I took mine down a while ago too because I'm not looking to date like...at all. Just friends. And made one today because I'm insane and I guess I hate myself lol.
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What is it like to be physically attractive to other people?
- Thread starter somuchwater
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I took mine down a while ago too because I'm not looking to date like...at all. Just friends. And made one today because I'm insane and I guess I hate myself lol.
Escape Goat
Member
Aaron-Lagann
Banned
That's my biggest problem, I'm very flamboyant. Not in a make fun of gay stereotypes kind of way, I'm just very theatrical and effeminate in a lot of ways because it's fun.
Pretty much I learned manliness from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.
Because I'm an idiot lol.
And just confirming that I'm completely and utterly hideous lol. Zero messages. I've never had a maxed out inbox. I've never even had a couple of messages at one time because they ~delete automatically in 30 days~. So...one or two messages every 30 days and then zero
From the sound of that post it sounds like you're joining dating websites for some sort of validation. I doubt that's gonna help you, especially if you do end up getting messages and they're not from amazing looking dudes.
freenudemacusers
Member
It's just validating what I think of myself. And that's fine. I already know lol. Very well aware of how ugly I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm just bad looking, so I go and make a dating website profile to remind myself what I really am haha.
And not even "bad" looking guys message me
They are too good for me. Haha.It's just validating what I think of myself. And that's fine. I already know lol. Very well aware of how ugly I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm just bad looking, so I go and make a dating website profile to remind myself what I really am haha.
And not even "bad" looking guys message me
Yeah not a lot of people on this site are dumb enough to believe that line.
Hand to heart truth. :/
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
What happens if you believe you're totally hot but no one else does.
Pics? I doubt you're hideous, you're probably doing it wrong.
Aaron-Lagann
Banned
Then you'd probably be pretty confident which would make at least a few people think you're hot.
If that picture I saw of you in the 2012 pics thread is any indication, then no, you are certainly not ugly by any definition.It's just validating what I think of myself. And that's fine. I already know lol. Very well aware of how ugly I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm just bad looking, so I go and make a dating website profile to remind myself what I really am haha.
And not even "bad" looking guys message me
You would probably have a better chance of meeting friends/like-minded people on meetup.com and looking for activities and interests in your area.
You've been this way for years, if your posting habits are any indication. Have you considered therapy? I mean this as an earnest inquiry.It's just validating what I think of myself. And that's fine. I already know lol. Very well aware of how ugly I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm just bad looking, so I go and make a dating website profile to remind myself what I really am haha.
And not even "bad" looking guys message me
You're not lacking in looks, you're lacking in self-esteem. We can flatter you to the moon and back but it won't matter since you don't believe in yourself. And when you go on dating sites and set your status to "not looking," you're rigging results and getting caught in a self-validating feedback loop that is not positive. You're not getting messages because you're probably not showing up in searches (because of your profile settings) as much and some guys who do see your profile may actually have respected your wish because they *are looking to date* but don't want to be deceptive by engaging with you under false pretenses.
Take Sober's advice and use sites like Meetup instead.
Young guys hit on me - 25-30yrs old. A few were very athletic and the other was just a normal typical guy.
Groups of people make me ill though. Introverted to the max. I just want one on one meeting people.
I went to therapy for about a year. Fixed lots of things. Appearance is not something to be fixed though.
I've got lots of esteem when it comes to my mind: I'm fucking great at my job, I'm going to smash the paralegal course when I start it in September. Super baker, I should open my own damn cake shop. I'm pretty great.
I'm just hideous though, and there's no fixing that without a whole lot of plastic surgery.
I guess. I got the same amount (very very few) when I didn't have those settings though and was looking to date lol. I'm pretty sure if I took my pictures down, I'd end up with more messages lol. I should try it...
I guess I fit into the beautiful category, maybe even hot. But I didn't grow up thinking it. I'm confident and comfortable with myself. I don't require attention other than from my significant other. I've known many people with great confidence and that is what makes all the difference. People can see what you present to them.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
SO finds me attractive, and that is dandy.
I get compliments from guys mostly, but it is usually for superficial stuff that I go out of my way for. It's cool, but at the end of the day it can make me feel bad about my features.
I get compliments from guys mostly, but it is usually for superficial stuff that I go out of my way for. It's cool, but at the end of the day it can make me feel bad about my features.
Classes? Work? There are definitely groups of people there as well but if you can navigate through that on a daily basis then there is no reason a new group isn't a huge hurdle. There is no obligation, just because people meet up in groups that you'll be subjected to mandatory interaction with everyone. Usually people just peel off into smaller groups and such as soon as they get conversations going. Very manageable.
I'm sorry, but I'm going to be terribly frank: unless you have drastically changed so much from the picture I saw of you only a year or two ago, then I feel like this is a self-esteem issue, especially when it comes to how you feel you are being perceived. Unless you have recently become terribly disfigured from a car accident or something, chances are you are going to be fine, but the underlying problem shoudn't be solved by saying you need plastic surgery.
Because we are 3 things at the same time:
- What we think we are
- What other people think that we are
- What we truthly are
It is very hard to get a an accurate image of oneself, but it lies on a middle point between the first two.
It is great to be honest to oneself, but the catch is that this is a hard feat, for we are rarely neutral, objective and dispassionate about our own persons.
When we have low self steem we can downright hate our own guts and thus, we distort the outside opinons in order to make it fit with our own self-image: we will ignore other people's positive opinions and compliments, and amplify whatever bad they tell us.
In the more extreme cases, low self steem leads to you getting surrounded by persons that hates and despise you, thus reinforcing your negative self-perception and intensifying the cycle of self-hatred and low self-steem (think people staying with abusive partners, for example).
"Lying to yourself" is useful because many times what we consider "lying" is just "going against my ingrained overwhelmingly negative perception of myself". Honesty is only as good as it lead us to acknowdeling a real problem and working on it, rather than beating ourselves with it over and over again. Try saying "right now I am ugly" as opposed to "I am ugly". Personal defects are not an integral part of our persons nor a universal constant. We can change and improve ourselves, always. Even our physical aspect, yes.
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
This is such a great, truthful post. In my experience we are ALWAYS our own harshest critics and our own largest impediment to joy. Nobody sees themselves objectively.
Marry me
Your pants are on fire. Ok, so you don't think you're lying, but come on, how much do people have to insist. Yeah I'm sorta shallow and I'm only telling you this because you are factually not unattractive because if you were I wouldn't be bothering. Shame on me.
Most of them were fairly young, attractive looking dudes in their 20s. One was fat and ugly and one was 80 years old (was also my roommate. But that's another tale for another day).
Nico_D
Member
Yes, some people look gorgeous, like angels and I can just stare at them like on their face there's some divine beauty, all the secrets of the universe. I am not one of those, I'm probably quite regular looking Scandinavian male. Not ugly but not extremely handsome either.
But more than that, instead of how you look, I believe it's also about how you carry what you got. With good self-esteem or
But more than that, instead of how you look, I believe it's also about how you carry what you got. With good self-esteem or
John Kowalski
Banned
Ok. I'll try and avoid the obvious "naw you're a qt", because this is starting to feel as though your low opinion of your appearance is damaging your self esteem far more than it should. Do you feel you would ever feel healthier if you were to change your appearance? Or would you still feel insecure about what other people think of you?
And again, as others have noted, you're defaulting towards justifications for your low opinion of yourself, and that should stop. You need to stop trying to prove yourself true, that's a bad habit.
Winterfang
Banned
I don't know if this true and correct me if I'm wrong Gay GAF. But I feel like is a Gay person founds you attractive enough he will fool himself into thinking that maybe you are gay also, before he tries to hit on you.
I got hit on by this old dude and his excuse was that my nails where clean. What the hell? Just because I'm not a pig doesn't mean I want the D.
I don't think I'm attractive, I'm a barely average at best. I've had women be interested, but the times that's happened have been few and far between.
I'm pretty sure I got hit on by a dude at a bar once too. He bought me a drink and I was already trashed so I went along with it. Can't remember how I disarmed the situation, though...
I'm pretty sure I got hit on by a dude at a bar once too. He bought me a drink and I was already trashed so I went along with it. Can't remember how I disarmed the situation, though...
Winterfang
Banned
This thread makes me feel attractive. Now I just know girls don't like me for my personality.
Funny article relevant to the topic at hand:
http://arabia.msn.com/news/offbeat/2168418/man-successfully-sues-wife-over-ugly-children/
http://arabia.msn.com/news/offbeat/2168418/man-successfully-sues-wife-over-ugly-children/
Vigilant Walrus
Member
It's sad how true it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1epZXnss_I
l
l
dutchguyjack
Member
As long as you don't cross over into arrogance, your confidence will make you attractive.
Don't mistake attractiveness for looks. You can look hot and be unattractive, or be ugly but very attractive. I've met people both sides of the coin, and if you look around in your friends group I'm sure you'll find examples too.
I was never ugly, but I was cute. I had the adorable babyface looks for most of my life.
I'm 34 now, and I think I've grown into my features nicely. I still look very young, and I'm married now, but I catch a lot of lusty eyes from women of all ages these days (and some men, also. I've been hit on by a few men here in Los Angeles). I've been called cute, I've been called fine, but I've never looked at myself as being attractive.
It feels weird/nice to have people look at me in that way, and it's new to me. I mentioned it in another thread, but I've been working out and dieting for the past year, and have developed a decent looking physique, and I'll catch ladies checking out my chest and arms and smiling when I walk by. I'm not even close to where I want to be physically, and still have at least another year of working out before I get there, but the looks are very flattering, and a boost to the ol' ego for sure.
This is new to me. I had friends that were always good-looking, though, and they never complained of the "burden" of being attractive. Neither my guy nor girl friends.
I'm 34 now, and I think I've grown into my features nicely. I still look very young, and I'm married now, but I catch a lot of lusty eyes from women of all ages these days (and some men, also. I've been hit on by a few men here in Los Angeles). I've been called cute, I've been called fine, but I've never looked at myself as being attractive.
It feels weird/nice to have people look at me in that way, and it's new to me. I mentioned it in another thread, but I've been working out and dieting for the past year, and have developed a decent looking physique, and I'll catch ladies checking out my chest and arms and smiling when I walk by. I'm not even close to where I want to be physically, and still have at least another year of working out before I get there, but the looks are very flattering, and a boost to the ol' ego for sure.
This is new to me. I had friends that were always good-looking, though, and they never complained of the "burden" of being attractive. Neither my guy nor girl friends.
dutchguyjack
Member
Then why aren't you hitting on anyone? Don't expect the life you want to miraculously fall into your lap. Work for it, and enjoy the journey. That will in turn make you more attractive.
Why do you think it is that people in relationships are often more attractive than those that are single?
Your personality sucks as much as mine, and anyone else's. You just need to learn which traits stand out and emphasize on those.
I know that feel. Same age, same situation. Except I don't know any 16/17 girls so I have no idea if they would find me attractive or not. Personally, I think I'm a weird mix of attractive and unattractive features, so it may depend on what each girl may find most important.
I guess I won't know until girls can actually look at me and realize I'm not a minor, though =(
Laieon
Member
I have, I've gotten the "I just want to be friends" thing more times than I can count (and by "more times than I can count" I mean 4 times).
I'm not too worried about it though, I don't really want a relationship yet. Have lots of other stuff I want to accomplish and get done first. Eventually I'd like to settle down, start a family, all that fun stuff, but definitely not at this point in my life.
dutchguyjack
Member
Success always starts with failure. You'll fail more often than 4 times, much more often. I failed dozens of times before my first relationship, but as long as you keep going you'll find someone who suits you.
Great, so take value from that! The more you focus on the things that matter to you, the more passionate you get about those things, the more attractive you become to people.
stn
Member
If you think you're ugly then you just have to live with it. Most of us probably wishes we could change something (I wish I had no acne and I had thick hair). Its not gonna happen.
You can either suffer through life thinking you're ugly, or understand that you will have to work harder for success and will fail much more than other people.
You can either suffer through life thinking you're ugly, or understand that you will have to work harder for success and will fail much more than other people.
flamingotripod
Member
stn
Member
@backslashbunny
Genetic, my mom got hit by acne really hard (she got it at 11, still gets the odd pimple today and she's 58. Her skin remains wrinkle-free, however). I always have the "I feel ugly" days but I still approach only the most attractive girls.
Buuuuuuuuut, acne did ruin my early 20's. It made me struggle to get out of my shell and I missed out on many opportunities.
@flamingotripod
I think you misunderstood what I said. I said I want to have thick hair myself (I have really fine hair, too fine if anything).
Genetic, my mom got hit by acne really hard (she got it at 11, still gets the odd pimple today and she's 58. Her skin remains wrinkle-free, however). I always have the "I feel ugly" days but I still approach only the most attractive girls.
Buuuuuuuuut, acne did ruin my early 20's. It made me struggle to get out of my shell and I missed out on many opportunities.
@flamingotripod
I think you misunderstood what I said. I said I want to have thick hair myself (I have really fine hair, too fine if anything).
Even the fact that a bunch of people are around makes me ill. Sleepy and sick. Work, people are spread out across two floors, it's manageable. Classes, not going to any right now, but you don't have to interact. It's fine.
Yes, I have terrible self esteem when it comes to my appearance. I never denied that. But it's reinforced everywhere I go. So...it's just a fact. Plastic surgery would help. New face, new body, new everything.
No.
I'd feel better if I changed my appearance drastically, yes. If I looked nothing like what I do now, I'd be content.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Okay, well besides it going beyond my appearance, I know what's true. I know what other people have to say and think about me. I could pretend to be confident. I could deceive myself. I could take the positive input friends give me just to make me feel better while knowing the truth.
Regardless, it's an uncomfortable truth. I've tried building confidence but no matter what, it falls by the wayside. I just don't have the motivation to give a shit anymore. If you ask me why I'm still here, it's only because I'm afraid of dying.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I'm agnostic so I know I don't delude myself religiously.l'appel du vide
Basically, it's your choice to be alive right now, because you're afraid of dying. But you can kill yourself if you want. You haven't decided to do that, so since you're choosing to live, you might as well make the best of it.
A little delusion is good. Religion is just a bunch of people being deluded, but they are happy by it, so oh well.
Besides, you can punctuate and spell correctly. Be happy. You're already ahead of the curve!
And I'm afraid of a lot of things. I have severe general and social anxiety.
Because it screws with my life. :/ I avoid mirrors, it's hot but I'm not going to wear anything other than long pants and long sleeves in public, people still bully me a bit.
I would get surgery but it costs way too much to do full body. Sigh.
enigmatic_alex44
Whenever a game uses "middleware," I expect mediocrity. Just see how poor TLOU looks.
won't lie, it's really nice tbh
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
So much this for me too. I hate mirrors and won't even have any in my room. I shave in the shower (but I also do that because it's easier than the sink too). I also won't wear shorts, even though it's 110 degrees here.
So you can get an idea, I am 40. I had one real girlfriend my entire life. That's probably a whole new level of fail probably even by fedora-guy standards.
-COOLIO-
The Everyman
it's ironically the most unattractive thing of all.
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