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Dealing with an ex-prostitute

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Majmun

Majmun

Member
My brother broke up with his gf four years ago. He had to move abroad for business and he didn't want to take his gf with him. Now he's back and they started to date again.
It's clear that he still loves her, and she loves him as well.

But he dumped her again this weekend. She confessed to him that she became a prostitute a few months after his department and that she practiced the job for almost two years. He doesn't accept her in his life anymore.
He still loves her. But the thought of dating an ex-prostitute is really disgusting to him. He's cutting her loose again and she's devestated by it.

I have a good relationship with her. I hadn't seen her much after my brother broke up with her. But we always had this brother-sister relationship going on and I don't want that to end. My brother doesn't even want me to hang out with her anymore wtf.

My brother is devestated as well. He thinks now that it's his fault that she became a prostitute. He didn't want to take her abroad with him, so she became depressed and did a stupid thing. That's what he thinks. But I'm not blaming him. Neither does his ex.

She's really depressed now as well and I don't know what to do. They have been dating for a good two weeks now and everything was going really well. I'm glad that she was being honest and told him everything. But if she had kept it a secret, no one would find out. I think.

I want them to be back together, but she was a prostitute. I can still be friends with her, I personally don't mind what she has done. But I think I'd also would have trouble dating an ex-prostitute. Should I give them any advice or just leave them be?
 
R

Rembrandt

Banned
Leave them be. I really doubt he's going to get over that. That's a hard ass thing to work through, imo.

Why didn't he take her abroad if he was gone for so long, though?
 
U

UFO

Banned
They need to go their separate ways and she needs to find a reliable job so she doesn't fall back into prostitution. Do not try to get them back into a relationship, the quicker everyone moves on the better.
 
K

Kame

Member
That's tough to deal with.

I suggest let them have it talk it out cause that's a problem you don't want to be in the middle with.
 
L

Lord Fagan

Junior Member
Probably best to just stay out of it. Be there for your brother. He's the priority, no question, make sure he has your respect. Sounds awful to have to face with someone he cares about. But he's quite right to be very wary. After two years of this woman turning tricks, this is a dangeroua Pandora's box.

Be civil and respect boundaries of all parties. Everybody being decent to each other is gonna be tough, but it's the best tactic all around. Good luck.
 
K

Kinvara

Member
The stigma against sex workers is terrible and damaging.

It's cruel how people will hold the fact that she was once a prostitute against her for the rest of her life.

I would get her in touch with a support group for former sex workers. She isn't alone.
 
I

industrian

will gently cradle you as time slowly ticks away.
Leave them be.

Rembrandt said:
Why didn't he take her abroad if he was gone for so long, though?
Click to expand...

Unless this case is within the EU: she wouldn't be able to work there unless she had a work permit, and even with visa-free travel she'd have to leave the country before it expired and then come back. Potentially lots of hassle with visas. That and it was for four years.
 
Majmun

Majmun

Member
My brother's ex-gf doesn't want to talk about her time being a prostitute. She's really unconformtable when talking about it. She just says that it was a huge mistake and wishes to erase everything if she could.

She's Dutch. My brother and I are from Kosovo. He's muslim and she didn't want to convert. My brother eventually decided to move near Kosovo, work there and eventually marry someone that shares his beliefs and culture.

He still has his company there, and he found a muslim girl as well. But that didn't work out and they seperated a few months ago. He wants to return to Holland again.
 
J

Jarmel

Banned
Beysus said:
My brother's ex-gf doesn't want to talk about her time being a prostitute. She's really unconformtable when talking about it. She just says that it was a huge mistake and wishes to erase everything if she could.

She's Dutch. My brother and I are from Kosovo. He's muslim and she didn't want to convert. My brother eventually decided to move near Kosovo, work there and eventually marry someone that shares his beliefs and culture.

He still has his company there, and he found a muslim girl as well. But that didn't work out and they seperated a few months ago. He wants to return to Holland again.
Click to expand...

So religious reason too?

Leave the relationship be, it's dead Jim.
 
G

GreatestHits

Member
OK, so, she was heavily dependant on him. That's a sign that she's not healthy.

It's that simple OP, she's not healthy mentally, her deciding to do that in wake of him leaving is a HUGE red flag (this has nothing to do with prostitution in and of itself).

It's also a little bit wierd that they loved eachother so much, but everything would "just end" because he has business abroad. This situation is far more complex than implied in the OP ;)

Not a healthy relationship no matter which way you slice it given the intel OP, I will offer ya what truths I am able to behold

entrement said:
Why are you getting involved?

I don't get it.
Click to expand...

It seems that their communication is pretty non-existent yet he has is able to communicate with them both
 
D

Derwind

Member
Oldest profession in the world, I'd probably do it if there was a market for short, slightly overweight men in thier mid twenties. Which I have confirmed there are none...

Also its one thing to not date someone who is/was a prostitute (which while I can understand but then again kinda feel slightly inclined to disagree) but it sounds like he really thinks less of her as a human being which is something he really needs to grow out of.

Also leave it be, don't go invoving yourself like that, if you are any sort of friend to her, just be understanding and empathetic to her. Be the friend she needs.
 
K

Kinvara

Member
Beysus said:
My brother's ex-gf doesn't want to talk about her time being a prostitute. She's really unconformtable when talking about it. She just says that it was a huge mistake and wishes to erase everything if she could.
Click to expand...

I'm unfamiliar with the area but are there resources that she could go to for help? There are online options, of course. She'd probably benefit from a support group.

entrement said:
Why are you getting involved?

I don't get it.
Click to expand...

Because they care about both of them?

Beysus said:
I have a good relationship with her. I hadn't seen her much after my brother broke up with her. But we always had this brother-sister relationship going on and I don't want that to end. My brother doesn't even want me to hang out with her anymore wtf.
Click to expand...
 
entremet

entremet

Member
GreatestHits said:
OK, so, she was heavily dependant on him. That's a sign that she's not healthy.

It's that simple OP, she's not healthy mentally, her deciding to do that in wake of him leaving is a HUGE red flag (this has nothing to do with prostitution in and of itself).

It's also a little bit wierd that if they loved eachother so much, but everything would "just end" because he has business abroad. This situation is far more complex than implied in the OP ;)

Not a healthy relationship no matter which way you slice it given the intel OP, I will offer ya what truths I am able to behold



It seems that their communication is pretty non-existent yet he has is able to communicate with them both
Click to expand...

It just seems unless there is abuse involved or blatant cheating, getting involved in others relationships is fruitless. People are gonna make their decisions.

OP is an adult. If he wants to hangout with her, he should.
 
Majmun

Majmun

Member
entrement said:
Why are you getting involved?

I don't get it.
Click to expand...

We always were friends. Sure, the contact between us faded a bit after my brother and her broke up. But she's a really cool chick and I like her. (not in a sexual way)

I just want the best for both of them. I have to respect my brother's decision and in the same time comfort her because she's currently feeling really depressed and loathes herself.

I've known this girl for almost a decade.
 
entremet

entremet

Member
Beysus said:
We always were friends. Sure, the contact between us faded a bit after my brother and her broke up. But she's a really cool chick and I like her. (not in a sexual way)

I just want the best for both of them. I have to respect my brother's decision and in the same time comfort her because she's currently feeling really depressed and loathes herself.

I've known this girl for almost a decade.
Click to expand...

Stay friends with her. She's obviously important to you.

You don't have to tell your brother you're in contact with her. It's your life, not his.

GreatestHits said:
Dude WTF, he's trying to help, not bang
Click to expand...

I'm aware. I read the thread. He's pretty obvious about it being platonic.

I was speaking about his desires to get them back together. That's fruitless and a waste of time. If they want to reconcile, they will on their own accord.
 
O

olympia

Member
Kinvara said:
The stigma against sex workers is terrible and damaging.

It's cruel how people will hold the fact that she was once a prostitute against her for the rest of her life.

I would get her in touch with a support group for former sex workers. She isn't alone.
Click to expand...

This.
 
M

mullet2000

Member
Kinvara said:
The stigma against sex workers is terrible and damaging.

It's cruel how people will hold the fact that she was once a prostitute against her for the rest of her life.

I would get her in touch with a support group for former sex workers. She isn't alone.
Click to expand...

Enh, it's more complicated than that. She doesn't deserve to be treated poorly by any stretch of the imagination, and she absolutely should look in to going to a support group, but I can fully understand why a potential partner (especially one that was her partner before and after the prostitution job happened, and seems to have still loved her during that time) would have problems with it. It's not an easy thing to get over, emotionally.
 
M

Mr.Swag

Banned
If he still loves her, why leave then?


Me in that situation would forget about her past, and be hopeful about the future.
 
J

John Kowalski

Banned
I wouldn't doubt it that even if they became a couple again that he'd always consider using her past as a prostitute as the upper hand in their eventual fights. I wouldn't ever advise someone to have a relationship like that.

Sometimes you have let it go.
 
D

DJ Crimson

Banned
fierro said:
It isn't cruel if he doesn't want to be with her because of her past. She has shown to make very poor decisions and she regrets it. Would suck to live knowing maybe she did enjoy it and might miss it.
Click to expand...

Shown to make poor decisions? You're basing this on the fact that she was a prostitute and that they broke up twice? Uh huh.
 
P

Peltz

Member
Kinvara said:
The stigma against sex workers is terrible and damaging.

It's cruel how people will hold the fact that she was once a prostitute against her for the rest of her life.

I would get her in touch with a support group for former sex workers. She isn't alone.
Click to expand...

Eh... even if she's "clean" now (by that I mean no STDs and no longer engaging in the behavior) there's still the very real -- and non-stigmatic -- issue of whether or not OP's brother still finds her attractive on a personal level.

Sometimes, these things have nothing to do with societal stigmas, and everything to do with losing attraction to someone when you get to know more details about his or her life.

Personally, even though I've - to my knowlegde - never met a sex worker, I doubt I would be as interested in someone if she told me she ever engaged in such behavior. There's nothing wrong with OP's brother for wanting to move on from the relationship. It's sad for the former sex worker to feel rejected, but not everyone has to love everyone else.

I'm sure many girls will pass on me because I'm a lawyer and they aren't attracted to lawyers... and that's okay for the same reasons. Certain people just cannot love particular qualities in certain other people.
 
K

Keri

Member
You should definitely stay friends with her, OP. It sounds like she can use it. Also, I'd encourage your brother to leave her alone, for her sake. It sounds like your brother has entered this woman's life twice and twice tossed her out again for not being good enough for him. At some point, it's just cruel and, if it happens again, it will probably send her over the edge.
 
B

Bleepey

Member
She's still a person. People do desperate things when in desperate situations. Men may resort to crime, women may go into sex work.
 
J

JohnDoe

Banned
Beysus said:
My brother's ex-gf doesn't want to talk about her time being a prostitute. She's really unconformtable when talking about it. She just says that it was a huge mistake and wishes to erase everything if she could.

She's Dutch. My brother and I are from Kosovo. He's muslim and she didn't want to convert. My brother eventually decided to move near Kosovo, work there and eventually marry someone that shares his beliefs and culture.

He still has his company there, and he found a muslim girl as well. But that didn't work out and they seperated a few months ago. He wants to return to Holland again.
Click to expand...

As someone who's from Kosovo too I can tell you he won't get back together with her, especially since he seems so attached to the socially conservative and religious (aka the shitty) parts of our culture.
 
jadedm17

jadedm17

Member
This isn't a question of prositutes or the profession as a whole, it's a question of why she did it - which doesn't look good since she says she regrets it - and how someone would feel finding out his ex/current girlfriend used to do it as a profession.

Personally sounds dead to me, but I don't think that should stop you from being friends either.

We all have standards so you can't get upset at a man for not wanting to date her for that.
 
Majmun

Majmun

Member
entrement said:
Stay friends with her. She's obviously important to you.

You don't have to tell your brother you're in contact with her. It's your life, not his.
Click to expand...

I told her that I will support her if she needs me. She currently lives alone and doesn't have any contact with her family. Her mother moved to Austria and her father is always drunk.

She really needs someone now. I cannot provide enough attention. I currently have a gf myself and I have enough personal stuff to take care off. Otherwise I'd welcome her in my house for the time being.

Her confession and how my brother reacted to her has made me think about her very much. I just feel very sad for her. Her eyes looked liked tomatoes today, after all the crying she has done.

I'm mad at my brother, but I'll have to respect his decision as well.
 
M

Mechanized

Member
To err is human. To forgive, divine.

She didn't cheat on him. She made a mistake. She's human.
Why let the past ruin your future?
 
S

shaki123

Member
Could anyone here have a prostitute as a GF? I would be disgusted. It's like having sex with the Jerry Springer Show. Iew.
 
J

Jarmel

Banned
jadedm17 said:
This isn't a question of prositutes or the profession as a whole, it's a question of why she did it - which doesn't look good since she says she regrets it - and how someone would feel finding out his ex/current girlfriend used to do it as a profession.

Personally sounds dead to me, but I don't think that should stop you from being friends either.

We all have standards so you can't get upset at a man for not wanting to date her for that.
Click to expand...

Yep. There might be mental/emotional issues involved and if so, possible future incidents.
 
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