There is a psychological barrier as described in OP that a lot of people have, where accepting any setting below the highest means your card is obsolete, inadequate or what have you. It's a blow to the psyche to find out there's something you can't do, or something you can't do without compromising something, possibly framerate. The first time this happens on your video card is usually when it hits, but over time you'll stop caring if you're a healthy person and accept that turning down one setting isn't such a bad thing.
What people have to consider is the idea of future proofing games to some extent. The highest setting in some areas is often there just to push hardware because it can, even though it doesn't create much of a difference and is frequently not worth the tradeoff. If devs never included these settings, people wouldn't run into these wounds to their video-card epeen nearly as often, but there would be less scalability for the game going into the future - that feeling where you bought a new rig in 2011 and you could finally tame Crysis maxed out. I guess the phenomena we experienced with SoM is caused by considering it as the developer failing to optimize the game, rather than as a favor to people who might have ultra-high end rigs (titans etc) and people playing the game in the future. It is thought of unconsciously as them taking away from you, when actually they were giving something to others. Had there never been an ultra texture pack and ultra setting, there would have been no controversy at all. So why be upset?
Settings like ubserampling in The Witcher 2 didn't cause people to freak out because in their minds it was just a crazy IQ setting, some sort of Anti-Aliasing, and it gets mentally grouped sorted into the "optional stuff" bin. The ultra texture setting in SoM did cause people to freak out though, because texture quality is seen as one of the core parts of the graphics. Actually though, I would encourage developers to push in the direction of more and higher graphical settings to better take advantage of people using SLI, people using Titans and other ultra-high end cards, with the caveat that they adequately communicate their intention for it to be a "future / ultra high end" setting. At the same time tho, the PC community is going to have to suck it up and get used to this sort of thing, because it's actually to their benefit, not their detriment.