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(never thought id be writing one) Girl-Age: She wants space

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N

Nakazato

Member
So ive been dating this girl for a year and 3 month or so and were alway hanging out you know doing what couples do. Well last week in of her best friends mom's passed and since then shes been avoiding me telling me shes not feeling social etc etc. Well last night I go over right and when i walk in the door she like sit down we need to talk.

So, We start talking about our relationship the conversation's going good next thing I know shes telling me she wants space to have time to think and clear her mind (she has some issues). She asks me to spend the night im like ok. A few hours later she goes outside to talk to one of her friends and I decided to go to bed. Like 15 mins later she comes in a tells me to leave (mind you it was 1:45-2:00 in the morning.) As Im walking out the door she says its not you it me and i just need time.

GAF what should I do ?? I dont wanna bail but could it be time to do that ??

And ill get the FHUTA out the way
 
M

mjc

Member
"I'm the problem, its not you"

She's lying big time, they always are when they say this.
 
W

worldrunover

Member
You have to just give her space. If it's over then it's over, and if she wants you back she knows where to find you. Nothing you can really do about it either way.
 
G

gdt

Member
It's over.

Give her time, she could be going through a rough patch.

But it's probably over.
 
M

Mama Robotnik

Member
Most Probable: She no longer wants to be in a relationship with you, but is keeping you on the "I need time" leash so that if it doesn't work out with New Dick™, she'll be able to come back to you.

Highly Unlikely: She actually does need time to clear her head.

My recommendation: Consider the realtionship over.
 
K

Kinitari

Black Canada Mafia
Give her the space.

If she is just saying this because she doesn't know any other way to break up with you (who knows why she'd want to) then this is the most painless way to do it. Just, from time to time, make sure she sees that you are doing okay.

If she really does need space, just for a while, then you being all in her face is not going to help anything. Sometimes it's one of those "You don't know what you've got till it's gone" sort of things.

Regardless, in the end all I am doing is throwing some advice your way, I have no idea what your situation is really like, and you'll have to make the judgment call. The best advice I can give you, make the decision you feel as though you wont regret.
 
T

ToxicAdam

Member
Normally, I'd tell someone to fight for her and show her what her love means to you. But, I see you have an anime avatar ... so it seems hopeless.
 
S

Sew

Member
Nakazato said:
Well last week in of her best friends mom's pasted ...
Click to expand...
? Please rephrase.

[edit] I wouldn't assume that the "friend" on the phone was another guy. (Even though the exact scenario happened to me and it was a guy, but that was my situation, not yours). It could just be that it was a female friend, who told her that she was silly for letting you stay if she needs space.
 
F

FormallyMegadrive

Member
Wow you guys automatically think every woman is a slut. If she says she needs time, she probably does. She might have been close to her friend's mum before she passed.
 
N

Nakazato

Member
Sew said:
? Please rephrase.

[edit] I wouldn't assume that the "friend" on the phone was another guy. Even though the exact scenario happened to me and it was a guy. It could also be that it was a female friend, who told her that she was silly for letting you stay if she needs space.
Click to expand...
Her best friend mom just passed away (cancer) and they we close. Friend is also Gay.

I was thinking my GF is really stressed out. :(
 
G

gdt

Member
Megadrive said:
Wow you guys automatically think every woman is a slut. If she says she needs time, she probably does. She might have been close to her friend's mum before she passed.
Click to expand...

It's not that...I didn't even say she's doing another dude.
 
R

RevDM

Banned
Nakazato said:
So ive been dating this girl for a year and 3 month or so and were alway hanging out you know doing what couples do. Well last week in of her best friends mom's pasted and since then shes been avoiding me telling me shes not feeling social etc etc. Well last night I go over right and when i walk in the door she like sit down we need to talk.

So, We start talking about our relationship the conversation's going good next thing I know shes telling me she wants space to have time to think and clear her mind (she has some issues). She asks me to spend the night im like ok. A few hours later she goes outside to talk to one of her friends and I decided to go to bed. Like 15 mins later she comes in a tells me to leave (mind you it was 1:45-2:00 in the morning.) As Im walking out the door she says its not you it me and i just need time.

GAF what should I do ?? I dont wanna bail but could it be time to do that ??

And ill get the FHUTA out the way
Click to expand...

costanzanaked.jpg
 
Chiggs

Chiggs

Gold Member
I think it's probably over. I would just avoid contact. If she gives a crap about you, she'll reach out to you.
 
F

FrenchMovieTheme

Member
Nakazato said:
Her best friend mom just passed away (cancer) and they we close. Friend is also Gay.

I was thinking my GF is really stressed out. :(
Click to expand...

not trying to discourage you, but when a girlfriend/wife has a friend or relative pass away she doesn't push her boyfriend/husband away. if anything they want to spend MORE time with you.

it's just odd to me that she calls you over, then boots you out and gives this line. i guess there is the possibility that she deals with grief by being completely alone, but if i were a betting man (and i am) i think she was probably seeing someone else and this unfortunate event is a convenient excuse to need "time apart".

again i could be wrong, but if i were in your situation that is what i would think. then again i am a cynical man
 
E

eznark

Banned
Nakazato said:
So ive been dating this girl for a year and 3 month or so and were alway hanging out you know doing what couples do. Well last week in of her best friends mom's passed and since then shes been avoiding me telling me shes not feeling social etc etc. Well last night I go over right and when i walk in the door she like sit down we need to talk.

So, We start talking about our relationship the conversation's going good next thing I know shes telling me she wants space to have time to think and clear her mind (she has some issues). She asks me to spend the night im like ok. A few hours later she goes outside to talk to one of her friends and I decided to go to bed. Like 15 mins later she comes in a tells me to leave (mind you it was 1:45-2:00 in the morning.) As Im walking out the door she says its not you it me and i just need time.

GAF what should I do ?? I dont wanna bail but could it be time to do that ??

And ill get the FHUTA out the way
Click to expand...

Dude, don't waste another thought on her
 
C

Cday

Banned
If she isn't even telling you what she "needs time" for then there's not much hope. She's either up to something or she wants out.
 
V

Vennt

Unconfirmed Member
ToxicAdam said:
Normally, I'd tell someone to fight for her and show her what her love means to you. But, I see you have an anime avatar ... so it seems hopeless.
Click to expand...

You know, sooner or later someone posts something that makes us realise they really don't have a place here at NeoGAF anymore, this is one such post... *waves goodbye*
 
R

RevoDS

Junior Member
Nakazato said:
She asks me to spend the night im like ok. A few hours later she goes outside to talk to one of her friends and I decided to go to bed. Like 15 mins later she comes in a tells me to leave (mind you it was 1:45-2:00 in the morning.)
Click to expand...
Should've stalked her. 5 minutes after you walked out, New Dick probably came in. That's basically the only reasonable explanation for such a quick change of heart at 2AM...

And even if it's not, you don't want to be with a wishy-washy, disrespectful person. As much as I hate to say it, regardless of whether or not she comes back to you, she's a bitch for doing this. If she doesn't respect you, at least respect yourself and walk out.
 
B

border

Member
It's probably worth asking her what "space" means -- or more specifically if it means that she wants you to see other people. Ask it that way -- "Do you want me to see other people?" DO NOT ask "Do you want to see other people?," as it sounds suspicious and accusatory.
 
T

Ten-Song

Member
Either she found new dick, or she's currently on the lookout for new dick. Stressing over it ain't worth the hassle.
 
J

JB1981

Member
Tell her straight up: "Listen. I care about you. I am sorry for your friend's loss. Take the time that you need. When you are done with your time and would like to give me a call, give me a call. If I am not around when you call, then I am not around. All the best."

- The end
 
J

jamesinclair

Banned
You shouldnt have left at 2am. You should have said "I understand you need space, but tis 2-fucking am, you can have space tomorrow"

The fact that you left tells me you're a really nice guy.

The problem is, she's taking advantage of that, and plans on keeping you on hold while she experiments elsewhere.

Here's what you do:

Find yourself a new girl. Hook up with a new girl. That way, if your GF calls in 3 weeks and says the space isnt working, it's over....you don't care, you've got new pussy.

If she calls in 3 weeks and says she's made a terribly mistake, she wants you back....then you can take her back or stay with the new girl. If you go back, you did not cheat, she had essentially dumped you.
 
I

I <3 Memes

Member
It's over. She found new dick. Just let it go and go on with your life with not thought of her again.

If you seem happy enough without her she may come back around for awhile. If this happens it is because things didn't work out with the new dick and you are now side dick.
 
M

Mama Robotnik

Member
Nakazato, I know I'm one of the people who has told you it is most probable your relationship is over...

But if we Gaffers are wrong on this, if you guys do get back together and are happy, bump the thread and let us know. It would be nice to have reality counter our cynicism, just once.
 
P

Peronthious

Member
Well that was unexpected.

Anyway, yea, it's over. I wouldn't even kick someone I didn't like out at 2 am if I said they could stay the night unless I had a damn good reason.
 
S

sooperkool

Member
Vennt said:
You know, sooner or later someone posts something that makes us realise they really don't have a place here at NeoGAF anymore, this is one such post... *waves goodbye*
Click to expand...


That was actually the first time I've seen a "live" banning. I hope it wasn't perma.
 
T

TheKyle07

Member
Wait, are you saying that the friend she was outside chatting with at 2am, just before she kicked you out, is a "gay" guy?
 
S

SnakeXs

about the same metal capacity as a cucumber
Give her some time, and if in a week or two it hasn't changed ask her where it leaves you two. Tell her you get that she's going through stuff but if that's how things are then you're gonna need to look for tail elsewhere. Either that's what she wants to hear or has assumed is the case this whole time, or she'll fight to get you back.
 
G

gdt

Member
Mama Robotnik said:
Nakazato, I know I'm one of the people who has told you it is most probable your relationship is over...

But if we Gaffers are wrong on this, if you guys do get back together and are happy, bump the thread and let us know. It would be nice to have reality counter our cynicism, just once.
Click to expand...

Yes, please.

I'm generally not a cynical person. But when it comes to GAF Girl Age threads...
 
A

_Alkaline_

Member
Sorry mate but this girl wants out.

"I need some space" is a common line from girls you want to get out of a relationship but don't want to say the exact words and hurt the guy. The problem that girls don't seem to understand is that by lying to the guy, it gives him the impression that things might work out. Girls do this A LOT - most guys on the other hand just stop talking to the girl, which is probably just as bad but at least it gets the message across quicker.

But no, this girl does not need space. She's just trying to cushion the blow whilst she thinks of a way to leave you without feeling guilty for hurting you.
 
L

Learn2read

Member
Vennt said:
You know, sooner or later someone posts something that makes us realise they really don't have a place here at NeoGAF anymore, this is one such post... *waves goodbye*
Click to expand...
Vennt - keeping NeoGAF a safe-haven for man-children one arbitrary banning at a time
 
V

Vanillalite

Ask me about the GAF Notebook
JB1981 said:
Tell her straight up: "Listen. I care about you. I am sorry for your friend's loss. Take the time that you need. When you are done with your time and would like to give me a call, give me a call. If I am not around when you call, then I am not around. All the best."

- The end
Click to expand...

Sounds legit to me. Just tell her that then roll on. If she calls hey bonus, but move on with your life, and let her know it.
 
V

Vennt

Unconfirmed Member
mamacint said:
Vennt - keeping NeoGAF a safe-haven for man-children one arbitrary banning at a time
Click to expand...

Actually, I thought it quite rude and dickish to criticize a person on his hobby and/or avatar choices (Anime) in a thread where they are coming to the unfortunate realisation that their relationship was over, but if you feel like criticizing and seeing "arbitrary" firsthand, feel free to make youself a target, there you go.
 
C

cwmartin

Member
Actually do what she asked of you and give her some space? Seems like the reasonable thing to do if you trust and care for the girl. Sometimes you can think too much about it. If shes having emotional issues shed like to deal with on her own, let her.
 
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