assertive with her before. Graffgor flips his shades on, walks out the door, jumps on a unicorn and rides off into the sunset. He's off to conqueror and subdue his personal demons and fears. He's off on his own personal journey of self discovery. START YOUR ADVENTURE, GRAFFGOR!
She breaks down into tears, he has never been so direct and assertive with her before. Graffgor flips his shades on, walks out the door, jumps on a unicorn and rides off into the sunset. He's off to conqueror and subdue his personal demons and fears. He's off on his own personal journey of self discovery. START YOUR ADVENTURE, GRAFFGOR!
He should probably say that verbatim. You should be a life coach.
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
It's both of you. If your compiled stories are actually real, you're spineless and she's heartless. Neither you nor her are getting any better in this relationship. The difference is that you're the only one that will end this. She never will. She doesn't need to... unless someone else with tastier blood comes along. Find the tick, yank it off, wash the wound, then get yourself checked for Lyme disease.
Works for some people but not for others. People with depression, self-confidence or social anxiety issues need to get a handle on those before they can learn anything from "tough love".
Indrid Cold1
Member
I don't really have a problem with her not showing up. She may have not understood how much you needed her.
I DO have a problem with her basically telling you "sucks to be you" though. That sounds incredibly insensitive when someone's mom is in the hospital. I'd have a serious talk with her.
I DO have a problem with her basically telling you "sucks to be you" though. That sounds incredibly insensitive when someone's mom is in the hospital. I'd have a serious talk with her.
Seriously is that what she meant by that line?
If so, just fucking ditch her as a likely specimen of the bad kind of person™. I suggest HalfBakedProphet's method of delivery.
That shit is intolerable...
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
depending on the exact way she said it, i can see how she was trying to cover for the disneyland thing by not inviting him by making him not feel bad by making up an excuse that "inhibited" them from taking him/inviting him since he needs to be at home with his mom at the moment.
that's the only way i can see that action being neutral. of course the way its worded and the way it SEEMS can definitely make it seem like something shitty, rather than something off-putting but necessary.
The girlfriend might not like the mother very much or vice versa -- it wouldnt necessarily help in that situation for the girlfriend to just "be around" Graffgor if it is only going to stress out the mother.
that's the only way i can see that action being neutral. of course the way its worded and the way it SEEMS can definitely make it seem like something shitty, rather than something off-putting but necessary.
The girlfriend might not like the mother very much or vice versa -- it wouldnt necessarily help in that situation for the girlfriend to just "be around" Graffgor if it is only going to stress out the mother.
Jmanunknown
Member
I think so thats kinda sad at least the OP has not reached OddSpoon level thats just sad. I hope that guy don't catch an std from his promiscuous lady friend.
If stressing out the mother was a possibility, then the girlfriend could have asked Graffgor if it was a good idea for her to come. She didn't. Her pattern of behavior (at least from Graffgor's version of the events) does not indicate that the girlfriend was trying to be considerate.
PaulExcellent
Member
Tell me about it. She was so goddamn needy, and still acted like a bitch. Crazy as HELL.
Joe Shlabotnik
Banned
She said "I'm sorry I'm not you", meaning she was "sorry" she reacts to things differently / can't read his mind, etc. It's still awful, insensitive and unacceptable but she didn't mean "I'm glad it's your mom in the hospital and not mine".
IISANDERII
Member
Best news I've seen in this thread.
You must do it. Like the air you breathe, this is that important.
Not gonna lie, it'll be tough and it's gonna hurt and hurt for a while. But in the medium and long term, you'll be a thousand times better.
And in the short term, watch Blue Valentine to make yourself feel better and see an approximation of what you'll be saving yourself from.
Fuck yes!!! Start your adventure! Damn this post is exciting!!
Infinitely prefer this New Adventure + to Blue Valentine.
Don't forget, unicorns love magic berries.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
Just a heads up, probably no updates on what I decide for a little bit.
I ended up not seeing her today since my brother wanted to meet up for his birthday.
Probably won't see her until Thursday or Friday because of school.
I ended up not seeing her today since my brother wanted to meet up for his birthday.
Probably won't see her until Thursday or Friday because of school.
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