So I have a rather nice and padded office chair I use to enjoy lengthy periods of time on the computer. Shit happens, pun intended, and it's about time I try to get this thing smelling on the up and up. Currently I have the chair disassembled and I've used some Tuff Stuff to lightly clean it followed with some Febreze. It sits outside air-drying and I fear this will not be enough. Anyone have any suggestions or experience forcefully facilitating foul flatulents from a fluffy faithful chair?
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My computer chair smells of ass and I need it not to...
- Thread starter TommyT
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Count Dookkake
Member
Wipe/bathe better or more often.
Change pants more often.
If you are prone to leaving visible ass sweat on chairs, use a towel.
Change pants more often.
If you are prone to leaving visible ass sweat on chairs, use a towel.
StalkerUKCG
Banned
OP got swamp ass confirmed.
Burn the chair. Evacuate the house. Create a singularity and put your ass in it.
Burn the chair. Evacuate the house. Create a singularity and put your ass in it.
Rubbish King
The gift that keeps on giving
Step 3: Feed it Pizza
Red Liquorice
Member
Never thought to smell a chair before, just did so and it smells like fabric softner.
One clean ass here.
One clean ass here.
Omegasquash
Member
Are you saying that you shit in your chair?
NameGenerated
Who paid you to grab Dr. Pavel?
One time my friend was masturbating nude in his computer chair and he sharted.
Flying Toaster
Member
Can you take pics of you shitting in the chair. I need some images for a project.
Trojita
Rapid Response Threadmaker
I think he is lol.
Samurai_Heart
Member
Sure, "friend."
Flying Toaster
Member
Swap it with your bosses chair.
dispensergoinup
Gold Member
Is it (p)leather or some kind of fabric? I'm gonna guess the fabric stuff would probably absorb more ass funk. In which case I'd use some heavy duty cleaner from Home Depot, maybe.
Count Dookkake
Member
Don't ride the edge of the turtle head.
EightBitNate
Member
I think less of you
bahahaha did you witness this?
dispensergoinup
Gold Member
How do you know thisss?
Butt is always clean, I use baby wipes after the toilet paper to confirm.
Bathing more often probably... but that won't stop my farts from smelling. No ass sweat to speak of.
My fart's smell penetrates multiple layers of clothing with ease. I never go underwear to chair.
Flying Toaster
Member
Use a blacklight on the chair it might not just be shit your smelling.
Wellington
BAAAALLLINNN'
A little off-topic but this one guy at the office was telling me about how he had a co-worker that they'd regularly curse each other out and generally it was a bad relationship. To get him, one night he goes to the local fish market and buys a pound of shrimp. Set the package out in his back yard and leaves it out in the sun for a few days. After a few days the shrimp now stinks, it's gummy, etc. Just overall terrible. He stays late one night and takes apart his co-worker's office chair and puts the old rotten shrimp in the cover of the piston for the chair.
Months go by and the dude tore his office apart to try and find the stink but to no avail. People would come in and immediately gag at the smell in his area. One of the finest pranks I've ever heard of.
Months go by and the dude tore his office apart to try and find the stink but to no avail. People would come in and immediately gag at the smell in his area. One of the finest pranks I've ever heard of.
Flying Toaster
Member
I call fake... You dont put the tissues out of reach.
Omegasquash
Member
This is the best thread I've read all day.
NameGenerated
Who paid you to grab Dr. Pavel?
He told the tale and I never forget it because it's so damn hilarious.
:lol my pun was not literal! The flatulents are the problem here. I'm not pooping in my chair!
Truly the bane of my existence here.
Trojita
Rapid Response Threadmaker
Farts shouldn't cause any lingering smell if you are wearing pants.
Omegasquash
Member
Don't wait until the head is poking out, mate. When you feel one coming on, just hit the head.
V
Vilix
Unconfirmed Member
Great title, OP. Tag incoming.
Flying Toaster
Member
Do you hit the bathroom? Or do you mean push it back in?
If your chair smells like shit that means your pants smell like shit. Since your pants smell like shit I'm sure the people around you can also smell it. Basically you smell like shit and no one has had the heart to tell you that you need to take a shower and wash your ass with a Pine Sol and hot sauce mixture.
Bi-directional load.
I'm gonna do it someday. I'm such a lazy bum at home.
Flying Toaster
Member
is the motherload.
I don't think that was his intention, but that certainly is the inevitable result.
Ugh, but then I have to get up. Granted, my bathroom is directly connected to this room but still...
Incorrect. While my pants don't smell fabuloso, and after a fart they're probably pretty rank, they generally smell nice. The ones around me are my dog and cat (this is my personal chair at home). The former loves to root around in the seat as he apparently loves the smell of farts. The cat can't be bothered to care.
Pine Sol spray might work, I think we have some and I'll try that in the next go around after Febreeze. The hot sauce... that would just burn my butt and I already don't like that feeling when it's coming out from eating it.
Come on, man.
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