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Love sucks

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CortexVortex

CortexVortex

Banned
Everything sucks.
27 years old.
Gf broke up with me after 4 years.
My job sucks.
With my current salary it's going to be tough to find a new flat.

And the worst thing is, that I still love this girl. She is my best friend and I don't know what I should do without her.
Right now, I'm seriously panicking when I think of moving out / not seeing her anymore. Just this night I woke up on the couch (she stays in the bedroom for now) and had trouble breathing. We've talked a lot in the past few days and she told me that there's no chance of us getting back again. But deep within, I don't want to give up even if it's self-destructive.
She keeps telling me that it is not my fault but I know that it is actually my fucking fault. I didn't give everything to make it work and now it's too late.
People keep telling me that it will get better but how?
Right now, I don't have any hope left. I feel like a failure. Could not get a great job,could not save the relationship and can't even be on my own anymore.

I'm sorry for this stupid (and possibly cringy) thread but I just needed to get it off my chest.


Edit: Post#65 proves once more that I'm an fucking idiot
 
I

Ishan

Junior Member
Kayero said:
Everything sucks.
27 years old.
Gf broke up with me after 4 years.
My job sucks.
With my current salary it's going to be tough to find a new flat.

And the worst thing is, that I still love this girl. She is my best friend and I don't know what I should do without her.
Right now, I'm seriously panicking when I think of moving out / not seeing her anymore. Just this night I woke up on the couch (she stays in the bedroom for now) and had trouble breathing. We've talked a lot in the past few days and she told me that there's no chance of us getting back again. But deep within, I don't want to give up even if it's self-destructive.
She keeps telling me that it is not my fault but I know that it is actually my fucking fault. I didn't give everything to make it work and now it's too late.
People keep telling me that it will get better but how?
Right now, I don't have any hope left. I feel like a failure. Could not get a great job,could not save the relationship and can't even be on my own anymore.

I'm sorry for this stupid (and possibly cringy) thread but I just needed to get it off my chest.
Click to expand...

Simple answer to how is time ... Hope you feel better soon op .
 
P

Pinko Marx

Banned
Whenever I go through rough times the thought that I am not the first to go through such things is comforting to me. Knowing that others have been through similar situations and have come out on the other side with their life and heart intact.
All suffering is temporary, OP, whatever you're going through will pass.
 
entremet

entremet

Member
Sorry for your recent troubles.

No easy way to put it, breakups suck. Find some social support and don't be so hard on yourself.
 
M

Mechanized

Member
Most people go through this. It sucks. Doesn't seem like it will ever get better. It does, it just takes time. It's something you realize after the fact. Just reflect on what happened and grow from it.
 
Z

Zombine

Banned
Woah hold up, you're on the couch, she's sleeping in the bed happy as can be, and you still can't live without her?

Think about that. What you're scared about is your routine has been interrupted. You don't have the crutch of this human comfort blanket. You're going to find out real quick that after you let go that she wasn't worth all of this effort, especially if this is ultimately her breaking up with you because she found a dude she likes better.

Do we have all of the details of why this happened? No, so it is difficult to know why it happened. But, more often than not, this kind of thing happens because there is a new guy/girl.

You're 27. You're young. This current situation isn't worth it. The sooner you move on, the sooner you can improve your life and start meeting new people.

It sounds like you're putting way more effort into this than she is. That is not a person worth fighting for. Rooting for you, OP.

Edit:

I've said it here before, but do not think that the 4 years you spent was a wasted time investment. You learned valuable relationship skills that you can apply to your next relationship.
 
W

Weckum

Member
It'll get better, man. One day at a time.


Until that day, months from now when you're feeling a lot better and you dream about her and it screws you over for days.
 
T

Tagyhag

Member
People keep telling me that it will get better but how?
Click to expand...

As mopey as it sounds, time does heal all wounds.

OP, people in longer and more connected (marriage, kids, etc.) relationships have broken up and eventually gotten over it.

I'm not trying to make you feel like your relationship is small-time, but to show you that it DOES work.

I would talk to your ex and find out exactly why she broke up with you, and have her be honest with you, tell her it's not fair to you to hear lies because if it's something that you can work on, she's depriving you of that.

And, I know it's nice to cling to hope that you might be able to piece it all together, but if she says it's not happening, it's not happening.
 
A

Agentnibs

Member
It's okay man, we've all been there. It's going to take a long time, and maybe for long while you'll learn to live with it instead of accepting it, but it'll come.

As hard as it is, try to get out and do something to occupy your mind. Like just go for a walk, or a drive, workout or dive into a game or movie. Something to just keep you going.

You'll find peace but it'll take time. I currently going through it myself too. it's tough but it's going to be okay
 
Y

youngplaya21

Member
Broken hearts mend, OP: you just gotta give it time. Take some time to reflect on your life and what exactly you want from it in the meantime
 
C

ClosingADoor

Member
It sucks. It gets better, but it takes time. Not much else to it really. Find a distraction to keep your mind off it.

Also, you moving out is actually a mutual decision and not just because she asks you to right? Because it is kind of unfair to have you deal with all that when she is the one breaking up with you. Same with you sleeping on the couch. She couldn't find a different place for a bit or throw a mattress on the floor for herself? In a few weeks you'll look back at this and start seeing she wasn't the perfect girl you are thinking of right now.
 
S

siddx

Magnificent Eager Mighty Brilliantly Erect Registereduser
Yeah you're gonna feel like shit for a while. And it will get worse. But then eventually, like any wound, it heals.
I remember after my first serious live together relationship ended I was so devastated I lost about 60 pounds in two months because I couldn't eat anything. I just sat there wasting away.
But eventually I moved on. As will you.

I binge watched Lost to help distract me. Fist two seasons had just come out on DVD. Definitely find stuff to keep your mind occupied.
 
H

Helmholtz

Member
It can be both the greatest and worst thing to happen to you. It's high risk high reward depending on whether or not it works out.
 
A

airjoca

Member
I'm happily married, with a 7 month old baby.

When I look back at my life, I realize every heart break was a necessary step towards finding the "perfect" match for me. I grew and learned from each one.

Just don't become bitter, better days will come, the sun will keep rising every day, and love will find you again.

Good luck friend.
 
N

norm9

Member
Give her or yourself three weeks to move out. Then go no contact. She doesn't love you. Don't waste your love on someone like that. You'll find someone better.

Why the fuck do you get couch duty?
 
B

brau

Member
airjoca said:
I'm happily married, with a 7 month old baby.

When I look back at my life, I realize every heart break was a necessary step towards finding the "perfect" match for me. I grew and learned from each one.

Just don't become bitter, better days will come, the sun will keep rising every day, and love will find you again.

Good luck friend.
Click to expand...

Nice! im around the same. Except i have a 9 month old that is a wanderer trying to climb everything and anything on sight.
 
-Plasma Reus-

-Plasma Reus-

Service guarantees member status
Only time can help you OP. Take your time, spend it with as much family as you can. And introduce some new faces in to your life.
 
R

RapidCancel

Member
It's ok man. My ex-fiance of 5.5 years just left me for someone at her job. I got laid off from my job back in August too; so I'm jobless, living on my cousin's couch, and no longer with my fiance. So whenever you feel down, just think about how much worse it could've been.
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
Zombine said:
Woah hold up, you're on the couch, she's sleeping in the bed happy as can be, and you still can't live without her?

Think about that. What you're scared about is your routine has been interrupted. You don't have the crutch of this human comfort blanket. You're going to find out real quick that after you let go that she wasn't worth all of this effort, especially if this is ultimately her breaking up with you because she found a dude she likes better.

Do we have all of the details of why this happened? No, so it is difficult to know why it happened. But, more often than not, this kind of thing happens because there is a new guy/girl.

You're 27. You're young. This current situation isn't worth it. The sooner you move on, the sooner you can improve your life and start meeting new people.

It sounds like you're putting way more effort into this than she is. That is not a person worth fighting for. Rooting for you, OP.

Edit:

I've said it here before, but do not think that the 4 years you spent was a wasted time investment. You learned valuable relationship skills that you can apply to your next relationship.
Click to expand...

Hey OP read this post and believe it, this is the truth you need to understand. Getting a better job with more money would not have solved your relationship problems.
 
B

B33

Banned
It seems impossible now but you will learn how to live without this person in your life and you have no other choice.

The time you spent wasn't a waste. Learn from it and apply it to the future.

You won't heal overnight and we all cope differently when we lose someone or something. Focus on figuring out how to live on your own and get out of there. Sharing that space with the person isn't healthy.

Be patient and kind to yourself. Things will get better with time.
 
CortexVortex

CortexVortex

Banned
ClosingADoor said:
I

Also, you moving out is actually a mutual decision and not just because she asks you to right?
Click to expand...

Yeah it was a mutual decision. I thought it's for the best if I find a new place that isn't full of memories of her. I figured that I would just get more depressed as this was the flat we picked when we moved here together.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ7Myy7Hpxw
Click to expand...

The perfect post I guess.

Thanks for all the nice words, guys, I really appreciate it. I will try to meet lots of friends during the next few days and keep myself distracted.
 
N

norm9

Member
Kayero said:
Yeah it was a mutual decision. I thought it's for the best if I find a new place that isn't full of memories of her. I figured that I would just get more depressed as this was the flat we picked when we moved here together.
Click to expand...

Very nice of you to do this, but I think this is a bad idea. You're burdening yourself unnecessarily on a hypothetical feeling you might feel a month from now.
 
H

HotHamBoy

Member
Could be worse.

Could be going through divorce.

Could have kids.

I recommend re-investing in yourself and focusing on what you like doing. Creative and self-improvement ambitions. Maybe join a group or club or league.

Right now is the best time, when you feel something so strong and real. You are alive. Love is both joy and sadness.

The real tragedy comes later, when you realize you no longer feel anything about her. When most of your memories together have slipped into oblivion. You desperately want that right now because what your feeling is so intense, but believe me - that's the truly sad phase.
 
D

daffy

Banned
Bruh you have a salary. Some of us are out here getting paid weekly. Yeah she prob had the bomb pussy and made you feel like you were Zeus looking down from Mount Olympus but the fact of the matter is now you have the L that you can choose to turn into Lemonade.

Its like dying in Dark Souls. Now that you've been served your humble pie you can experiment and find the living strategy thats right for you, find another baddie, and rejoin us in the mortal world
 
S

Social

Member
If this was your first real love, it'll probably take you 4 years to get over it. Finding someone new/better will make the recovery easier.

It will take a lot of time to heal OP, but it gets better, very slowly. That does mean that everything sucks for what seems like forever.

Hang in there OP, you will take this experience and learn from it.
 
D

Death Metalist

Member
Time and distance are your best friends. The sooner you distance yourself the better you will be in gaining a new perspective and appreciation for yourself as a person. You don't want to be stuck with someone who doesn't appreciate you nor give a flying fuck about you, believe me. Don't live in a lie and just cut loose. Focus on yourself and the things you love, it's going to be a bitch at first but you'll move on and you'll be in a much better place. Surround yourself with friends and family as you let life just do it's own thing, be patient and you'll thank yourself later. Don't worry.
 
Shmuppers

Shmuppers

Member
You just have to try to keep your pride. Move on.

Love doesn't suck. It's the best part about living. Keep your head up and find someone else.
 
CortexVortex

CortexVortex

Banned
Death Metalist said:
Time and distance are your best friends. The sooner you distance yourself the better you will be in gaining a new perspective and appreciation for yourself as a person. You don't want to be stuck with someone who doesn't appreciate you nor give a flying fuck about you, believe me. Don't live in a lie and just cut loose. Focus on yourself and the things you love, it's going to be a bitch at first but you'll move on and you'll be in a much better place. Surround yourself with friends and family as you let life just do it's own thing, be patient and you'll thank yourself later. Don't worry.
Click to expand...

She still loves me... as a friend. And I would love to stay friends, therefore I try to make the right things. But maybe I really need a little break before I can friends with her, I don't know.
Right now, I'm just a giant fuck-up.

I remember after my first serious live together relationship ended I was so devastated I lost about 60 pounds in two months because I couldn't eat anything
Click to expand...

I'm sure that will happen to me as well. Can't even thinking of food at the moment.

It's okay man, we've all been there. It's going to take a long time, and maybe for long while you'll learn to live with it instead of accepting it, but it'll come.

As hard as it is, try to get out and do something to occupy your mind. Like just go for a walk, or a drive, workout or dive into a game or movie. Something to just keep you going.

You'll find peace but it'll take time. I currently going through it myself too. it's tough but it's going to be okay
Click to expand...

I'm sorry, man.
I hope, we both will get over it soon.

I'm happily married, with a 7 month old baby.

When I look back at my life, I realize every heart break was a necessary step towards finding the "perfect" match for me. I grew and learned from each one.

Just don't become bitter, better days will come, the sun will keep rising every day, and love will find you again.

Good luck friend.
Click to expand...

Thanks man.
I hope that, one day, I will look at it the same way as you do. I really hope I'm strong enough to get through this shit.


You guys are the best.
 
M

MattKeil

BIGTIME TV MOGUL #2
It doesn't hurt forever. I know you don't feel like it right now (I didn't at 27), but you're super young. Plenty of time to regroup and move on to something better.
 
P

painey

Member
you have to give up and move on. the early days are the hardest, man. keep your mind busy.. you are going to dwell, you will think it is fixable, you will go over the mistakes you made, but time always heals. You really, really need to find something to take your mind of things at the start. If you don't have netflix, get it.. anything.. just get over that initial hump and then every day it hurts a little less, until that one day when you can't even remember the pain. good luck mate.
 
CortexVortex

CortexVortex

Banned
painey said:
you have to give up and move on. the early days are the hardest, man. keep your mind busy.. you are going to dwell, you will think it is fixable, you will go over the mistakes you made, but time always heals. You really, really need to find something to take your mind of things at the start. If you don't have netflix, get it.. anything.. just get over that initial hump and then every day it hurts a little less, until that one day when you can't even remember the pain. good luck mate.
Click to expand...

Thanks mate.
To be honest, I kinda looking forward to going to work. Not because I like working there, but at least it will distract me from all the shitty thoughts in my head.
I have Netflix, yeah. Maybe I will start watching a new series.
I'm looking forward to the day, when all the pain is gone and we're just friends again.

It doesn't hurt forever. I know you don't feel like it right now (I didn't at 27), but you're super young. Plenty of time to regroup and move on to something better.
Click to expand...

I just hope, there really is something better waiting for me.
 
G

geomon

Member
I'm 36 and currently breaking up with a girl I've lived with for 13 years. Stop freaking out, you'll be fine.
 
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