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[entremet]

Obviously this question is for men.

Just curious do you still follow was are considered traditional western gentlemanly customs?

Quick audit of gentlemanly behaviors with my comments

-Opening doors--I do this for everyone honestly, but especially women and older people.

-Walking close to curb--I think I do this instantly in all types of company.

-Give up seat in public places-I do this for both women of all ages and older men and children of all sexes

-Limit profanity--I don't use too much profanity IRL and much less with someone I just met. I don't mind profanity in known company for humorous situations.

-Pay for dates--I do this. If it gets serious we usually do round robin style. I got her, she gets me next. Or per venue. I get dinner, she gets drinks. Etc. But only in committed relationships not during beginning stages of dating.

-Put on her coat--I actually never do this. I think this is a probably too outdated in my experience. I only really do this for the huge winter coats if we go to a place with a coat check like a swankier bar or lounge.

Those are the ones I can think of.

If you know more, add those.

 

[Dice//]

I think most people should do this is common courtesy. It shouldn't be limited to men either; I feel guilty unless I pay for a meal here and there or open doors (and that can't be because I'm Canadian).

 

[entremet]

I think most people should do this is common courtesy. Women too.

What about the curb one? I think the origins come from days of dirt roads right?

But you're right about common courtesy. We need more of that.

 

[maquiladora]

Walking close to curb?

 

[Mauricio_Magus]

No, I don't do any of that.

 

[Gordon Shumway]

Yeah, I generally do everything on that list..

 

[Shiina]

I give up my seat on public transport for elderly people. Not for (non-elderly) women or children, though.

If I open a door and see somebody behind me I'll keep it open unless they're too far away.

 

[sgjackson]

open doors out of force of habit due to parents.

 

[Oberon]

I thought the hold the door thing was just a trick to look at the girls butt.
Anyhow, it doesn't really matter what gender the person has, just be polite. ( they can take their coat themself off tho, unless they're old)

 

[WoolyNinja]

I try to do most of those except the coat one and limiting profanity. ! always open doors for everyone.

 

[Ovid]

Walking close to curb?

Yes.

When you are walking with a woman on the street youre supposed to stay on the side closest to the street.

 

[entremet]

Walking close to curb?

http://www.popsugar.com/love/Etiquette-Past-vs-Present-Men-Walking-Curb-Side-2671530

 

[mcfrank]

I open doors for everyone and am polite. I will give up my seat for someone who needs it more than I do, but not just to a woman because she is a woman. I will only open the car door for my wife if we are in a questionable neighborhood or she has been drinking.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

Obviously this question is for men.

Just curious do you still follow was are considered traditional western gentlemanly customs?

Quick audit of gentlemanly behaviors with my comments

-Opening doors--I do this for everyone honestly, but especially women and older people.

-Walking close to curb--I think I do this instantly in all types of company.

-Give up seat in public places-I do this for both women of all ages and older men and children of all sexes

-Limit profanity--I don't use too much profanity IRL and much less with someone I just met. I don't mind profanity in known company for humorous situations.

-Pay for dates--I do this. If it gets serious we usually do round robin style. I got her, she gets me next. Or per venue. I get dinner, she gets drinks. Etc. But only in committed relationships not during beginning stages of dating.

-Put on her coat--I actually never do this. I think this is a probably too outdated in my experience. I only really do this for the huge winter coats if we go to a place with a coat check like a swankier bar or lounge.

Those are the ones I can think of.

If you know more, add those.

1. Obviously the question shouldn't be limited to men. Courtesy's shouldn't follow gender norms anymore rather they should consider age, experience and physical health of the person being helped

2. I open doors for literally everyone

3. Not sure about walking close to curb

4. I do give up seats often, again without restriction, a body builder could ask and I would oblige

5. Don't use profanity

6. Never really been on a date but yes I pay or "treat"

 

[Siegcram]

What about the curb one? I think the origins come from days of dirt roads right?

But you're right about common courtesy. We need more of that.

"Protection" from horses and carriages passing on mud roads. Not exactly something to be afraid of nowadays.

Stuff like putting on coats or pulling out chairs isn't as much gentlemany as it is condescending. Women I know can put on their clothes and sit down just fine.

Paying for the date depends, but I think of it more as a measuring stick for how it went than who has the better manners.

 

[DiipuSurotu]

-Give up seat in public places-I do this for both women of all ages and older men and children of all sexes

Outside of the US it's not "gentlemanly" to give up seat for old people/ill people/pregnant women/children. It's just normal.

 

[Slayven]

Yes, it is a southern thing

 

[ElectricKaibutsu]

I don't do the coat thing or give up my seat. I'll give up my seat for an old person, a pregnant woman, or anyone that looks like they're struggling for whatever reason, but not a healthy girl the same age as me.

I used to pay for dates until I had girlfriends tell me they didn't like it after the first one.

 

[Currygan]

yes. I open doors, get the coat, pay the bill, kiss a lady's hand, and so on

 

[DoktorEvil]

I thought the hold the door thing was just a trick to look at the girls butt.
Anyhow, it doesn't really matter what gender the person has, just be polite. ( they can take their coat themself off tho, unless they're old)

Shit... I just did it to be polite. Didn't think there was a second reason to.

I try to do all of the above, except for offering to pay for dates. We split.

 

[entremet]

Outside of the US it's not "gentlemanly" to give up seat for old people/ill people/pregnant women/children. It's just normal.

Well. What about this. If you're in a train or bus, everyone is roughly the same age, but all the men are sitting and women are standing.

Would you offer your seat?

 

[Warm Machine]

Yeah. All the ones you do.

 

[Disgraced]

Yeah, I do everything there except putting coats on, and I only give up my seat half the time, mainly because there's usually somewhere else to sit not too far away and because in my experience, many refuse the offer unless you insist.

I'll give up my seat for an old person, a pregnant woman, or anyone that looks like they're struggling for whatever reason, but not a healthy girl the same age as me.

Yeah, I'll almost always give up my seat for those reasons though.

 

[HylianTom]

Pretty much do all of that. Take off my hat (err.. baseball cap) when I walk indoors or when a woman walks into the room, etc. I blame my Grandma and Mom; they weren't very formal, but they liked manners.. and it's hard to undo their social programming, I guess.

 

[terrisus]

Tip my fedora and say "m'lady?"

 

[Africanus]

I do a certain number of these actions because it a decent thing to do, and not out of some gentlemanly custom.
For example, holding open a door, I do it for everyone and haven't noticed any bias.
But I never do such silly customs as walking on a particular side of the street with a person.

 

[Quixzlizx]

Are there people out there who hold doors open for women but let them slam in everyone else's faces?

I don't give up seats to women just for being women, and I don't pull out chairs for women.

 

[jesu]

-Opening doors-- Yes I do this for everyone, and let other people through a door first if it comes to it.

-Walking close to curb-- Never heard of this, so no!

-Give up seat in public places- The need never really arises, I suppose I would give up my seat for an elderly person, or a pregnant lady.

-Limit profanity-- I swear in front of my friends, but never my daughter or people I don't know.

-Pay for dates-- Long term relationship, so no!

-Put on her coat-- Not really, but I might surprise her with that one day.Maybe pull out her chair too!

I try not to split lampposts but that may be superstition rather than politeness.

 

[entremet]

Are there people out there who hold doors open for women but let them slam in everyone else's faces?

I don't give up seats to women just for being women, and I don't pull out chairs for women.

I've seen guys hold doors for women and then make themselves go in even if I'm pretty close and they see me coming lol.

But not so much slamming the door.

 

[Frodo]

Outside of the US it's not "gentlemanly" to give up seat for old people/ill people/pregnant women/children. It's just normal.

I give up seat for all of the above and possibly more, but never for children. I don't see the point. Unless they can't balance properly and can't ride the tube standing up, but that never actually happened to me. If is like a family riding together, if I'm on a good mood I offer my seat so they can stay together if there are other seats available, though.

Would anyone mind telling me why we should give up the seat for a child?

 

[entremet]

I give up seat for all of the above and possibly more, but never for children. I don't see the point. Unless they can't balance properly and can't ride the tube standing up, but that never actually happened to me. If is like a family riding together, if I'm on a good mood I offer my seat so they can stay together if there are other seats available, though.

Would anyone mind telling me why we should give up the seat for a child?

Parents usually like to have their kids secured in public transit and sitting does that.

 

[Inkvoterad]

I hold the door open for anyone who doesnt seem to be the best at opening a door at that point (like someone who's carrying tons of shit) and unless you're old as hell or have physical disabilities that limit your ability to walk/stand then you aint getting my seat.

 

[Stereogatari]

Tip my fedora and say "m'lady?"

Ctrl + F "Fedora".

 

[DiipuSurotu]

Well. What about this. If you're in a train or bus, everyone is roughly the same age, but all the men are sitting and women are standing.

Would you offer your seat?

I wouldn't. It's condescending and I don't know anyone who does.

In European and Japanese trains and buses, there are actually seats that are specifically for old/ill/pregnant people. Anyone can sit there but if you see an old/ill/pregnant person it's normal to get up and let them sit. Anyway there are no seats that are specifically "for women".

 

[kirby_fox]

I get doors for people and ask if they need help when carrying a lot. But I don't specifically do it for women.

I don't exactly get dates all that often, so it's hard to pay for what you don't have.

 

[ronito]

Used to.
Got called/watched people get called white knights enough to stop mostly.
I mean just this thursday I walked into a building and saw a group of people nearly at the door I just went through, so I decided to just hold it open. The first person through was a woman with a cane as she walked by she gave me a huge glare and said "I don't need you".
what's wrong with people.

 

[ItIsOkBro]

I'm almost certain the people that get offended for holding a door open for them are a myth, so I still do that one.

 

[Angel_DvA]

Nope, girls love Bad Boys, they don't want to be threat gently anymore, believe me

 

[entremet]

I wouldn't. It's condescending and I don't know anyone who does.

In European and Japanese trains and buses, there are actually seats that are specifically for old/ill/pregnant people. Anyone can sit there but if you see an old/ill/pregnant person it's normal to get up and let them sit. Anyway there are no seats that are specifically "for women".

Well I think that's were the custom differ.

It's old school, but offering your seat to a woman, even an able bodied one is a common. I see it all the time in NYC subway. 50 year old men or given up their seats for 20-30 year old women.

 

[User 479360]

I'm a gentleman, so I do most of those things.

Opening doors-- Most people here in Canada do this by default. If they walk ahead of you, they'll hold the door open as they pass, or sometimes open it and let you go in ahead of them. I try to do this for dates (if I get there first), and do it for people who are disabled, carrying things, elderly, etc. I do it most of the time, to be honest.

Walking close to curb-- I instinctively move to the right or move out of folks' way, especially if they need the room.

Give up seat in public places- If I see a need, I move. I don't take up seats when people who need them more approach a waiting area or wherever.

Limit profanity- I swear a lot at home and when I'm alone or with friends, but try to limit it in public. That said, I don't really see it as a big deal.

Pay for dates-- I'm new to dating, and have only been on a few dates in the last while. I paid for all of them, but am hoping I won't have to pay for the next to be honest.

Put on her coat-- An opportunity to do this has never come up, but I think I only would if I saw that it would be a big help. It's kind of an outdated thing.

 

[The M.O.B]

Do you guys pull the chair out at restaurants? Or open car door for a date?

Both of those seem ridiculous to me.

I'll gladly do most of the things in the OP except the curb thing as that is way outdated.

 

[hunnies28]

Yes to all except the coat one.

 

[braves01]

I don't give up my seat for old people because I try not to be ageist and make presumptions about their ability to stand for extended periods of time.

 

[User 479360]

Do you guys pull the chair out at restaurants? Or open car door for a date?

Both of those seem ridiculous to me.

I'll gladly do most of the things in the OP except the curb thing as that is way outdated.

I opened the door for my girlfriend the other night when she was getting out of the truck. She knew I wanted to be a gentleman and said she was going to let me do it.

 

[Beloved]

I'm a woman so just wanted to give my perspective on this, the door opening thing doesn't seem restricted to gender at all anymore - I open the door for people who are walking right behind me and other people usually do the same for me.

The curb thing - literally never crossed my mind and I've never seen anyone go out of their way to do this. Could be I've just never noticed, since that one is severely antiquated.

I've never had anyone try and help me put on a coat. I feel like that would just be awkward anyway. I've only ever helped children put on their coats.

Limiting profanity doesn't seem to have much to do with gender in my experience. Maybe avoiding specific words, but that kind of courtesy seems mostly reserved for elders or people in general that might find it offensive (ie. I don't curse in front of my family ever, but I curse around my friends all the time).

I can't really comment on giving up seats, it's not something that comes up very much so I really don't have a feeling about it one way or another. Giving up a seat for pregnant women or a frail old person is just common sense though.

The paying for dates thing - I've been in a relationship for 3 years so the date thing has become obsolete for me. In the past though, usually the guy paid. I didn't think much of it back then, since I was raised to expect that. My perspective now is different - it depends on both people's financial situation and what they both want/agree to.

Another note about paying for stuff though, I have noticed that my male friends will often insist on paying for my lunch if we go grab a bite to eat, and I know it's because I'm a girl. But I make an effort to offset that, by insisting on buying their food the next time, so it ends up evening out.

All in all I just wanted to be treated like an equal, with the respect and common courtesy that goes with it.

 

[bro1]

Tip my fedora and say "m'lady?"

I say my good sir that was to be my first post!

 

[entremet]

Do you guys pull the chair out at restaurants? Or open car door for a date?

Both of those seem ridiculous to me.

I'll gladly do most of the things in the OP except the curb thing as that is way outdated.

You beep her in lol.

 

[jesu]

Used to.
Got called/watched people get called white knights enough to stop mostly.
I mean just this thursday I walked into a building and saw a group of people nearly at the door I just went through, so I decided to just hold it open. The first person through was a woman with a cane as she walked by she gave me a huge glare and said "I don't need you".
what's wrong with people.

I'm going to say you imagined that or misinterpreted her look.

 

[Derwind]

I do 3 out of the 5.

I don't limit my profanity as much as I should but I'd rather show my personality as honestly as possible.

And I don't do the coat thing.

The rest are mostly common courteousy. I try to do this regardless of gender.

 

[entremet]

Used to.
Got called/watched people get called white knights enough to stop mostly.
I mean just this thursday I walked into a building and saw a group of people nearly at the door I just went through, so I decided to just hold it open. The first person through was a woman with a cane as she walked by she gave me a huge glare and said "I don't need you".
what's wrong with people.

White knight?!

Being courteous is white knighting now? Talk about a word that has just been destroyed beyond all recognition.

I'm a woman so just wanted to give my perspective on this, the door opening thing doesn't seem restricted to gender at all anymore - I open the door for people who are walking right behind me and other people usually do the same for me.

The curb thing - literally never crossed my mind and I've never seen anyone go out of their way to do this. Could be I've just never noticed, since that one is severely antiquated.

I've never had anyone try and help me put on a coat. I feel like that would just be awkward anyway. I've only ever helped children put on their coats.

Limiting profanity doesn't seem to have much to do with gender in my experience. Maybe avoiding specific words, but that kind of courtesy seems mostly reserved for elders or people in general that might find it offensive (ie. I don't curse in front of my family ever, but I curse around my friends all the time).

I can't really comment on giving up seats, it's not something that comes up very much so I really don't have a feeling about it one way or another. Giving up a seat for a pregnant women or a frail old person is just common sense though.

The paying for dates thing - I've been in a relationship for 3 years so the date thing has become obsolete for me. In the past though, usually the guy paid. I didn't think much of it back then, since I was raised to expect that. My perspective now is different - it depends on both people's financial situation and what they both want/agree to.

Another note about paying for stuff though, I have noticed that my male friends will often insist on paying for my lunch if we go grab a bite to eat, and I know it's because I'm a girl. But I make an effort to offset that, by insisting on buying their food the next time, so it ends up evening out.

All in all I just wanted to be treated like an equal, with the respect and common courtesy that goes with it.

I actually do pay a lot for female friends as well. But we usually do a rotation. But same with guy friends. I hate splitting checks.