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Physical punishment for kids? Does it work?

T

The Futurist

Member
I come from a south Asian family. Indian to be specific.

Growing up my mom used to hit me when I misbehaved. I think culturally that is pretty normal for us, or it used to be. Not sure what the deal is now.

It was always my mom. Never, not ever in my life did my dad hit me, spank me, or anything. Always seemed weird, but that's just how it was. Again, very similar situation for many brown people I personally know.

I guess now you're wondering how bad the hitting was. Well, I got hit with slaps, sandals, the occasional belt or hanger. Never severe enough to leave any marks or scars. Not beaten until I was bloody or lying in the corner broken. Yes it hurt at the time, but if asked if I could think of one specific time where it was really bad, I can't. It was just all throughout childhood and only when I actually did something that warranted punishment.

Flash forward 20 plus years and I turned out fine by any normal standards. Have a great job, earn more than a human probably should, and I think I'm pretty well adjusted. Never gotten into any kind of trouble as an adult. Never gotten into a serious fight. I guess since it was always my mother that hit me as a child and never my father, I don't personally ever see the urge to hit a child.

I'm not some weird case either. My brothers got hit, my cousins got hit, pretty much every other brown kid I knew got hit by their mothers and just about everyone turned out great. Almost all professionals in various fields (although that's also a cultural thing). Well adjusted human beings contributing to society.

Is there a balance somewhere?

I personally don't think children are punished enough these days. All I see everywhere are entitled spoiled brats. Not just brown people because I think the culturally there is still a somewhat heavy hand when it comes to punishments.
 
P

Platy

Member
If you can talk to the kid for them to understand you talk

If you can't talk then they will don't understand why are you punshing them
 
T

TripleBee

Member
If you can't make your kid feel bad, or reflect on what they've done without hitting them - you have already gone wrong in raising them.
 
C

ClosingADoor

Member
The Futurist said:
All I see everywhere are entitled spoiled brats.
Click to expand...
This is not the result of a lack of physical punishment though.

Don't hit your kids. There are plenty of normal punishments when needed. Go to your room, time out, take a toy away, etc. Beating them just means they will fear you, not respect you.
 
N

N7 MRP Weasel

Banned
Yeah sure, i was a pretty rotten bastard.

My mom whooped my ass when i got out of hand or when i was disrespectful or just a little shit head in a mall. It worked, my friends parents loved me when i was over for dinner, saying thanks for the lovely dinner and all that jazz, making my bed etc.

Not saying its for everyone, my sister was an angel.

I hate those fucking little devil children that destroy shit in Walmart or are screaming on the floor in a bank etc these bitches need the belt.
 
D

Doc_Drop

Member
No, child abuse is bad

Because people have managed to become functioning humans despite abuse isn't proof it works.
 
E

exYle

Member
Hitting your kids is a gamble that your parental relationship is strong and loving enough to form the requisite resilience to the trauma you're exposing them to.

Basically, if you're a super involved parent that's caring and affirming, you're effectively using corporal punishment as a last-straw strategy to exemplify the extent of the trouble that your kid is in. If you're cold and neglectful, and still hit your kid, you're an abuser.
 
S

Skellig Gra

Member
N7 MRP Weasel said:
Yeah sure, i was a pretty rotten bastard.

My mom whooped my ass when i got out of hand or when i was disrespectful or just a little shit head in a mall. It worked, my friends parents loved me when i was over for dinner, saying thanks for the lovely dinner and all that jazz, making my bed etc.

Not saying its for everyone, my sister was an angel.

I hate those fucking little devil children that destroy shit in Walmart or are screaming on the floor in a bank etc these bitches need the belt.
Click to expand...

Think about your logic and where it derived from.
 
H

Hagi

Member
I guess the question is do you think you would have turned out the same if your mother didn't hit you with a coat hanger? It's nice that it didn't have any negative effects on you but I'd say you are lucky in that regard. I don't think it's a lottery worth playing.
 
S

Septimius

Junior Member
The Futurist said:
Is there a balance somewhere?
Click to expand...

No. And spoiled and physical abuse have nothing to do with each other. Here's a good article based on 20 years of research on the subject:

http://www.cmaj.ca/content/184/12/1373.short

Key points
  • Numerous studies have found that physical punishment increases the risk of broad and enduring negative developmental outcomes.
  • No study has found that physical punishment enhances developmental health.
  • Most child physical abuse occurs in the context of punishment.
  • A professional consensus is emerging that parents should be supported in learning nonviolent, effective approaches to discipline.
Click to expand...
 
R

RDreamer

Member
No, don't use physical violence against people. That includes your kids. Don't teach them that violence is an answer to situations that can and should be solved otherwise.
 
V

Violence Jack

Member
Any bad behavior I'm going to use as a learning experience to help him understand why what he did was wrong. If he keeps on doing it, I'll put the fear of god into him. Never hitting him though.
 
C

Clearos

Member
I was not never hit and turned out pretty well so I'll continue that trend with my boy.

He is only 2 but when he misbehaves I remove a toy/favorite food. He might not grasp why what he did was wrong but he is at least figuring out that there is a punishment for not listening.


on a lighter note: the only time i will beat my child is when it comes to sports/video games.
 
G

GSG Flash

Nobody ruins my family vacation but me...and maybe the boy!
Nah, I used to get hit as a child for doing dumb shit, but I don't think it helped. Made things worse actually(my self esteem and confidence took a hit, no pun intended).
 
B

Byakuya769

Member
Sure, definitely works as violence is generally a good means of control. However, I'd judge this less by what you and your relatives have done while successful and more by how you or relatives respond when not met with success.

In short, I'll do all I can to help my children be happy with their level of success and to work hard. Corporeal punishment won't be part of those efforts, because rule following and achievement out of fear isn't what I'm trying to impart to them.
 
I

Iadien

Guarantee I'm going to screw up this post? Yeah.
If you want your kid to hate you, sure. At least that's what happened with me. If you can't communicate why your kid is doing something wrong, that's on you, don't resort to physical punishment just because you're a dumb ass.
 
S

Septimius

Junior Member
N7 MRP Weasel said:
Yeah sure, i was a pretty rotten bastard.

My mom whooped my ass when i got out of hand or when i was disrespectful or just a little shit head in a mall. It worked, my friends parents loved me when i was over for dinner, saying thanks for the lovely dinner and all that jazz, making my bed etc.

Not saying its for everyone, my sister was an angel.

I hate those fucking little devil children that destroy shit in Walmart or are screaming on the floor in a bank etc these bitches need the belt.
Click to expand...

I was never hit. I mean, there was barely any discipline at all in my household. Other parents also loved having me over. My best friend's father, the first time I was at his dad's house, drove me home and talked with my parents. "He is such a lovely boy". "He talks like a priest". My parents thanked him, but they don't really see that as an achievement. They knew I just understood that this was a parent that valued those things, and I acted accordingly.

But, your metrics are extremely short-sighted. A child's well-being has shit all to do with how quiet they are at the mall. Overbearing prejudice towards all noisy kids at the mall is a stupid trait, and over-generalizing like you do is the same. Striking a child until it doesn't dare be noisy is quite different from making your child understand what respect is, and why you don't run around like that in a mall. If your main metric is that they "behave themselves", you're suppressing literally all other emotions your children have. I mean, most dog behaviourists don't even encourage this kind of discipline metric in a dog.
 
JordanN

JordanN

Banned
When animals are hit or mistreated, it's called animal abuse.

Hitting on children is literally child abuse.
 
B

bossmonkey

Member
It really depends on the kid. I figured out pretty young that a spanking doesn't last very long and then I could continue on with my day so corporal punishment never really worked on me. A grounding was much more effective because it took away things that I wanted to do for a given period. I also knew kids who wouldn't learn anything from a grounding. They'd just continue doing whatever the hell they wanted to. Beating your kid to a pulp is always wrong but I've seen spanking work so it really depends on your kid.
 
Hari Seldon

Hari Seldon

Member
My kids 6 and 3 are pretty good, we watched a lot of super nanny and use that time out method where you put them in time out and (this is the important part) completely ignore them. They feel isolated and it seems to get the message across. When they are fighting over a toy we put the toy in timeout for a full day which they freak out over but it works.
 
A

Acyl

Member
Parents that spank/hit their kids just aren't creative. There are plenty of punishments that don't require you to turn into a fucking savage beast (like do you beat up your co-worker if they've wronged you?) because your kid decided to have fun while they haven't developed morality yet.

Timeout, make them sit quiet in a corner for a few minutes. Take away their stuff temporarily. Make them do something like apologize to somebody if appropriate. If they are throwing a temper tantrum, idk, ignore them or google what to do. I doubt the answer is to backhand them across the face.

My mother tried to beat my ass once cause I brought a letter home from the principal for throwing stuff. I just ran away from her and hid under the sofa. It was crazy and lost a lot of respect for her that day.
 
L

L4DANathan

Member
Platy said:
If you can't talk then they will don't understand why are you punshing them
Click to expand...

It's a Pavlovian thing. Associate the action with a negative emotional response subconsciously. And in regards to the OP, you can do that without the use of violence.
 
L

Lord Fagan

Junior Member
When it comes ti disciplining your children, don't go down the Machiavellian path of choosing fear over respect unless that's actually the dynamic you're looking for.

It's easier to hit somebody than to out think them. When it's an adult having to hit a child because they can't out think them, there's something very much amiss. It's one thing when they're 7, but when they get to be 16, there's a vicious cocktail of don't-give-a-fuck and I'm-not-afraid-anymore that is often the root of a lot the worst kinds of youth assholery.

The trick is to be an adult and show them why behaving is worth it. Best of luck, OP.
 
B

brawly

Member
People who say yes: "I was spanked and turned out ok"

People who say no: "here's research and studies"

You be the judge.
 
P

Poor GRIMES

Banned
Physical punishment alone doesn’t mean your kids will behave. If you want to be an effective parent, then you need to mentor and condition them into understanding what’s good versus what’s bad.
 
W

Wolfgunblood Garopa

Member
Never, ever, ever do this. Don't even consider it, no matter how mad you are or how much of a deterrent it seems it could be to you. Ever.

*directed at any new parents out there reading this
 
V

Valtýr

Member
mocolostrocolos said:
It worked. At least on me.

My parent gave me slaps when I kept misbehaving after their spoken call-outs.

It didn't work for other kids.

So... Yeah, I'm gonna with sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
Click to expand...

the only thing that worked was that it taught you that violence is an acceptable thing to do against children.
 
R

RoseBell69

Member
In my psychology class, I learned that it is better to time out your child so they can be reflective upon their misdeed. This will yield better behavior responses.
 
D

Doc_Drop

Member
mocolostrocolos said:
It worked. At least on me.

My parent gave me slaps when I kept misbehaving after their spoken call-outs.

It didn't work for other kids.

So... Yeah, I'm gonna with sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
Click to expand...
In the absence of methods on you without violence how can you actually attribute any successful practice to violence?
 
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