• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

Why do men keep putting me in the Girlfriend-zone?

Status
Not open for further replies.
Alright, cool. Premise is that feelings and people change, so we never know from the start. Assuming we would want to date anyone from the start only lends credence to Tommy's claim.


--------------
And for me, while many girls can be attractive, it doesn't mean that I'm attracted to them. So I don't presume the date. No manipulation involved in preferring to know a bit first, but I imagine the problem comes from guys not wanting to be friends anymore/waiting too long to make moves.

All human interaction is different.

What I was originally arguing against is that you decide someone's not dating material, but then changes their mind later. I don't think that's a good thing, because you should come to a conclusion about that within a few weeks of knowing someone. It's not like it's a huge deal to date someone anyway. It's not necessary to already like or love someone to date them. That's what I was trying to say.

Maybe my original post was too wide-spanning. Maybe I assumed everybody read the entire thread. In any case, I think I'm being understood. Finally. Maybe.

I fully understand how big of assholes pretend guy friends are. I just consider this piece of satire to be fairly equivalent. Is there a major difference between the mindsets of "women only like jerks and not "nice guys" like me"; and, "it's so annoying/inconvenient when a guy friend ends up wanting to date me"?

Is it so hard to tell both people to just move on?

The problem isn't "everybody wants to date me," but rather "everybody wants to date me but won't fucking tell me, and then when I act surprised and say no they get all worked up about it and never talk to me again."
 
What I was originally arguing against is that you decide someone's not dating material, but then changes their mind later. I don't think that's a good thing, because you should come to a conclusion about that within a few weeks of knowing someone. It's not like it's a huge deal to date someone anyway. It's not necessary to already like or love someone to date them. That's what I was trying to say.

Maybe my original post was too wide-spanning. Maybe I assumed everybody read the entire thread. In any case, I think I'm being understood.

A few weeks? Sure. Of course, there are more complicated cases, but in general, I can pick up what you're putting down.

EDIT: I read the whole thread, but I started responding to you from a specific post.
 
So as someone who is kind of a novice in relationships(3).
What if the guy wants to try for a little more but not all the way to a sexual level?

- Hug and kiss on the cheek at the end of the first date, no matter what.
- Kiss on the lips at the end of the second date, you will know whether she's cool with it or not.
- If she agrees to go out a third time, try and hold hands, guide her around a little more with your hand on her back, and by the end, if she hasn't recoiled or given you clear signs she's not ok with all the touching, she'll help clue you in on what she's ready for next.....doesn't have to be sex. By this point you'll know what to do.
 
So you enjoy being surrounded by "friends" that you want to fuck but can't, everyday of the week? Okay, to each his own I guess.

*shrugs*

There are benefits to having good looking friends.
Means they might be a good wing mate.

Then you can roll up to this pair of HB10s, AMOG your way into their convo, apply some kino, and f-close while your fWing high-fives you.
Post a break-down of procedure on your favorite PUA-messaging board.
 
The problem isn't "everybody wants to date me," but rather "everybody wants to date me but won't fucking tell me, and then when I act surprised and say no they get all worked up about it and never talk to me again."

It's in nobody's interest to get worked up, but if they don't want to talk to you again, that's their business. Nobody is entitled to a friendship if one half doesn't want to continue.

edit:

The first group thinks that the universe owes them a romantic partner just because they don't do anything sexist (You know, like thinking the universe owes you a partner). The second think "It's inconvenient when a close friend ends up wanting to date me.. and then doesn't want to be my friend because I don't want to be their girlfriend". They're not analogous in the least.

The amazing thing about strawman arguments is that once you define what the other group is thinking, you'll always win the argument.
 
I fully understand how big of assholes pretend guy friends are. I just consider this piece of satire to be fairly equivalent. Is there a major difference between the mindsets of "women only like jerks and not "nice guys" like me"; and, "it's so annoying/inconvenient when a guy friend ends up wanting to date me"?

Is it so hard to tell both people to just move on?

The first group thinks that the universe owes them a romantic partner just because they don't do anything sexist (You know, like thinking the universe owes you a partner). The second think "It's inconvenient when a close friend ends up wanting to date me.. and then doesn't want to be my friend because I don't want to be their girlfriend". They're not analogous in the least.
 
What I was originally arguing against is that you decide someone's not dating material, but then changes their mind later. I don't think that's a good thing, because you should come to a conclusion about that within a few weeks of knowing someone. It's not like it's a huge deal to date someone anyway. It's not necessary to already like or love someone to date them. That's what I was trying to say.

Maybe my original post was too wide-spanning. Maybe I assumed everybody read the entire thread. In any case, I think I'm being understood.



The problem isn't "everybody wants to date me," but rather "everybody wants to date me but won't fucking tell me, and then when I act surprised and say no they get all worked up about it and never talk to me again."

Yeah, I understand that. There is no communication in the relationship. I guess I don't just see how one side can be less to blame than the other.

I can't blame some one for disappearing after being rejected. I can't blame some one for being upset when a friend stops all contact. I consider complaining about both (being rejected and losing a friend) to be equally dumb when there is no open communication.
 
There are benefits to having good looking friends.
Means they might be a good wing mate.

Then you can roll up to this pair of HB10s, AMOG your way into their convo, apply some kino, and f-close while your fWing high-fives you.
Post a break-down of procedure on your favorite PUA-messaging board.

I have no idea what you're saying.
 
A few weeks? Sure. Of course, there are more complicated cases, but in general, I can pick up what you're putting down.

I'm not going to say it's always the same. There's a girl I waited months before I asked her out (though I will mention she wasn't surprised when I did it - I made my intentions abundantly clear). People are messy and so are their interactions.

Yeah, I understand that. There is no communication in the relationship. I guess I don't just see how one side can be less to blame than the other.

I can't blame some one for disappearing after being rejected. I can't blame some one for being upset when a friend stops all contact. I consider complaining about both (being rejected and losing a friend) to be equally dumb when there is no open communication.

Agreed.

It's in nobody's interest to get worked up, but if they don't want to talk to you again, that's their business. Nobody is entitled to a friendship if one half doesn't want to continue.

I agree in spirit, though if the reason why the friendship ended because one half of the equation was being dishonest or not communicating properly, then it's fair for the other half to feel slighted.
 
There are benefits to having good looking friends.
Means they might be a good wing mate.

Then you can roll up to this pair of HB10s, AMOG your way into their convo, apply some kino, and f-close while your fWing high-fives you.

First part:
Yep, and good looking people know more good looking people. Stay out later after closing, plenty of houses to visit on the weekends, lol... I milk the hell out of my good looking friends. We all know when we are going out, we put the talent up front for better service. It just makes everything better in social situations.

Second part:
turn down your music, and stay off of my lawn.
 
What I was originally arguing against is that you decide someone's not dating material, but then changes their mind later. I don't think that's a good thing, because you should come to a conclusion about that within a few weeks of knowing someone. It's not like it's a huge deal to date someone anyway. It's not necessary to already like or love someone to date them.That's what I was trying to say.

Maybe my original post was too wide-spanning. Maybe I assumed everybody read the entire thread. In any case, I think I'm being understood. Finally. Maybe.



The problem isn't "everybody wants to date me," but rather "everybody wants to date me but won't fucking tell me, and then when I act surprised and say no they get all worked up about it and never talk to me again."

What if you're a guy that's never gotten a date before? That would be a pretty huge deal, right? Dating means something different to everyone.
 
Wut. All I'm saying is that it's normal to think "My friend is pretty hot" and imagine what it'd be like to bang them. Doesn't mean it's all you're thinking about or anything.

You're getting off topic now...regarding my original post.. about men going out of their way by surrounding themselves with beautiful, sexy women. we all have that hot friend, nothing wrong with that.. don't try to spin the conversation please.
 
just once can we have a thread that doesn't turn into "would you fuck your mom"

But don't you think it speaks to the core issue here.

stewie-bubble-pipe-o.gif
 
I have no idea what you're saying.

You know, when you start off with a neg to initiate Alpha-status and raise your value in her eyes while simultaneously taking focus off the other Alphas in the group. Your fWing can also apply a killer-AMOG routine by shooting the resident Alphas down with her female wits&guile. While they are busy trying to raise their value with regards to your HB10 fWing, you close all the way to her bed.
 
What if you're a guy that's never gotten a date before? That would be a pretty huge deal, right? Dating means something different to everyone.

Would you say someone's perspective on gaming is valid if they're never played a game before? Their emotions are valid, I'm not saying they aren't, it's just they're founded on a lot of incorrect information based on inexperience.

just once can we have a thread that doesn't turn into "would you fuck your mom"

I already proposed* to Evilore, it's basically the same thing.







*proposed a date
 
I think for some guys, rejection just makes them automatically feel like a failure. Like, they weren't good enough.

Why would you want to hang around someone that makes you feel like you aren't good enough?
 
You know, when you start off with a neg to initiate Alpha-status and raise your value in her eyes while simultaneously taking focus off the other Alphas in the group. Your fWing can also apply a killer-AMOG routine by shooting the resident Alphas down with her female wits&guile. While they are busy trying to raise their value with regards to your HB10 fWing, you close all the way to her bed.

You young'uns and your crazy street talk...
 
The amazing thing about strawman arguments is that once you define what the other group is thinking, you'll always win the argument.

Defending the Nice Guys™ of OK Cupid? Why does that offend me more than being asked whether i'd have sex with my mum and sister? This thread really is going somewhere.
 
I think for some guys, rejection just makes them automatically feel like a failure. Like, they weren't good enough.

Why would you want to hang around someone that makes you feel like you aren't good enough?

Such attitude is arguably unhealthy.
And automatically assuming one isn't good enough due to rejection is very silly. And unhealthy.
 
Defending the Nice Guys™ of OK Cupid? Why does that offend me more than being asked whether i'd have sex with my mum and sister? This thread really is going somewhere.

To be fair, we're talking about guys that girls (well anyone really) would actually want to be friends with.
 
Yeah, there's definitely both groups: Guys who fake a friendship and guys who were real friends but developed feelings. After a rejection, the first group doesn't want to waste their time and the second group is probably to embarrassed/hurt by it all. Both groups aren't likely to stay friends after. But only in few cases (like Fiction's where the guy complained about the friendzone and said he "put time" into it) do you know for sure which was the case. So unless there's confirmation, no need to jump to conclusions and throw out accusations of faking it.
 
Such attitude is arguably unhealthy.
And automatically assuming one isn't good enough due to rejection is very silly. And unhealthy.

I think it's a reality though. When one is rejected, the first question is likely going to be "why?" Then you probably start re-evaluating yourself and your actions.

I'm like this, this is why I'm single at 25. Well, that and I'm fat. :< I don't even bother because of the fear of rejection.

It's just a reality of how my mind functions, unfortunately. I do wish I could just "not care." It sucks, and being lonely sucks.
 
I think it's a reality though. When one is rejected, the first question is likely going to be "why?" Then you probably start re-evaluating yourself and your actions.

I'm like this, this is why I'm single at 25. Well, that and I'm fat. :< I don't even bother because of the fear of rejection.

It's just a reality of how my mind functions, unfortunately. I do wish I could just "not care." It sucks, and being lonely sucks.

And that is wrong attitude to have.
You gotta work on it. You fear rejection because you're fat? Well then perhaps you should get rid of that fat, go run!
Or perhaps you just need to work on self-confidence, reckon there are people don't mind overweight (or perhaps help with working out). Not that you're going to find them without looking.
Fuck reality, substitute another reality for the perceived one.
 
Hmmm, this has been kind of enlightening.

Women seemingly hate the idea of dating their friends

I on the other hand hate the idea of dating anyone who isn't my friend

I think when my financial situation is a little better I'm going to buy a pet LOL
 
By calling you out on your fallacious strawman, I'm defending logic.

The best part about calling something a strawman argument is that you call anything a strawman without backing it up and the other person has to ask the accuser what the find wrong with the argument which creates a lot of unnecessary back and forth. You disagree that by thinking that they're more suitable for relationships than the other "jerks" that girls date that the Nice Guys of OK Cupid are exposing how little they think of women and their own bloated expectations? Fine, your prerogative. You want to tell me I'm wrong? Argue that.
 
So if the said author shares so many characteristics with the guy, and he's a great dude, why not date the man? Unless he looks like Sloth.

EDIT-Jesus Mary'n Joseph Stalin
 
The best part about calling something a strawman argument is that you call anything a strawman without backing it up and the other person has to ask the accuser what the find wrong with the argument which creates a lot of unnecessary back and forth. You disagree that by thinking that they're more suitable for relationships than the other "jerks" that girls date that the Nice Guys of OK Cupid are exposing how little they think of women and their own bloated expectations? Fine, your prerogative. You want to tell me I'm wrong? Argue that.


I can't "call anything a strawman." Here's what you wrote:

"The first group thinks that the universe owes them a romantic partner just because they don't do anything sexist (You know, like thinking the universe owes you a partner). The second think "It's inconvenient when a close friend ends up wanting to date me.. and then doesn't want to be my friend because I don't want to be their girlfriend". They're not analogous in the least."

You listed two groups. You didn't mention who, if anybody, was actually in these groups. And then you (and only you) got to define what both "groups" think. Then you got to say that the two belief systems that you made up weren't analogous. You're creating all the facts on the ground, so you can argue against them. That's the definition of a strawman.

But I can tell that's your mentality. "Us vs them." The second I dared to call you out on it, you accused me of defending yet another undefined group of "Nice Guys". Me? I prefer to see people as individuals.

Give me a specific situation, and I'll let you know if I think the guy is entitled, the girl is entitled, or both are. The world isn't black-and-white (knights) like you think it is.
 
Hmmm, this has been kind of enlightening.

Women seemingly hate the idea of dating their friends

I on the other hand hate the idea of dating anyone who isn't my friend

I think when my financial situation is a little better I'm going to buy a pet LOL

Er... no? I've never dated anyone who wasn't a friend first. But as I said earlier in the thread: I've never dated anyone who wasn't a friend, but that doesn't also mean that I want to date EVERYONE who is my friend.
 
Er... no? I've never dated anyone who wasn't a friend first. But as I said earlier in the thread: I've never dated anyone who wasn't a friend, but that doesn't also mean that I want to date EVERYONE who is my friend.

You're just handing your friendship out on the street!

Disgusting.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom