Support NeoGAF

[andrespi]

So, a big dilemma. I wanted to see what you think or get some ideas. My parents have retired just a few weeks ago and are thinking of moving. I live in the outskirts of a large/middle city in Italy. My parents are thinking, now that they have retired of moving back to their home town (in South Italy), a very small town (less than 10K people), 15 minutes from the sea. They have an empty lot of land in the middle of a town (so not isolated), where they would like to build a house and they proposed to me to build a duplex or semidetached house, so one for them and one for me (after selling the flat where they live and my flat). Since they would build from zero, I could customize as much as I want, it would be much bigger than where I live now (and maybe I could even pay for a small pool in the garden which is a small dream of mine), and since it's in South Italy, the house would be much bigger than what I'm used to here . I would just have to pay for the furniture, bills and so on (and give up the flat where I live now).

I really don't know what to do. On one side I'm a freelancer working from home, so I don't have a problem moving. On the other, I don't know if living just next door from my parents will be a good idea in 10-15 years. There is also the fact that it's a really small town, but it would have the advantages of being a mostly crime-free town, close to the sea and much less polluted. There is public transport in this town (and broadband), but public transport to the closest major city (every hour or so) are much less frequent than what I'm used to now (every 15-30 minutes).

If you were in my shoes, Would you accept to live beside your parents (the house would be separate just to be clear, so I would have my own house)?

 

[Viliger]

If house is your own, how it is a problem? Hell, if you are single, I see zero problems living with your parents. The only problem I see in living with your parents is your sex life suffers. But if your houses are seperate, why does it matter?

 

[andrespi]

If house is your own, how it is a problem? Hell, if you are single, I see zero problems living with your parents. The only problem I see in living with your parents is your sex life suffers. But if your houses are seperate, why does it matter?

Yeah, I guess so. Since they are separate houses it wouldn't suffer.

I must say I'm getting quite fed up of all the crime in the place where I live now and moving to a more "relaxed" town wouldn't be so bad.

 

[JORMBO]

I live right down the street from my parents. It hasn’t really been a big deal. They never just barge in so it hasn’t been too much different then when I lived in another town.

It sounds like you are getting a pretty sweet deal since they are building the place for you. It would be hard for me to resist that offer. If they are pretty chill people and you like the town it probably wouldn’t be a big deal.

 

[andrespi]

I live right down the street from my parents. It hasn’t really been a big deal. They never just barge in so it hasn’t been too much different then when I lived in another town.

It sounds like you are getting a pretty sweet deal since they are building the place for you. It would be hard for me to resist that offer. If they are pretty chill people and you like the town it probably wouldn’t be a big deal.

Yeah, it is a sweet deal. We would have to sell both mine and their flat, but yeah it would be quite advantageous on my side. For sure my flat wouldn't cover fully my part (nowhere close to that) of the price needed to build.

They are chill, but they can be a bit nosey and interfering sometimes.

I like the town even if it can be a bit underwhelming sometimes (being a small city).

 

[Michele]

Well...If I grew up and had this choice, I'd rather move far away and into another continent. For example, my parents would be in America, and if I grew up I would move away from America, and go to Asia continent.

I would choose to live in Japan. But it's your decision and your opinion. Oh, and not to intrude privacy but can you please tell me how old are you?

 

[Deleted member 752119]

No. I couldn’t wait to get out of the shitty rural area I grew up in and my parents still loive there. I’d like to be closer to them (my dad anyway), but I’ve been a big city person for 18+ years at this point and couldn’t do the small town thing again. Maybe in retirement I guess, but not back to where I grew up.

 

[andrespi]

Well...If I grew up and had this choice, I'd rather move far away and into another continent. For example, my parents would be in America, and if I grew up I would move away from America, and go to Asia continent.

I would choose to live in Japan. But it's your decision and your opinion. Oh, and not to intrude privacy but can you please tell me how old are you?

Not a problem, but I'm in my thirties (closer to my mid-thirties).
well, my choices either would be staying where I am now, or moving with them in South Italy; moving to another continent or even another country and starting from zero all over again is totally out of the question at least for me.

 

[appaws]

Dude! This sounds like a sweet deal.

How old are you/they? I think about this all the time. The house next door to me went on sale and I begged my dad (and his girlfriend) to move up and buy it. So I could take care of him as he gets older, but he could still have his independence, etc. But he has a sweet house on the ocean and does not want to give that up. But he is into his mid-60s and has some health issues, so I wish he was closer.

It's a weird thing having parents getting old. The people you always relied on start to rely on you sometimes.

 

[Dunki]

Yeah, it is a sweet deal. We would have to sell both mine and their flat, but yeah it would be quite advantageous on my side. For sure my flat wouldn't cover fully my part (nowhere close to that) of the price needed to build.

They are chill, but they can be a bit nosey and interfering sometimes.

I like the town even if it can be a bit underwhelming sometimes (being a small city).

This honestly sounds great. I would do it with my parents even if they can be a bit annoying sometimes. I only had problems if they were always trying to push their pinions about my life choices etc. And you also like the Town so I really do not see much negatives if you also can work from home.

 

[andrespi]

Dude! This sounds like a sweet deal.

How old are you/they? I think about this all the time. The house next door to me went on sale and I begged my dad (and his girlfriend) to move up and buy it. So I could take care of him as he gets older, but he could still have his independence, etc. But he has a sweet house on the ocean and does not want to give that up. But he is into his mid-60s and has some health issues, so I wish he was closer.

It's a weird thing having parents getting old. The people you always relied on start to rely on you sometimes.

they are 65-67. I mean for now they are completely independent and will be for quite a while, but I can see them in 10 years or so starting to get seriously old and it would be beneficial for me staying close in case of need or if anything happens.

It is a weird thing thinking of them as "old", hard to get used to it.

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

The older I get, the less I care about money and "hot spots" in my town and the more I care about being close to extended family and making sure they're taken care of.

 

[Spheyr]

My grandma is 85 and still independent aside from having given up driving, you have plenty of time

 

[cr0w]

I'd jump on it in a heartbeat.

 

[andrespi]

My grandma is 85 and still independent aside from having given up driving, you have plenty of time

Yeah, but there is also the fact to consider that here in Italy we lack things that are instead normally available abroad (that I discovered when I lived in the uk).

For example, grocery and perishable food delivery at home is non-existent here. They just barely started doing in the last few years it in a few supermarkets in the largest cities. Middle and small cities have none of that. We don't have car sharing like uber at all, and cabs can't really be used for regular occurrences because they can cost also 50-60 euro for small distances. And many roads even in the North (which is more developed), still don't have sidewalks and are not pedestrians friendly.

 

[lil puff]

Yeah, but there is also the fact to consider that here in Italy we lack things that are instead normally available abroad (that I discovered when I lived in the uk).

For example, grocery and perishable food delivery at home is non-existent here. They just barely started doing in the last few years it in a few supermarkets in the largest cities. Middle and small cities have none of that. We don't have car sharing like uber at all, and cabs can't really be used for regular occurrences because they can cost also 50-60 euro for small distances. And many roads even in the North (which is more developed), still don't have sidewalks and are not pedestrians friendly.

What are they going to do in case of an emergency living out there?

 

[andrespi]

What are they going to do in case of an emergency living out there?

There are hospitals in town and they have a few relatives living there (aunt and cousins). But yeah, the idea would be that since we would live close (house next to each other), then I can be there for them in case of emergencies when they will be older. Plus the house would be in the middle of the town, not rural area.

Plus it's quite different in small towns in South Italy from large cities. It is normal to rely on neighbours. Even my aunt and grandmother living there rely quite often on neighbours (those who live in the houses just beside them) and friends for emergencies. They do "shared" shopping, you receive visits from neighbours every day or so (often without previous warning) and so on.

 

[lil puff]

There are hospitals in town and they have a few relatives living there. But yeah, the idea would be that since we would live close, then I can be there for them in case of emergencies.

I think you will find a way to get the daily necessities, make friends with the few neighbors around there, heck grow a garden.

You may find that you like it there.

I live in a city and I am so tired of it, so what you are suggesting feels very good to me right now!

 

[andrespi]

I think you will find a way to get the daily necessities, make friends with the few neighbors around there, heck grow a garden.

You may find that you like it there.

I live in a city and I am so tired of it, so what you are suggesting feels very good to me right now!

Yeah, me too. Obviously, I'm a bit scared because of the change but not having to worry about drug dealing in front of my house would be good (with the bonus addition of having a garden).

 

[lil puff]

Yeah, me too. Obviously, I'm a bit scared because of the change but not having to worry about drug dealing in front of my house would be good (with the bonus addition of having a garden).

You can always visit the city when you need to. The internet connection is something to consider, perhaps.

Good luck with the decision!

 

[Thurible]

That would be awesome! To be able to see your parents whenever you want and to live in a small town sounds great to me. I hate large cities and crowds, It triggers my anxiety. Also, you get to know people personally in your town much easier. Everyone knows each other. Also, I would like to be by a place that is still a bit rural. I want to see farms and nature. I love nature and sometimes its good to just walk around in it admiring God's creation. I personally could never live in a place like Chicago or NYC.

 

[demented]

IT depends on several factors really, first is your work. You freelance now but in the future will you want something more stable, or higher paying? And that is usually in the north, unless you run your own online business and then you're fine in the south, but also check how the internet is there, I know few years ago friend of mine near Milan didn't have much options for good connection and south is worse in that regard among others.
Also another thing is how close you are with your family. I have similar situation, I own an apartment right next to my parents apartment, same building same floor etc, but I am very private person, I like my own space, my solitude, my house is my safe space(in non sjw sense) and don't want people there and since most of my (and others really)early life is spent on becoming independent and your own person I really don't want to live there since it feels like being a child in your parents home, bringing up good or bad feelings from the past so as I said it depends how well you function as a family

And most important is what do you want, do you want to live there, can you handle living next to them, in smaller city, in NEW city where you'd have to start over etc?

P.S. If you're close family, in 10 15 years or less you'll have free childcare

 

[Spheyr]

Yeah, but there is also the fact to consider that here in Italy we lack things that are instead normally available abroad (that I discovered when I lived in the uk).

For example, grocery and perishable food delivery at home is non-existent here. They just barely started doing in the last few years it in a few supermarkets in the largest cities. Middle and small cities have none of that. We don't have car sharing like uber at all, and cabs can't really be used for regular occurrences because they can cost also 50-60 euro for small distances. And many roads even in the North (which is more developed), still don't have sidewalks and are not pedestrians friendly.

Eh.

Anyhow, roughly what area are they in? My dad's dad's family comes from around Villamagna

 

[King of Foxes]

Not exactly my parents but my wife's parents.

My wifes parents live in their family home (its about 110 years old) and that place used to belong to my wifes great grandfather and his brother had a house and land directly across a small stream. The brothers house was eventually sold and another family moved in, last year that family put it up for sale as they hadnt had anyone living in it for many years.

We bought it and are currently renovating. Living across the stream from them is perfect, my wife is a stay at home mom and with two kids now and another two next year she will need all the help she can.

Cross post from dream place to live

Spoiler

Currently renovating. Will be in there next year full time, its an hour or so drive to work but we will have 4 kids next year and they need to grow up in the country side with fresh air.

 

[andrespi]

Eh.

Anyhow, roughly what area are they in? My dad's dad's family comes from around Villamagna

The area would be Salento, in Puglia. Basically south-east corner of Italy.

 

[andrespi]

IT depends on several factors really, first is your work. You freelance now but in the future will you want something more stable, or higher paying? And that is usually in the north, unless you run your own online business and then you're fine in the south, but also check how the internet is there, I know few years ago friend of mine near Milan didn't have much options for good connection and south is worse in that regard among others.
Also another thing is how close you are with your family. I have similar situation, I own an apartment right next to my parents apartment, same building same floor etc, but I am very private person, I like my own space, my solitude, my house is my safe space(in non sjw sense) and don't want people there and since most of my (and others really)early life is spent on becoming independent and your own person I really don't want to live there since it feels like being a child in your parents home, bringing up good or bad feelings from the past so as I said it depends how well you function as a family

And most important is what do you want, do you want to live there, can you handle living next to them, in smaller city, in NEW city where you'd have to start over etc?

P.S. If you're close family, in 10 15 years or less you'll have free childcare

I'm pretty close with them but having them so close forever is something to consider.

No, about the job I'm happy and totally plan to do it for the next few decades. I do run my business online (got a website and all and find all my clients through online methods). It is true that it's not stable, but I must admit that most wages in Italy are extremely low, and nowadays I would even refuse most traditional jobs (entry or middle level), because I would probably earn less than I do now. And without having to pay for a house or rent that means I can afford to earn less.

There is broadband in the town, so internet won't be a problem hopefully.

I will need to think about this. Will ask my parents to give me some more time to think before doing such an important decision.

 

[andrespi]

.
Cross post from dream place to live

That house is gorgeous by the way with so much green and the river. I'm jealous.

 

[5secondrulesucks]

the fuck living next to your parents isnt a good idea what are they assholes or something. i mean if they are cool enough to give you a goddamn house then they seem alright to me. i dont know i never got people who cant accept something nice like if my parents did this for me id immediately do it

 

[LordPezix]

Yeah I would. A small Italian village close to the sea in a house that I get to custom build... Yep sold!

 

[TFGB]

A house in Puglia? Yes please! I think many would jump at the chance, living beside parents or not!

We spent a week in June in a converted medieval defence tower on the Tenuta di Murlo estate and we fell in love with it, so much so that we almost bought a property there as a holiday home.

For those not familiar with Puglia, this is what it looks like:

Spoiler

The place had me mesmerised. We’ve done Italy for the last 3 years and it takes my breath away every time we visit. You’re very lucky OP.

 

[5secondrulesucks]

you know what thread starter. dont move there. you honestly dont deserve it

 

[lil puff]

OP I think it is important that you have a few bedrooms for space.

LOL We are coming over!