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What should I do with my girlfriend?

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tass0

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I don't know why my last thread was closed, I need some serious advice here, guys.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1181961

It seems I may have come off wrong in my first post but there's so much to write and I forgot to mention many things.

She's scheduled a meeting with a university councilor to talk about it on Friday, and we'll go from there. Before you crucify me for some reason, I'm not victim blaming or being a dick, you have no idea how much this has hurt me and her.

I'm trying to use my own rationale to come to a conclusion, but it's too hard. It seems that she's crying more over the fact that she cheated on me, and she's afraid of losing me, than because of what she's actually done.

I've read her logs with her friends when they briefly talked about it, and they were being fairly casual about it and using funny emojis, so what would you think? It seems the worst thing for her based on the logs was telling me what happened...

I've read the logs of one of the guy's that did it, which was hard to stomach, and she didn't suggest she was raped or anything, she was just angry they were dicks and one of them told to her to come over 'if your pussy is feeling wet', to which she insulted him. So from my perspective, it looks like two drunk girls being stupid and not thinking. Is that rape?

I'm there for her, I've calmed her down, I'm trying to help her but there's the other part of me that just doesn't know what to believe.

So without throwing around insults and accusations, can I have some honest advice please, this isn't easy.
 
Can you stop saying that? It is a fucking discussion. She told me it wasn't rape multiple times, so how am I supposed to tell her to go to the police when she's flipping back and forth?

She's hesitant to even go to the councilor, let alone the police, do you want me to force her to report rape even if she doesn't 100% believe it was?

We're going to see the councilor and listen to their suggestions, and will likely go to the police for this, but I'm trying to understand all sides here and not throw accusations.
 
tass0 said:
I don't know why my last thread was closed, I need some serious advice here, guys.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1181961

It seems I may have come off wrong in my first post but there's so much to write and I forgot to mention many things.

She's scheduled a meeting with a university councilor to talk about it on Friday, and we'll go from there. Before you crucify me for some reason, I'm not victim blaming or being a dick, you have no idea how much this has hurt me and her.

I'm trying to use my own rationale to come to a conclusion, but it's too hard. It seems that she's crying more over the fact that she cheated on me, and she's afraid of losing me, than because of what she's actually done.

I've read her logs with her friends when they briefly talked about it, and they were being fairly casual about it and using funny emojis, so what would you think? It seems the worst thing for her based on the logs was telling me what happened...

I've read the logs of one of the guy's that did it, which was hard to stomach, and she didn't suggest she was raped or anything, she was just angry they were dicks and one of them told to her to come over 'if your pussy is feeling wet', to which she insulted him. So from my perspective, it looks like two drunk girls being stupid and not thinking. Is that rape?

I'm there for her, I've calmed her down, I'm trying to help her but there's the other part of me that just doesn't know what to believe.

So without throwing around insults and accusations, can I have some honest advice please, this isn't easy.
Click to expand...

I think you have a fundamental problem understanding what rape is.

she didn't do anything

she is a victim and you need to call the police.
 
ORETsvC.gif
 
tass0 said:
I don't know why my last thread was closed, I need some serious advice here, guys.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1181961

It seems I may have come off wrong in my first post but there's so much to write and I forgot to mention many things.

She's scheduled a meeting with a university councilor to talk about it on Friday, and we'll go from there. Before you crucify me for some reason, I'm not victim blaming or being a dick, you have no idea how much this has hurt me and her.

I'm trying to use my own rationale to come to a conclusion, but it's too hard. It seems that she's crying more over the fact that she cheated on me, and she's afraid of losing me, than because of what she's actually done.

I've read her logs with her friends when they briefly talked about it, and they were being fairly casual about it and using funny emojis, so what would you think? It seems the worst thing for her based on the logs was telling me what happened...

I've read the logs of one of the guy's that did it, which was hard to stomach, and she didn't suggest she was raped or anything, she was just angry they were dicks and one of them told to her to come over 'if your pussy is feeling wet', to which she insulted him. So from my perspective, it looks like two drunk girls being stupid and not thinking. Is that rape?

I'm there for her, I've calmed her down, I'm trying to help her but there's the other part of me that just doesn't know what to believe.

So without throwing around insults and accusations, can I have some honest advice please, this isn't easy.
Click to expand...
Judging by your last thread, the bolded is probably because you made the victim of a rape feel guilty about getting raped. You should apologize to her for acting like an idiot.

Then you two should report it to the damn cops.
 
i'm not gonna bother reading your first wall of text, but i don't see why you need an excuse to break up with her. you either love her and want to be with her, regardless of what's gone down, giving yourself time, hoping you can get over things and build back that trust.... or you don't love her and don't want to be around her any more.

a lot of young people, esp. in committed relationships make mistakes, and go on to live successful and happy marriages together.
 
tass0 said:
Can you stop saying that? It is a fucking discussion. She told me it wasn't rape multiple times, so how am I supposed to tell her to go to the police when she's flipping back and forth?

She's hesitant to even go to the councilor, let alone the police, do you want me to force her to report rape even if she doesn't 100% believe it was?

We're going to see the councilor and listen to their suggestions, and will likely go to the police for this, but I'm trying to understand all sides here and not throw accusations.
Click to expand...
Rape victims can have a hard time dealing with it, that is perfectly normal since it is a traumatizing experience. But it is rape and she should report it, and you should support her in that. The quicker the better, since time does matter in these cases.
 
People won't want to tell you this, but you'll have to decide which decision you can live with. Can you live with abandoning your girlfriend when she's been assaulted? Obviously you're not ok with it, in the context of the relationship.

Even if you end the relationship, you need to be supportive.
 
As someone who hasn't been in any comparable situation I can only suggest going to the police and or a counselor.

She has to be the one to press charges though, so idk what you can actively do.
 
And what about her friend? Was she raped too, even though she had no problems with it and thought it was fine and did it willingly?

I'm trying to have a civil discussion here, stop making it seem as if I'm being a dick to her when I'm trying to help her and piece together the story as best as I can to try to understand what to believe.
 
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