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[starchild excalibur]

If so, how is the marriage going? I've been dating my first girlfriend for going on 3 years now and it's been pretty smooth sailing. While we've both talked about how neither of us plan to get married (in general) any time soon, I've always kind of wondered whether my lack of dating experience would be something that I'd wonder about if we did end up getting married.

She's a wonderful person and I have absolutely no desire to break up with her just to try dating other women, but there's definitely a part of me that wishes I'd had met her after experiencing a couple of breakups first. I know I lucked out with her, but never having been in relationships that were more trying or problematic makes me feel like I've skipped something in a way.

For those of you who married their first boy/girlfriend, was the "What else is out there?" feeling ever get to you? Was it ever a consideration? Just wondering.

edit: I'm currently 29. So, not a high school / college dating situation or anything.

 

[Straight Edge]

How old were you when you started dating?

 

[andymcc]

how do you not get curious about what other partners are like?

 

[Skellig Gra]

No, but I certainly thought I would at the time. You can pretty much guarantee if you do get married to this person that there will always be that thought in the back of your head about "what else is out there?". Not a huge deal but it will definitely pop up.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I know a couple that have been "dating" since they were in middle school (I think 6th or 7th grade lmao), and still, at 26, they're together. Not married though. Shit's crazy to me.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I know a couple that have been "dating" since they were in middle school (I think 6th or 7th grade lmao), and still, at 26, they're together. Not married though. Shit's crazy to me.

This screams early 30s break up to me.

Unless they have an open relationship.

 

[The Wall]

Nope. Only lured/duped into a hoax marriage with a piece of shit who wanted to have another "dog" on paperwork. Cover up isn't happening or being forgotten, military. Take your PR hoax and shove it up your asses.

You're not allowed to arrange for predators to have extra non-consensual spouses because the babbies are lonely and think they're entitled to have another "dog". I'm not going to be nice. Take your "dressing" elsewhere. Rafflesia flower is a bloomin' and it's all yours.

I'm resting. You don't know what disturbing is.

 

[jon bones]

no, and i've never seen this work out.

between college & your early 20s, i think you kind of need a few big breakups here and there to help you grow.

 

[Aeriscloud]

I hope to, someday.

 

[John Kowalski]

I have not seen a single relationship go through high school and beyond.

 

[shinobi602]

Yea. Met my wife when we were 14. Got together around that time, 15'ish, stayed together and got married at 22. I love my family and would do anything for them.

We're now both 27, have a 2 year old son (planning on more!), house and happily married.

I'm not going to lie and say I never get the urge, but I look at my family and we're all really happy, my son thinks the world of me, her family loves me...I don't want to throw all that away.

 

[starchild excalibur]

How old were you when you started dating?

26, just about to turn 27. I'm 29 now.

how do you not get curious about what other partners are like?

I do! But again, it's not like I want to break up with her. I love her and feel really lucky to her her in my life. And not lucky in the "Well, I'll take what I can get," but in the objectively lucky way. I feel like she's someone who, under typical circumstances, I'd date after a string of failed relationships and be like, "woah, relationships can actually be pretty sweet."

I mean, we're just going on 3 years so it's not like anything's set in stone, but yeah - it's been really good so far.

Yea. Met my wife when we were 14. Got together around that time, 15'ish, stayed together and got married at 22. I love my family and would do anything for them.

We're now both 27, have a 2 year old son, house and happily married.

Very cool Did you ever wonder about if you'd dated other girls? Or was it just a minor thing?

 

[RSTEIN]

Yup, married my first girlfriend, been together now 16 years. 3 demons.. er, children.

 

[deadlast]

I did, worked out well. We've been married for almost 9 years. She pisses me off and I piss her off, but we forgive each other and keep going.

 

[r3n4ud]

I've been with my love since grade 6. We married when I was 20 and she 19 and we have 3 kiddos. Me being 36 today, looking back, I'd do it all over again.

 

[Mr-Joker]

No but she did wanted to marry me but I wasn't ready for that commitment just yet, as I was only 9 years old. -_-;

 

[Beartruck]

how do you not get curious about what other partners are like?

Married high school sweetheart here. Honestly, it crosses your mind, but it's ultimately "the grass is greener on the other side" type horseshit. If you're in a satisfying fulfilling relationship, would you throw it away to fuck some random stranger?

 

[Valtýr]

I have not seen a single relationship go through high school and beyond.

Friend of mine has been with his girlfriend since early highschool, he's 27 now, so over a decade together. They're about to have a baby together.

 

[Ray Wonder]

This screams early 30s break up to me.

Unless they have an open relationship.

I wish they had an open relationship lol, I doubt it though.
The girl was head cheerleader, guy was starting quarterback. This is literally the truest thing I've ever said. They're like a movie.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Married high school sweetheart here. Honestly, it crosses your mind, but it's ultimately "the grass is greener on the other side" type horseshit. If you're in a satisfying fulfilling relationship, would you throw it away to fuck some random stranger?

Sometimes it is greener though. You might be settling with your partner, does that never worry you?

 

[starchild excalibur]

Married high school sweetheart here. Honestly, it crosses your mind, but it's ultimately "the grass is greener on the other side" type horseshit. If you're in a satisfying fulfilling relationship, would you throw it away to fuck some random stranger?

This is typically how I feel whenever the thought crosses my mind. It's more a sexual curiosity than anything else. I know how the honeymoon phase is. I know how novelties can be just that - novelties. So even another girl makes me wonder hypothetically, "How would she be to date?" I never think, "Oh, I'd probably be way happier."

Sometimes it is greener though. You might be settling with your partner, does that never worry you?

I don't want to speak for him, but I think it's only settling if you feel like you want to be with someone else, but you just stick with your current partner out of convenience. There are probably hundreds, if not thousands, of other women out there who could very well yield a relationship I'd enjoy more than my current one, but I stay in my current one because it makes me happy. Not out of convenience or comfort.

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

Thankfully no.

 

[shinobi602]

Very cool Did you ever wonder about if you'd dated other girls? Or was it just a minor thing?

Yea sorry, I edited my post after you replied!

 

[ApharmdX]

One of my friends has been with his high school sweetheart, they've been married 12 years. It's comforting, and there's a lot less baggage. I envy him that.

 

[Fuchsdh]

Will be coming up on a year of marriage soon, about nine or ten years of being together. My wife would know the exact time

Worrying about "what ifs" rather than enjoying what you have and focusing on actual issues in your relationship is going to set you up for failure in any endeavor. The grass will always look greener.

 

[boinx]

I know a couple who have been together since high school and they are getting close to their thirties now.

My parents also met when they were teens. Now they are in their fifties and they are still together.

 

[Red Liquorice]

I think you probably would wonder about "what if..." as you got older, but I don't think that's any reason to not pursue a relationship you are in if that's what you both want and everything is going well - why throw something you want away just to see 'what if...' ? Even people who played the field for years and then settled down will still wonder 'what if.'

 

[dragonflys545]

no, and i've never seen this work out.

between college & your early 20s, i think you kind of need a few big breakups here and there to help you grow.

Definitely this.

It made me a better man after a few breakups.

 

[wrowa]

how do you not get curious about what other partners are like?

That's a thought that will cross your mind in a long term relationship sooner or later anyway, regardless of whether or not you marry your first gf/bf.

 

[Beartruck]

Sometimes it is greener though. You might be settling with your partner, does that never worry you?

Nope.

 

[WrenchNinja]

One of my cousins did. She had been best friends with him since elementary school, secretly started dating him in middle school without their parents knowing (they're brown) and throughout high school, and finally married him after college. They've been married for 16 years now, they have three kids. It's kind of insane.

 

[andymcc]

That's a thought that will cross your mind in a long term relationship sooner or later anyway, regardless of whether or not you marry your first gf/bf.

well, sure. i've been in loads of long-term relationships (i'm engaged to a girl I've been seeing four years now, dated a girl for seven years prior to her) but I still can't imagine what it would be like to not have a frame of reference for what other relationships/partners are like.

 

[Stereogatari]

I don't get people who say you need to try different partners. What if people just get lucky and find the right person on the first go? Doesn't going in with a mentality of "trying different partners" mean you're automatically discounting a possible future with the first or first few partners you have? So like, that first person could be the right match but you discount them from your future just because they're the first one and you go in with a mentality of not trying hard enough with them?

It makes me think of how important timing is to these things. Let's say the people who like to try different partners, end up thinking they want to settle down around their early 30s? And they find the girl/boy they think is the one around this time. What if they had met this boy/girl in their teens or 20s? That means they never would have been with a person they were perfectly compatible with, because the timing wasn't right?

 

[FLEABttn]

I did. Been together 10 years now, it's going great. No regrets.

 

[Kor of Memory]

First real girlfriend, yeah.

By that I mean I "dated" a girl named Christina my junior year. One I had chased for two years, and was tired of being in the "friend zone".

She said yes. We went to a dance at school that weekend. She spent the entire night trying to hook up with a different guy.

That hurt.

I talked about it with a newer friend of mine. Mindy. We had been spending a lot of time together, hanging out. Somehow, over a night of Yahoo IM, I tried to tell her I liked her, and wanted to date. She shot me down.

Lets just say my ego was not doing too great at this point. Banking off a double rebound, I pretty much found the first girl that I knew had a slight interest in me. I needed to recover quick. So I started dating a girl named Sarah. This lasted for about 3 weeks. Except we never did anything just the two of us. Sarah and Mindy were pretty close, so it was almost always the three of us. I would realize later that Sarah and I really don't have anything in common, so I would break it off.

Maybe a week later, after talking with Mindy again, we'd kind of review that night on Messenger. She wanted to know why I rejected her. Except I thought she had rejected me. Basically we both failed at communication so hard, we thought the other had shunned the others advances. We started dating that night.

That night was December 3rd of 2001.
I graduated in May of '03.
Joined the Military in August of '03.
We did the long distance thing for 2 years. It sucked, but we did it.
She graduated May 25th of '05.
We married May 28th of '05.

We have no children, and have no desire to have them.
We have 3 pets. 2 cats and a dog.
I left the Military in '09.
We both found good entry level jobs after we moved back near home.
In 2014, we officially (by my standards) climbed out of lower class into middle, and went on our first out of country vacation/holiday.
In 2015, we celebrated our 10th anniversary by doing something way outside out comfort zone: We got tattoos.
In May of this year we will be traveling for the first time to a new continent.

For all intents and purposes. We were each others first for anything that actually mattered. We are each others best friends to the point that it might be unhealthy. We have a hard time making friends because the two of us have so much in common its' hard to find people who don't 100% think the same way we do.


Ask me whatever you want to know, chances are I've experienced it.

 

[Keri]

It seems to be working out great for me. We've been together 16 years total and married for the last 3. We're 32 now and expecting our first child this summer. I feel very fortunate to have gotten so lucky. I've never seriously worried about "what else is out there," because what I have now is working so well.

 

[shintoki]

Sometimes it is greener though. You might be settling with your partner, does that never worry you?

Well I would argue that is the problem. If you are thinking you're settling, then obviously you're going to have those doubts and its going to effect your relationship.

There is a big difference between thinking..."If I was single, I could fuck that girl" vs "I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with her over there. Since she is cute, funny, sassy, smart, and better than what I have currently, even though I've only know her for 4 months and seen her good side".

You're poisoning your own relationship.

 

[dity]

Still with my first partner. I dunno, I'm just not all that worried about other experiences with other people.

 

[Prophet Steve]

Sometimes it is greener though. You might be settling with your partner, does that never worry you?

But that is always the case.

 

[Vengal]

Been with my wife now 12 years, married for 3 with one little five month old demon. (We are both 29)

We have one other close friend couple that have been together for the same timeframe.

We went to different colleges and did break up for like a day or a week throughout that timeframe but always came back together after awhile.

Sometimes I can identify a pet peeve and sorta get lost in the woods imagining this little thing grating over 30 plus years but then I get out of that funk and confront it.

I think some people are just lucky and find the right person or are just more built for a single person. Several friends that live more open lifestyles can't entire understand limiting yourself but I don't really see it as a personal limit.

You want a life without limits though don't have kids . I wish I had the dbz time chamber to either spend more time with the kid or getting things done.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

I married my second serious girlfriend.

I've had several close friends marry their first serious boyfriend or girlfriend. Only 2 of them made it into their 30s with the marriage intact, but those 2 are going strong.

The ones that divorced did so because it turned out the adults they had grown into together just weren't interested in the same things, and every little problem just got bigger and bigger until it ended.

 

[Ryan242004]

Yes, but shouldn't have. We are currently going through a divorce 8 years later.

 

[Hoho for breakfast]

Yep, I married my first girlfriend and am glad I did. I had a child with her at a young age and so that kind of pushed things forward but I loved her regardless and I'm glad it's turned out the way it has. Of course I wonder what other women would be like but it's not like a huge deal or anything. Maybe if the sex was bad or something it would be an issue but...it isn't. My wife is amazing. Edit: we've been together 18 years.

Nope. Only lured/duped into a hoax marriage with a piece of shit who wanted to have another "dog" on paperwork. Cover up isn't happening or being forgotten, military. Take your PR hoax and shove it up your asses.

You're not allowed to arrange for predators to have extra non-consensual spouses because the babbies are lonely and think they're entitled to have another "dog". I'm not going to be nice. Take your "dressing" elsewhere. Rafflesia flower is a bloomin' and it's all yours.

I'm resting. You don't know what disturbing is.

....

what?

 

[Koriandrr]

Me.

I've known my bf since I was 13, we started dating when I was 16, I had my first time with him, then, as most people in the comments suggested, we broke up for a few months in which I had sex with other people out of curiosity, but came to the conclusion it was stupid and not worth it, we got back together and have been together for the past... 9 years? lol

Not married though, don't believe in fancy pieces of paper. But we have 2 cats.


I'm happy where I am, trust him 120%. It feels like we're ...life partners, best friends and lovers. Just the fact that we grew up together makes us think like a whole when we have to, while still keeping our own lives and developing ourselves independently. We've worked hard to get there, but communication is key in every long term relationship.

I've seen a lot of similar relationships fail because the people who grow up together kind of isolate themselves from the rest of the world and build this bubble around them, being like 'i have you and you're all i need'. That's a whole lot of bs in my opinion. That's what will cause a breakup sooner or later. You can't be that dependent on another human being. You have to make that difference that there is a you and then there is a we.

 

[FUBAR McDangles]

While I had a few little things with a handful of girls in high school and shortly afterward, I met my first real girlfriend my first weekend of college.

A bit over four years later and we are still together and we are getting married in August.

The "what else is out there" has rarely popped up for me and is gone pretty quickly. Never really been an issue.

 

[Maintenance]

Nah, there's still plenty of ice cream flavors out there.

 

[sangreal]

....

what?

I was starting to wonder why nobody else seemed to be seeing that post

 

[Acinixys]

For those of you who married their first boy/girlfriend, was the "What else is out there?" feeling ever get to you? Was it ever a consideration? Just wondering.

edit: I'm currently 29. So, not a high school / college dating situation or anything.

Everyone feels this way at some point or another OP

Ive been with my GF for 8 years, and very occasionally (like once every 2 years) I have the same thoughts.

But at the end of the day when you've been with someone for so long its hard to see yourself with anyone else.

Ive spent 1/3rd of my life with her, so I cant imagine being without her. Sure it could be fun to experience someone new, but what could they offer me that she cant? Probably nothing.

 

[modernlifeisANDY]

Yeah. I had a few "girlfriends" before, but nothing that lasted more than a couple of months. I started dating my now wife when I was 16, my sophomore year of high school. We are six months apart age-wise, but she was a year ahead of me in school.

We have now been together for 16 years, married for 7. We have a beautiful 4 year-old daughter, and our relationship is great!

Anyone in a similar situation probably has those "what if?" thoughts, and I won't deny that they exist - but that's just the physical stuff. I'm perfectly happy with my wife and have been for a very long time

 

[Jaffaboy]

Not me personally, but my sister married her only boyfriend. They've been together for over 10 years now, since she was 16 and he was 19. They got married just over 3 years ago and just had twin girls this December. They've grown together rather than apart, I suppose.