-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Do you still follow gentlemanly customs?
- Thread starter entremet
- Start date
- Status
I have millions of jackets. Millions...
For the most part, yes. There are a few exceptions. I usually stand on the bus. But if I take a seat, I only give it up if the person is old, young, or is carrying something cumbersome. Regarding paying for a date, I do if I initiated the relationship. But if she asks me out, and it has happened to me twice, she pays. Also, I typically pull the chair for my date when she first sits down and open and close the car door for her.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
I think I do all of that except put on her coat and profanity. Nothing wrong with a fuck every now and then...
Droopaloop
Banned
For some reason I always make it a point to open the door for others.
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared
Member
Not sure if these things are being a gentleman, but of course I do, cos its about being polite and courteous. If I'm on a bus, and an old person/woman gets on, its only right to offer them my seat etc.
Any Questions
Member
I moat certainly do my good man. I most certainly do
HarlequinDaze
Neo Member
As a female we often cover expenses that everyone forgets about, like the meals prepared at home, so I appreciate being paid for when we're out - because it all evens out. Everytime I date a guy who insists on splitting everything I ALWAYS end up paying more. It's hard to account for all the money your girlfriend has spent, particularly if she has ever made you dinner, or you live together. The safest bet is to atempt to pay for 60% of everything and then you're covered for the expenses your partner paid for that you forgot to account for. It also depends on who earns more...you can always ask your girl what she wants, we are all different and appreciate different things!
ZackieChan
Member
by eating your poop
maquiladora
Member
I endeavor to always light a lady's cigarette when she is in need though deep inside I cry for the damage it does to the lady's heart and lungs. I am both her savior and the bringer of her doom, yet it is her yearning for assistance that calls to me the loudest.
Dice
Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
Opening doors: I do this for anybody if it's the right distance for it.
Walking close to curb: This is silly, though if there are puddles so the cars can splash on you, I could understand it. Otherwise the inside would be more likely to have muggers in the shadows or some shit, and if a car is flying off the road the inside person could help toss the outside person into better clearance while being in better clearance themselves. Either one is a super paranoid way to think/live tho.
Give up seat in public places: I don't live in a big city so I have never been in a situation where I would need to except some time I was waiting for the manager to unlock the store for work in the morning and someone from the place over that is open earlier was smoking. I'm not giving up my seat for someone who is making me breathe that shit.
Limit profanity: I don't feel like I talk like a sailor, but I don't go out of my way to stop myself. If my brother and I become all critical of things it might ramp up.
Pay for dates: I literally can't afford this shit so if she needs it to happen I'm not the guy for her. I think it's sexist anyway, just a callback to older times where you were a suitor for the debutante. It's 2015, we're individuals, and we're both finding out if we'll like each other or not. Get over the princess syndrome.
Put on her coat/open the car door/pull out her seat: This is only for a very special occasion where you're already an item and you're going out of your way to do the princess thing. Otherwise LMAO.
Walking close to curb: This is silly, though if there are puddles so the cars can splash on you, I could understand it. Otherwise the inside would be more likely to have muggers in the shadows or some shit, and if a car is flying off the road the inside person could help toss the outside person into better clearance while being in better clearance themselves. Either one is a super paranoid way to think/live tho.
Give up seat in public places: I don't live in a big city so I have never been in a situation where I would need to except some time I was waiting for the manager to unlock the store for work in the morning and someone from the place over that is open earlier was smoking. I'm not giving up my seat for someone who is making me breathe that shit.
Limit profanity: I don't feel like I talk like a sailor, but I don't go out of my way to stop myself. If my brother and I become all critical of things it might ramp up.
Pay for dates: I literally can't afford this shit so if she needs it to happen I'm not the guy for her. I think it's sexist anyway, just a callback to older times where you were a suitor for the debutante. It's 2015, we're individuals, and we're both finding out if we'll like each other or not. Get over the princess syndrome.
Put on her coat/open the car door/pull out her seat: This is only for a very special occasion where you're already an item and you're going out of your way to do the princess thing. Otherwise LMAO.
I'm a regular Jamie Oliver.
I find it a bit weird that men just offer up their seats to random women. I will gladly give up my seat for old people, small children, pregnant women, disabled people and anyone else that looks to have a harder time standing. I don't consider it bad manners not to offer your seat to a healthy young woman. It seems a bit outdated to be honest.
rhophiehalul78
Member
Before, I always give seat to ladies but with the "we wanted to be treated equally", I now just give seats to the old, disabled, pregnant and those who have kids with them. Makes sense to me.
blame space
Banned
Opening a door isn't incredibly hard, why is neglecting to open one for someone else seen as some huge slight and I'm suddenly a pariah.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Opening doors: Of course, I open doors for everyone but in particular people I am attracted to.
Walking close to curb: Why yes, it often makes the lady feel safer.
Give up seat in public places: Only to elderly people. Pregnant women could do with a little bit of standing, it was only a couple of eons ago that women would be out collecting berries and roots whilst pregnant.
Limit profanity: Not while talking to people I classify as friends or closer. Profanity is a spice of life.
Pay for dates: It's a good opportunity to flaunt your wallet and the magnum-sized condom it holds early on when you're dating someone. Later on I'm expecting us to split it of course.
Put on her coat: Done that in the past, and it is almost always appreciated.
Walking close to curb: Why yes, it often makes the lady feel safer.
Give up seat in public places: Only to elderly people. Pregnant women could do with a little bit of standing, it was only a couple of eons ago that women would be out collecting berries and roots whilst pregnant.
Limit profanity: Not while talking to people I classify as friends or closer. Profanity is a spice of life.
Pay for dates: It's a good opportunity to flaunt your wallet and the magnum-sized condom it holds early on when you're dating someone. Later on I'm expecting us to split it of course.
Put on her coat: Done that in the past, and it is almost always appreciated.
Night Hunter
Banned
Opening doors: Yes, but for all people. I don't make an effort to go in first though.
Walking close to curb: I didn't even know that that was a thing. I have walked 3 female friends to their door though or brought them home. One lived in a bad neighbourhood, one was robbed a few days before and one I just wanted to have sex with.
Give up seat in public places: Just for pregnant women, elderly and disabled people. So common courtesy. Plus I never minded standing, so it doesn't bother me at all.
Limit profanity: Nope
Pay for dates: For dates, yes, but I adhere to the principle that whoever asks the other person out pays.
Put on her coat: Nope
Walking close to curb: I didn't even know that that was a thing. I have walked 3 female friends to their door though or brought them home. One lived in a bad neighbourhood, one was robbed a few days before and one I just wanted to have sex with.
Give up seat in public places: Just for pregnant women, elderly and disabled people. So common courtesy. Plus I never minded standing, so it doesn't bother me at all.
Limit profanity: Nope
Pay for dates: For dates, yes, but I adhere to the principle that whoever asks the other person out pays.
Put on her coat: Nope
Not much of a gentleman I guess.
Switch Back 9
a lot of my threads involve me fucking up somehow. Perhaps I'm a moron?
If I ran my own, twisted version of society I would have people shot for not holding the door for the person behind them. It's one of my major pet peeves and is something so easy to do, it infuriates me that some people can't be bothered to extend such a simple courtesy. Regardless of age or gender, this is just the right thing to do.
Fantastapotamus
Wrong about commas, wrong about everything
I offer seats to people who need them more than I do and I hold doors if I go through them first.
I don't pay for first dates and most girls I date actually appreciate that and I try to limit profanity in front of small children.
Those seem like things a reasonable person would do, so I do it. I don't even try to be polite, I just try not to be a dick.
I don't pay for first dates and most girls I date actually appreciate that and I try to limit profanity in front of small children.
Those seem like things a reasonable person would do, so I do it. I don't even try to be polite, I just try not to be a dick.
ReadingRambo
Member
Living in the south, all of this is fairly common. In 30 years I've never seen someone get offended by my door opening or seat offering. Maybe we have less folks with axes to grind.
Oh, and y'all can fuck off with the "m'lady" and "fedora" shit. It hasn't been funny in a long time.
Oh, and y'all can fuck off with the "m'lady" and "fedora" shit. It hasn't been funny in a long time.
Vanillalite
Ask me about the GAF Notebook
Some stuff yes and some stuff no. My SO dislikes some of it as she says she's more than competent on opening her own car door and such.
That being said other things I do for everyone like holding the door open going in and out of a place and such. I also offer to help carry things if I see someone has a ton of shit. I also offer to help the old lady next door and the old couple kitty corner from us if they need it.
So yeah it all just depends. I ride public transit basically never so the giving up your seat thing doesn't really apply. I do drive my family everywhere though. Now my SO just knows I'll drive, and she doesn't have to worry about it.
She does the cooking indoors, and I do the cooking outside on the grill/smoker. So yeah it all just depends.
That being said other things I do for everyone like holding the door open going in and out of a place and such. I also offer to help carry things if I see someone has a ton of shit. I also offer to help the old lady next door and the old couple kitty corner from us if they need it.
So yeah it all just depends. I ride public transit basically never so the giving up your seat thing doesn't really apply. I do drive my family everywhere though. Now my SO just knows I'll drive, and she doesn't have to worry about it.
She does the cooking indoors, and I do the cooking outside on the grill/smoker. So yeah it all just depends.
CrankyKong
Member
people can open their own doors.
they have hands
they have hands
Wolf Dawgz
Member
I would tend to open the door for anyone when convenient. Im not doing that when people are bumrusshing behind me.
I walked close to the curb for my gf. Didnt know it was a commonly gentlemen thing
I'll give up my seat for the didabled and elderly. Women can stand on their own 2 feet nowadays unless they're the above
I dont use profanity in general I see women use it more then me.
My gf and I usually go Dutch. Or I pay for one meal and she gets the next. It feels better doing the latter though.
I don't /wouldnt usually put somebodies coat on.
Common courtesy is an extremely valuable thing, but it it's not specific to gender. Holding the door open for women but not men is utterly ridiculous, as is anything here you do specifically for women.
To think that there are people who tone down their swearing in front of women is ludicrously demeaning. It comes from the old fashioned thought process that "women are more delicate and innocent and need to be shielded from the harshness of the world by rougher, manlier men." The same applies to giving up your seat for a woman just because she's a woman. Pregnant women is obviously a different case.
The walking on the curb side of the street is just the most outlandish, comical thing ever. If I were a woman and a man deliberately swapped sides with me and he told me it was for my protection I would laugh in his face and then throw up inside.
If you were walking on a sidewalk with a close male friend, would you consciously go to the curb side? If so, then it's not a gender thing for you, and it's a deliberately selfless gesture that says "I would rather take the hit and sacrifice myself over this person I'm really fond of and don't want to see hurt." Cool. Then you're just a nice guy with common courtesy and it's no longer a "gentlemanly custom."
If not, then it's an outdated, sexist gesture that falls back into "Women need protecting by men, even in the subtlest of ways." It's no longer selfless, but instead becomes another small way to feel masculine or powerful in the presence of a woman.
To think that there are people who tone down their swearing in front of women is ludicrously demeaning. It comes from the old fashioned thought process that "women are more delicate and innocent and need to be shielded from the harshness of the world by rougher, manlier men." The same applies to giving up your seat for a woman just because she's a woman. Pregnant women is obviously a different case.
The walking on the curb side of the street is just the most outlandish, comical thing ever. If I were a woman and a man deliberately swapped sides with me and he told me it was for my protection I would laugh in his face and then throw up inside.
If you were walking on a sidewalk with a close male friend, would you consciously go to the curb side? If so, then it's not a gender thing for you, and it's a deliberately selfless gesture that says "I would rather take the hit and sacrifice myself over this person I'm really fond of and don't want to see hurt." Cool. Then you're just a nice guy with common courtesy and it's no longer a "gentlemanly custom."
If not, then it's an outdated, sexist gesture that falls back into "Women need protecting by men, even in the subtlest of ways." It's no longer selfless, but instead becomes another small way to feel masculine or powerful in the presence of a woman.
No way anybody witnesses puddle-covering and doesn't laugh their ass off:
yeah, fuck that. i'd take my jackets over a girl who wants me to do that any day
Rhomega Beta
Member
-Opening doors--I do this for everyone.
-Walking close to curb--No.
-Give up seat in public places- Never had to do this. I would probably do it if they were old or tired, but not specifically for women.
-Limit profanity--I don't swear, but that's less of a gentleman thing, and more of a "My parents will respect me less if I do".
-Pay for dates--I know I should alternate, but at the same time I feel like I'm obligated to pay.
-Put on her coat--Nah, she can put on her own coat.
-Walking close to curb--No.
-Give up seat in public places- Never had to do this. I would probably do it if they were old or tired, but not specifically for women.
-Limit profanity--I don't swear, but that's less of a gentleman thing, and more of a "My parents will respect me less if I do".
-Pay for dates--I know I should alternate, but at the same time I feel like I'm obligated to pay.
-Put on her coat--Nah, she can put on her own coat.
CitizenCope
Member
I didn't no the mans supposed to but I do it anyway. I'll also be the first to open a door. Not a car door though. Sorry I'm not walking all the way over there.
D
Deleted member 325805
Unconfirmed Member
I will give up my seat if you're preggers or old, and I'll hold the door open for anyone behind me.
bobawesome
Member
A gentlesir always knows how to treat a m'lady.
I open doors for most people but it can be akward in that range where they are kind of close but still far enough away where I am just standing there for a few seconds waiting.
I try to walk on the outside of my wife. A lot of people may see it as outdated but we live in Ohio so there is a constant threat of drivers going off the road.
We are in the county so don't deal much with public transportation but when I am in Chicago I do.
I limit profanity around children.
I paid for dates in the beginning but I was the one working and now that she is the one with the good job she pays.
I only have put on my wife's coat when she wasn't feeling good.
Our first car was a '92 so it didn't have power anything. I would go over to the passenger side and open it before doing my own.
For us it's not a sexist thing. It's about putting someone else's needs before your own. Sometimes playfully if she is going to open the door for me I will push her out of the way to get there first and then open it for her "like a gentlemen."
I always wondered what the guy does with his jacket after putting it in the puddle. Does he carry around the sopping hunk of muddy fabric for the rest of the date? Does he leave it there and just litter? I don't get it.
I try to walk on the outside of my wife. A lot of people may see it as outdated but we live in Ohio so there is a constant threat of drivers going off the road.
We are in the county so don't deal much with public transportation but when I am in Chicago I do.
I limit profanity around children.
I paid for dates in the beginning but I was the one working and now that she is the one with the good job she pays.
I only have put on my wife's coat when she wasn't feeling good.
Our first car was a '92 so it didn't have power anything. I would go over to the passenger side and open it before doing my own.
For us it's not a sexist thing. It's about putting someone else's needs before your own. Sometimes playfully if she is going to open the door for me I will push her out of the way to get there first and then open it for her "like a gentlemen."
I always wondered what the guy does with his jacket after putting it in the puddle. Does he carry around the sopping hunk of muddy fabric for the rest of the date? Does he leave it there and just litter? I don't get it.
Look, I'm not going to go about pinpointing whatever you're implying about what I said or myself, but I can tell you that I'm also not going to force myself and shove whoever I'm walking with on the sidewalk out of the way so I can be closest to the curb. That's ridiculous. If it happens, it happens, and it's mostly dependent on whether or not the thought crosses my mind. Honestly, it's probably more likely to happen with someone I care about, whether it be my girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, best friend, grandmother, grandfather, whatever. And as I said earlier, to me, this also still seems like a gesture done in common sense with a child, having nothing to do with gender.
I haven't consciously considered this gesture that much until this thread, which has been up a couple days now, and probably won't forget about it for like a week. Day-to-day, I hardly even walk with someone on the sidewalk at all.
JrBaconCheeseburger
Member
Question
As a man are you always stuck with the bill? I really don't mind paying but it seems odd that in some couples they rotate and in some it is expected of the male to pay.
needless to say i am no longer with this person but that was one thing i never understand.
As a man are you always stuck with the bill? I really don't mind paying but it seems odd that in some couples they rotate and in some it is expected of the male to pay.
needless to say i am no longer with this person but that was one thing i never understand.
ClosingADoor
Member
Depends on the girl. Some expect the man to pay always, some split, some offer to pay. No real rule about it.
The other way around works the same. Some guys insist on paying, others are fine with rotating or splitting.
1. I hold the door open for everybody. It's just the nice thing to do.
2. I've never heard of the curb thing before.
3. I swear all of the time except in a professional/formal setting or in front of children or the elderly (unless I hear the elderly person swear too, or I know them really well).
4. I only pay for dates if we wouldn't be able to go out on it anyway because the other person couldn't afford it, and even then, they still tend to buy drinks or an appetizer or snacks or something later on that night (at least my primary partner does).
5. I give up my seat for children/old people/pregnant people/the disabled because it is a nice thing to do and if I were any of the above I would hope that someone would do that for me.
6. If I'm with someone else and I'm getting a drink for myself, I'll usually ask if they want one too (not sure if that's more politeness or gentlemanliness)
2. I've never heard of the curb thing before.
3. I swear all of the time except in a professional/formal setting or in front of children or the elderly (unless I hear the elderly person swear too, or I know them really well).
4. I only pay for dates if we wouldn't be able to go out on it anyway because the other person couldn't afford it, and even then, they still tend to buy drinks or an appetizer or snacks or something later on that night (at least my primary partner does).
5. I give up my seat for children/old people/pregnant people/the disabled because it is a nice thing to do and if I were any of the above I would hope that someone would do that for me.
6. If I'm with someone else and I'm getting a drink for myself, I'll usually ask if they want one too (not sure if that's more politeness or gentlemanliness)
Tawney Bomb
Member
I do most of that, but I swear a lot.
- Status