That's a pretty big thing to leave out of your "what's been up for the last 4 years?" story, don't you think?
I don't understand this reference.
See, part of being a good friend is respecting boundaries. If your friend has a particularly rough or emotionally draining breakup, it's probably better to let him have his space from that person. I think it'd be far more selfish to say that your need to 'save' this person outweighs his need for a clean break, at least in the short term. If the OP goes out of his way to include her in his social circle (after apparently not having done so the entire time they were broken up), it may alienate his brother.
I was just saying, the brother shouldn't tell OP to stay away from her. But conversely OP can't force him to be near his ex. No one should be forced to do anything they don't want to is basically my stance.
But I do understand that, apart of being a friend or family, is to be mindful of your friend or family being hurt. For instance, it might not be the best thing to invite the ex of your friend over while he's there. Maybe I should have read the OP a little closer. I was just saying, the brother really shouldn't be able to tell OP to not be close to her. If he wants to stop dating, that's fine. That's his choice. But I do agree about being mindful and boundaries and all that.
This thread is one depressing read.
The girl did nothing wrong, certainly nothing illegal. Sounds to me that if she came from a stable middle-class family she probably would have moved back with her parents, found some boring job and nothing like this would have happened. Another case in how not everyone has the same chances in life, not even in a "welfare state" like the Netherlands.
I can understand OP's brother and I probably would have struggled with it as well. And even if I were able to accept it, I'd never tell my family. Prostitution may be legal, but that doesn't mean there's no social stigma.
Yeah, I don't agree with the idea of shaming sex workers. Or having their occupation ruin their life. I think that's wrong. But ultimately, it's up to the individual to decide how that impacts their dating criteria etc. OP's brother couldn't handle it, so he made a choice. OP feels bad for the girl. I really don't know what else OP can do, outside of just giving his brother space and respecting his decision.
Like I said, we can all have our own opinions of whether it's fair to dump someone for their past actions (or for this specific action). I definitely feel bad for the girl too though. Like, she was honest with the brother. She is no longer doing sex work anymore. It's really sad that she's been dumped over past actions (she might even regret), and now she's devastated again. I guess on the question of whether the brother was wrong or not, I don't know. I guess my gut tells me, it's really unfair for him to dump her over this. Because it's the past. But then I also believe that, people really should be able to have their own personal criteria for dating. And I think, it's a mistake to assume everyone is going to react the same way to things emotionally.
