I almost posted in this thread again, before I realized this was bumped. So, I guess brief update: Our baby was born last summer. He's 9 months now. It's been another big change in our relationship, but we're still going strong. So, marrying my first boyfriend is still working out. Now I have 17 amazing years with the man I love and a beautiful child who seems to be a perfect mix of the two of us. Definitely no regrets.
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Anyone here end up marrying their 1st boyfriend/girlfriend?
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I almost posted in this thread again, before I realized this was bumped. So, I guess brief update: Our baby was born last summer. He's 9 months now. It's been another big change in our relationship, but we're still going strong. So, marrying my first boyfriend is still working out. Now I have 17 amazing years with the man I love and a beautiful child who seems to be a perfect mix of the two of us. Definitely no regrets.
Ended up marrying my first girlfriend (Highschool) but we broke up a few times along the way in college before we locked it down. I don't really wonder about other possible relationships but not everyone is satisfied with the same things.
One of my good friends went from a 5 year relationship to a open relationship with many many people now. Thinking about that just sounds so tiring to me. I barely have time anymore to even play games let alone juggle the emotional expectations of 5 people.
Just be yourself and treat your partner well, and if they do the same in return you'll probably be happy.
One of my good friends went from a 5 year relationship to a open relationship with many many people now. Thinking about that just sounds so tiring to me. I barely have time anymore to even play games let alone juggle the emotional expectations of 5 people.
Just be yourself and treat your partner well, and if they do the same in return you'll probably be happy.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Oh wow, how elitist can you be? SMH
electroshockwave
Member
Congratulations!
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Nearly proposed to my first "serious" girlfriend, bailed though and she broke up with me a little while after. Best thing that ever happened to me, with someone now who's infinitely better for me.
Comes down to "everybody's different" though. If I had met my ex at 16 or 26 she'd still have been a horrible person/match for me.
Comes down to "everybody's different" though. If I had met my ex at 16 or 26 she'd still have been a horrible person/match for me.
always crazy bacon
Banned
If I'd have met my wife at 16 I'd have been a pedophile.
Marty Chinn
Member
Missed out on what?
I see what people go through with dating, finding someone, issues they go through, breaking up, and then the challenge of finding someone new that's right and everything that comes with the dating process and I just think to myself, I'm sure glad I don't have to go through all that. It sounds tiring. I can focus my energy on other things.
Messofanego
Banned
Thank you!
Also, just to add to the conversation about "missing things," the list of things I would have missed, if I'd walked away from this relationship years ago, just to sow my wild oats, is extraordinary. It's long and the experiences are deep and meaningful.
The only minor thing I sometimes think about missing, is the feeling of new love. The chemical reaction that feels so amazing, but is only possible in the very beginning. People with multiple relationships, experience that feeling multiple times, but it comes with multiple heartbreaks. That feeling is nice, but it's not worth exchanging the deep love that I feel now. What I really wish I could do is vacation in my past - Go back for a day and re-experience one of my first dates with my husband (butterflies and all). That would be the best of both worlds.
always crazy bacon
Banned
You're right it can be tiring, the dead ends, the wasted time but you know often you get these great fleeting moments and experiences with people that are unique and add to your personal growth. It's hard, because it's worth it.
Messofanego
Banned
SkeptiMism
Member
Or you know, maybe it's possible that you're so stuck in your own mindset that you can't fathom how some people can function differently?
I met my now-wife (who was my first and to whom I was the first) when I was 22 and married her a couple of years ago in the age of 27. It was clear that we're an excellent match for each other and that we love each other and want to spend our lives together. Should we have broke up just so we could get experiences with other people? No, that's a stupid idea.
I'm sure heart breaks and being intimately with multiple people can help someone grow a lot. And I'm sure one can have plenty of different experiences in general when being with multiple people.
But are those things that are in any way essential? Absolutely not. To be honest, I think this..
..is mostly bullshit and very similar to a million other things people say that you need to experience to learn about yourself. "You need to have children to learn about yourself", "you need to try out hard drugs to learn about yourself", "you need to get in shape and run a marathon to learn about yourself". But the thing is, life is constant learning anyway and there are so many ways to learn a great deal. I don't believe that in average people know themselves any better than I do myself or how my wife knows herself. I don't believe that you know yourself any better than I know myself.
Time is very limited so if I had been dating a lot when I was younger I wouldn't have got the experiences I did when I was living alone before getting together with my now-wife and in the time that I've been together with her. I would've grown to become a different person. It wouldn't have been any worse, but neither is the the way it did go.
I really hope that you'll learn about how different people can be and that you'll stop being so condescending.
mr stroke
Member
This goes both ways
Marty Chinn
Member
I can do there same with kids and not deal with the headaches of dating. I could even do the same by just meeting new people. There are other ways to expand your horizons than dating.
Matrix XII
Member
Started dating my first girlfriend and after 8 months, got engaged. We've been married now for 4 years and I couldn't be happier. She is such a wonderful, kind, caring woman. Being married is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Most other things seem to go poorly for me, but at least that's the one thing I got right!
brianjones
Member
dating is horrible.. jealous of married people
Like what?
You missed a lot not marrying your first, too. You can look at it both ways.
It's asinine to think one experience is better than the other.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Honestly I always thought I'd love the "free man" aspect of dating following my first serious relationship, but it ended up being a massive stress for me. Dating is hard!
The thing is... if you're relatively attractive/have your shit together, then you could essentially find someone new at any time. Anybody could break up with their spouse and find something new. And it would be new and exciting! And fun and novel. And intriguing and interesting... for a bit. The question is, why would you if you're anything approaching happy?
The thing is... if you're relatively attractive/have your shit together, then you could essentially find someone new at any time. Anybody could break up with their spouse and find something new. And it would be new and exciting! And fun and novel. And intriguing and interesting... for a bit. The question is, why would you if you're anything approaching happy?
Married my first bf. we have been married for almost 7 years with 2 kids. I never wondered what is out there. I believe in sticking with marriage and working things out so I care more about focusing on my marriage than worrying if I should have been with someone else. Also no one is perfect. Sure, there will always be guys that are smarter or more financially successful, or more romantic, or more attractive etc or combination of qualities that they have better than my husband. But that doesn't mean that guy will be a better husband or father.
You're simply justifying your life choice and I understand why. I'm still convinced it's an asinine move to marry your first for a variety of reasons. Most people who marry their first get together in their late teens or early 20s... that's bonkers. You're still a kid at that age, you have no idea who you are yet.
travisbickle
Member
The two hottest people I know started dating as teenagers and married. Have a couple of kids now.
They're both like model hot, like when we'd go out partying the girls would be like flys around shit on him.
From my experience I think it's people who have been raised in a happy household that are willing to settle down early.
I honestly can't think of one thing I missed by not marrying my first? Not one thing.
Glendemonium
Member
I only know a handful of HS couple that are still married to this day, even expecting twins soon.
Some couples are weird, I know two more HS couples that dated for like almost a solid decade before tying the knot, I think they were just engaged for a good six years. They come from the more affluent (a stretch for a small city) families that intermarry each other.
Everyone else, divorced within five to seven years.
If I married my HS sweethart I'm sure we wouldn't be together now. People just grow apart.
Some couples are weird, I know two more HS couples that dated for like almost a solid decade before tying the knot, I think they were just engaged for a good six years. They come from the more affluent (a stretch for a small city) families that intermarry each other.
Everyone else, divorced within five to seven years.
If I married my HS sweethart I'm sure we wouldn't be together now. People just grow apart.
LincolnSixEcho
Member
I did. We've been together since 1997 and got married in 2004. Three wonderful kids together, house, two cars. We've had some ups and downs, but so does every long term relationship. We definitely love each other and I think we're pretty happy and committed to each other. Matched libido for the most part, no problems in the bedroom.
Marty Chinn
Member
Time. The things you can do with that extra time.
always crazy bacon
Banned
You've got to wonder why SOME of those here that have only been with one person are so defensive and and dismissive of the opinions of those with more relationship experience. They like to throw the word AMAZING around a lot without expanding on it. Are they religious and tied into the dogma? I can't believe that they have never not thought about what it might be like to be with someone else, what their life could have been. We're naturally curious beings.
I'll say this though, everybody has only been in one relationship in their life, the first one. We all started at the same point and then progressed in different ways.
I'll say this though, everybody has only been in one relationship in their life, the first one. We all started at the same point and then progressed in different ways.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Dating other people or 30,000 posts on GAF. Time isn't and answer or justification in itself. You have more time not being in a relationship at all for example.
ryutaro's mama
Member
No, I did not.
Deuce Deuce
Member
My wife was my first real girlfriend although I did share some kisses and hugs with a few other girls. It's normal to be curious about how it would work out with other partners, but if you get along well and are sexually attracted to each other, there won't be any regrets.
Why does order matter when you love someone? I don't understand the blanket judgment.
Marty Chinn
Member
Your 3.5 posts a day isn't that far off from my 6 posts a day. You fail to acknowledge that the number of posts is divided among the time I've been a member here and it's more about the post per day average that is more meaningful. 6 posts a day isn't a lot. You should realize this because you made 14 posts today with 6 of them being in this very thread.
Clearly you haven't thought of how that time works out. More time together means we get to do a lot of things before we have to settle down. It also means we can settle down earlier. It also means we pool our resources together much earlier and can reap the benefits of doing so. Putting all that foundation and groundwork can pay off in the long run. It's the same idea behind starting your savings for retirement early because in the long run that will accumulate to something significant and more so the earlier you do it.
You also can't time when you'll find the right person. I know people who didn't meat their significant others until their mid 30s which means all those extra things I got to do because I was lucky to find someone younger and share those experiences with are now limited, especially if they want to have kids. Heck for some, they missed the boat for kids because it was borderline too late since once a woman hits the mid 30s, the risks go up dramatically.
So time is a huge thing you gain by finding the right person early.
anarchycupcake
Member
Met my now-husband when I was 13 on an online roleplaying website, as dorky as that sounds. We were friends for awhile, then when I was 16/17 we started online/long-distance dating after we met in person for the first time. We remained long distance (he was from a different country, moving wasn't an easy option), visiting each other whenever we could, for a long time after that until we finally got married and began the immigration process.
He was my first boyfriend, but I don't have any regrets. I never find myself wondering what it'd be like if I'd gotten with someone else or anything. I love him and I just had that feeling that it was the right match I guess. The point is, yes, it's valid to marry your first SO if you feel that person is right for you. You don't have to date around just because you feel "inexperienced."
He was my first boyfriend, but I don't have any regrets. I never find myself wondering what it'd be like if I'd gotten with someone else or anything. I love him and I just had that feeling that it was the right match I guess. The point is, yes, it's valid to marry your first SO if you feel that person is right for you. You don't have to date around just because you feel "inexperienced."
This is so true. My husband and I had 15 years together, before we had our son (well, 15 before getting pregnant). We had 15 years to do things just the two of us, be spontaneous and travel. We were really ready, by the time we had our son and I think that's made us better parents.
I have no idea what this means?
EDIT: Okay, saw your subsequent post.
If you've only been with one person you have no ability to know if she's 'right' because you have nothing to compare it too. You sound like a dogmatic person and that's fine, but having been exclusive to someone so young means you probably didn't do much partying, or exploring the world, or exploring yourself. I was in a long-term relationship for 8 years that ended last year. I'm 30. After it all went down, I booked a three-month solo backpacking trip through Europe and it was the best experience of my life. Invaluable to me as a person. There's something about constantly meeting new people, getting lost in the strange places, experiencing intimacy with other women, challenging your comfort zones and forcing yourself through the unknown that helps you grow immensely as a person. You never, and probably never will, experience that.
Most people who marry young do so because they settle. They are scared of the unknown, of starting again, and fear never finding anyone else because they lack self-belief. They finally get someone and latch on. It's so unhealthy.
always crazy bacon
Banned
It was a sarcastic remark, but thanks for the in depth analysis anyway. FYI, I'm not in your timezone, so what looks like today for you isn't for me! J/K
But you've just listed stuff you have accumulated as a justification, when most people are talking about the emotional experience.
You're working on the assumption that people are not in other relationships all that time you were with one person. Don't already have kids from those relationships and a hint that kids stop you having new experiences outside of them. in summary your relationship experience is a single narrow view and it seems to that anything outside of your path is more difficult and unfulfilling.
Married the second girl I "fell in love" with. I had "dated" her in middle school. We got married after we had met again at 22.
10 years of marriage and she decided 7 years in that other men were included. Tried to fix it for 3. Now she's my ex wife and I took custody of our 2 beautiful daughters.
One thing I've learned since...she SUCKED in bed. Awful, lol.
Hindsight is 20/20 😂
Shame I "wasted" 10 years of my prime, but I wouldn't trade my little ones for anything.
10 years of marriage and she decided 7 years in that other men were included. Tried to fix it for 3. Now she's my ex wife and I took custody of our 2 beautiful daughters.
One thing I've learned since...she SUCKED in bed. Awful, lol.
Hindsight is 20/20 😂
Shame I "wasted" 10 years of my prime, but I wouldn't trade my little ones for anything.
Marrying someone you love is unhealthy now? Jesus Christ, this offends me on so many levels.
I wouldn't waste my time dude. Its unhealthy to have this kind of conversation with a close minded individual. Instead of trying to see things from other peoples point of view.
texhnolyze
Banned
Not me, but I have friends who have been together since high school. Now they're married with two kids.
I broke up like 4 times before I found my wife.
I broke up like 4 times before I found my wife.
I don't know. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months. He's all I've ever known in terms of serious relationships. But we gel so well together and we're so aligned on everything that maybe we will get married someday.
I do get curious about other possibilities sometimes, but is it worth throwing away the great partner I have for curiosity sake?
For me, I want a companion in life. I found that. What else am I looking for? It seems anything else would just be curiosity for curiosity's sake...which is not a good enough reason for me to consider ending a relationship.
Lol at the assumptions here. I backpacked Europe for 2 months by myself the year before I met my first and only SO. You're right, it changed me, but some people will never be able to have that experience. As a matter of fact, my bf and I are long-distance for the past 9 months, and I just went to Paris by myself for a week and had a blast, and that doesn't hold us back at all.
I do get curious about other possibilities sometimes, but is it worth throwing away the great partner I have for curiosity sake?
For me, I want a companion in life. I found that. What else am I looking for? It seems anything else would just be curiosity for curiosity's sake...which is not a good enough reason for me to consider ending a relationship.
BunnyBear said:
Lol at the assumptions here. I backpacked Europe for 2 months by myself the year before I met my first and only SO. You're right, it changed me, but some people will never be able to have that experience. As a matter of fact, my bf and I are long-distance for the past 9 months, and I just went to Paris by myself for a week and had a blast, and that doesn't hold us back at all.
You're right, I don't know why I keep posting in this thread. Relationships are different for everyone. Invalidating other people's just makes me very angry.
Anyway, thanks buddy.
Yep.
Its fair to say that people all have different experiences, and being married to your first GF doesn't mean you can miss out on an intimacy, and discovery of things. If anything, you can make that as you grow with your SO.
The same goes to people that want to explore and have diversity in their experience. Good for both imo. But saying its unhealthy its just plain stupid.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Only if you ignore his quantifier "most" and the rest of his post. Like I said, there's got to be a reason there seem to be a few single relationship posters here that are very defensive.
Why can't they experience it? If you're financially in the position to do it (which is not everyone, I get that), you should. The things you learn about yourself are invaluable. You should be spending your early years exploring the world and yourself, not shacking up with the first person who shows interest.
I'm not trying to irritate you, it's just the concision I've come to based on my experiences. And I don't think anyone who marries their first really knows what love is... I mean, how could you?
This is coming from someone who doesn't really believe love is an actual feeling/emotion though, so whatever. To me, people who marry young are bamboozled by a combination of affection, lust, longing, comfort and self-doubt, and characterise it based on the 'love' construct that society has built up in our heads.
You're right, relationships are different for everyone. Which is telling, and exactly why you should experience more than one.
What you're really asking is: how do you not want to give up a healthy commited relationship for the random bullshit of the dating world? Why look for a good relationship if you already have one?
Rhomega Beta
Member
My parents did. Been married for 34 years.
Not everyone can experience that because as you said, not everyone will ever be able to afford a trip like what we described.
According to bunnybear they don't know what love is. Sorry dude.
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