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[GrotesqueBeauty]

If I truly loved a woman and found out she was formerly a prostitute I might ask her to get tested and jump through a few relationship hoops before making any hard and fast commitment, but if everything came up clean and she was clearly devoted then why should I give a shit (particularly if she's from a country where prostitution is legal and proper precautions are taken)? Honestly, the fact that she was up front about it bodes well. I can understand why not everyone would feel this way though, so I can't dismiss the OP's brother or his personal decision making process either. If you're not cool with something like that there's no point in faking it. Sounds like a recipe for resentment.

 

[Zoned]

NVM read incorrectly.

 

[maomaoIYP]

How much of this is genuinely sincere I don't know, but I really find it hard to take some of these posts seriously where people are saying "I would fully support my daughter's decision to be a sex worker with no hangups whatsoever, as I'm not a prude and totally comfortable with my sexuality."

I challenge you to find these posts in this thread. Because I was the only one who responded to the ridiculous comparison and I never said such a thing.

 

[Wiktor]

Tell him that abandoned girlfriends/boyfriends often work out their feelings by sleeping with huge number of random people. At least this girl made some buck on it

 

[Archer]

My brother broke up with his gf four years ago. He had to move abroad for business and he didn't want to take his gf with him. Now he's back and they started to date again.
It's clear that he still loves her, and she loves him as well.

But he dumped her again this weekend. She confessed to him that she became a prostitute a few months after his department and that she practiced the job for almost two years. He doesn't accept her in his life anymore.
He still loves her. But the thought of dating an ex-prostitute is really disgusting to him. He's cutting her loose again and she's devestated by it.

I have a good relationship with her. I hadn't seen her much after my brother broke up with her. But we always had this brother-sister relationship going on and I don't want that to end. My brother doesn't even want me to hang out with her anymore wtf.

My brother is devestated as well. He thinks now that it's his fault that she became a prostitute. He didn't want to take her abroad with him, so she became depressed and did a stupid thing. That's what he thinks. But I'm not blaming him. Neither does his ex.

She's really depressed now as well and I don't know what to do. They have been dating for a good two weeks now and everything was going really well. I'm glad that she was being honest and told him everything. But if she had kept it a secret, no one would find out. I think.

I want them to be back together, but she was a prostitute. I can still be friends with her, I personally don't mind what she has done. But I think I'd also would have trouble dating an ex-prostitute. Should I give them any advice or just leave them be?

She made her choices, now she has to live with it. Tough shit but real talk.

My ex-gf became a high dollar call girl in DC after I moved to Vancouver.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

She made her choices, now she has to live with it. Tough shit but real talk.

My ex-gf became a high dollar call girl in DC after I moved to Vancouver.

How much is high dollar? I thought those luxury prostitutes were mostly in the movies?

 

[Archer]

How much is high dollar? I thought those luxury prostitutes were mostly in the movies?

A grand an hour.

 

[CassidyIzABeast]

How much is high dollar? I thought those luxury prostitutes were mostly in the movies?

Oh its very real. I think some of the women in that Emperor's Club that Eliot Spitzer was getting his prostitutes from had going rates of $10k+

 

[Bold One]

Love this post. Summarizes my beliefs also. Hating women for having sex (be it for money or for shooting) simply shows how insecure you yourself are.

ITT I learned that not wanting to date a prostitute means you hate women.

 

[m3k]

What a sad situation

 

[Apt101]

I've dated a girl who was a call girl before. I know one who was a street walker while she had a bad drug problem. One of my ex's worked at Hooters and many of the girls there had sex with business men for $500-$2,000 a pop. And I've met several men and women who had sex with superiors to further their careers - civilian and military. They're all just people. If they didn't tell me I never would have guessed. I don't judge.

On the flipside, I can understand one not wanting to commit with a person like that.

 

[Joni]

My brother doesn't even want me to hang out with her anymore wtf.

Your brother is an asshole. Ignore him. He broke up with her twice, he has nothing to say anymore about anything she does.

 

[Shredderi]

I've dated a girl who was a call girl before. I know one who was a street walker while she had a bad drug problem. One of my ex's worked at Hooters and many of the girls there had sex with business men for $500-$2,000 a pop. And I've met several men and women who had sex with superiors to further their careers - civilian and military. They're all just people. If they didn't tell me I never would have guessed. I don't judge.

On the flipside, I can understand one not wanting to commit with a person like that.

This is what many here are saying: they are just people and they don't condemn them. Most posters here seem to support this stance too. It also just happens to be a common no-no for men regarding the people they want to date seriously.

 

[olympia]

It isn't cruel if he doesn't want to be with her because of her past. She has shown to make very poor decisions and she regrets it.

If he can't handle the fact that she made her own desicions about her own body when they weren't together, maybe he should grow the fuck up.

Would suck to live knowing maybe she did enjoy it and might miss it.

Utter conjecture, she's clearly remorseful.

 

[Glass Rebel]

If he can't handle the fact that she made her own desicions about her own body when they weren't together, maybe he should grow the fuck up.

grow the fuck up brehs, date ex-prostitutes

 

[olympia]

grow the fuck up brehs, date ex-prostitutes

Not even close to my point, but whatever. Good job, "breh".

 

[Deaf Spacker]

I don't think that yor brother's reaction is wrong, if I was in the same situation I would have told her where to go.

It's not slut shaming if you refuse to date ex prositutes, it's called sticking to your beliefs and standards.

As for you OP, if you're such great friends with her why didn't you know what she was doing?

 

[GAMEPROFF]

As for you OP, if you're such great friends with her why didn't you know what she was doing?

I am sure thats something many people hide even before their friends.
Because they are afraid of the reactions.

 

[Shredderi]

If he can't handle the fact that she made her own desicions about her own body when they weren't together, maybe he should grow the fuck up.

What exactly those decisions about her own body entailed do matter. They were decisions she had every right to make and they weren't together like you said and she shouldn't be shamed for that or have it hang over her for the rest of her life, but it doesn't mean those decisions won't impact our outlook on people and how they then fit into our dating criteria. Not wanting to date a former prostitute isn't exactly uncommon but is in fact a very understandable reaction from a male standpoint. She should find someone who is ok with dating someone with a past like her's and like this thread has demonstrated, those people do exist. People don't have to be okay with everything when looking for a life partner. Throw in OP's brother's religion in and you may have a situation where "growing the fuck up" would mean going against what you believe in. It ain't that easy.

 

[Deaf Spacker]

I am sure thats something many people hide even before their friends.
Because they are afraid of the reactions.

I can understand that but the fact that he seems to be willing to see her even though his brother has asked him not to tells me that they must be close, even if she didn't tell him there may have been clues as to what she was doing.

 

[methane47]

What exactly those decisions about her own body entailed do matter. They were decisions she had every right to make and they weren't together like you said and she shouldn't be shamed for that or have it hang over her for the rest of her life, but it doesn't mean those decisions won't impact our outlook on people and how they then fit into our dating criteria. Not wanting to date a former prostitute isn't exactly uncommon but is in fact a very understandable reaction from a male standpoint. She should find someone who is ok with dating someone with a past like her's and like this thread has demonstrated, those people do exist. People don't have to be okay with everything when looking for a life partner. Throw in OP's brother's religion in and you may have a situation where "growing the fuck up" would mean going against what you believe in. It ain't that easy.

Not only Male. I dont think women would want to be in a relationship with a jigalo (ex) either

 

[Shredderi]

I can understand that but the fact that he seems to be willing to see her even though his brother has asked him not to tells me that they must be close, even if she didn't tell him there may have been clues as to what she was doing.

I managed to keep up a facade about a major subject about my life during a very hard and what I felt, embarassing two years of my life. None of my family or even my very close friends had no clue. They had no clue because I was extremely determinated to keep it that way. It's not necessarily telling of the quality of their friendship even if he couldn't see something she really didn't want to show.

Not only Male. I dont think women would want to be in a relationship with a jigalo (ex) either

You're absolutely right and I agree. I should have said "from a human standpoint".

 

[Deaf Spacker]

I managed to keep up a facade about a major subject about my life during a very hard and what I felt, embarassing two years of my life. None of my family or even my very close friends had no clue. They had no clue because I was extremely determinated to keep it that way. It's not necessarily telling of the quality of their friendship even if he couldn't see something she really didn't want to show.

Fair enough, I guess if someone is determined enough to hide something then they will.

 

[HardRojo]

That's a tough pill to swallow, I probably would never be able to get over it. Try to get her some help but the sooner everyone moves on from that situation the better.

 

[olympia]

What exactly those decisions about her own body entailed matters. They were decisions she had every right to make and they weren't together like you said and she shouldn't be shamed for that or have it hang over her for the rest of her life, but it doesn't mean those decisions won't impact our outlook on people and how they then fit into our dating criteria. Not wanting to date a former prostitute isn't exactly an uncommon but is in fact a very understandable reaction from a male standpoint. She should find someone who is ok with dating someone with a past like her's and like this thread has demonstrated, those people do exist. People don't have to be okay with everything when looking for a life partner. Throw in OP's brother's religion in and you may have a situation where "growing the fuck up" would mean going against what you believe in. It ain't that easy.

If your beliefs justify sexist slut-shaming bullshit, then your beliefs are wrong. There's been plenty of moments where religion has been wielded as a justification to abuse, oppress and shame women.

And the fact of the matter is that he is shaming her. This is his only hang up, and his sole reason why he won't get back together with her. He is telling his brother not to hang out with her. He has cut her out of his life.

I don't find it an 'understandable' reaction. His sense of "standards" is shitty. If most people in society feel that way, then society is shitty. People who have worked in sex should be no less desirable than people who haven't, especially when the media constantly makes a point of commodifying sexuality and shoving it down our fucking throats. But when someone does it under their own agency, we recoil.

Furthermore, if we're just going to shrug our shoulders and say "Well that's just how he feels!!", then it was pointless to come to GAF about it. He he loves her, then he should try to reconcile, especially since she sounds incredibly sorry that she did it. If he really cares about her, it shouldn't matter.

 

[Kos Luftar]

My brother's ex-gf doesn't want to talk about her time being a prostitute. She's really unconformtable when talking about it. She just says that it was a huge mistake and wishes to erase everything if she could.

She's Dutch. My brother and I are from Kosovo. He's muslim and she didn't want to convert. My brother eventually decided to move near Kosovo, work there and eventually marry someone that shares his beliefs and culture.

He still has his company there, and he found a muslim girl as well. But that didn't work out and they seperated a few months ago. He wants to return to Holland again.

Oj shqipe, mos hup kohe me ta ma.

 

[Red]

Is it a morality thing for you guys who don't want to associate with prostitutes?

I agree OP and bro should cut ties with her, but because of their private situation. The conflict there won't be reconciled. I don't agree that former sex workers are strictly off limits and I'm trying to wrap my mind around why they should be.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

I challenge you to find these posts in this thread. Because I was the only one who responded to the ridiculous comparison and I never said such a thing.

I was mostly joking (based on previous threads about dating porn stars and prostitutes, and the large number of "grow up" replies in those threads and this one), but these are your words, yes?

.
If my *adult* daughter has an Ivy league education, is consciously making a choice to do whatever profession of her choosing, and as long it falls within whatever legal boundaries there are, who am I to tell her that she should not?

You're the one who brought up raising children. Maybe you should start. I'm not the one having problems with letting adults choose whatever line of work they want.

Don't back down now because I just rephrased your sentiment in a not-so-flattering light.

This was also a serious reply on the same page:

Yes, hilarious. Instead of supporting your child and helping her through whatever, just point and laugh and try and make her more into what you want. Oh, and disown her too since that seems to always work.

I can understand that but the fact that he seems to be willing to see her even though his brother has asked him not to tells me that they must be close, even if she didn't tell him there may have been clues as to what she was doing.

By the OP's own admission he barely even talked to her during the 4 years after his brother broke up with her, despite them being in the same location. Pretty condescending to simply start hanging out with her now that he knows she's had a rough time of it when he didn't bother to check in before.

 

[Baki]

This.

Not really. He shouldn't be obligated / expected to go out with her if he's uncomfortable with her past.

At any rate, turning to prostitution sounds like she wasn't / isn't emotionally stable and I don't think their relationship was healthy at all (especially the culture clash you mentioned).

 

[GAMEPROFF]

At any rate, turning to prostitution sounds like she wasn't / isn't emotionally stable and I don't think their relationship was healthy at all (especially the culture clash you mentioned).

You should become a therapeuth, when you are even able to analyze this via internet.

Also, I assume money issues are likelier a reason for becoming a prostitute than beeing "emontionally unstable".

 

[MoodyFog]

Is it a morality thing for you guys who don't want to associate with prostitutes?

I agree OP and bro should cut ties with her, but because of their private situation. The conflict there won't be reconciled. I don't agree that former sex workers are strictly off limits and I'm trying to wrap my mind around why they should be.

For me yes.
It's not that they "should" be, you should date people that you're confortable dating. If you're fine dating ex prostitutes then good for you, go ahead.

 

[olympia]

Not really. He shouldn't be obligated / expected to go out with her if he's uncomfortable with her past.

At any rate, turning to prostitution sounds like she wasn't / isn't emotionally stable and I don't think their relationship was healthy at all (especially the culture clash you mentioned).

Nobody is saying he's obligated to go out with her.

 

[Nodnol]

The girl is Dutch? Am I right in thinking the attitude towards prostitution is quite different in the Netherlands? Not just the legality of it, but the stigma surrounding it too?

Or is that something told to stoned tourists in Amsterdam so they feel it's more acceptable to visit a window?

I suppose it depends. Personally, prostitution makes me think of meth-heads and the worst of the worst. The reality, in certain countries, can be quite different.

Sounds like you care more for her than your brother does, OP. It's their lives, and if he can't deal with it then that's all there is to it.

 

[Baki]

You should become a therapeuth, when you are even able to analyze this via internet.

Also, I assume money issues are likelier a reason for becoming a prostitute than beeing "emontionally unstable".

Well sure, can't really expect an expert analysis over the Internet. Hence why my response was framed as simply my opinion and not some expert analysis.

Regardless of the issues, OP can't simply expect his brother to get "over it" and as I mentioned before , the information he's provided makes it sound like the relationship wasn't healthy at all.

Regarding the OP, you should probably respect your brothers wishes on this case. It's great you don't mind what she's done in the past , but it sounds like your brother is struggling with everything and can't reconcile what's happened (as you mentioned, he feels responsible). I suggest sticking by him for this one.

Nobody is saying he's obligated to go out with her.

I disagree. There's a subset of people here expecting OPs brother to get over it and judging him for not wanting to be with an ex prostitute.

 

[Red]

For me yes.
It's not that they "should" be, you should date people that you're confortable dating. If you're fine dating ex prostitutes then good for you, go ahead.

What is it that makes prostitutes immoral? I'm not criticizing. I don't understand.

 

[Shredderi]

If your beliefs justify sexist slut-shaming bullshit, then your beliefs are wrong. There's been plenty of moments where religion has been wielded as a justification to abuse, oppress and shame women.

And the fact of the matter is that he is shaming her. This is his only hang up, and his sole reason why he won't get back together with her. He is telling his brother not to hang out with her. He has cut her out of his life.

I agree and I did address this in an earlier post where I disagree with how the brother is going on about this whole thing by avoiding all contact with her and telling his brother to cut ties with her too.

I don't find it an 'understandable' reaction. His sense of "standards" is shitty. If most people in society feel that way, then society is shitty. People who have worked in sex should be no less desirable than people who haven't, especially when the media constantly makes a point of commodifying sexuality and shoving it down our fucking throats. But when someone does it under their own agency, we recoil.

I know you don't find it understandable, that's why you are saying what you are saying. I'm not saying that the standard reaction is admirable, but understandable as it seems to be the common opinion people would have. Whether you find is shitty is besides the point. People who have worked in sex should be treated no less human but we don't get to dictate what should or shouldn't be desirable romantically to other people (as long as it all is within legal boundaries).

Furthermore, if we're just going to shrug our shoulders and say "Well that's just how he feels!!", then it was pointless to come to GAF about it. He he loves her, then he should try to reconcile, especially since she sounds incredibly sorry that she did it. If he really cares about her, it shouldn't matter.

But it is how he feels and it seems pretty deep seated. Saying that what he feels is wrong and shitty and that he should grow up won't actually make that happen. People in this thread who essentially said that the faster everybody involved moves on the better are right because of this. If you're not comfortable at all with an aspect of your partner then it is propably better for both to move on. I do believe that he and she loves each other but love doesn't always conquer all.

Listen man, I know you disagree and I'm not out to "convert" you. I think your opinion stems from the right places and we do share some of it (sex workers should be treated with respect) and good on you for being progressive. I'm just trying to explain this other, common perspective on the matter and it is fine if you disagree with it but the perspective is there and exists for reasons that are pretty human and understandable even if they're not admirable.

 

[norinrad]

Its a shame what happened between your brother and the ex girlfriend, having a father who is a drunk obviously has affected her in a way, only to be abandoned by your brother. I hope things workout for her.

 

[Kozak]

What is it that makes prostitutes immoral? I'm not criticizing. I don't understand.

Nothing.

Some people live by rules other than "be a good person" though.

 

[maomaoIYP]

I was mostly joking (based on previous threads about dating porn stars and prostitutes, and the large number of "grow up" replies in those threads and this one), but these are your

Maybe you should read my posts again.
I said I have no right to decide for her what she wants to do with her life. I never mentioned supporting her with her decision because how I feel about it should rightfully have no consequence to an adult person who is fully capable of making her own life decisions; because I'm not the one who will be dealing whatever consequences there would be.
Perceiving my posts in a binary fashion says more about you than it does about me.

 

[Omegasquash]

I expect I'd be pretty stunned if I were the recipient of that news, but I think it would be that she didn't want to tell me about it that would hurt the most. Trust, you know?

Anyway, nothing wrong with sex work. It's the environment and the way it's shamed that's the problem. Everybody gets to make their own choice about who they want to date though, so whatever.

OP, live your life. Be a friend, but ultimately it's up to this girl to get her life together.

 

[OmegaX]

At least she was honest with him. I know a lot of prostitutes, and let me tell you, they all have boyfriends and most of them never find out about their line of work.
Most of them never really quit either. Even those who "quit" still see a couple of their best clients occasionally to get some money on the side.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Maybe you should read my posts again.
I said I have no right to decide for her what she wants to do with her life. I never mentioned supporting her with her decision because how I feel about it should rightfully have no consequence to an adult person who is fully capable of making her own life decisions; because I'm not the one who will be dealing whatever consequences there would be.
Perceiving my posts in a binary fashion says more about you than it does about me.

Since you seem content on dancing around semantics, I'll ask you specifically. Would you be disappointed if your daughter chose to sell her body for money as a profession? If so, why? What would your concerns be? Would you voice these concerns to your child? Would you recommend other lines of work for her to pursue?

If not, would you support her decision wholeheartedly? Or with reservations?

Or would you completely ignore it so as to not raise a fuss?

 

[Rembrandt]

What is it that makes prostitutes immoral? I'm not criticizing. I don't understand.

Nothing, but it's a trade where a lot of people would feel uncomfortable dating somebody in it. But you'll see people on GAF claim that it's empowering and the women in it that are forced, have drug/mental problems, have been abused in the past, etc. are the exception not the rule. Imo, it's not a normal line of work for anyone and while there isn't anything wrong with escorts (clean, safe, etc.), prostitutes are a whole other story and sex workers should know that the majority of people will feel uncomfortable dating somebody that has or used to have sex for money. people on here are hilariously unrealistic, though.

Also, don't get me wrong, on a pure platonic level, people shouldn't judge them. On a romantic level, that's a completely different story and it's absolutely ridiculous some people are saying he's slut shaming her or some shit for not wanting to date a sex worker.

 

[Kinvara]

Dating a former sex worker and an active sex worker are two completely different situations.

If its something that really upsets his brother should he still see her?

Would you rather have a brother-brother relationship or something like a brother-sister relationship?

It's not like in all those years his brother was away they spent a lot of time together.

The brother doesn't want to get romantically involved with her. Okay fine.

But she didn't abuse him or cheat on him. Demanding other people not to interact with her ever again is insecure and controlling.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

Nothing, but it's a trade where a lot of people would feel uncomfortable dating somebody in it. But you'll see people on GAF claim that it's empowering and the women in it that are forced, have drug/mental problems, have been abused in the past, etc. are the exception not the rule. Imo, it's not a normal line of work for anyone and while there isn't anything wrong with escorts (clean, safe, etc.), prostitutes are a whole other story and sex workers should know that the majority of people will feel uncomfortable dating somebody that has or used to have sex for money. people on here are hilariously unrealistic, though.

Also, don't get me wrong, on a pure platonic level, people shouldn't judge them. On a romantic level, that's a completely different story and it's absolutely ridiculous some people are saying he's slut shaming her or some shit for not wanting to date a sex worker.

You just lumped all that together unquestioningly, like it's known fact, almost as if the women who do sex work and are empowered by it and aren't damaged are meaningless.

 

[Zuhzuhzombie!!]

But you'll see people on GAF claim that it's empowering and the women in it that are forced, have drug/mental problems, have been abused in the past, etc. are the exception not the rule.

It is absolutely the rule. Prostitution is a classist, racist, and sexist institution.

People who think otherwise need to get their heads out of their asses and/or stop watching so much TV.

 

[maomaoIYP]

Since you seem content on dancing around semantics, I'll ask you specifically. Would you be disappointed if your daughter chose to sell her body for money as a profession? If so, why? What would your concerns be? Would you voice these concerns to your child? Would you recommend other lines of work for her to pursue?

If not, would you support her decision wholeheartedly? Or with reservations?

Or would you completely ignore it so as to not raise a fuss?

How do you not understand that how an adult, who is not yourself, chooses to live their life is absolutely none of your business? People ultimately have free will. They will choose to do whatever they want, regardless of how anyone else feels nor what the law dictates.
If one day your spouse/ adult daughter/ mother, for example, decided to sleep with 20 men/ leave you/ quit her job/ take off her burkha/ drink alcohol/ wear a micro bikini, you can express your own unhappiness but these are choices that she has the right to make. Her informing you is at most, a sign of acknowledgement and not to seek your consent. You don't have to support her decision not approve of it, but you have no right to tell another adult, how to live their life, as long as it falls within any legal boundaries.
Has your mother/ father/ girlfriend/ wife ever objected you to doing *anything* ever at all? And you listened to them every single time?

 

[params7]

ITT I learned that not wanting to date a prostitute means you hate women.

My post was aimed at those who were judging the women by their profession.

 

[Rembrandt]

You just lumped all that together unquestioningly, like it's known fact, almost as if the women who do sex work and are empowered by it and aren't damaged are meaningless.

I'm not saying that, I'm just saying I doubt they're the majority of sex workers and they're definitely not the standard that people think of when they think of prostitutes.

 

[Takuan]

Leave it alone, but it's not your brother's place to forbid you from associating with her.

At the same time, I can see how things might become more complicated if you continue this "brother-sister" relationship.